need some advice all

[seahorse]

hi all i have not been in here for a while as i was doing so well ive not been drunk for a while now i mean not like i use to be but really need some advice all u mothers and fathers out there help me out ....... ive got 2 step kids one boy 17 one girl 13 he hates me thinks his girl should be around here every sat (she lives 40 miles away) i dont like her as first impressions count with me and at 14 she was in bed in our house with my step son, ive been married to my hubby for 9 months took on these kids cos i love them oh an by the way ive been with them for nearly 4 yrs ,last night he said well in an argument that i dont contribute to this house in anyway even though ive changed it work hard spend my money on it etc it pisses me off in a major way now his 13 yr old starts tonight arguing with her dad for approx 1 hour even though some girls parents who she plays around with have been at our door tonight for the 2nd time in 2 months for her causing trouble outside their house ,she got no probs with me as she knows better but its the way they treat their dad thats concerning me hes lets them get a way with the way they speak to him i just wanna punch walls cos my hubby is so soft with them (yes their mother deserted them nearly 5 yrs ago ) but even though they are getting older why do they treat him like this and the lad who i use to be close to has begun to hate me oh and by the way ive also got a 20yr old son who lives with us also and hes off to uni in aug ,hes never give us no probs then i wouldnt of put up with it if he had and he can not wait to go cos of his step bro and sis ...................plus ive got a drink prob and can u blame me what ive written is 99.9 % more worse than what you are all reading belive u me , im trying to cut down and all the time but when im up against two unruley kids who are totally ungratefull towards their dad who am i to butt in when they take no notice of what i say anyway im soooooooooo fed up with telling my hubby not to stand for it but does he take any notice NOOOOOOOO he just says im dealing with it hmmmmmm what a joke

need some advice as its making me hit the bottle more
thanks for listening everyone

[uda]

need some advice all

Hi Seahorse,

That sounds really tough, having to battle with two teenage step-children as well as a problem with drink! Even at the best of times, adolescence is a difficult time for kids and parents. I've got three kids, two over 18 now (phew) and one coming up to 13. The older two changed dramatically when they hit 13/14 and became stroppy, uncooperative, taciturn and prone to temper tantrums. And yes, on occasion they have told me they hate me. And, to be honest, there were times when I hated them (loved them too, at the same time!).

I kept telling myself that this behaviour is nature's way of making sure that I won't be heartbroken when they leave home and that they probably feel much more unhappy than I do, which helped a bit. There are quite a few websites with common-sense advice too: google 'how survive teenagers'. One thing I did find very important was to agree with my husband on a few rules of what was and wasn't acceptable - we started of having very different ideas, which caused a lot of conflict both with the teenager and between us. It wasn't easy to compromise on that, as I had to let go of some 'values' whilst accepting others I didn't 100% agree with but it made a huge difference being able to present a 'united front'. And they do grow out of it - seems like it takes forever, but they do.

You're doing so well, dealing with your own problem with alcohol at the same time. I'm full of admiration.

Take care
uli

[Guest]

need some advice all

Seahorse, I was thinking of you not to long ago, glad to hear from you. Just wish under better circumstances. I agree with Uda, it is a teen age thing.My daughter just turned 29 and I swear to God is so rude to me, it can reduce me to tears in seconds. I am seeing this happen with my neighbor's daughter who at 14 is becoming very mouthy and rude to her parents. Now to my point, why are you steping in for your husband?. darling, he is a big boy and should be able to manage his children, You two should talk and have rules, but if his children are rude to him he should handle it not you. I know you love him and want to protect him, but he is the Father and he needs to command the respect, you can't earn it for him. I know you love the kids, just keep loving the kids but let Dad handle the situations that arise.A 14 year old girl in bed with a 17 year old boy can you the parents as well as the boy in trouble where I live. Congrats on the one going to college, you did well there and must be extremly proud. Focus on the good and and all the best with the drinking. Kids are hard and are drinking triggers, please try to stay strong.
Smiles & Hugs
Mar

[diamond]

need some advice all

I don't really have any advice on teenage kids or step-kids but just wanted to say HI and don't give up.
Diamond x