Campral and Me! (bit of story too)

[Tulipe]

Campral and Me! (bit of story too)

Day 6 now. Yesterday took 2 Campies in am, one in afternoon, one in evening. Went to a dinner where everyone drank a hearty amount of everything. I asked for bottles of sparkling water and a pitcher of lemon juice. No one notices. My mom did ask my why I am drinking all this lemon juice, though ha ha. Took 1.5 mg benzo at night around 11 as my heart was still racing. Our son got sick at night and I was up with him from 2:30 to around 4 and I feel tired but not a wreck as I would have if I had had AL.
More stuff with DH. He says he has tons of anger that he has to work through. He said he was sorry for being too hard on me. He says he loves me. Then a few hours later he starts in again. I guess he's feeling confused. Question is, where does he cross the line between working through anger and being abusive? If he lashes out at me and I withdraw, he says I'm being a cold bitch. Then he takes my coldness as a hunting license to lay into me even more and say my bitchiness is the justification for his anger. Where is the line? I can't fight it now, I have to beat AL first. He said, name one loving thing you have done for me this week? I thought, WTF, you are so clueless about what I am going through, but to try to explain seems humiliating. Haven't we all seen the movies, read the books, seen the articles, or is it like pregnancy, where one only notices other preggies if one is or wants to be preggers?
Feeling like a lab technician,
Tulipe

[Evie.Lou]

Campral and Me! (bit of story too)

Tulipe, Well done on 6 days AF. The longer I went without alcohol the clearer I could see my life and how I wanted to live it. In early recovery I'm not sure it's the best time to make long term relationship plans. You are changing so much and how you feel about yourself will be reflected in how others treat you. Take this time to go inside and do some real soul searching of your own. You are completely powerless to change anyone but yourself !!! The problems that you are having in your relationship will be redefined as YOU are redined......make sense ??? I wish you well and am so glad that you are having help from the campral. That is only step one in the road back to a happy healthy sober life.........keep your eyes straight ahead on the prize. A HAPPY SOBER FUTURE !!!

[cacky]

Campral and Me! (bit of story too)

Tulipe, it sounds like you are doing great girl. You know its hard to know what goes through other peoples minds...so dont beat yourself up.

I was on campral a couple of years ago but was unsuccessful because i couldnt take it the required 2 pills 3 x a day. i noticed you arent doing that either. i believe you have to take 2 pills 3 x a day for it to work. i could be wrong and maybe that misperception is what took me off campral and convinced me it wasnt working. of course at the time, i wasnt aware of the positive effects it can have.

Good luck

[Tulipe]

Campral and Me! (bit of story too)

Cacky you may be right - I may need to up it a little. Today I took two around 11:30, and we have another dinner tonight so I am definitely taking 2.
Felt so tired today I took a nap - highly unusual.
My hips and back are sore.
Suddenly my back and shoulders are very ITCHY. Going to start on morning primrose pills now.
Evie - good advice to sort things out for myself first. I like that idea.
Hope the rest of the Camp is ok,
Tulipe

[Tulipe]

Campral and Me! (bit of story too)

Starting Day 8

Continuing the chronicle, not to bore just to document the meds... and state of mind, I guess...
Finished out day 6 with a meal at a nice resto with a group of 7. 3 men, 4 women, 2 abstainers, 2 very moderate drinkers. Do the math - of the three left, it was all the men, and they all had quite a bit of wine plus an after-dinner drink. I wished I could have tasted the wine, but I didn't want to drink it, if you know what I mean. DH was kinda trashed, but as always not out of control, just sort of smiling a lot by the end of the evening. He took some videos at the end of the evening, and I am so happy that obviously I have nothing to be embarrassed about. I did feel kinda boring compared to their wild telling of embarrassing stories about themselves. Of course, when asked to to my own stories I could not share ones like locking myself out of the house, forgetting important things, or falling on my elbow.
That night I took 1.5 mg benzo. I think I like that little benzo.
Day 7 - Sunday - took 2 campies around 11:30, and another 2 around 6:00. Took 1.5 mg benzo at night. Gave a piano recital and played well. The concert was at 7:30, and actually was one of my motives for going AF - I was dreading thinking about how I could sneak enough AL beforehand to get sober enough before 7:30 so I could play well without starting WD but without smelling or looking like I'd been drinking. Afterward there was a reception, and I was really wanting a glass of wine, but I had only water. I have a MD appt today so I really wanted to honestly say I'd had no AL.
Gotta get kids up now,
Cheers,
Tulipe

[veritas]

Campral and Me! (bit of story too)

Well done Tulipe.... keep it up, this is so great and good.

[tiptronic_ct]

Campral and Me! (bit of story too)

Tulipe, well done on your progress, especially given the circumstances at home.

