2013 Daily Encouragement Thread

[Hippyman]

2013 Daily Encouragement Thread

Slaythefear;1442258 wrote: From a thought, an action grows. Make those thoughts positive ones. It isn't always easy, but we have to implement change to get past the dark clouds even if the change can be painful.:l With that said, our thoughts even control our pain.

Love,

Slay

Change is scary but stay the same was awhole lot scarier for me!

[Slaythefear]

2013 Daily Encouragement Thread

January 12, 2013...Things to Do When You Feel Overwhelmed

1. Pray. Only your heavenly father knows everything you?re facing in a given day and how it?s making you feel. And He cares. Spending a little time each day clearing your heart and mind and talking it out with Him is a sure-fire way to get back on track.
2. Exercise. The release of endorphins that comes with physical exercise is a great antidote to stress. When you get wound too tight, go break a sweat! It?ll help you sleep better, too.
3. Call a friend. Sometimes we just need to talk it out, to vent, or to worry out loud for a second. A wise friend can offer valuable perspective on your situation, and can tell you when you?re making a mountain out of a molehill.
4. Channel the energy. Sometimes, when there?s a larger problem looming, the nervous energy created can be put to good use. Try tackling that overstuffed closet or weeding a flowerbed. You?ll get something accomplished rather than sitting and stewing.
5. Soak. There is something positively therapeutic about a hot bath. Even if you think you don?t have time, fill up the tub after you get the kids to bed and just be for half an hour. If you can?t stop the list of responsibilities from rolling through your head the whole time, thumb through a magazine for a diversion.
6. Count the blessings. Oftentimes, our state of mind is a matter of whether we take a glass-half-full or glass-half-empty approach to life. Sure, the water heater is broken, but you live in a nice warm home where hot water is a regular luxury, and will be again once the repairman gets by.
7. Break it down. How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. When the job (or jobs) facing you seems too big to handle, break it down into smaller tasks or phases, and put them in priority order. Then, focus on the first small task as if the others didn?t exist
8. Say ?no.? It?s perfectly acceptable to turn down a request to volunteer or serve when you?ve reached your limit. There is an infinite amount of need in the world, but not every need is one that you?re called to meet. This is tricky for capable women, because when people know you?re a ?doer,? they?ll pile on the work. We promise you, if you can?t chair the fall carnival at school, someone else will. The world will continue to turn. Trust us.
9. Check out. Occasionally, a person just reaches her limit and has to come up for air in the middle of a busy day. Leave your desk to go for a quick walk around the building, or throw your kids in the car and just go for a drive. Sometimes, all you need is a change of scenery.
10. Laugh. They don?t call it the best medicine for nothing. Sometimes we feel overwhelmed simply because we take ourselves and our lives too seriously. Learn to see the ?funny? in your situation and chuckle?it?ll help.
11. Get comfy. Sometimes the clothes that we associate with certain pressures?like a career?seem to carry the tension in their very fibers. Come home and trade those control-top pantyhose for something you can breathe in. Literally.
12. Write it down. Lots of people find that journaling about their feelings and fears is helpful in that it helps them organize their thoughts and gives an outlet for expression.
13. Turn on the Tunes. Research shows that 30 minutes of classical music has a calming effect similar to taking 10mg of Valium. Find some soothing music to take the edge off and help you relax.

[Slaythefear]

2013 Daily Encouragement Thread

January 13, 2013...this came from Kuya's post.

The most abusive relationship is the one we have with ourselves.

I am my own child. I was born perfect and beautiful ( I KNOW that, I have seen the photos )
This is how I have been treating my child.

I have starved her for years with eating disorders.
Told her she was fat and ugly time and time again.
Made her work far too hard and gave her hardly any breaks.
No matter how well she did or hard she worked I was never satisfied with her
I never treated her to enough new clothes or did nice things for her to make her feel good.
I fed her drugs every day to shut her up so I didn't have to listen to her.
When she was obviously getting ill I ignored her and didn't get her help.

If this was a child you were given to raise you would be jailed for neglect.

Pt. 2.

The feeling of never good enough is so damaging. Sit down and write that list of 'good' and 'bad' parts of you. All the parts you like and hate about yourself. all the things you do, big and small that make you cringe or smile. It is very revealing, if you honestly include ALL the parts.

Everyone should take the time to do this.

Unless you are a sociopath or psychopath ( and they are NEVER able to be honest anyway) you will be amazed at the result. Do them all together without too much analysis, let it flow.

