I CAN start my Day 1....

[Pride before Fall]

I CAN start my Day 1....

What a beautiful Sunday morning!!! 1st night without AL in stomach!!! >>

Hold that thought! Feels GREAT, doesn't it? Congratulations, Audrey.

[Audrey14]

I CAN start my Day 1....

Zenstyle;934417 wrote: I love the heading of your thread Audrey... and YES YOU CAN!!!

I understand how painful circumstances, sometimes ones we can't change or do anything to alleviate, cause us to drink. I tried to "drink things away" too... and they were right there waiting for me when I sobered up! Only they were worse, as more time had lapsed while I had my head in the bottle.

So... I gradually started to drink again as there didn't seem to be any point in staying sober... nothing had changed. I'm a bit wiser now and I understand that there is a lot of hard work in front of me, and that quitting is just the start of it.

Your journey is just beginning and I am sure it will be a tough one... but it has GOT to be better than living in a drunken haze. You sound like you have plenty of "oomph" when you are not drinking... you sound like a fighter... and I think you will make it! )

xox

Thanks Zenstyle!!! I like your Nickname!!

Yes, now it's evening and i'm physically ok but emotionally very, very sad...I foresaw that will happen..As i wrote i covered with wine all my pain and sadness..Probably not only mine but my parents too..My parents were not alcholics, grandparents too (my grandfather never drunk, nothing...)..Till i was 18 i was enemy of AL..After there were no problems, student's parties, marriage, some parties.. Till 36, when i had divorce.. Because of my family history i tought my marriage will be forever and is my family..
My mother passed away last september and i was in a deep depression in spite that i was not alone - i had my ex-boyfriend and my daughter..but she suffered a lot too.. So, what i was doing?? reading about death, drinking and sometimes thinking about suicide..

Wine all this time covered pain..
If not wine - suddenly i felt in another relationship.. It was in January and i accidentally found MWO site..But it's huge difference why i wanted to finish AL problem!! BECAUSE OF NEW MAN - BOYFRIEND!! Not because of ME!!! Relatioship finished and i started again to live in a "wine bath"..

This time i hope i'll be more successful because i want to be free of AL because of ME!! My life!! Today i was thinking about it.. Walking along a beach and feeling so deep wistfulness...

But than came in my mind tthat i prefer emotional pain for some time but clear mind...

I think Zenstyle this is what you thought and wrote me..and i agree:thanks:!!!:h

YES, STILL SOBER!!!:wd::wd::bday3:

audrey

[Audrey14]

I CAN start my Day 1....

Pride before Fall;934833 wrote: What a beautiful Sunday morning!!! 1st night without AL in stomach!!! >>

Hold that thought! Feels GREAT, doesn't it? Congratulations, Audrey.

:thanks:Yes, that "morning feeling" pushed me away this evening with all my sadness from wine shelfs.. I almost tried to close my eyes
I never tought that AL addiction is so merciless inner struggle...

Sometimes i think that people without AL problem are the happiest in the world...Are they?? Some of them have other problems but they have choise to change their attitude and become happy..With AL you're really don't have a choise..Maybe i answered myself...???? :l

Going to watch some movie...

[Guest]

I CAN start my Day 1....

Audrey14;935018 wrote: Thanks Zenstyle!!! I like your Nickname!!

Yes, now it's evening and i'm physically ok but emotionally very, very sad...I foresaw that will happen..As i wrote i covered with wine all my pain and sadness..Probably not only mine but my parents too..My parents were not alcholics, grandparents too (my grandfather never drunk, nothing...)..Till i was 18 i was enemy of AL..After there were no problems, student's parties, marriage, some parties.. Till 36, when i had divorce.. Because of my family history i tought my marriage will be forever and is my family..
My mother passed away last september and i was in a deep depression in spite that i was not alone - i had my ex-boyfriend and my daughter..but she suffered a lot too.. So, what i was doing?? reading about death, drinking and sometimes thinking about suicide..

Wine all this time covered pain..
If not wine - suddenly i felt in another relationship.. It was in January and i accidentally found MWO site..But it's huge difference why i wanted to finish AL problem!! BECAUSE OF NEW MAN - BOYFRIEND!! Not because of ME!!! Relatioship finished and i started again to live in a "wine bath"..