We're all rooting for you and sending positive thoughts!

[brightlite]

Campral and Me! (bit of story too)

Wow very inspiring. Do you think the Campral is working? It still sounds like you have cravings.

[cacky]

Campral and Me! (bit of story too)

My understanding about campral is that you have to take it 2 pills 3 x a day but the other good thing about it is that it actually helps to repair the brain. so you get a dual benefit.

[Tulipe]

Campral and Me! (bit of story too)

Thanks Bright and Cacky,
Bright - I do think the Campral is working. I don't have physical cravings - they are psychological ones by thinking of AL as a reward for hard work. I'm just working on re-programming that. Physically I feel calmer than I have ever felt. I'm sure my mom thinks I'm on anti-depresssants but I'm glad she didn't ask.
Cacky - my MD recommends not going below 4/day, but I can always up it to six if I think I'm getting in a tough spot. Glad you are feeling hopeful today.
Took a 3rd Campie a little while ago and feel a little dizzzzzzzzeeeeeee. Maybe some mint tea is just the ticket.

Have a great day y'all!
- Tulipe

[Tulipe]

Campral and Me! (bit of story too)

Ug I feel Bloated! but not puffy...

Day 9 here,
Zen, he did not talk about the healing properties and we are doing this in another language so subtleties are difficult but I will ask him next time. What do you know about it?
He said not to go below 4/day, and hang out at the 1.5 mg benz just for comfort.
I feel bloated! I think my digestive process is changing. Need to get some exercise to get going, and it's about time. Before quitting AL I worked out very hard but for the last week I have taken it easy - not feeling like adding more pain, I guess, but today I feel like a long sunny brisk walk.

Bloated is different from puffy - my face is leaner, my ankles are leaner, my tummy is flatter in a different place. Appetite is normal to light - I think the campies help with food cravings too - but haven't weighed myself so no idea if there has been weight loss.

Yesterday evening was a little hard - after kids got home I usually have a glass of wine or two and yesterday was my first day alone after school with the kids. I got out of the kitchen, went up to the 3rd floor, and we played Clue. I had mint tea. It was like, I feel like having my usual but I just won't.
Have a great day y'all!
Bye for now,
Tulipe

[cacky]

Campral and Me! (bit of story too)

Tulipe and Zen, I was just trying to find the info of the healing properities of campral. I think i did read that it helps heal the brain but i dont know how. Thats great to know Tulipe that you need to only take 4 a day and not what i thought which is the 6.

Anyway you are doing great. Keep it up

[Tulipe]

Campral and Me! (bit of story too)

Cacky, if your md says 6 then you should stick with six. Still cheaper than buying wine! Maybe I should be on 6 too but I have this ATTITUDE, you know?
Sunny day,
Tulipe

[Siwan]

Campral and Me! (bit of story too)

withdrawn

[Tulipe]

Campral and Me! (bit of story too)

Hi there my friends,
Just logging an HONEST account of this past week. I'm a little scared to be honest, but I want to help myself and if sharing is helpful for others too then it is worth the risk.
Everything was going great until Tuesday, day 9. On Monday I only took 4 campies and had an easy AF day. On Tuesday, I took 2 in the morning and skipped the afternoon. By mid afternoon, those beers in the fridge were looking mighty refreshing. I opened one, and next thing you know I had finished off 4 of 'em. I opened a 5th, but thankfully poured it down the drain. At least there was some sense somewhere in there.
I felt so wasted, much more than I had felt even after a bottle of wine before going AF. There must have been some interaction with the Campral, because I was a blithering mess. I called DH and told him, and he said well tomorrow you can start over. I can't say enough how much I appreciated it. By the evening I was sober again but shaky, mentally, and went to be with a heavy heart.
On Wednesday I was back to 6 campies. AF day. Woke up with my first hangover in years. I really felt like dodo. Headache, nausea, woozy, thirsty. It really felt like there were poisons in my body. Took me half a day and a big bag of potato chips to feel better. Finished the day easily AF.
Thursday - 6 campies. DH called at dinnertime to say he was going to be working late. Can you say, TRI-GA! There was an old bottle of white wine in the fridge, but fortunately for me there was only a little more than a glass there so I estimate intake at 1.5 drinks. I DEFINITELYL did NOT want to be drunk when DH came home, so I capped it at that and metabolized the AL with dinner and lots of lemon water. I MUST have better weapons against that trigger.
Friday - 5 campies, AF. Went out to dinner with family. DH had 2 beers and a big cognac. We had a happy evening.

SO have I failed? I don't consider it so. Out of 13 days, 11 have been AF. I am learning. I must be patient with myself, but don't confuse this with making excuses. I will continue to be honest and track my progress.

Sincerely,
Tulipe