The guilt trip ...

[Rahulthesweet]

its been almost 2 weeks of away from here ... and here I am posting this as I stay in las Vegas. I remember when I left I heard my kids saying dad please dont go ... I felt solo bad as I I had planned my this entire trip with more time to be spent alone drinking alone.

This trip was planned like almost 3 months back when I was drinking heavily. Then came these wonderful 44 days of being sober which changed my life gave me a good prospective. I was loving my life ... survived my dayily routive even regular travels without booze.

when leaving for this trip to NYC and quite a few other places including Europe, I felt very guilty. I survived almost 15 hours of air travel without bozze. earlier I used to drink myself to get sleep.


While leaving I was guilt y y did I plan this trip with so many free days for drinking ...
I felt guilty why and how I am leaving my family behind.
..........

and then first day of arrival in NYC with same thoughts I waled into a Mexican restaurent t and ordered a corona and way slipping down to the pit ...

y am I doing this despite being so strongf and having no carvings ?

[Siren136]

The guilt trip ...

Hi Rahul,

Good question! The best answer I can think of (and this may apply only to me) is that somewhere deep down you had already decided that you were going to drink. That's why it's best not to put yourself into situations where you might drink. At least for me.

Just get right back up and keep slugging along. There is no failure if you keep trying.

[satz123]

The guilt trip ...

Siren136;1559843 wrote: Hi Rahul,

Good question! The best answer I can think of (and this may apply only to me) is that somewhere deep down you had already decided that you were going to drink. That's why it's best not to put yourself into situations where you might drink. At least for me.

Just get right back up and keep slugging along. There is no failure if you keep trying.

Agreed Siren !
I did the same when I went on usual holiday in June.
Deep down I know I am going to have a drink - because that is what I've always done.
Like you I postpone it for as long as possible - but because the seed is there - I go ahead and do it
The mind set has to change completely .

Don't beat yourself up - it's a tough one - to travel and change your whole previous MO in one go.
Will get easier next time when you are stronger & have more AF time under your belt and a firm PLAN !

[Wine-no!]

The guilt trip ...

Hello
Definitely sounds like self sabotage to me... For example, if I am on a diet, I always blow it a week before my holiday so that I can say to myself 'well I've blown it now so I may as well enjoy my holiday and forget the diet!'. I'm sure the same could be applied to alcohol.
Brush yourself off and get back on track.. Within a few days, you'll be feeling in control again x

[Sake123]

The guilt trip ...

Rahul - I don't know the answer either...but I am frightened by your story. I have a vacation coming up in November and there is a part of me, way deep down, that says I'm going to drink on my trip. I don't want to...and I want to expose this evil tricky bastard before I leave. Vacation/travel has always been a trigger for me to say "I'm on vacation...I'll quit (xx) when I get home" I've started smoking again on vacation, have blown my diet on vacation and now I need to handle not blowing my AF time on vacation.

I hope that you can brush yourself off and get back on the horse before significant damage is done. Guilt doesn't help anyone. Get rid of it anyway you can. Remember how good it feels to be sober and move forward!! Best of luck to you.

[broken halo]

The guilt trip ...

Rahul, you planned this trip when you were drinking. You planned it around your drinking. I remember you mentioning it in earlier posts. You set yourself up for a fall my friend.

This is only one round you lost, one battle. Sometimes a war takes many battles, but you learn from each one. Keep posting, remember how strong you really can be :l

[TJAF]

The guilt trip ...

Rahul,

You've asked yourself this question repeatedly over the last week and maybe its time you answered. You obvioulsly were happy and proud that you made it 44 days and I have no doubt you'll do it again but if you are looking for someone to affirm your fall you've come to the wrong place. I think you know the answer. Please get back on the horse and make it to Day 1. We started together around the same time and I know you have have it in you to do it again. Get this trip behind you! chaulk it up to lessons learned, (no shame in that) and start over again. I'm pulling for you!

[K9Lover]

The guilt trip ...

