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**SAUSAGE** · May 3, 2012, 11:28 AM

Failed on the 22nd Day

Hi Honeysoup so sorry to read this, but let's try and look at this positively (with 70 AF days now I have suddenly been able to see the positive sides in things whereas before I was a glass half empty person) .....and yes there are some positive here.

You have done 21 days AF that is a HUGE achievement , you have broken the back of it. Please read my post left just a few mins ago in Newbies nest where I say how the first 4 days are the hardest, gets a bit easier etc on day 8... ( sorry don't know how to cut and paste from a different thread).

OK so you drank, believing you can moderate....and you can't, but most of us are like that and you are under no illusions, and so now you move forward. Moderation is horrible anyway and far more stressful / anxiety ridden than just making alcohol not an option.

You are so honest, you came back here and confessed. That is half the battle. You didn't run away and stick your head in the sand like me, for nearly 3 yrs.

You've done 21 days, you can do it again and a lot more besides, you've proved you can't moderate so you no llonger have the anxiety of worrying about that option, can I drink today, can't I drink today, how much, will I be able to stop etc.

Virtually everyone on here, even the long term successful sober people have had an attempt at moderating and found they can't. It is something we have to learn, just like a toddler touches something hot and learns not to touch it again. See it as a lesson learned.

Now back to the Tool box, back to newbies nest, and keep going. You can do it and very soon things will get better for you, stick close and keep posting

**K9Lover** · May 3, 2012, 11:40 AM

Failed on the 22nd Day

My dear Honey :l

I can feel your angst in your post. I've been there, believe me. You drink because you feel bad, then you feel bad because you drank, it seems like it will never end. But guess what? It CAN end. If you never take one drink, you'll never get drunk. I know you were mad at the hubby, and I can't tell you how many times I drank to get "back" at someone. I ended up sick and riddled with anxiety, but boy I showed him, eh? But, nobody ever said the alcoholic mind makes SENSE. So what you can do from here is pick yourself up, start over. You've already got the experience of those 21 days that you can learn from. I don't know of anybody that "got it" on their first quit. Please don't give up, we only really fail when we quit trying. I'm rooting for you because I know you can do this!

K9

**K9Lover** · May 3, 2012, 11:42 AM

Failed on the 22nd Day

X Post with Sausage...good advice Sausage!

**Honeysoup** · May 3, 2012, 12:09 PM

Failed on the 22nd Day

Thanks guys...one day at a time I guess...but today sucks!

**SAUSAGE** · May 3, 2012, 12:22 PM

Failed on the 22nd Day

You are in a much better place ( although you can't see it) than the person who has started drinking again and doesn't care / doesn't want to come back. Turn this upset / anger into determination.

**K9Lover** · May 3, 2012, 12:34 PM

Failed on the 22nd Day

Today sucks, but it will pass, then tomorrow won't suck as much, then the next day might not suck at all. Hang in there Honey. Get through the crappy feeling and remember how good you felt being AF.

**Rainyday** · May 3, 2012, 12:49 PM

Failed on the 22nd Day

Hi Honey. What tools are you using? I keep telling my husband he can't do it alone. I don't even believe AA or social networks are enough. I think it take the tools of MWO. I've read some of your posts and I haven't seen the steps you've taken...???

If you need any specific advise rather than having to scroll through pages of the tool box or the meds pages, let me know! I am a history book of research and I finally found what has been working for me. I know everyone's different... but are we really THAT different? Our bodies still need the basic things. Nutrition. A functioning brain. Excercise. Reinforcing social networks.

Of course, I only have 2 weeks. But this hasn't been hard AT ALL. No white knuckling. No shakes. No withdrawls. Slowly tapering. Might not even drink tonight. Private message me if you want to talk.

**Struggles 106** · May 3, 2012, 01:07 PM

Failed on the 22nd Day

Hey Honeysoup

All of us have been there. You do not deserve to be punished. Drinking IS punishment.
Everyone here has good advice. It is great that you had 3 whole weeks. Don't let this latest slip take you back to hell.

