I need help

[Kitstar]

Hello,
My life is in a mess, as is my health. On the surface I have a perfect life, but I am so depressed and have regular panic attacks. I keep it all silent as I am a very private person. I don't want to socialise and will do anything to avoid it. I can't talk to anyone. I feel completely isolated and sad. Everybody says how ill I look and thin. I want everyone to leave me alone. I am drinking way too much, but secretly. I don't feel healthy. I am worried that I have done to much damage to my body to ever recover...so part of me thinks...sod it just carry on drinking. I drink for confidence and to feel ok. Can somebody please help or advise me on what to do? I am not interested in attending any meetings or doctors or rehab.

[Orimus]

Re: I need help

[MENTION=24040]Kitstar[/MENTION],

What is the life that you really want? What is it that you really want to do? If you don't know I would start there as I can say for myself I've found it helpful to identify something to move towards. Throw yourself into the voyage of discovering the answer to those questions.

Hang around here, check out the boards, ask for what you need and give some thought to what the people have walked this road before you have to say. The links in my signature are, in my opinion, particularly good places to start. :welcome:

[Guitarista]

Re: I need help

Hi Kitstar. Welcome.

Along with the links suggested by Orimus above, here below is a link to another thread where you can post questions and frustrations. They are people based in UK and Ireland in your timezone. Good to see you.

https://www.mywayout.org/community/general-discussion/95107-join-army-alcohol-september-2017-a.html

[available]

Re: I need help

Hi Kit and welcome to MWO. Like you, i was petrified that i was killing myself with drinking but basically not caring if i did or didnt but there was a small piece of me that wanted to stop the madness and live a better life. I did not do AA or go to the drs, i came on here religiously and posted each and every day, i reached out and made friendships to support me in this journey. I was a 2 bottle of wine drinker a day, more on weekends. I functioned, i worked but i drank and was killing myself with al, slowly but surely.

At the beginning i focused on stopping for my children so i could be there for them, i never thought when i stopped drinking that it was forever, i just took it minute by minute, hour by hour and day by day. My son told me i looked like a worn our crack whore as i was so thin. Food to me was tasteless, wine was not.

Today, nearly 4 years later my life is wonderful, i am happy, healthy and doing so much more than i ever did when i drank. there are never enough hours in the day. at the beginning 24 hours seemed like 3 years but as the al leaves our system and we stop depending in it then we start to heal, i dont have to lie or hide anymore, i dont worry about my health since i am not pouring wine down my throat, i still dont like people (ha ha) but thats my age, well i put it down to that and i am a healthy weight.

Everyone on this site is at different stages of sobriety and is here to help, no one will ever judge you, we are all alcoholics.

Read and post and try for 30 days of sobriety, 30 days is not so overwhelming to our al brains and you will feel so much better for it.

take care

[Kitstar]

Re: I need help

Thank you so much for your reply, I really appreciate it. Fantastic advice and a good, honest read. I can identify with so much of what you say.

[Kitstar]

Re: I need help

Thank you so much. I will look into it

[Kitstar]

Re: I need help

Thank you so much for your help and advice, it is so appreciated

[available]

Re: I need help

Have you picked a quit date Kit or have you already stopped?

We are all hear to listen and it does help to know you are not alone or judged.

[ThirdTimesACharm]

Re: I need help

Hi Kitstar,

In addition to available's wonderful post, I want to add something that I feel has been instrumental in my recovery. At just a few days away from a year of sobriety, I'm still very much in the early phases, but I have learned so much over the last year that I want to share what I feel is the key to my success.

My mantra over the past year has been "Don't let perfection be the enemy of the good". Many alcoholics are cursed with perfectionism, and that can be a big roadblock on the road to recovery. We try to fix everything in our lives at once, we inevitably fail, we hit the bottle again and the cycle of self-abuse, shame and guilt continues.

So what I did was make a list of all the things I wanted to change in my life in order for me to be happy. I made a list and I ordered it by the impact on my life, so at the top of the list is the things that have the most impact. The list is not set in stone, in fact it changes and reorganizes regularly. Right at the top of my list was "quit drinking alcohol" - of all the things I wanted to change, I identified this as the most impactful. The only rule is, you only attack one thing at once until you feel you've accomplished or mastered it and then you move on down the list.

So I worked on just that one item at the expense of everything else. I ate more ice-cream in the first 30 days than I've eaten in my whole life LOL. But I kicked the AL to the point where it became a habit - where I didn't have to think about it anymore. So after around 30 days, I moved onto the next item on the list - which was to lose weight and get in shape. Since then, I've completely changed my diet, lost over 60lbs, I work out regularly 6 days a week, gotten in really good shape, run two marathons and a triathlon and I'm training for more races this Fall and next Spring.

I'm on item 6 on my list now, which is work on the academic prerequisites in order to go to Law school for admission next Fall.

Now, had I not made the list and been careful to only work on one thing at a time, I would have looked at my pathetic life, thrown my hands in the air and had another bottle of vodka to drown my sorrows. Instead, I've made steady, incremental progress towards having the life that I want. I have a long way to go, but when I look at my life a year ago compared to now, it is hard to believe I'm the same person... in many ways I'm not at all.

The great thing about this approach is, the items on your list that you master very quickly become habits and you no longer have to think about them any longer. I really don't think about drinking AL anymore. I don't think about eating healthy or working out. I don't think about going to bed early or getting up early or reading a book a week. All those things have become enjoyable parts of my life. They have become MY NEW LIFE.

All the best, and be good to yourself. Keep us posted.

ThirdTimesACharm

[Guitarista]

Re: I need help

How are you doing Kit?

Crikey, that's one for the toolbox 3T! Mighty job.

[Pavati]

Re: I need help

Hi, Kitstar--

You still lingering around here? How's it going?

Pav