I defy you to not end up liking yourself....maybe for the first time in your life.

[Slaythefear]

2013 Daily Encouragement Thread

January 14, 2013

This was posted at an earlier time and maybe some people haven't seen it.

Dearest Drunken Monkee Friend,

I have been where you are this morning. I?ve lived through this day. This day when you wake up terrified. When you open your eyes and it hits you . . . the jig is up. When you lie paralyzed in bed and shake from the horrifying realization that life as you know it is over.

Quickly you consider that perhaps that?s okay, because life as you know it totally blows. Even so, you can?t get out of bed because the thing is that you don?t know how. You don?t know how to live, how to interact, how to cope, how to function without a drink or at least the hope of a future drink. You never learned. You dropped out before all the lessons. So who will teach you how to live? Listen to me, because I am you.

You are shaking from withdrawal and fear and panic this morning, so you cannot see clearly. You are very, very confused right now. You think that this is the worst day of your life, but you are wrong. This is the best day of your life, friend. Things, right now, are very, very good. Better than they have ever been in your entire life. Your angels are dancing. Because you have been offered freedom from the prison of secrets. You have been offered the gift of crisis.

Kathleen Norris reminded me last night that the Greek root of the word crisis is ?to sift.? As in to shake out the excesses and leave only what?s important. That?s what crises do. They shake things up until we are forced to decide and hold onto what matters most. And what matters most right now is that you are sober. You owe the world nothing else. And so you will not worry about whether the real you will be brave or smart or funny or beautiful or responsible enough. Because the only thing you have to be is sober. You owe the world absolutely nothing but sobriety. If you are sober, you are enough. Even if you are shaking and cursing and boring and terrified. You are enough.

But becoming sober, becoming real, will be hard and painful. A lot of good things are.
Becoming sober is like recovering from frostbite.

The process of defrosting is excruciatingly painful. You have been so numb for so long. And as feeling comes back to your soul, you start to tingle, and it?s uncomfortable and strange. But then the tingles start feeling like daggers. Sadness, loss, fear, anger, all of these things that you have been numbing with the booze . . . you start to FEEL them for the first time. And it?s horrific at first, to tell you the damn truth. But feeling the pain, refusing to escape from it, is the only way to recovery. You can?t go around it, you can?t go over it, you have to go through it. There is no other option, except for amputation. And if you allow the defrosting process to take place, if you trust that it will work, if you can stand the pain, one day you will get your soul back. If you can feel, it means there has been no amputation. If you can feel, you can hope. If you can feel, you are not too late.

Friend, we need you. The world has suffered while you?ve been hiding. You are already forgiven. You are loved. All there is to do now it to step into your life. What does that mean? What the hell does that mean? This is what it means. These are the steps you take. They are plain as mud.

Get out of bed. Don?t lie there and think - thinking is the kiss of death for us - just move. Take a shower. Sing while you?re in there. MAKE YOURSELF SING. The stupider you feel, the better. Giggle at yourself, alone. Joy for its own sake . . . Joy just for you, created by you ? it?s the best. Find yourself amusing.

Put on some make-up. Blow dry your hair. Wear something nice, something that makes you feel grown up. If you have nothing, go buy something. Today?s not the day to worry too much about money. Invest in some good coffee, caffeinated and decaf. Decaf after eleven o?clock. Read your daughter a story. Don?t think about other things while you?re reading, actually pay attention to the words. Then braid your girl?s hair. Clean the sink. Keep good books within reach. Start with Traveling Mercies. David Sedaris is good, too. If you don?t have any good books, go to the library. If you don?t have a library card, apply for one. This will stress you out. You will worry that the librarian will sense that you are a disaster and reject you. But listen, they don?t know and they don?t care. They gave me a card, and I?ve got a rap sheet as long as your arm. When practicing re-entering society and risking rejection, the library is a good place to start. They have low expectations. I love the library. Also church. Both have to take you in.

Alternate two prayers ? ?Help? and ?Thank you.? That?s all the spirituality you?ll need for a while. Go to meetings. Any meeting will do. Don?t worry if the other addicts there are ?enough like you.? Face it ? we are all the same ? be humble.

Get Out Of The House. If you have nowhere to go, take a walk outside. Do not excuse yourself from walks because it?s cold. Bundle up. The sky will remind you of how big God is, and if you?re not down with God, then the oxygen will help. Same thing. Call one friend a day. Do not start the conversation by telling her how you are. Ask how she is. Really listen to her response, and offer your love. You will discover that you can help a friend just by listening, and this discovery will remind you that you are powerful and worthy.
Get a yoga DVD and a pretty mat. Practice yoga after your daughter goes to bed. The evenings are dangerous times, so have a plan. Yoga is good for people like us, it teaches us to breathe and that solitude is a gift. Learn to keep yourself company.

