I am finally ready but I need help.

[Guitarista]

I am finally ready but I need help.

kuya;1514010 wrote:



Write down the longings of your heart, they are love letters to your future.

Love your post above KY, but I especially love this. :h

Hi MR!

[NoSugar]

I am finally ready but I need help.

kuya;1514010 wrote:
The power of writing out your intention, your problems, your history, your fears and SHARING them with fellow human beings has this amazing effect on the pathways of the brain. Addiction is powerful but there is ONE thing in life MORE powerful ......COMPANIONSHIP.
Post, post and post some more. Write down the longings of your heart, they are love letters to your future. h
Kuya;1514035 wrote: We will have you as long as it takes........just remember it doesn't HAVE to be that hard.
Alcoholism is a combination of addiction and damaged nutrition. There is no moral element IMO.
The psychological aspects are many and varied but are actually irrelevant and, if they exist, can be tackled AFTER a good period of sobriety is achieved. Most disappear with sobriety as your muddled thinking becomes clear.
.

These passages sum up the lessons I learned from this wonderful woman in my first several weeks on MWO. Reading them once was not enough and I had to receive the same messages in different ways from Kuya and others who I was so fortunate to meet here --- but at last they sunk in and have so far stuck .

To those at the beginning: please pay attention to these and similar words of advice that are offered to you freely and with love. These people have been there - this is not book-learning. It is real life experience.

To Kuya and others who tirelessly and respectfully support those who are trying to get free but are so confused: THANK YOU :hug:!

[Kradle123]

I am finally ready but I need help.

MossRose;1514006 wrote: Love it!! Thanks, Kradle. I really needed this right now. It was a good day. I spent it with my son. It reminded me of how badly I want to repair our relationship and earn back his trust and respect. But now it is Saturday night and I am home alone, if you know what I mean. So absolutely perfect timing. Yes...one step at a time.

Awesome MR! :goodjob:

Right there with you. Kids have gone camping with Dad. Planting my peas and cleaning...

:l:h

[MossRose]

I am finally ready but I need help.

I am taking all of your wonderful advice and plan on posting here daily until I feel stronger. I also read the stats in the toolbox about the number of posts for newbies and their respective success rate. I want to make it so badly, so here I go.

My number one priority (longing of the heart ) and strongest motivation for getting sober is to finally become the compassionate, loving, and emotionally available mother that my sons deserve. I got my first chance last night.

My oldest son called me at 8:30pm last night. He was having a crisis and was completely overwrought. It wasn't really a crisis, just a fixable problem, but in the past I would have either been drunk (and therefore irritated by his mood which would have escalated into an argument), or worse, already passed out and completely unavailable. But last night, I was sober and as peaceful as I could be while going through withdrawl. I actually managed to have a calm conversation with him and we resolved his "crisis." He ended the conversation with an amazed, "Thanks mom." It was just the way he said it that told me everything I need to stay strong. So after a good cry brought on by a bout of intolerable shame, I vowed to stay AF. I realized that this was the first time in years that I have really been there for either one of my sons (after 6pm anyway). It was an incredible feeling.

Wow, just reading this is painful. But telling the whole ugly truth is so liberating. Thanks again to everyone for reading my endless posts and offering such generous and loving support.

[Unwasted]

I am finally ready but I need help.

Moss Rose, that was a lovely and insightful post. We really are better people when we're sober. Sounds like a breakthrough!

[free at last]

I am finally ready but I need help.

Dear MossRose,
How wonderful that you were present for your son when he needed you. K9Lover often says that she got sober for her daughter, but stays sober for herself. Sounds like your sons need and want your advice -- that's a great thing in and of itself. Glad you are going to keep posting. The days will get better.

[Live_Love_Learn]

I am finally ready but I need help.

Hi MR,
Enjoying your posts, stay strong! Its great to have a forum to release your inner thoughts and keep string XO

[kuya]

I am finally ready but I need help.

MossRose;1514271 wrote: I am taking all of your wonderful advice and plan on posting here daily until I feel stronger. I also read the stats in the toolbox about the number of posts for newbies and their respective success rate. I want to make it so badly, so here I go.

