I'm about to lose everything, cannot go on like this

[spincycle]

I'm about to lose everything, cannot go on like this

Thank you Bean. I really do agree with you. I've never left an AA meeting feeling better about myself. I just cannot believe many of the things they believe. I personally do not believe that my addiction is a disease for example, or that I am allergic to alcohol. I believe alcohol in my case is a habit I developed. For a decade, it was never a problem. But for a few years I started using it to medicate myself after a big family issue and started a habit. I don't believe tobacco addiction is a disease, so why is booze? What if I got hooked on nsal spray (yes, you can get addicted to it) are they diseased as well? If you have seen the AA parody on south park, it's hilarious.

Here is what I am. I'm a dumb ass. I knew very well early on what I was doing and let me myself losr control. Through medicine, excercise, and support...I'm going to kick this. I'm not going to wallow in some smokey AA meeting filled with retirees who have nothing to do at noon and 6pm. God, the more I think back about AA they more I dislike it. That being said I have friends who did great there and I applaud AA and them for making it work. But for those of us who can't, I'm happy to be here with you all!







QUOTE=Bean;122724]Hi Spin
I just posted something on another thread about not liking AA meetings and it sounds to me as if you know in your heart they are not for you. I'm not really well qualified to answer your questions having never followed a medical programme to tackle booze but going back to the meetings/support groups....I'm finding it quite wierd to have joined this online thing as I'm really more a social person who likes to meet others face to face. But, I hated sitting in those dingy rooms, listening to endless tales of prison, family breakups, multiple addictions, job loss etc. It felt very depressing and I began to feel I would rather carry on drinking and suffer the guilt and hangovers than not drink but have to give most of my week over to tales of doom! I also often felt that many of the people who attended AA were still hanging onto sobriety by the skin of their teeth, even after a long time of going because as others have posted to you, if the void we try to fill with alcohol isn't explored and filled with something more positive, it just sits there, beckoning the booze back again.
I'm really new to this forum but already I think it's something I can see myself sticking with. And the best part is you can log on for a quick 5 mins or 5 hours - whatever you need at the time.
Good luck. I hope you find the right solutions to get back on track with your family.
Bean x[/QUOTE]

[Java]

I'm about to lose everything, cannot go on like this

Welcome!

[Bean]

I'm about to lose everything, cannot go on like this

Yeah I dont want to slag AA off too much as it clearly works for many people. But totally agree with you about never feeling better coming away from a meeting. Actually had one of the worst panic attacks of my life straight after the first meeting! I found myself skulking about on the way there, hoping I wouldn't bump into anyone i knew which amused me because it seemed to be just a continuation of the sneaky behaviour that has characterised my drinking habit. I'm with you on the habit vs disease thing too but I think that's where I often trip up. As in, i know I can go for some time without alcohol and I don't always wipe myself out every time I drink and I don;t have health problems (yet) due to letting the habit get out of control but it's very easily done and I still haven't reached a point of stopping before all rules go out the window and I don't care what i decided about moderation. And in true drinking fashion, I've just realised I only wanted to log on for half an hour and now it's been three! Ahhh, the joys of habitual behaviour.
Look forward to seeing you around more on the threads and supporting each other in this goal.
Bean

[giles123]

I'm about to lose everything, cannot go on like this

Mate,

I've read your brief story and it reminds me of my own situation.. same personal situation and same family situation and I was also on the verge of losing everything for a few months there.

That's why I'm saying give Campral a go - you agree that you can't ever have one drop of alcohol and I believe Campral is well suited to your personal situation.

Sometimes starting a new "program" or spending so much time dwelling on the issues can perhaps add to the problem itself? For me, the medication has taken away the cravings and all I have to do is remember to take the pills which is a habit now... and not have to worry about anything else. I have the knowledge and education of my addiction and having the pills removes all the worry for me.. I cannot preach the importance of a medication like Campral in situations that you and myself are/were in.

Let me know if you have any questions about it.

Cheers,
David

[spincycle]

I'm about to lose everything, cannot go on like this

David,

Actually thanks to your advice I begain Campral yesterday and am pleased to say I had no cravings yesterday and no side effects. I often am sensitive to meds causing naseau, nothing thus far and I am willing to give it up to 5 weeks and see if I feel it is working for me. Thanks again for your info and support David.

giles123;122912 wrote: Mate,

I've read your brief story and it reminds me of my own situation.. same personal situation and same family situation and I was also on the verge of losing everything for a few months there.

That's why I'm saying give Campral a go - you agree that you can't ever have one drop of alcohol and I believe Campral is well suited to your personal situation.

Sometimes starting a new "program" or spending so much time dwelling on the issues can perhaps add to the problem itself? For me, the medication has taken away the cravings and all I have to do is remember to take the pills which is a habit now... and not have to worry about anything else. I have the knowledge and education of my addiction and having the pills removes all the worry for me.. I cannot preach the importance of a medication like Campral in situations that you and myself are/were in.

Let me know if you have any questions about it.

Cheers,
David

[spincycle]

I'm about to lose everything, cannot go on like this

I've just ordered this book. The 1996 version, not the 1988 one from half.com
I sure appreciate the recommendation!

Allie;122474 wrote: Hi Spin,
Your story sounds like so many here. At least you have been and are currently looking for solutions, so that's great! This program has helped so many. Have you actually started this program or have you just found the site? I would recommend following the program to a "T" since you want to abstain. Order the "kudzu" from this website, because no other brands found in stores work I have found. The one here works fantastic to reduce craving to drink. Apparently if you join the paying part of the website (which I think is 9.95 per month), you will get a bottle of kudzu for joining (24.99 value ... I know cuz I just bought a bottle!). You also get the book as well that explains the program and you can download it right on your computer and read and print immediately. So those are some suggestions to get you going, and posting and getting feedback here is tremendous encouragement. You can ask questions as you begin the program. Many have been able to abstain by using this program for the first time in their lives.

I am also reading a fantastic book that is helping me to understand how we get trapped "mentally" into this addiction, and the war that goes on between our self and the "addict" that also resides within us. I am finding this book very helpful in battling the mental war to beat this. Its a pretty quick read. It's called "The Addictive Personality" by Craig Nakken.

I also started meeting with a professional counselor three weeks ago, and am finding although I'm being forced to face uncomfortable issues, it is really helping me to "wake up" to many things. Most of us drink to fill voids in our lives. We are numbing pain rather than facing life the way we should, and I think for me getting to those root issues that led me to drinking in the first place is helping. I have a long way to go, but the journey is worth it! My counselor recommended the book I am reading, and said she has found it to greatly help many battling unhealthy attachments to any substance or behavior.

Best of luck to you...
keep sharing.
Allie