scared and afraid

[Bruunhilde]

scared and afraid

Hi Lady,
I do too, this is AF day 3 for me so we're fighting the same stage of withdrawal. I just went to the store because I made the mistake of not eating lunch and went crazy! I'm on a diet (trying to take advantage of going AF) supposedly but like Zen said, I figure it's better to have Haagen Daz than wine, I will thank myself everytime the next day. Plus, wine just tastes too sweet now, I don't even like the taste. I like the hard stuff, unfortunately!

hang in there!!!!

[crazy cat lady]

scared and afraid

My avatar is a pic of ZsaZsa when I first got her. She's a lot bigger with longer hair now.

[Bruunhilde]

scared and afraid

Beautiful kitty avatar, is that your kitten? Oh duh, just saw your post.

[crazy cat lady]

scared and afraid

Thanks for the encouragement Bruunhilde & Jackie. I just have to keep busy.

[Bruunhilde]

scared and afraid

I have to get out of the house mostly, or if I'm home, eat a big dinner or have something with sugar right about now like chocolate milk, I'm mad about dairy lately. Probably because I've been forgetting my calcium pills!

My first cat as an adult was a stray kitten, he was white with light blue eyes when he was a baby. He grew into a gray tabby but kept those baby blues. My baby boy.

How are you doing? What's your plan for the next two hours?

[Bruunhilde]

scared and afraid

Hey Lady, take care, I'm going to find some dinner or I feel like I'll die or something. Be nice to yourself.

[PlaceSeeker]

scared and afraid

Hi All - Here is one of my kitties:


I have to chime in and give you guys a great link on cats. I have 4 - Zen I didn't think your cat was a "real" one - adorable but big!!

Even though I've had cats for years and years, I have learned invaluable info from this site, especially about how bad dry food is for cats. I'm in the process of taking dry food out of my cats' diets.

Commercial Canned Foods by Lisa A. Pierson, DVM :: reading cat food labels, canned versus dry cat food

[crazy cat lady]

scared and afraid

Starting day 4. Last night was rough, thought I was going break - got in the car to buy a bottle(s) of wine but at the last minute pulled into the Baskin Robbins and got a hot fudge sundae instead. I enjoyed every spoonful but I was sick as a dog afterwards. Which was a good thing because there was no way I could have taken a drink feeling that bad.

Today starts the real danger zone, when I start convincing myself that I can handle one drink. That I deserve a reward for being good. That I'm not hurting anyone but myself so why shouldn't I have a drink. Isn't it amazing how easy it is to give yourself permission to hurt yourself?

I want my life back. I don't know how I let it spiral so far out of control. I want to believe that I've hit bottom and have no where to go up, because I don't think I'll survive falling any further.

[newdaynow]

scared and afraid

Crazy Cat Lady- I get it. I tell myself the same thing. Oh, I've been good....I'll just have a couple...and then the next thing I know I have blacked out. I hate what happens when I drink, yet I can't seem to control myself. And since I mostly do it at home, I think it is okay. But you are right, all we are doing is hurting ourselves. But I can't seem to stop either. I can barely go 3 days without drinking. I really want to be able to drink like normal people do. Not to excess.
I think it is great about the ice cream. At least you didn't give in. Keep it up, stay strong. I'll be thinking about you and hoping you can make it another day. It will give me hope for me to kick this awful habit.

[Doggygirl]

scared and afraid

Crazy cat lady, :goodjob: on getting through last night with ice cream instead of booze. In my experience this is a one day at a time gig and each day we make it through is a victory!

I had to smile reading what you said about the thinking.... "just one now..." "I've been good and deserve it..." and all of that. For years I struggled with alcohol and denied my addiction. I did that all by myself. I was SHOCKED when I got here, and discovered that all of us seem to have exactly those same thoughts!!! Who knew!!! Remembering that experience serves to remind me that I am NOT different. I am NOT alone. If other people can manage to stay sober despite that mind chatter and all the other triggers to drink, then I can do it too.

Newday, I can relate to what you said as well. For a very long time I LONGED just to drink like other normal drinking people. My truth is that I could wish for that all day long. Wishing it never made it so. When I finally accepted that I simply cannot drink like "normal drinkers" I was finally able to get comfortably on the road to recovery.

DG

[crazy cat lady]

scared and afraid

Made it thru day 4.

[autumn]

scared and afraid

Morning CCL, love the kitties!

Huge well done on day 4, :goodjob: you will be so chuffed when you wake up with a clear head!!

DG is right (as always) I just couldn't keep it up as I aalways saw AL as a reward, and greived that I couldn't drink like normal people. I was soooo jealous of those that could!
Al is no reward, its a poisenous little beastie that hurts you in every way possible, and I relish and adore being AF. It's tough maintaining it, but I am learning its triggers and sneaky little lies.

I doubt there is nothing that you could say here that would shock us, we'd all go, yep, hearing you. This is an awesome place to feel safe and draw inspiration from in being AF, keep posting, we all want to here how your doing, keep up the ice-cream :H

[crazy cat lady]

scared and afraid

Here it is day 5. I've noticed that I've been sleeping better the last 2 nights. Normally I wake up several times during the night, normally only getting 2-3 hours of sleep (ok passed out from wine). I've slept a solid 7 hours the last two nights. Woke up this morning with a headache (definitely not as bad as a hangover) and to find out that my kitchen has been invaded by ants. Have a lot to do today, trying to clean out my house so I can sell it and move closer to family.

[retteacher]

scared and afraid

CCL: Alcoholism is a progressive disease, so you get to unacceptable behaviors gradually...denial is a powerful force which keeps us sick by saying:
-I'm not so bad.
-There are a lot of others who are worse.
-I won't drink today.
-I'll switch drinks & have a plan to drink less.
-etc.

If you come here regularly, especially when you have the urge to drink, you'll probably learn a lot about yourself & why you drink.

Good luck.

Mary

[newdaynow]

scared and afraid

Doggygirl- thanks for the advice. Your truth is probably mine as well. I need to stop drinking all together to even stop the process, but I always manage to come up with an excuse.

CCL- Great job, day 5!

Has anyone tried the hpynotherapy CD's? I have gone to 2 different hypnotherapists to try to stop drinking and it didn't work with either of them. Just wondering if anyone has had any luck?