I think all of us have to learn to love ourselves enough,just as we are, to make the decision to just stop. Stop self-harm, and stop the negative comments to ourselves in our minds.

And of course the idea of moderation is not realistic. That implies control, and in a case of addiction there is no control. The addiction is in control. Accepting that you cannot drink at all is a big deal. You had those weeks so you know how good that felt.

Be good to yourself and stay strong!

**Struggles 106** · May 3, 2012, 01:20 PM

Failed on the 22nd Day

Hey Honeysoup

All of us have been there. You do not deserve to be punished. Drinking IS punishment.
Everyone here has good advice. It is great that you had 3 whole weeks. Don't let this latest slip take you back to hell.

I think all of us have to learn to love ourselves enough,just as we are, to make the decision to just stop. Stop self-harm, and stop the negative comments to ourselves in our minds.

And of course the idea of moderation is not realistic. That implies control, and in a case of addiction there is no control. The addiction is in control. Accepting that you cannot drink at all is a big deal. You had those weeks so you know how good that felt.

Be good to yourself and stay strong!

**LibraryGirl** · May 3, 2012, 01:41 PM

Failed on the 22nd Day

Good on you for coming back Honeysoup.

I can tell you from experience, starting over is easy peasy compared to the first time. At least it was for me. I had a few drinks here and there in the beginning of April after 39 days AF. I still hadn't completely made up my mind I wouldn't drink again, because I didn't get drunk or suffer any hangovers, but I have chosen NOT to drink since (17 days now), and it's not been difficult.

Don't beat yourself up too bad. It's just part of being human.

LG

**paula** · May 3, 2012, 02:13 PM

Failed on the 22nd Day

Well done on the sobriety that you achieved. Try not to punish yourself, alcoholism is a terrible uphill struggle, and nobody in my opinion can understand us like another alcoholic. We know that we can't drink but that little voice inside of us keeps telling us just one drink won't hurt, but we just end up feeling guilty and scared and it takes a while to get back to some sort of normality, but we do, it does get better. The first few days are the hardest, I know I have been there so many times, and truly hope not to go back to that soul destroying place again. Pick yourself up and be proud of your insight and determination, you can and will do it, we all can , by supporting one another. Good luck and feel better soon.

**lifechange** · May 4, 2012, 10:11 AM

Failed on the 22nd Day

how are you today, Honey?
i agree with what sausage said yesterday about trying to see the positive aspects of the last week. it always feels terrible the 1st and 2nd day, but it does get better. i had to prove to myself a million times that i can't moderate-- and though i'm just on my 10th day, i feel really different this time. i know i don't want to go there again. hang tough a couple more days. go back to the newbies nest and post post post.
big hugs,#

**Honeysoup** · May 4, 2012, 10:42 AM

Failed on the 22nd Day

Day 1 is over and it feels so great not to have all that negativity and anxiety, shame, guilt.

I actually am thinking a little more rash today. I know it's weird to think this but I am kind of glad I went through that experience to remind me how awful I feel after I drink.

I had a good long talk with my mom again and she suggested I start writing in a journal my feelings good or bad and what I did and how I felt. so that is going to be one of my plans.

My second plan is to keep going to the gym and work on myself and try not to be so serious all the time. I hate being depressed and the ugly guilty feeling.

So today is Day 2 and I am just doing the best I can.

Thank all of you for your support and advise. I love this community. I really couldn't do it without it. I am so thankful to come across and find these boards.

Stay strong everyone and fight the beast!

**SAUSAGE** · May 4, 2012, 11:41 AM

Failed on the 22nd Day

Hi Honey soup
That is a good idea about the journal. Whilst you are still feeling bad about this relapse write in it, your true feelings - it will put you off drinking again. You will get further than 22 days next time, once you've got past day 8 it gets easier. Earlier this am I posted in the Tool Box, what I found at each stage in the first 70 days, take a look, it may be of help.

Oh and in your journal, jot down any inspirational quotes or things you see written on the boards here which strike a chord with you.

Keep going!

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