Well, That Didn't Take Long

[allswell]

Well, That Didn't Take Long

Hello everyone,

The one thing I continue to be surprised with is how busy I am as a nondrinker. I'm amazed at how much I must have neglected when alcohol was in the picture because my days are now full from morning till night. How I found the time to waste 6 hours a day drinking is beyond my comprehension. I am full of gratitude that one day I woke up and said the time is now to stop wasting my life.

Complacency is a real concern. Last year I went 11 1/2 months alcohol free then went to Thailand. I didn't have anything to drink until the lay over in Los Angeles on the way back and I buckled big time. It took months to get back on track. I've learned I can't let it back in at all because it will wrap it's tentacles around me and hold on tight. It really is an evil substance.

[NoSugar]

Well, That Didn't Take Long

Thanks for sharing that, Alls. It must have been really disappointing. At least you really learned important things about yourself from it.

My goal is to have the sense to learn from what others are willing to share. It helps when it is someone I've gotten to know here - I know you are an interesting and intelligent person and it happened to you. No one is immune so we have to stay on guard (but I think it is ok to be really happy at the same time ).


PS I agree about being busy - I know I let a lot of things (and people) go - but wow!

[Guitarista]

Well, That Didn't Take Long

Greetings my friends!

Just a quick flyby to say gidday. All good here. What a cool thread. It's the people who make it so of course. Safe travels FAL. Was your race last weekend Alls well? How did you go? If it's coming up, all the best. How are you doing UN?

Wishing everyone a safe, sober and magical week.

[Pinecone]

Well, That Didn't Take Long

Hi friends,

Guitarista, nice to see you here!

NS, I've been thinking about your second to last post here a lot for a couple days now. I've read it and re read it; the part about being able to fully enjoy the present. Are you saying that there is a cautious element to your life now that you feel like it is a hindrance? I go through a mental check up of myself, just to kind of see how things are, if they seem right or balanced. It is an extra thing that I do in my day, a quick look in the mental mirror. That part of your post just really struck me and I've been digesting it. I really feel lucky to have all of you as company because someone will mention something that makes my thinking explore another direction for a while. Like a real community of exchange. I feel like I'm looking for peace too.

FAL, I liked your list and I'm glad you had a peaceful lunch. I definitely agree with the stylist. We got into trouble with alcohol, but it is not our natural state. I think sometimes it was an obstacle set in our path that we have to grow around before we truly blossom, a blessing and a curse together.

Have a great AF night!

[NoSugar]

Well, That Didn't Take Long

Nice of you to stop by, Mr. G. I hope you come back again and chat for awhile .

Well, Pinecone, I tend to try to pre-emptively worry about bad things as if worrying about them is going to somehow make them less likely to happen or will somehow lessen my pain when they occur. I think it often involves a fear of truly being happy because of the potential risk of losing it. So, while I'm really enjoying the changes in my life and feel very committed to never going back, that "worrier" part of my brain gets going - as if worrying about drinking is going to make me less likely to drink. In truth, my rational brain knows that my gratitude about my new life is what will enable me to meet any challenges. I'm trying to get to the point where the worrier voice is loud enough to keep me from becoming complacent but too quiet to diminish the joy.

Free and I have both mentioned Bren? Brown's books and videos - she deals with this type of thinking in a way that I have found very helpful. In fact, it is through what I've learned that I have been at all able to articulate what I've tried to explain here.

I agree with you that it is wonderful to have people to talk to about the changes in our lives that follow from no longer drinking. I've not had one negative consequence from that decision but there are so many formerly neglected things to deal with!

[Pinecone]

Well, That Didn't Take Long

NS, I think I get it. I was worried for a long time that the happy AF life would somehow crumble in my hands. It took me a while to realize that it was real, does that even make sense. The worrying kept me from fully committing though. If I didn't fearlessly try to build an AF life that would be too painful to abandon, then the worry in me might have become a self fulfilling prophecy, or setting myself up for failure unintentionally. I think I had to learn how to temper the worry and turn it into vigilance. This stuff has really been coming forth since I started practicing mindfulness. Thanks for the discussion, friend!

I hope everyone stopping in today has a great AF day!