This time i hope i'll be more successful because i want to be free of AL because of ME!! My life!! Today i was thinking about it.. Walking along a beach and feeling so deep wistfulness...

But than came in my mind tthat i prefer emotional pain for some time but clear mind...

I think Zenstyle this is what you thought and wrote me..and i agree:thanks:!!!:h

YES, STILL SOBER!!!:wd::wd::bday3:

audrey

What an amazing post. Absolutely stunning. I particularly like your insight into the relationship you had where you stopped drinking. I fell into that trap, I stopped for a man who came into my life and thought I was cured. I wasn't because I started wanting to drink again, I'd stopped for him and not me.

Keep going you are doing fab!

[Audrey14]

I CAN start my Day 1....

Hi Friends!! Monday...

My Day 3... Slept well exept storm and heavy rain woke me up..

Worried about money, finding job, making right decisions..
I know "Eastern people" (buddhists, shambalists etc.) call it "morning depression" when you wake up.. Especially with this suffer western people:H Tibetians somehow by meditation and balanced life learned to avoid it:H And they don't drink AL:H

Ok, plan for today - detox diet i'll continue - vegetables, fruits..I don't like beetroot but i tried to eat and i have still at home...Yeh, not tasty..For me..But good for liver..I'm taking Hepalong too - natural medication for liver detox (produced here in Latvia) - l-ornitin+ curcuma, vitamins+herbs for nerves and Depakin hrono which long time ago prescribed doctor, i cutt of so i'm happy that i have at home (it's for balancing mood and expenesive for me now).
Yoga, will try to concentrate and write some covering letters for job, walk and maybe go to AA meeting..I'm not afraid to speak i'm afraid to meet known persons in my hometown..
It starts at 6 p.m. so i have time to think...

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

I CAN start my Day 1....

You are sounding so much more positive than a few days ago Audrey, well done and keep up the good work.

[Kimberley]

I CAN start my Day 1....

Just popping onto your thread to wish you a Happy Monday. You're doing great

[Audrey14]

I CAN start my Day 1....

Zenstyle;935596 wrote: Day 3... well done Audrey! )

There is a product called Milk Thistle (it may be called Sylimarin in Latvia) that is very good for helping repair your liver... I would recommend. It's not too expensive, at least not here.

And I looove fresh beets. I just boil them, let them chill, peel them, slice them and eat them just like that. Or I marinate the slices in vinegar, olive oil, finely chopped onions, chopped garlic and Splenda (sugar substitute).

Try not to become overwhelmed by the money worries... just concentrate on staying sober and getting your strength (mental and physical) back for the next couple of days... get your feet on firm ground first... you will be able to tackle the problems so much more easily then...

Let us know how the AA meeting goes, if you decide to attend it...

Zenny xox

Hi Zen!!! :thanks: for practical advices!!!
Today from left beetroots i'll make soup:H with carrot, parsley, onion, some potato, garlic... Soup i like!!!

Yes, i'll try to look in pharmacy for this Sylimarin. actually, i think i know in which complex it is as a component.

Trying to get out of this worried mood and my biggest problem that i want all and imediately!!!
My daughter is soon living this city and going to capital city complete her highschool, so i'll be completely alone..Yes, i have here friends but not family..
Than i have to decide about 'my destination' - stay here or go abroad as many of my known people did.. So, i'm getting crazy and this doubt is killing me too.. Despite all worries this time i'll not lapse in illusions and "wineland"...Clear mind for me now is the most precious tool!

Have a wonderful week!!! :l
audrey

[Audrey14]

I CAN start my Day 1....

Hi everybody!!!

