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**Kimberley** · January 14, 2011, 08:18 PM

Anybody else feeling alone(ish)?

Hya Rudy,

Congratulations on day 14! It's great that you feel really strong. I am on Day 14 too - well 1 hour into day 14

I do know the alone feeling - even though I live in a houseshare, have been in a relationship up until just before xmas and do have lots of friends I can call to hook up. But it's a bit of a lonely place in my own head sometimes. Like no-one else really gets in there and 'gets' it. Going to AA has helped a lot with that feeling already. But I do still have my moments.

I have also worried in the past about actually being alone physically. i remember when i broke up with my last boyfriend and he left the house, i couldn't stand being alone at all. So much so that I actually had to have my ma and dad staying with me alternately until I could move in somewhere else. They don't even live anywhere near me, but I just needed someone physically there - whether for a hug or a chat or just to sit with me. How pathetic!

I have always had a fear of being alone - in my entire adult life I think I have only been single for about a month at a time maximum, going from bad relationship to worse relationship just so I didn't have to be alone. Yeah it's a real issue for me. Don't know how I'll cope when the ex moves out, although it's already pretty lonely having him lying next to me and talking to me as normal but knowing that we've broken up :no: And yes I know that's screwy!

I guess I'll be throwing myself into AA when he finally does go, although I don't know when that'll be (and I don't want to ask, in case that makes him go quicker - and I don't really want that). God Rudy your thread has made me realise just how dependent on others i really am - and it's weird because in many ways I am EXTREMELY independent.

Re your comment about feeling like will things ever change or will I just keep running along like I am now? I have often felt like that in life and you'd be surprised how things and people just come out of nowhere sometimes.

But for now, at least we all have each other here to post and chat to when the pity party is a bit too much to bear.

Hope you feel cheerier soon, and in the meantime if you are having a pity party send me an invite and I'll bring some canapes :H
Kx

**Wagoneer** · January 14, 2011, 08:31 PM

Anybody else feeling alone(ish)?

Rudy - Everything is different when you stop drinking. Everything is new and weird. I felt lonely in a house full of people - but it was in my own mind. I was mourning the loss of my "good friend" Chardonnay and trying to figure out how the hell to live without it. Things seemed overwhelming and I was a little depressed. It took a few weeks for me to really get out of the mental funk. I felt physically better, but mentally, blech. It takes some getting used to. And about the winter - I am in Philadelphia and the cold, dark weather is really hard to for me to deal wth. I am a Southern California girl still at heart. I actually am taking extra vitamin D because of seasonal depression (self diagnosed of course!) Anyway, sorry to babble, but it will pass. Get to know your son better - it is amazing to relate to your kids without the booze haze. And get to know your sober self too - you will be your own best friend. I really wish you all the luck in the world - you are doing great - (so are you Kimberley!) It just takes time to get to that "normal" place (normal - whatever that means...lol)

Take care both of you and congrats on your two weeks - you are well on your way and should be super proud of yourselves!!

**jennyneric** · January 14, 2011, 08:37 PM

Anybody else feeling alone(ish)?

I am feeling pretty alone tonight also, I have 2 kids and a husband but most of the time, even in the same room with those three I am still alone, in my thoughts, in my physical body, generally alone. It has been like that for me most of my life, even in childhood. Actually I quite enjoy it sometimes but tonight, a sober night and a Friday, being alone is very. . . lonely.

**Wagoneer** · January 14, 2011, 08:47 PM

Anybody else feeling alone(ish)?

jennyneric;1041761 wrote: I am feeling pretty alone tonight also, I have 2 kids and a husband but most of the time, even in the same room with those three I am still long, in my thoughts, in my physical body, generally alone. It has been like that for me most of my life, even in childhood. Actually I quite enjoy it sometimes but tonight, a sober night and a Friday, being alone is very. . . lonely.

((((((((you))))))))))! It wll get better doll. It just takes some time. I had to make a list of things I wanted to do - even if it was cleaning out a closet, etc. When I just was alone wth my thoughts early on, it was very hard not to get depressed and want to dive back into the vat of Chardonnay. I made the list, made a cup of tea and started to tick those things off the list. Not only was I busy, it made me have a great sense of accomplishment. Stay strong and know that you are not alone. We are all in this together. :l

**RudyB** · January 14, 2011, 09:08 PM

Anybody else feeling alone(ish)?

kimberly, jenny, and wag,
thank you so much for your thoughtful posts. i'm sucking on way more cigarettes now than ever, adn it's not helping. but at least it's not al-induced oral fixation. some kind of bizarre sense that i'm giving myself a treat?! anyway, that too shall go soon, just not yet. OTAT one thing at a time.

kimberly, thanks for the props in your post, about realizing, reading mine, how dependent you are on others. um, yeah, i guess i can pat my back here, for putting along through all these challenges, all by my lonesome. though, i must say, what's going on* is keeping me busy and excited. i usually don't feel lonesome, just some moments tonight, and here and there.