Rahul,

I agree with the others, somewhere in the back of your mind this was all planned out. I have never "slipped" and drank....I planned and schemed and lied and made it happen. I never "accidentally" got drunk and I doubt you have either. We know what we're doing, and unfortunately we do things we don't want to do. You've done 44 days and felt great. Focus on that feeling. You CAN control your actions, thoughts are just thoughts...acknowledge them and move on. I'm sending strength your way! :h

K9

[TJAF]

The guilt trip ...

Rahul, let us know how you are doing. Worried about you.

[Icanwithoutacan]

The guilt trip ...

Rahul get back here soon

[dryer]

The guilt trip ...

Wow I can see that happening easy. The drinking mind is devious. I have done this, you can see it and hear it. The little voice making the plan It will be fun. I can hear it now agreeing with me. It has been 17 days for me.

By posting you are helping others. So 44 days or 144 days it does not matter. What matters is; you get up like many before you and many working it now and renew you benefits or you can go back being a slave..

It is life and from now on you are grounded from any trips and you must get permission from the nesters.

[Sake123]

The guilt trip ...

Hi Rahul - Where are you? We want to hear from you and know you're ok. Regardless of what happened or what IS happening. Remove guilt from the equation and find the strength you need to start again. The first step is always the hardest but you already have the knowledge and proof that you can do this...hope we'll hear from you soon!

K9 - What you wrote really hit a chord with me

somewhere in the back of your mind this was all planned out. I have never "slipped" and drank....I planned and schemed and lied and made it happen. I never "accidentally" got drunk and I doubt you have either. We know what we're doing, and unfortunately we do things we don't want to do.

I have "planned" these things out so many times. Trip in November is right around the corner and I must approach this trip differently than the last. Our alcoholic minds try to deceive us so often. Last night I was thinking...(or perhaps not thinking is a better way to put it) "Well, if I did drink on vacation, would that be so bad? What if I picked 5 time a year that I could drink. And then vowed to not drink any other time?" LOL! The rationalization started immediately after. Internal dialog went something like this "Well - 5 isn't really that big of a number. How about 10 times a year? And each event, IE a 2 week vacation only counts as 1? Or maybe just Friday and Saturday nights and that's it! If you could just drink on Friday and Saturday nights every thing would be fine."

Sorry to highjack your post, Rahul. I just find this all so alarming. Why is it so easy for us to just dive off the deep end into a thimble full of water? I can't beat this addiction, I can only stay a step in front of it...keep wise to it's BS ways and pray that I never let my guard down...not for one minute!

[NoSugar]

The guilt trip ...

Sake123;1561345 wrote:
I have "planned" these things out so many times. Trip in November is right around the corner and I must approach this trip differently than the last. Our alcoholic minds try to deceive us so often. Last night I was thinking...(or perhaps not thinking is a better way to put it) "Well, if I did drink on vacation, would that be so bad? What if I picked 5 time a year that I could drink. And then vowed to not drink any other time?" LOL! The rationalization started immediately after. Internal dialog went something like this "Well - 5 isn't really that big of a number. How about 10 times a year? And each event, IE a 2 week vacation only counts as 1? Or maybe just Friday and Saturday nights and that's it! If you could just drink on Friday and Saturday nights every thing would be fine."

Think how much we could have gotten done if we had back all the time we've spent agonizing about all of this! In some ways, not having to think about it anymore is one of the greatest benefits of becoming a non-drinker. For the most part when a thought crosses my mind, the phrase "I don't drink" pops up and BAM - done. No more wasted time.

Rahul, how are you today? You can get back to the good place you were for over a month and this time you can keep it going. You accomplished it when you really engaged here, posting often, asking for help, and cheerfully supporting others. If you're still traveling and can't get online, please promise yourself (and us) that you'll come back and start fresh, stronger in your resolve due to this bad experience, and get this DONE!

Your friend, NS

[Sake123]

The guilt trip ...

NS - I have been doing the same. I just repeat...I DON'T DRINK!!! I scream it in my mind. But hey...it's working for now so I'm sticking with that plan.

[NoSugar]

The guilt trip ...

Sake123;1561356 wrote: NS - I have been doing the same. I just repeat...I DON'T DRINK!!! I scream it in my mind. But hey...it's working for now so I'm sticking with that plan.

It sure simplifies things ! Much better waging the internal war. You are really doing well, Amber. I love seeing your posts. Have a great day, NS