My new life...

[mauritiusdodo]

My new life...

Hi Lindsey, I would love to have you for an AF buddy I will add you to my buddy list, shall we start a thread to keep track of each other?

[Lindseyr]

My new life...

Sounds like a great plan

[autumn]

My new life...

Hi All,

Just checking in to see how you all are, and to say hi. Hope the day is treating you all well and the demons are keeping quiet!!

My DH has been very understanding and as a non drinker tried so hard to understand but is utterly supportive and finally getting to grips that it's not as easy asblack or white!

He really used to think it was as sipmle as 'just dont pour any wine' or my fave was 'well just have the one' :H If only!! He shocked me to the core when he confessed he had been going to Al anon as he is a really private person and I had been too drunk to notice!!

The first few days are the hardest, I always fell at day 3-4 :upset:

I am still painting and trying hard not to drink whilst DH is away. I had a real moment when I got into bed lastnight, It was a real 'bloody hell I can manage sober even when left alone' it felt real good.

Sending you all:l

[mauritiusdodo]

My new life...

Well done Autumn, you can do this if you can manage when you are all alone, hope you haven't been using your head as a paintbrush, that is my usual trick LOL

[autumn]

My new life...

LOL!! I now have visions of you with bizarre coloured hair:H !! I did wake up one morning after painting a very drunken pic and the dog was covered in purple paint lol so was the best part of the kitchen side.

How are you doing? Congrats on the course, it sounds awesome. What made you decide to take it up?

[mauritiusdodo]

My new life...

Aw poor pooch! A dog my mum had when we were teenagers once ate a marker pen and had a blue mouth for weeks! didn't suffer any ill effects from it thank goodness :H she was a mad dog when she was only a puppy she sat in front of the fire watching the flames for ages and it dried her eyeballs out and my mum had to squeeze drops of water in them so she could close them again :H honestly she was bonkers!!

I had Mehndi done on my honeymoon (almost 5 years ago) in Mauritius and loved it, when I started trying to find a hobby this course came up in a search so I thought I would give it a go, it is such a beautiful art, I can't wait for this morning

Well, I have been awake half the night again, had trouble getting to sleep then DH thinks he has tonsilitis so I got up at 3am to make him a lemsip (must be love LOL) then DS woke me up at 4.55am, he has been going to bed early whilst being ill so it is my own fault really, must keep him up till 7 tonight! I coped ok last night, did some painting to keep myself occupied till 9 then went up to bed, watched tv and drank a cup of tea and turned the light out at 9.30, think I must have drifted off around half ten ish. Didn't have any sweats which is good but I do have a headache this morning and I am absolutely starving where normally I am not hungry till about 8 am at the earliest.

Right off to catch up on everyone else ...

[mauritiusdodo]

My new life...

Another rubbish nights sleep for me, DH does have tonsilitis but has antibiotics so hopefully it will clear quickly. Had a fab time at my Mehndi course yesterday and have been practicing loads yesterday evening, I am going to have a go on my foot later ...

Had such a bad evening with bad cravings yesterday but somehow with the help of this forum and some willpower i dug up from somewhere I got through them and came out unscathed and AL free!! Feeling wobbly again today as it is Friday and I have always drunk ALL weekend, well I am off to take DS out in a bit and get some more Henna and Crochet yarn to keep up with my obsessive hobbies so going to try and keep myself mega busy.

Autumn I had a go at watercolour painting the other night and I really enjoyed it, can't believe it must be 25 years since I did any (at school) what a waste of a good hobby, I am going to buy some art supplies when I can get to hobbycraft

[mauritiusdodo]

My new life...

Been out to the childrens museum with DH and DS and had a great time, had McDonalds for lunch and called to buy a new construction toy for DS which DD (17) thinks is fab and has spent the last hour making strange 'armour' with LOL Just going to go and do a bit of crochet now whilst DS is napping, no cravings in sight as yet but am armed and dangerous with a virgin mary already chilling in the fridge for when one strikes

[mauritiusdodo]

My new life...

Another early start for me, DS decided it was morning at 5.50am, would say I was glad I hadn't had a drink but the truth is I feel like a zombie I am sooooo tired, had a better sleep last night but DH is still snoring due to his tonsilitis so I keep getting woken every so often!

So I made 5 days sober I feel proud that I had the willpower to do it and now I know I can I am going to make it my mission! I am going to have a drink tonight though I think, I know it sounds like I am giving up but I know myself and if I say I will NEVER have a drink I am destined to fail so my plan is to 'allow' myself to drink tonight then hop right back on the wagon tomorrow and aim for 6 days straight ( modding?) I might change my mind later and keep on going I will see how the day unfolds...