* so, i'm getting a mortgage a refi mortgage in a few weeks, giving most of it to my ex, who built a bldg on my property (2400 sq ft open space) so i have to buy him out. i'm turnign that into a living space, perfect for a sculptor (any out there?!), upgrading my house a bit (he left me with a torn-apart, half-redone kitchen, and the house needs paint like an inuit needs a good coat), renting out one or the other, haven't decided. becoming a landlord. jeez. sending my son to a private school (wehre i used to teach), paying the whole bill. working full time. and staying sober. oh yea, and getting divorced. and i just broke up w my beau who didn't want to do the "work" of having an excellent girlfriend. (as i've said before, weed is his girlfriend it seems.) anyway, rambling here. justifying my pat on my back. oh, and going to the gym often. waiting for that slim physique to reappear. waiting but not passively. so i'm doing okay.

as many have said, all of these challenges are so much easier without AL. i feel a little sheepish reporting that i'm not having a huge struggle with staying sober (cause i know for so many it is so friggin tough). but i tthink that it goes to show that, for me, the best way to kick the al out of my life is to stay busy and focused. on me and my projects adn waht makes me feel good. oh and yes, wag, i'[m truly digging my son in a whole new, more patient way. giev thanks.

pardon my typing. i'm lazy on that one!
now i'm off to watch my last available episode of my best favorite show ever, Lie To Me. it's like my new boyfriend. please send any recommendations for what i should hook into next. i lvoe a good, intelligent series with likable characters, good dialogue, smart plot. who doesn't?

thanks for reading my ramble (guess i do feel alone; i had so much unexpressed in my head i just had to let it out!). so glad i'm tucking in to wake up feeling fresh.
xoxo rudy

**thirdsister** · January 14, 2011, 09:14 PM

Anybody else feeling alone(ish)?

Don't know if this will be helpful to anyone...but I hope so.

A counselor once suggested that I draw nearer to my depression, to my anxiety about the unknown. I always imagined my depression as a shadow man always just a step or two behind me. Almost lurking, just out of my field of vision...but always there. When I mentally 'faced' this image, and I had to do this several times, gradually there was a power transfer. I wasn't so scared about what was right behind me, because I knew what was behind me.

It's true, you are finally feeling your feelings..it's gonna be weird. But you'll get the hang of it. Plant your feet, pee your pants, let your knees knock...but don't run. You can totally do this!

**RudyB** · January 14, 2011, 09:29 PM

Anybody else feeling alone(ish)?

thanks for the wisdom, thirdsis, good stuff.
and sorry all for being so self-absorbed at teh moment.

kimberly, i wanted to say that what you're going thru sounds so UN FUN! but i also understand the feeling that sometimes it's nice to have a warm body near. however painful.

and jennyneric, sheesh, we are alone even when accompanied, huh? is your aloneness about missing al, or about not connecting well w your beloveds? both? see, sometimes i do think that totally alone can be easier, tho i'm almost never without my son, so that's kinda nice. i'm not making much sense (not because i'm drunk! i'm not! wheee), but i do relate to what y'all are saying.

funny, jsut as i was finishing my first post in this thread, about being alone, my ex beau called from california. nice to still be friends. no, i'm not alone. and i've got all of you. so thankful for that. THANK YOU!!!

yes, i do believe (re: kimberly's ending words) that people we need are right around the corner. we get what we need. we do.

on that note, i'm really going to watch my show now. i NEED to. wink. (doing this on quick post, so no cute face to put there, alas.)
sweet dreams, all.
rudy

**gyco** · January 14, 2011, 09:56 PM

Anybody else feeling alone(ish)?

changing

RudyB;1041775 wrote: thanks for the wisdom, thirdsis, good stuff.
and sorry all for being so self-absorbed at teh moment.

kimberly, i wanted to say that what you're going thru sounds so UN FUN! but i also understand the feeling that sometimes it's nice to have a warm body near. however painful.

and jennyneric, sheesh, we are alone even when accompanied, huh? is your aloneness about missing al, or about not connecting well w your beloveds? both? see, sometimes i do think that totally alone can be easier, tho i'm almost never without my son, so that's kinda nice. i'm not making much sense (not because i'm drunk! i'm not! wheee), but i do relate to what y'all are saying.

funny, jsut as i was finishing my first post in this thread, about being alone, my ex beau called from california. nice to still be friends. no, i'm not alone. and i've got all of you. so thankful for that. THANK YOU!!!

yes, i do believe (re: kimberly's ending words) that people we need are right around the corner. we get what we need. we do.

on that note, i'm really going to watch my show now. i NEED to. wink. (doing this on quick post, so no cute face to put there, alas.)
sweet dreams, all.
rudy

hi ruby,:goodjob:with the couple of weeks,the journey your on is a long one,

but here you have people that understand,i remember those long days,but after years of off and on days of trying to figure out what was wrong,i came to the conclusionit was all up to me to make me happy,drinking to much did not help the situation,or as in my case, self medicating myself,more hen an anisstesoigist would do,whether you totally stop or moderate,we figure that one out,it gets very painful as you get aged,:thanks:i wish you well gyco

**Lavande** · January 14, 2011, 10:26 PM

Anybody else feeling alone(ish)?