When you start to feel . . . do. For example ? when you start to feel scared because you don?t have enough money?.find someone to give a little money to. When you start to feel like you don?t have enough love. . . find someone to offer love. When you feel unappreciated, unacknowledged . . . appreciate and acknowledge someone in your life in a concrete way. When you feel unlucky, order yourself to consider a blessing or two. And then find a tangible way to make today somebody else?s lucky day. This strategy helps me sidestep wallowing every day.

Don?t worry about whether you like doing these things or not. You?re going to hate everything for a long while. And the fact is that you don?t even know what you like or hate yet. Just Do These Things Regardless of How You Feel About Doing These Things. Because these little things, done over and over again, eventually add up to a life. A good one.

Friend, I am sober this morning. Thank God Almighty, I?m sober this morning. I?m here, friend. Last week, my son turned nine. Which means that I haven?t had a drink for nine years and nine months. Lots of beautiful and horrible things have happened to me during the past nine years and nine months. And I have more or less handled my business day in and day out without booze. GOD, I ROCK.

And today, I?m a wife and a mother and a daughter and friend and a writer and a dreamer and a Sister to one and a ?sister? to thousands of monkees? and I wasn?t any of those things when I was a drunk.

And I absolutely love being a recovering alcoholic, friend. I am more proud of the ?recovering? badge I wear than any other.

What will you be, friend? What will you be when you become yourself? We would love to find out with you.

[Slaythefear]

2013 Daily Encouragement Thread

January 15, 2013...Challenge

?I don't run away from a challenge because I am afraid. Instead, I run towards it because the only way to escape fear is to trample it beneath your foot?
― Nadia Comaneci


?A man either lives life as it happens to him, meets it head-on and licks it, or he turns his back on it and starts to wither away.?
― Gene Roddenberry


?That is the challenge Companion. To take what has happened to you and learn from it. Nothing is quite so destructive as pity, especially self-pity. No event in life is so terrible that one cannot rise above it.?


Ralph Waldo Emerson
As long as a man stands in his own way, everything seems to be in his way.


William Ellery Channing
Difficulties are meant to rouse, not discourage. The human spirit is to grow strong by conflict.


Unknown Author
Anything unattempted remains impossible.


If you're going through hell, keep going. ~Winston Churchill


A bend in the road is not the end of the road... unless you fail to make the turn. ~Author Unknown


We acquire the strength we have overcome. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson


You can't run away from trouble. There ain't no place that far. ~Uncle Remus

[Hippyman]

2013 Daily Encouragement Thread

FlyAway;1442196 wrote: It's true, isn't it Hippy? At first I thought what am I going to do, how can I pass the time, I'll never have fun sober when everyone else is drinking. But I've found that I can have fun just the same and remember the fun the next day! It really is a matter of accepting yourself just the way you are and saying the hell with what anyone else thinks. And the truth is that others think of us a lot less than we think they do! :H

Grandma always told me that it's not important what others think of you. It's only important what you think of you and I think I'm just fine and dandy!

[paulywogg]

2013 Daily Encouragement Thread

omg! the post about our bodies being like our child and how weve abused and neglected them hit me like a ton of bricks! how mean we are to ourselves

[Slaythefear]

2013 Daily Encouragement Thread

January 16, 2013...Combatting loneliness in HALT

Learn How to Combat Loneliness, Solve Relationship Problems and Lead A Happier Life

If you want to combat loneliness, it may be easier than you think! This article will show you how to decrease loneliness, improve your relationships and feel happier and more fulfilled. You'll learn how to combat loneliness by following successful techniques I've used in my therapy and coaching practice.

OK, you feel lonely. And if that's not enough, you end up feeling ashamed of being lonely . . . and that's a double whammy. There's no doubt about it, chronic loneliness is a tough nut to crack. But there are ways to combat loneliness and beat the loneliness syndrome. Take it from me . . .I've been helping people do it for over 30 years.

Tips And Suggestions: A Few Tricks Of The Trade

As a professional helper, I have always specialized in relationships. Dealing with relationships has taught me, well, a lot about relationships! Allow me to share some of my relationship knowledge with you. Below you'll find some easy and straight-forward ideas on how you can improve your relationships and combat loneliness

. . . and start feeling better right away.