[allswell]

Well, That Didn't Take Long

I've found in my experience that deep personal change is the only way to be successful long term. Changing our thinking, changing our routines, the way we spend our time and also ( which may be one of the most difficult) the people and places we associate with. It is so hard to get it all right the first time, not saying that it can't be done of course but for me I began only thinking I had to simply quit drinking and soon discovered there was so much more to it. Each time I fell back to the bottle it was for a shorter period of time and I knew quicker each time what I had to do. I've been a work in progress for roughly 4 years and will continue to be so but will never look to alcohol as a solution to anything. My days are full of meaningful activities that do not mix well with alcohol and that's exactly how I like it.

[lifechange]

Well, That Didn't Take Long

I'm reading here each day and you all give me so much to think about. What a wonderful group of people.:l I've been working very long days and haven't had a chance to gather my own thoughts. But I will have time and hopefully the energy to do that tomorrow.
Thank you for being here!!

[mylife]

Well, That Didn't Take Long

Hello All.

I'm sorry I've been MIA. We have had a really horrible month at home - my father in law passed away a couple weeks ago after a heart attack which has been devastating for my husband who lost his mother earlier this year. And in the same week I was given a major decision by my company to either re-locate out of state (our headquarters moved) or work my way gradually out of the company and take a severance package. I have decided on the severance package which will happen next year in March when I finally exit the company.

So, some major life changes for my husband and I. We now have to do something with his parents house - they lived 3 hours south of us - and all their things - and I need to think about what I want to do when I grow up. (LOL)

I wish I could say I've done it all AF - but the truth is I didn't. I buckled a couple of times and regretted it of course. However, I'm on the AF path again - and I'm more determined than ever to just get it out of my life once and for all.

You are all sounding really great. I have to agree with Lifechange there is always so much to think about when I read this thread. Alls, I really have to agree with you that deep personal change is absolutely necessary for this journey. On that note I'm off to the gym.

Wishing you all a wonderful AF day. :l :h

[allswell]

Well, That Didn't Take Long

Good to hear from you Mylife although sorry about the rough patch with family and work. I know completely how you feel about alcohol re-entering the picture when things go from bad to worse. In the several moments of weakness this year I knew what I was going to do was horrible and against everything I worked so hard for but the seemingly never ending and inescapable pressure and stress made me decide to get out of my head if for only a couple of hours. Always regret afterwards - Always.

I know you've mentioned work stress before Mylife, maybe this spring will be an opportunity for you to pursue something that will bring excitement and passion to your life. I'm a CPA and I am waiting for the moment to be where you are, where I can walk away and pursue something much more important to me than what I do now.

[NoSugar]

Well, That Didn't Take Long

Hi, MyLife

You have had many hard things to deal with - I'm glad you feel like you are getting back on track. I've not had too many tough issues to deal with this year - the prospect of challenges like you've described, which we all face at one time or another - is daunting.

I read an interesting quote today about work and how it does or does not add meaning to our lives -
Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive. Howard Thurman (theologian)

I hope that what you do next because you have to make a job change is something that invigorates you and I hope you have the opportunity to choose a new, uplifting vocation, too, Allswell.

If our jobs don't make us "come alive", at least other parts of our lives can. I feel like I was reborn last January and am really alive for the first time in a long time. Now to figure out what to do next...

[mylife]

Well, That Didn't Take Long

Thanks so much Alls and NS for your kind and supportive words.

Alls - I'm also a CPA but haven't worked in public practice - only for corporations in corporate finance. In my experience, it's all been about the company and their philosophy in terms of how happy I am in my work. Lately, that's been a real problem which is one of the reasons I decided enough. I wish you an opportunity to find something that makes you happy as well in your work. I know it's out there - just have to maybe look at things a little differently!

NS - I really love your quote above about doing what makes you come alive. One of my main motivations for being AF for the long term is a clear head to really focus on what's important in life and hopefully be able to support myself somehow doing that!

I also feel like really attaining an AF life could be like being "reborn" as you describe NS. And after my last couple stints to the dark side - I'm really excited to be reborn as a non-drinker forever. :h

[free at last]

Well, That Didn't Take Long

Hi all,
I have been offline for several days and just now have a few moments to catch up. This thread is the first one I come to because of the community of likeminded people.

Mylife, I am sorry to hear of the rough period you are going through. The good point is you are here, with us, continuing on. As for work changes, while uncertainty can be stressful, it is an opportunity to take on new challenges.