Hi Rudy & everyone!

I received this in my email today from the Daily OM. It might be useful here:

January 14, 2011
A New Level Of Mastery
Coming Full Circle
The reappearance of a pattern is often a sign that we have come full circle and we are close to a new level of mastery.

Life is a circular journey through our issues and processes, and this is why things that are technically new often seem very familiar. It is also why, whenever we work to release a habit, change a pattern, or overcome a fear, we often encounter that issue one last time, even after we thought we had conquered it. Often, when this happens, we feel defeated or frustrated that after all our hard work we are still dealing with the same problem. However, the reappearance of a pattern, habit, or fear, is often a sign that we have come full circle, and that if we can maintain our resolve through one last test, we will achieve a new level of mastery in our lives.

When we come full circle, there is often the feeling that we have arrived in a familiar place, but that we ourselves are somehow different. We know that we can handle challenges that seemed insurmountable when we began our journey, and there is the feeling that we might be ready to take on a new problem, or some new aspect of the old problem. We feel empowered and courageous to have taken on the challenge of stopping a pattern, releasing a habit, or overcoming a fear, and to have succeeded. At times like these, we deserve a moment of rest and self-congratulation before we move on to the next challenge.

Coming full circle is like stepping into a clearing where, for a moment, we can see where we came from and where we are standing at the same time. Remembering that we will be tested again is important, but it’s also important to pause and take a look at the ground we’ve covered, honoring our courage, our persistence, and our achievement. Then we can begin the next leg of our circular journey with a fuller understanding of where we are coming from.

**jennyneric** · January 14, 2011, 11:22 PM

Anybody else feeling alone(ish)?

Rudy the issue I have always had is I have a hard time connecting, as much as I want to connect I don't want to connect because that would mean emotional reliance and I don't like reliance of any kind. I am very independent. I have a short attention span and I get aggravated, annoyed, and agitated easily. If I don't get close I don't get aggravate with the ones I love. Hard to describe even harder to feel. I want to eat my cake and have it too. I want to not feel alone and not have to connect. Like I say I have been voluntary locked in my head most of my life. I have been accused of being antisocial, cold, and a bitch many many times. Others feel sorry for me like you feel sorry for the kid that is sitting alone at the lunch table but I always say how do you know that kid didn't want to sit there alone, I did, I do, I want to be alone and included. . . life is tricky, and obviously I have not figured it out yet!

Made it through Friday tho, again. Day 26 for me now. Yeah me!

**mylife** · January 15, 2011, 07:23 AM

Anybody else feeling alone(ish)?

Good morning all.

Lav - thanks for the great article -- really nice.

Jenny/Rudy sorry you're feeling alone. I know sometimes I can be in a crowded room and feel isolated. I'm sure the AL had a lot to do with numbing those feelings -- I think I used to be afraid of being "alone" but recently (in the past year) have been working on becoming a friend with myself. It sounds corny and is actually quite hard to do -- but I have to say those feelings of isolation have been slowly fading for me. I think for me, like Jenny, it was more a matter of mentally disconnecting myself from others around me than being physically alone.

Rudy - you really might want to give AA a try in your town. It's a great fellowship and there are lots of like minded people in the rooms...just a suggestion.

Hope you all have a fantastic AF day.

**RudyB** · January 17, 2011, 08:14 PM

Anybody else feeling alone(ish)?

yay jenny, day 26 (29 today?!) thanks for sharing. i often wonder if the children at the lunch table sitting alone (i'm a teacher, adn i see them often) prefer it that way. occasionally i've sidled up for a chat, and usually nobody seemed relieved for the company. maybe there's something to that. or maybe they just didn't want to talk to a teacher!
takes all kinds to make the world, as my mama said, adn some of us do "alone' better than others. hope you're feeling better than in your first post on this thread.
for me, i spent the weekend w my bro and my son, and didn't have a moment of loneliness. ahhh.
rudyb

**RudyB** · January 17, 2011, 08:15 PM

Anybody else feeling alone(ish)?

oh, and mylife,
i take your words to heart. fellowship is the main reason i'd go to an aa mtg (once i find childcare, i just might!). and i, too, am working on being my own friend (not corny, accurate!), and tis going very well, thank you, since dismissing al.
rudyb

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