My number one priority (longing of the heart ) and strongest motivation for getting sober is to finally become the compassionate, loving, and emotionally available mother that my sons deserve. I got my first chance last night.

My oldest son called me at 8:30pm last night. He was having a crisis and was completely overwrought. It wasn't really a crisis, just a fixable problem, but in the past I would have either been drunk (and therefore irritated by his mood which would have escalated into an argument), or worse, already passed out and completely unavailable. But last night, I was sober and as peaceful as I could be while going through withdrawl. I actually managed to have a calm conversation with him and we resolved his "crisis." He ended the conversation with an amazed, "Thanks mom." It was just the way he said it that told me everything I need to stay strong. So after a good cry brought on by a bout of intolerable shame, I vowed to stay AF. I realized that this was the first time in years that I have really been there for either one of my sons (after 6pm anyway). It was an incredible feeling.

Wow, just reading this is painful. But telling the whole ugly truth is so liberating. Thanks again to everyone for reading my endless posts and offering such generous and loving support.

This made me want to cry......I had EXACTLY the same moment with my son days after I sobered up. Being available to him 'after 6pm' and realising how unsupportive I had been for so long gave me the strength to go on.

[MossRose]

I am finally ready but I need help.

Your responses touched my heart. Here I am admitting my deepest shame, and rather than judge me as so many would, you offer genuine understanding and compassion. And yes, it never ceases to amaze me how forgiving my sons are. They have every reason to turn away from me. I am toxic when I drink. But they have stayed by my side. I vow not to let them down again.

Another longing of my heart is to be a better friend. I am fortunate to have a few very dear, loyal and supportive girlfriends in my life. However, I have leaned very hard on them for the last year while going through my divorce. Now that I am sobering up and ending my year long pity party, I want to start being there for them. They have their own troubles, joys and dreams, yet I have been so wrapped up in my own problems, I haven't been a very good listener or friend. More shame. Another reason to give up AL. It makes one so self-absorbed.

One of those dear friends stopped by yesterday afternoon. She asked me if I wanted to go out and have a quick drink. I panicked. I won't lie, I was extremely tempted. Then I took a deep breath and I told her everything! I admitted to being an alcoholic. I told her about MWO. I told the truth. Her response astounded me. She said, "I'm proud of you. We'll do this together." She certainly didn't seem surprised.

We talked for hours. The best part, I was actually sober and was able to really listen and hear her story for a change.Then she texted me twice last night to make sure I was staying strong. I am so blessed.

Two small miracles in two days. I'm not sure why this is all falling together the way it is, but I am grateful. Plus I've learned that telling the truth feels good.

[Nelz]

I am finally ready but I need help.

Hey there Moss, welcome aboard!


Looks like you've found plenty of supporters already.......gotta love MWO.


I am of the belief that quitting AL is a little easier if/when one hits a rock bottom. You need to embrace and remember exactly how you felt at that low point, and use it as a strength, vow to yourself and others that you will never visit that place again.

It is a very valuable tool in the fight against AL

Stick around, ask and answer questions the whole process is very theraputic, and you never know just who you may help.

[Unwasted]

I am finally ready but I need help.

MR, you sound amazing - I think telling those around us is essential! You are truly lucky to have good girlfriends and understanding children. Really happy for you.

Best to you,
UN

[free at last]

I am finally ready but I need help.

Hi MR, what an incredibly strong thing to do -- to tell others. So far, I have only discussed my AF path with, in person, is my husband (who is incredibly supportive -- thank God). You are inspiring me to start opening up to others, beyond this wonderful MWO community.

Agree with UN -- you sound amazing. Keep going!

[MossRose]

I am finally ready but I need help.