Allswell, I appreciate your sharing your experience with AL sneaking back in after significant time AF. A powerful reminder to us all to be vigilient. How's the election coming along--haven't seen an update in a while.

Pinecone, I think practicing mindfulness is extremely powerful. It helps me be more compassionate with myself, and I think with others.

NoSugar, loved the Thurman quote.

Lifechange, great to see you here and enjoy your positive energy.

My apologies if I overlooked anyone. Yes, I am in an airport lounge, jetlagged, but heading home.

[lifechange]

Well, That Didn't Take Long

Hello Wonderful fellow Sober and Mindful people,
I've gone back and read the posts from the past week. And a wonderful thread Nosugar started a couple of months ago about relapsing--I've bumped it up in General, for anyone who hasn't yet read it.
I'm still so new in my quit that it's constantly in the forefront of my mind- this survival-style vigilance. But I know there will be a time when I'm comfortable and maybe slacking a bit, and possibly questioning whether or not I really had a problem, or something so terrible will happen that I can't see a way through the pain without the "help" of alcohol. So reading all the shared stories, the whole hearted honesty of struggles, disappointment, re-realisation of the truth-This helps so much to keep present the realities of what we're dealing with. Does anyone know how to "bookmark" something?

Nosugar, I can completely relate to what you said about wanting to have enough of this in your mind not to become complacent, but not so much that you can't enjoy life. I want that as well and hope that in time and with work it will come. I loved the quote you posted here, "Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive", as well as the list by Rumi in the relapse thread. You give so much here--from yourself and from what you've read. Are you back home?

Mylife, I, too, am sorry to hear of all that you've been through. I hope you and your husband are finding closure and peace. I know it must be so hard to lose your parents--When I hear about others going through the loss, I realise how very much afraid I am of that time in life. As far as work goes, this sounds like a great opportunity for you. I'm nosy and wondering if you have anything in mind that you might like to do? Any ideas of what might be fulfilling work for you? I find myself in the situation of wanting to be in another line of work by the end of next year. A change, it is a comin'!

Alls, You also mentioned wanting to find work that is more meaningful. Did I understand that right? You are such a busy person with the political work and distance running and a CPA. To be honest, I don't really know how you do it. I hope I eventually have more energy than I do now. It has definitely improved, but not enough to do what I want to do!--Has that damned government got it's act together yet? Will it in time for the run? Or is everything still a mess?

Pinecone, Now I'm wondering if you do work that you enjoy and find fulfilling? I don't know if both things are necessary-- maybe that's asking for too much.? But one of 2 should be possible, I guess. About mindfulness-- you said you had a mental check list that you go through each day to make sure you're on track. I know this list would be different for everyone, but I've never done that before, and I wonder if you could give me an example of how that looks. Is it like with affirmations? I am a nosy one today-- out to steal some great ideas from you all-

Free, I hope you find your way back home soon and safely-- by my calculations it should be soon! I enjoy very much following you around here on the threads. You have some very wise words and great insight.

A big fat hug:l to you all. And as always to UN, just in case you stop by-- and to anyone else who happens by this great place. I love being a part of the company here. Thank you all so much for being.here.present.

[mylife]

Well, That Didn't Take Long

Good morning everyone.

Hope you're all enjoying a beautiful Saturday morning.

Life - you sound so positive - it's great to hear! And no, I haven't really decided what to do. There are many possibilities - it's almost too much....but it's good at the same time.

My husband and I are planning a trip to Panama next month to "scout". I'm really looking forward to it. We've talked for years about checking out beautiful and inexpensive communities in central and south america - and we finally picked Panama to start our exploration. Really no other reason than it's close, stable and there seem to be lots of good reviews from American expats. Anyway, I'm ready for the adventure! We may come back thinking the good 'ole USA is just fine- or we may decide we want to spend more time there in the future. Who knows?

Free - thanks for the kind thoughts. I know you have had your struggles in the past and I'm really impressed with how far you've come down the AF path. You're a real inspiration - especially doing it with all your work travel! I'm really impressed.

I'm going to go poke around on the general thread and see if I can find NS's post on relapsing. Thanks for the tip Lifechange!

Hugs to everyone here - either posting or reading! :l:h