1. Avoid feeling sorry for yourself. Yes, it is inevitable that everyone will get lonely once in a while. So we'll all eventually fall into the self-pity trap, but once we become aware of what we are doing we can stop! Instead of feeling sorry for ourselves, it's wise to be proactive and do something positive.

Okay, I admit this may not be easy, but it really pays off if you try to combat loneliness in the right way. Below you'll find an example of how I handled a bout of loneliness last week. So . . . I was thinking, I'm feeling a little down and out, and I'm starting to feel sorry for myself. OK, I can fight fire with fire . . . I can win this battle against loneliness.

Here's How I Attempted to Combat Loneliness

I went to a little cafe and bought a sandwich and a cup of decaf, and just breathed in the silence. Smelled the coffee and wonderful food scents. Listened to the classical music that was playing. Started up a conversation with an employee of the restaurant and said hello to a few of the customers, and suddenly . . .

I was feeling pretty darn good. I noticed a waitress was looking tired and stressed, so I made a point to be nice to her and try to lift her spirits. I felt a little better by helping her. By the end of the night, the gregarious manager and I were trading embarrassing stories and laughing up a storm!

Also, while I was at the cafe, I wrote a couple of articles like this one, and that made me feel even better. When I went home I called my mother and told her I loved her. Take note that I didn't wait for someone to come along and tell me they loved me! Now, she was touched by words of affection, and that made me feel even better! By the time I went to bed, I was feeling pretty fair, indeed.

In review, if you want to combat loneliness and get rid of the loneliness bug, just remember to take a proactive approach, a step in the right direction. Take an interest in your surroundings. Interact with people. Do something nice for others.

2. Be a friend to yourself. If you have no one to come to your rescue, that's fine . . . you can always help yourself. Spend a little time with yourself enjoying nature. My clients have found, over the years, that a trip to the park or a walk through the woods or a drive to the top of the mountain can make them feel quite a bit better. If you want to learn how to be happy, try reconnecting with nature.

A stroll through the old neighborhood can or walking park can put you in touch with others. When I smile at a stranger I feel less lonely. When I meet an old friend at the arboretum I feel better, too. When I compliment someone on their beautiful dog I always get a warm-heart thank-you in return, and maybe a little pleasant conversation, to boot.

If you want to combat loneliness and stop feeling those lonesome blues, go to a city, state or national park and spend some time in a beautiful natural area. Walk your dog and watch how he gets such tremendous enjoyment from such a simple activity as walking (and sniffing). And, if he's like my Collie, oh, how he derives such joy from peeing on every bush and stick until, well, there is nothing left to squirt.

My dog can make me laugh when nothing else can. He's a life-loving, crazy nut!

3. Recruit music into your life to combat loneliness. Listen to some terrific music, the uplifting kind. Wear headphones and listen for the nuances. Oh, a beautiful song can be so uplifting! It makes positive changes in your brain.

Write a song. Put your feelings into the lyrics and melody. Express yourself in any artistic way and you will feel better! There is hardly any finer therapy on the planet.

4. Read a hilarious book. A book can be such a good friend. And touch the soul.

5. Make contact with another person or touch someone's life. Cure loneliness by . . . calling someone from the past, perhaps a good friend from high school who you may have forgotten. Look up a lost acquaintance. You never know what a great discussion you might have.

A wonderful way to combat loneliness is to carve a pumpkin with your elderly grandmother . . . or someone's elderly grandmother. Or go to the local Senior Citizen's place and paint pumpkins with all the participants. Now you're cooking, or, I mean, painting.

6. Watch Your Thoughts. Catch yourself thinking things like, "Gosh, could the world be any gloomier? I've never felt so badly. This is going to be a terrible day, I just know it!"

When you catch yourself doing this sad, sad self-talk dance, change everything up. Think more logical, uplifting, and empowering thoughts like these: OK, the day is off to a bad start, but I'll fix that . . . I know of some ways I can bring the sunshine out. Yes, it could be gloomier, and I'm thankful for the good things I have. This is going to be a great day, and I know that because I am going to make it a great one!" Changing depressing thought patterns will help you overcome loneliness like nothing else can. And . . .

Research shows that happiness affirmations can help you to stop feeling lonely and lead a happier life. Your positive, light-filled thoughts will affirm and deepen your happiness. For example, in times of distress, simply say to yourself, "My faith will get me through this dark hour."