Nelz, thanks for the warm welcome. UN and Free, your kind words really made my day. Believe me, I'm not very brave. I am even surprised that I told her the truth. I've been lying to everyone (including myself) about my drinking for so long, I had almost forgotten how to be honest. I think joining MWO was the catalyst. Once I started telling the truth, I just couldn't seem to stop .But seriously, I can relate. I don't think I would be comfortable at this point telling anyone who doesn't already suspect - like coworkers. Somehow I have managed to hide my alcoholism from people at work. But I knew it was only a matter of time. All I have to do is look at my stbx husband. It finally caught up with him and it was traumatic. His life has never been the same since.

I hate to be a downer, but I am struggling tonight. The jubilation of not drinking those first few days is waning. I got the court notice this morning for my final divorce date - June 27th. I thought I was prepared, perhaps even eager to get this over with. So I was shocked at my violent reaction. I sobbed for 15 minutes straight. I guess this is really it. No do-overs. No second chances. We blew it. The absolute finality of it sent me into a downward spiral. One day I hope to make some sense of it all.

But in my heart, I know it's for the best. My marriage was a train wreck these last few years. He left me heartbroken, penniless and inches from homelessness. But now that I'm addicted to telling the truth, I will admit, I was equally at fault. Our love, marriage and life were just casualties of our drinking.

okay -enough true confessions and whining for one day. Didn't I just say in my last post that the pity party was over.

Anyway, I'm going to try to stay strong. I just visited the newbies nest and realize that there are people here with much bigger problems. So taking Byrdie's advice and going to eat, eat, eat tonight. Maybe followed by a hot bath and a movie. As always, thanks for being there.

[NoSugar]

I am finally ready but I need help.

MossRose;1515482 wrote: Nelz, thanks for the warm welcome. UN and Free, your kind words really made my day. Believe me, I'm not very brave. I am even surprised that I told her the truth. I've been lying to everyone (including myself) about my drinking for so long, I had almost forgotten how to be honest. I think joining MWO was the catalyst. Once I started telling the truth, I just couldn't seem to stop .But seriously, I can relate. I don't think I would be comfortable at this point telling anyone who doesn't already suspect - like coworkers. Somehow I have managed to hide my alcoholism from people at work. But I knew it was only a matter of time. All I have to do is look at my stbx husband. It finally caught up with him and it was traumatic. His life has never been the same since.

I hate to be a downer, but I am struggling tonight. The jubilation of not drinking those first few days is waning. I got the court notice this morning for my final divorce date - June 27th. I thought I was prepared, perhaps even eager to get this over with. So I was shocked at my violent reaction. I sobbed for 15 minutes straight. I guess this is really it. No do-overs. No second chances. We blew it. The absolute finality of it sent me into a downward spiral. One day I hope to make some sense of it all.

But in my heart, I know it's for the best. My marriage was a train wreck these last few years. He left me heartbroken, penniless and inches from homelessness. But now that I'm addicted to telling the truth, I will admit, I was equally at fault. Our love, marriage and life were just casualties of our drinking.

okay -enough true confessions and whining for one day. Didn't I just say in my last post that the pity party was over.

Anyway, I'm going to try to stay strong. I just visited the newbies nest and realize that there are people here with much bigger problems. So taking Byrdie's advice and going to eat, eat, eat tonight. Maybe followed by a hot bath and a movie. As always, thanks for being there.

Hi, MossRose.

A pity party is when you spin around in place feeling sorry for yourself. You are not doing that at all. You are making tremendous strides forwards and frankly, I think you have one of the more challenging situations right now. Don't minimize what you are facing and the enormity of what you are doing. You are a very strong woman.

Plus, you need to post exactly what you are thinking and feeling -- NOT what you think we may want to hear or would make us like you. We like you just as you are and are so glad you have joined us. We all deserve a life free of an addiction and by working together, we can attain it.

Enjoy your pampering this evening! :h NS

[MossRose]

I am finally ready but I need help.

Wow - thank you. I am working on being more honest , and it feels good. I can only imagine how wonderful it must be to drop the "codependent-people-pleasing." thing too. Thanks NoSugar. 2+ years of therapy and you just summed it up beautifully. I really do appreciate you reminding me that I am safe to be "just me" on this forum. I honestly don't remember the last time I felt like that.