Thanks Kimberley for greetings and keeping eye on me!!!
Thanks Zenstyle again for practical advices!!! and sharing your family story!! Yes, i'm thinking now for going to England or Ireland, who knows maybe Scotland..I have been in Scotland last August, so year ago..Wonderful nature, we went to all those small islands - Iona, Sky etc. Visited Edinburgh..Only climat for me was not so good - rain and very humid...but otherwise - mistical land... There were a lot of italian and spanish tourists - escaping heat in their homelands:H

About me..Day 4!!! Yestarday afternoon from 4 p.m. - 7 p.m. was very tough...I had so crazy anxiety..i kept all day myself busy with activities - cleaning, washing, yoga for more than 1hour..Felt quite ok..and than it started - this desire to out and run somewhere far...or drink...i went to the beach by foot - 15 min., walked along the beach 10 min - no changes..than went to swim..this is my sea - Baltic sea and i know how it can cure - water about 20', little bit salted, i remeber from childhood that after swim in a sea you become sleepy and calm...so, i decided not to go out till i'll reach some status:HBecome better but not for 100%..Helped walking back and tought that is coming my lovely daughter to sleep over and i have to make very delicious soup, talk, watch movie..

i can say that after so long time we had so wonderful evening..why??? Because all others i wasn't very alert and adverted to her..i was somewhere in "wineland"...Pity, how many times i really deeply didn't hear what she's talking, i wasn't able to catch all nuances of her tougts...One very bad time i fall asleep in the bathroom, many times watching movies...We had conflicts, because when i'm drunk i like to argue but i don't hear other person.... only myself...

Oooh, morning confession...sorry for such long....

Wishing everybody nice day!!!:goodluck:

[Audrey14]

I CAN start my Day 1....

Day 4 and successful!!!
Yes, today i was more calm and balanced...Solved some financial problems and spoke with my landlord about "some allowances"..Without AL i feel more confident and do things which when i'm drinking i postpone..

Very tired..All evening was ironing,setting in order my things.. yes, i'm haotic but for particular things - perfectionist:H i'm going for 2 days to Riga (my capital) and not taking my laptop with me, so i'll try to get access to i - net..
I 'm afraid because of enviroment change and joy which i feel to meet some my friends or just walk and sit in a nice cafe..Riga is charming and i know that for me will be a real struggle not to drink a glass of wine to enjoy atmosphere.... yes, i know i can take very nice AL free drink.. i hope i'll survive...

[Ravenscallingme]

I CAN start my Day 1....

Glad to see you're doing well and made it to day 4!

[mya]

I CAN start my Day 1....

Hey we have something in common. I too am at the end of my day 4! congrats

[Audrey14]

I CAN start my Day 1....

Morning of Day 5!!!! :band2:

In last 2.5 years i never had such Morning....

Wishing all friends who just start out the same feeling!!!!:l

Audrey:heart:

[Audrey14]

I CAN start my Day 1....

Day 5 was successful till 8 p.m..... Very busy amd i, finding intense day - meeting friends, job interwiew, finding apartments for a rent etc. at 8 p.m. i was alone in nice shopping gallery which has new wine studio... so, i was so stupid to think that can have only 1 glass of wine ... I had 2... went to my relatives where i stay when i'm in Riga.. They had guests and...AL...
Yestarday morning i had headache and hungover which actually was good..It's a sign that body started cleansing process.. i had meeting with old friend in restaurant so i started my day at noon with wine glass again..and so on...continuously till the night...

i had life lesson and proof again...Today i feel miserable and angry to myself that i have start all detox process again...:boohoo:

[crawling_key]

I CAN start my Day 1....

Audrey, I've experienced the same. After 4-5 days you start to feel really good and alcohol doesn't really seem to be the problem that it was. You start to feel that you've got it under control, but what you've only done is at best create a different pattern of 3-4 days off followed by 3-4 days on. At least thats what happens with me. I've found that you have to have a plan for that 5th day. Today is my fifth day .... and its a Friday. Two huge obstacles for me...my plan is to stay maxed out on L-glutamine all day, leave work early and maybe go for a bike ride.

Audrey14;939004 wrote: Day 5 was successful till 8 p.m..... Very busy amd i, finding intense day - meeting friends, job interwiew, finding apartments for a rent etc. at 8 p.m. i was alone in nice shopping gallery which has new wine studio... so, i was so stupid to think that can have only 1 glass of wine ... I had 2... went to my relatives where i stay when i'm in Riga.. They had guests and...AL...
Yestarday morning i had headache and hungover which actually was good..It's a sign that body started cleansing process.. i had meeting with old friend in restaurant so i started my day at noon with wine glass again..and so on...continuously till the night...

i had life lesson and proof again...Today i feel miserable and angry to myself that i have start all detox process again...:boohoo: