Craving the Companionship of the Bottle

[evergreen]

Craving the Companionship of the Bottle

Hi all,
Great thread. I agree, for me it is hard to imagine life without wine or another beverage. How do we celebrate life's joys or drown its sorrows. Without it in the evening the time looms large and dull and boring. For me, when I hide it I feel that I am breaking my "goody two shoes" mold. I am being daring, interesting. How truly sad. I have never said that (or written it) out loud. For a long time as I have tried to get a handle on this I have made a point of noting at certain times (when I have managed) that I am glad not to be drinking. It could be when I have had a really good conversation with my daughter or even a disagreement. When I have attended an evening event and did not need to worry about gum or mints (as if they really work). When I have been awakened by a sick child!
Taking baby steps on this path!

[gitawine]

Craving the Companionship of the Bottle

I logged in this morning and just read everyone's posts, thanks so much for making me feel like I'm not the only one! There was a lot of good, interesting, thought provoking stuff in there.
I am NOT the drunk everybody likes, I am fine up to a certain point, but if I cross the line I get nasty. But I have always made excuses to myself, I was drunk, thats not the real me. Finally it occurred to me, being drunk is not an excuse for being a crappy to the people we love the most! But we've all done it....

Also, the Addictive Personality suggests that people who come from shaming families perversely like to have this shameful secret bad personality that comes out with drinking. It reinforces negative self-esteem. You know, if people knew what you were really like, they wouldn't like you or be there for you or care for you.

Nancy, this post was really interesting to me...I think I am going to try and read that book soon. I've written in previous posts that I need to get sober or learn to moderate because of escalated fights w/ my BF of three years. A friend posed a similar sort of thought to me, saying that I create conflict w/ my BF subconsciously, because I am used to being treated badly in the past. He is wonderful, and a very non-conflict person, so I create chaos to reinforce that I deserve to be treated in that way. Heavy stuff, but it really struck a nerve.
I envy all you happy go lucky drunks so much!! I never know who I am going to turn into when I have too much to drink!
Thanks again for everyone's replies.

[nancy]

Craving the Companionship of the Bottle

something else...

I remembered something else from the book, that alcohol gives you the illusion of connection. That is what I have gotten from it and I think anyone who has been very lonely and turned to alcohol knows what I mean. But alcohol isn't a real person and it ain't a real connection!

The reality is that it destroys connections, making us act against our own ethics and treat people badly.

But if you feel bad about yourself deep down, then the negative attitudes people have about us when we are out of line drunk fit with what we know about ourselves-- that there is something unloveable in there.

I have seen a lot of posts by people who feel badly about things they have done when they were drunk, in particular treating people we love badly.

The kind of response I always give, because I always try to tell it to myself, is that acting like a horrible person when drunk doesn't mean you are a bad person inherently, though we sure feel that way.

Allan Carr, in EasyBook to control drinking, talks about the value of inhibitions. Inhibitions get turned off when drinking. they help us control the things that might hurt people.

Looking back, there are untrue things i said while under the influence, but the worst were the true things, said without diplomacy or sensitivity.

So we should see ourselves as having a range of traits, good and bad, some that could hurt people and which we strive in our sober lives to keep down or to work on. all that goes out the window with too much booze. Unfortunately, a lot of us seem to be "all or nothing" types and this sometimes extends to self-perception. I really think buddhist philosophy helps with this. Check the threads in holistic section. there are some nice posts by a MWO person named Satori there and others who are experienced in Buddhism.

[hart]

Craving the Companionship of the Bottle

(((Gita)))

Very interesting post, thank you:thanks: I and my husband struggled at first changing our life style. I will admit it's been a hell of a lot easy quitting together. Yes, drinking did make me easier to fit in a group....especially if it were a group of drinkers or drunks And yes, I find I am shyer in a large group (although my friends would fall off their chairs if they read that, so shhhh). But to me, it's worth it. I am not sick most every morning, I don't have blackouts, my hands don't shake, I don't turn down invites because it will delay my drinking.