[mauritiusdodo]

My new life...

Ok so that was a complete nightmare, I am so ridiculous and I hate myself, drank a bottle and a half of wine last night, can't remember going to bed, was spiteful and horrible to dh for no apparent reason and I can't even remember it I don't know why I got it into my head that I wanted to drink after doing so well for 5 days, I think it is basically just force of habit - Saturday nights were always cause for a good old few!

Anyway I am so ashamed and fed up, I apologized to dh who as usual has forgiven me but not before saying he had something he had wanted to say for ages - he said recently when I drink it seems to affect me in a really bad way and that I am not the woman he married when I am under the influence, he said he will support me and be there for me but that he thinks that I do need to stop and that in his opinion I should look at a bottle of wine and then at him and my son and ask myself which I want because it is getting to the point where I will have to choose if I carry on the way I have been :upset:

I have had this coming for such a long time, I cannot carry on abusing myself and my family in this way anymore and so I think I have reached the end of the line, the bottom of the bottle and I have put the last nail in my AL coffin, I am going to prove to my family that they mean more to me than drinking myself into an early grave, I love them so much I owe it to them and to myself to be the woman I once was...

[vintage girl]

My new life...

Mauri, we understand. One thing you can be sure of is that no one here is going to judge you. You are talking about modding, but from what I have read you still need to get serious AF time behind you before you can succeed. Setting yourself a target and then building mini-targets into it might help. But you can only do one day at a time hun, hang in there. :l

[mama bear]

My new life...

Mauri.......your story could be mine as far as how much you love your family. Do this for YOU....and the rest will follow.
best of luck to you sweetie. Take it one day at a time....

[dancingon]

My new life...

Hi Mauri
As good as you feel at 5 days, you probably need to get more time behind you before you can take a drink with any sense of control. As you've probably read, some people never gain that control even after years and have to finally come to the conclusion that they must stay AF.

Nobody can decide what is right for you. I do get that you have trouble with the idea of forever at the moment, but if you can get a month under your belt you might feel less driven.

But if you're not ready to take the AF plunge and want to continue drinking occasionally, I'd suggest you make a plan as to how much you will drink, plan to start at a later time than usual, and give your DH permission to be involved. The trouble is we often aren't that rational once we start drinking and want to continue.

Have you tried the CDs, by the way? I'm only just getting into them but I have a feeling they will help.

[prancy]

My new life...

Hi Mauri,
I feel for you. I have so been there.
By the way, on the other thread, you did not "upset" me. It's just that I have followed that line of thinking more times than I can remember and it always leads me back to drinking. Some times it takes months for it to become a problem again, but it always does. So it is scary to hear it sort of being condoned, e.g. "if it makes you feel better, I plan to do it myself tonight" or "gee, I had two and it was great." I am so vulnerable to following the rabbit down that hole!
I have had to apologize to my husband so many times, and while he has been understanding more times than I would have been, even I don't want to hear another apology. It just sounds so false even though I mean it. I say never again and then within weeks, I come up with another plan to "just have a few -- I'll be more fun, I can't relax without it, etc" . And around we go again. He now thinks I need a psychiatrist.....in other words, I have said it so many times and then reneged, he thinks I am nuts! LOL. He's probably right!
Keep trying. I know you will be happy for it!
Prance

[mauritiusdodo]

My new life...

thanks everyone, I think I knew before I started on Saturday how it would end, i always just want 'one last time' before I give it my all, I think the decision has been taken out of my hands now, my DH has been so lovely about all of this but I can see now how near the end of his tether he is with me and there is no way on this earth I am going to risk ruining my marriage for AL!

I think I will try the cds dancingon - is there one you can recommend?

Prance IKWYM completely, I knew I hadn't 'upset' you just couldn't think of how else to put it, I always followed other peoples 'cues' for a drink too

So last night I was AF again, same withdrawals as before and I had a terrible nights sleep aided by DH snoring and DS coughing once again, I feel I 'deserved' it though as some sort of penance for the night before :blush: Anyway I need to get my willpower stoked up for today, although in a way I feel strangely I don't need that, what I do need is help to get through what I know is going to be a rough ride, I don't want to set myself a target time I can't focus on that at the moment, I am going to think ODAT to stay strong but obviously my goal is complete abstinence now, I really am so over drinking, I want to cry when I think how much I could have thrown away and how much of my life I have already wasted being wasted :upset:

thank you to everyone who supports me on my thread it means so much to me I can't tell you :l