7. Spend time in prayer, relaxation and meditation. Find a piece of the solitude rock and just sit in the silence, listening to the music that flows within, and get in touch with the cosmic universe. Build your relationship with your Higher Power.

Nothing has ever made me feel better! Thus, I am devoted to the lifelong practice of meditation. It squashes my stress, rockets me past my worries and problems, and centers me oh, so deeply in the sublime traverses within.

When you start feeling better you'll find your relationships improving. And because you will be making some new relationships along the way, you'll feel even happier! Outgoing and optimistic people tend to be the happiest. Yes, happiness is affected by our disposition. So get busy and do something positive . . . you'll develop your own creative ways to combat loneliness.

In Sum

Whatever you do, don't give in to lonely feelings and the self-defeating patterns of self-pity. You can combat loneliness by doing something you love, taking positive action steps, and thinking encouraging thoughts. Try something new or do something nice for someone and you'll be feeling like a million bucks in no time!


Loneliness is a big trigger for drinking. It requires a readiness plan and a proactive approach to resisting it's grip.

Slay

[Hippyman]

2013 Daily Encouragement Thread

I am never lonely. How could I be with all my new MWO friends so close at hand. Thanks for the thought provoking post Slay!

[Slaythefear]

2013 Daily Encouragement Thread

Hippyman;1444981 wrote: I am never lonely. How could I be with all my new MWO friends so close at hand. Thanks for the thought provoking post Slay!

For me, I am figuring out loneliness and pain have been my biggest triggers. I am now out of my abusive relationship. I felt loneliness and pain within the relationship and I am still experiencing those things as I progress through the change and loss. This is a condition we don't really like to admit to others as it appears as weakness, but I'm working to be more honest with myself and more real with others. I think that in itself will help with the healing process and that takes time. Meanwhile, one must find ways to combat those emotions if they become harmful.

Hope you are enjoying your birds and your home is mouse free. lol I purchased a Chinchilla on New Years Eve Day. We are beginning to bond, but what a rascal he is!

Love,

Slay

[Slaythefear]

2013 Daily Encouragement Thread

paulywogg;1444583 wrote: omg! the post about our bodies being like our child and how weve abused and neglected them hit me like a ton of bricks! how mean we are to ourselves

I think we can be our own worst enemies. I certainly can be my own. I'm learning...the hard way, but still learning. I think many AL abusers exhibit self destructive behaviors for various internal reasons.

Love,

Slay

[Overit44]

2013 Daily Encouragement Thread

Loved the post today Slay. Thank you for taking the time to uplift others. I appreciate it very much.

[FlyAway]

2013 Daily Encouragement Thread

Slaythefear;1444991 wrote: For me, I am figuring out loneliness and pain have been my biggest triggers. I am now out of my abusive relationship. I felt loneliness and pain within the relationship and I am still experiencing those things as I progress through the change and loss. This is a condition we don't really like to admit to others as it appears as weakness, but I'm working to be more honest with myself and more real with others. I think that in itself will help with the healing process and that takes time. Meanwhile, one must find ways to combat those emotions if they become harmful.

Hope you are enjoying your birds and your home is mouse free. lol I purchased a Chinchilla on New Years Eve Day. We are beginning to bond, but what a rascal he is!

Love,

Slay

Loneliness and boredom were my main triggers. I still need to work on getting out and connecting with others. I've just been dealing with a lot of health issues and have a hard time getting out.

[Breezy Momma]

2013 Daily Encouragement Thread

Thank you Slay. Your posts are so selfless and giving. Love your loneliness tips. I always try to work out, walk my dog, call a friend, talk/ hang with my kids (16 and 17) and their friends... I LOVE the energy these kids have!! ( by hang I mean for a while in our kitchen.. They are free to go when they want... Lol. I find they like to sit and talk with me though, sometimes for hours!,). It's refreshing (and a little scary) talking to them completely sober but feels great!
:thanks:

[FlyAway]

2013 Daily Encouragement Thread

Breezy Momma;1445045 wrote: Thank you Slay. Your posts are so selfless and giving. Love your loneliness tips. I always try to work out, walk my dog, call a friend, talk/ hang with my kids (16 and 17) and their friends... I LOVE the energy these kids have!! ( by hang I mean for a while in our kitchen.. They are free to go when they want... Lol. I find they like to sit and talk with me though, sometimes for hours!,). It's refreshing (and a little scary) talking to them completely sober but feels great!
:thanks:

Been there! We have to learn how to do the things we always used to do anesthetized.