Alienated?

[ast]

hi. day 13 today and i need advice. everything has been going pretty smoothly so far. i am able to ride out the urges, i even made it through a book club meeting where everyone has at least 3 glasses of wine.

but today was hard because there was a party and i felt so alienated from everyone. there was a large group of women sitting together drinking wine and i had so much anxiety i couldn't even go over to say hi.

it wasn't all about the drinking. i felt like i was back in high school and they were the cool kids and i don't fit in. i think i may have social anxiety that wine was masking.

i feel so depressed, angry, frustrated, and pissed off that i let my drinking get to the point that i have to stop. i really loved wine. i miss it so. i feel very alone even though i am surounded by people. advice? please!

[Barbara1234]

Alienated?

Why not have a 7 up or cranberry juice with a lime in it? It looks like a drink, and quite frankly no one cares. When I would drink and some of my friends had iced tea or a coke, I could have cared less....

[sunshinetoday]

Alienated?

Hi AST,
Zen has some good feedback.
I also think without the wine people get to know YOU better. Not an AL influenced you. 13 Days is a wonderful beginning. Way to go. Just give yourself some time. Maybe even challenge yourself to join conversations or groups when you're not drinking and they are, and it will eventually feel more comfortable in those situations. I know I always think I will fell so much better than those drinking in the morning, and I will still have the rest of the day/night with my thoughts and will remember it all.

[merry]

Alienated?

congrats on day 13 I'm on day 12 so I know how you feel usually I would be having my first drink by now but not to-day

[Chillgirl]

Alienated?

Ast - I really feel for you, I was socially crippled when I 1st gave up the booze. All my life I had been used to the glass of wine in my hand making me sociable and suddenly it was gone. It felt like someone had torn away my security blanket. However that Blaket was slowly smothering me to death and learning to stand on my own two feet again was part of the journey. It takes time and these anxious moments can be terrifying but I promise you, you will get over it. There is a wonderful sense of pride when we gain back that self assurance and realize we are much more socially ept than we ever were with the false confidence AL gave us.

I'm like Zenners now, as confident as can be and can chat away to a room of strangers who are all drinking and feel totally proud to be standing there with my tonic water.

You Are doing an awesome job staying sober and remember it's baby steps you need to learn to walk again before you can run but run you will and you won't be able to believe how wonderful life will be!

[ast]

Alienated?

:thanks. it was so nice to wake up without a hangover and read your responses. they all make sense to me now, however yesterday i was so on edge and very sensitive. it fel like i was being ignored and purposely left out. but this morning with some sleep and distance i can see that i was projecting my fears.

thank you for your support

[spuddleduck]

Alienated?

13 days is fantastic. when i didnt drink for a few months i initially avoided any social situations involving al. when i did brave the 'public' i would make sure that i always had a non al drink in my hand, something that looked like al so no questions would be asked. i actually found it very liberating to watch people drinking. most would be just sipping a drink slowly, an odd person would be guzzling and i could so see myself in that person, i even guzzled my non al drink (now theres a habit for you).
you dont have to be the life and soul of the party. one of my best friends doesnt drink and will quietly enjoy an event for what it is.... not for al. i am in awe of her and i try and learn from her.
although i am still drinking i now have no desire to socialise with 'drinkers' (by that i mean heavy drinkers) i think a lot of us here suffer from some kind of social anxiety but im sure as hell that al actually makes it much worse in the long run. others here have said that you have to learn to accept yourself as you are and i think thats a very important point. who we are sober is rarely the person we are drunk... i know which me i prefer

[Hippy Chick]

Alienated?

Hi Ast.

Well done on 13 days.

I am being treated at the moment for social anxiety disorder (SAD) and agrophobia. I am seeing a psychologist and we are working with cognitive behavioural therapy. If you are not able to see a psych there are plenty of sites on the net that you can work thru a self help program. Just search for panic attacks or anxiety and you will get heaps of sites come up.

I didnt realise what I felt, had a name. I just thought I needed a drink to be able to talk to people when I went out. The trouble was I would have one or two before I went out for courage then continue drinking til I blacked out. Which made the anxiety worse as I didnt remember what I had said or done. Then the SAD morphed into agrophobia (which it sometimes does) and that meant I didnt want to go out and if I did I needed an escape planned.

It was somewhat of a relief when i realised that if I treated the underlying reasons I drank, that I could finally put away the bottle and feel relaxed and "normal" for the first time in thirty years.

I still have a longggggg way to go but am slowly feeling better and more confident.

Good luck and know that you are not alone.

Hip

[Doggygirl]

Alienated?

Hi Ast. Congrats on 13 Days AF! That is awesome!

I too used AL to help with "social lubrication." All that did for years and years was stunt my own personal growth. Instead of finding the real me - with some normal combination of fear and confidence, etc. etc. - I just shoved my way through life riding on the false confidence of AL.

I love what spuds wrote. I too sometimes feel "on the hook" to be the life of the party. To be the one saying something witty if there is a lul in the conversation, etc. I'm learning that it's really NOT me to be that person. I am more quiet by nature than I ever knew fueled by AL all the time.

These days I try not to worry what other people think of me. A saying I love in that regard is this: "Your opinion of me is none of my business." I tell myself that all the time when I find myself worrying over what someone else thinks of me. I'm just trying to focus on finding the real ME. The me I am comfortable with. The me who is able to take action in life according to my beliefs of what is right and wrong rather than a person dependent upon AL and desparate to "fit it" with anyone who happened to be around.

I hope you have a fun journey just finding YOU.

DG

[spuddleduck]

Alienated?

so true about the anxiety being worse. not knowing what i had said or done is so much more anxiety inducing than knowing you were perhaps a bit quiet. if i dont give myself the pressure i actually find i can chatter quite happily if the situation isnt al fueled. ive also seen video of myself when i thought i was having a jolly old time...... i was in fact an out of control drunk but didnt know it