The hardest part for me....and Joe, is changing our lifestyle. We don't drink until we pass out at 7:30 or 8 pm. So we have to fill that time. When we are upset.....we don't dull it w/alcohol. Either way the problem still existed. Now it doesn't get put on the back shelf because we are too drunk to think about it.

I miss the buzz.....I won't lie....but I don't miss the rest. It's AF day 15 for me. I don't know with my all or nothing attitude if I can moderate in the future. But I agree with whomever said 30 days to change a habit.

Gita, all I can offer u, that I believe in, is focus on what u can and will gain from no or less alcohol.....not what u think u are missing out on. Most of that is an illusion, and the few parts that aren't......they are puffed up in our minds.

:huggy

[LegalEagle]

Craving the Companionship of the Bottle

Gitawine:

Your post speaks to me like few things I have ever read. Ever since high school, my whole image of myself has been shaped by drinking and partying. Most of the world is populated with boring goody two-shoes. I rather like being the odd drunk in the crowd. Sometimes I even think about how "old school" I am, a real throw-back. Imagine if I lived in the
1940s, I tell myself. Everyone was a drunk back then! I simply have an old soul. Then I hear a rocking Tesla song, or something psychedelic from the 60s, and how in the world can you call yourself a rocker and not drink!

I think of my grandfather (a likely alcoholic), sitting around with his German neighbor (read, hiding in his neighbor's basement), eating raw sauerkraut out of an oaken barrel, drinking Ballantine Ale, and listening to the Yankees game on an old tube radio. Now that's living! Or going to the lake and playing poker, or a weekend fishing in the Adirondacks. I have this twisted view of drinking in which it is a vital part of certain activities. I go AF five days a week with no problems whatsoever, but every day I am looking forward to the weekend. And how I LOVE those weekends. My AF weekends have been excruciatingly boring, and I usually find myself driving into work to open mail or otherwise fill the time. With a fridge full of beer, the weekends are divine.

Then Monday comes, or I do something stupid, and it all comes into question again.

What a great post.

[nancy]

Craving the Companionship of the Bottle

a challenge to legal eagle

sure rockers have been boozers. but haven't a lot of them dried out as they got older. many died young and others had to go to rehab.

[hart]

Craving the Companionship of the Bottle

And to add to Nancy's post.....the ones that do live to old age.....they look like shit. Look at Ozzie.....yes, probably drugs more than booze, but still, yuk.

[LegalEagle]

Craving the Companionship of the Bottle

Check out Keith Richard's act!

[evergreen]

Craving the Companionship of the Bottle

Have you seen the Rolling Stones lately. They actually don't look too bad now that they have dried out and are really working out. Think of what they put their bodies through!

[hart]

Craving the Companionship of the Bottle

Another one that looks horrible. But then neither looked all that great to start with...LOL

[hablur]

Craving the Companionship of the Bottle

I can certainly relate to your post. Please feel free to jump into any thread I am in and chat away. Thats what this place is all about.

I can honestly say I am really peeved that someone had the audacity to say something like that to you. That makes me very angry. This place is for helping others and ourselves. Even if we stray from the topic (which I have done many times) there is no way I am going to accept a person telling me how to post. Thats just plane rude on thier part. Soooooo... type away and let us see you shine

[Accountable for Me]

Craving the Companionship of the Bottle

Did you know that Keith Richards actually has his blood cleaned once a year?!?! It costs him 148,000 each time for some charcoal treatment.

He and Ozzie are both so on and off substances. They are pretty messed up.

[lushy]

Craving the Companionship of the Bottle

My daughter made a shrunken apple head doll in Kindergarten that looks just like Keith Richards.

[Accountable for Me]

Craving the Companionship of the Bottle

anyway sorry for getting off the original topic and joining in on the rocker bandwagon.

[Accountable for Me]

Craving the Companionship of the Bottle

LOL Lushy!! too funny!