Is anyone involved with another drinker?

[zoey]

Is anyone involved with another drinker?

What if you are with someone who drinks like you, then when decides to cut back or stop berates you for drinking until he goes back to his ways.......I have now cut way back,exercise more(3-4miles walking a day) and do not not make any comments about his drinking....I am convicted to making myself healthy and cannot force that on anyone,even if it might save is life.....................

[Guest]

Is anyone involved with another drinker?

Hi zoey.
I think there are a couple of major issues that we are considering in this thread.

1) If the foundations of a relationship lie in being more of a drinking buddy to each other than a partner, the relationship is unlikely to survive if one of the couple quits drinking since the bond has been severed. If a couple are good together over and above when they are drinking together, chances are that that relationship would survive one of them quitting.

2) I very much believe in the saying: "You can lead a horse to water, but you can`t make it drink.", therefore our partners can`t force us to drink alongside them, but we have to ask ourselves if we have the strength of will to refuse the booze when they are continuing to drink in front of us. You seem to have that strength, whereas I didn`t, partly because as time went on I realised all we had in common was the booze, and continuing to drink with my ex. meant I could `pull the wool over my eyes` and avoid facing the reality that the only true love he and I shared was the love of the drink.

I certainly don`t think the relationship I had was typical. However, I don`t think I`m alone in having had such a sad relationship.

I wish you well,

Starlight Impress

[imatree]

Is anyone involved with another drinker?

Audrey, I've been thinking about you... as you're the one who started this thread that got my brain gears in motion... How are you doing??

Zoey, it sounds like you are doing great. Unfortunately it is true, we can't force it on anyone, but can hope that the example might inspire.

[rachel28]

Is anyone involved with another drinker?

oh ima tree , i just saw , it sounds like 4 a while u have known, i was in the same position 2 or 3 weeks ago, i had cried an begged bf to help me stop, he was still filling the fridge, we had been rowing a lot drunk, he has a 14 yr old i also have a 10 yr old boy, also i think sometimes he feels the odd 1 out sometimes, being younger, never knowing his dad, my bf is good with him, but i think my lad sometimes feels put out, its always been me an him against the world, he has witnessed tooooo much domestic violence in past relationships, an seen me in some awful states, NOW we have got a stable home, well if i could control mine an my partners drinking it would b perfect, i know i have a ridiculous problem, but as for my partner i cant work out, i know he will never stop, but he can tae it or leave it, he s basically said as much, he has said that he s gonna support me while i am doin the detox nxt week, its after that that im scared, i think im gonna have to stop FOREVER, he seems to think i will take some magic pills feel ruff 4 a while then w a hey, were bk to normal, since i walked out 4 the weekend, r relationshipp has been so much better, he has really tried, BUT, the next few weeks an months r gonna b the decider, he is coming to the dr 4 the results of my blood test, an is gonna b involved, i want him to hear what im saying to the dr, he will have to realise, i think he realises that i wil do it by myself if he wont help me, it is about time i put my son 1 st again, if he is gonna keep feeding my addiction cos he is to concerned about his drinking, then im off, god knows where but ill b off, i hope that your partner leaves u peacefully, an without a big who har, i know thats not nice, keep strong lady, u can do it on your own, as imsure previously u have, us women r tough old birds especially when it comes to protecting r babies, so u go girl, its all a matter of what we choose, if we r on r own then god the choice is all ours no one else to blame, thats the way im looking at it, he is bein tested in the next few weekks, if he dontt stick to his word i know what i got to do, xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Sweet Cheeks]

Is anyone involved with another drinker?

Not sure if it's any consolation, but it was my husband that kept banging on about my drinking long enough for me to realise that I stood a good chance of ruining everything, including my children's lives.

I've got a really close friend diagnosed with cancer and all her husband D** does is go to the pub and get bladdered, rather than be there for her and their 8 year old son. He's been doing this for several years now (not just since the diagnosis) so he can't even blame that. Every day he just says he's had a bad day and that's his excuse to get wrecked.

I know it's tough, but he too has shown me that drink really isn't the way to go. My friend loves her husband to bits but realises that she needs to walk now for her and her boy's sake.

At least you have your child as a priority to get you through it and who wants a gibbering embarrasing wreck as a mum. I certainly don't want that for my boys and for me the penny has finally dropped seeing D** turn up staggering around asking for our acceptance of his drinking problem and blaming her for it.

I know I have a totally different experience as I have got a good man, who only drinks occasionally, but my friend's experience has really hit it home to me. Walk away if you can. You all sound so strong - good luck with the detox Rachel
SCxx

[imatree]

Is anyone involved with another drinker?

We really must do what we can to be whole, good parents for our children. It's good that you have gotten the message sweetcheeks.

I am stronger now that I have made the decision to end the relationship. I am surprising myself, but it make sense. I have decided to focus on healing and mothering, rather than sentiment. I don't want to seem cold, but that is what I must do now. I told him it's not about a lack of love or compassion or appreciation - its about the drinking. I don't expect him to get it, not now anyway. But I have to do this, to save my life and for my daughter. Looks like it is going to take him a month to get into his own place. That's okay. Meanwhile he is moving into the spare room and I've asked him to keep all his booze in there. It's going to be a rough few weeks but I'm focusing on the new life to come.

Thanks for all your support, and best wishes to all of you as well.

[julie001]

Is anyone involved with another drinker?

Imatree,

It's wonderful that you are making this decision (for you and your daughter). In the month while he's still there, you should try to get out of the house with your daughter as often as you can. Plan trips to the zoo, the library, the museum or shopping. Focus on spending positive time with her. Enjoy your mommy/daughter time. You will feel so good about that, and those good feelings will hopefully help you stay strong about your decision. I wish you the very best of luck. Keep us updated. I sincerely hope that your life will become what you and daughter deserve!!!!

Julie