New here and starting Topa and with a question

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi mere - welcome - do you just have 'a glass of wine'? I needed the Topa to stop the cravings that I had for the AL - the amount that I was drinking each night was escalating. Like you, it started with 1, but after years, it was up to 4, then when it was getting to 5, I knew that i had to do something about it and that is where the Topa came in. When I was down to one again - on the Topa, I knew that the one WAS just habit - my body didn't really want it - but I did! LOL. So, I finally stopped the one. But it has been a long haul.

It is depends on how much you drink Mere and if or not you think you should stop. Anyway, I have to get ready for work - lovely to see you here - feel free to post - ask questions - you know the drill!! Have a great day,

Hugs, Sun xx

[2Run]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

houtx - just wanted to chime in to say that i get exactly what you mean by feeling the dose kick in for a few days and then go flat. two days ago i was thinking, man, i reaaallly don't want dinner OR a glass of wine, was feeling tired, dopey etc. and then yesterday it was like i'd never taken a single dose of topa ever. ?????? i'm not due to go up to 75mg until monday but now i'm wondering if i should go up today. i've been on 50mg for 5 days; today would be days 6. i am also worried that if i keep flattening out like this, will that just keep happening, even at the highest dose? frustrating!!!
did you decide to up to 175?
and mere, welcome! i was also wondering if it's just one glass?
sun and sidney, thank you, as always, for your wonderful posts.

[hoping4better]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Houtx, I hear ya. I'm not there either, as far as topa or anything else giving me a gag reflex. But even then, I'd probably still pour myself a glass b/c I'm not sure I'm ready to give up my HABIT. That's really what it is now. (Though I've yet to lose my appetite, dang it.)

Last night I met some friends for dinner, and this would've been the usual way I'd handle it: have a few glasses of wine before I go. Get there, order another right away and finish it pretty quickly. Order two more...and who knows what else, depending on where the evening went.

Last night, I had a couple sips of wine at home then decided I didn't want it. Got to the restaurant, felt no urgency to order a drink NOW like I usually do, but ordered one and sipped slowly. Then I ordered a nice pinot noir to go with the filet I was having, but that was it. My friend did order me some silly drink b/c it's my birthday on monday but I only sipped at it.

I hope it's not a fluke, maybe it is. But it was nice to go home sober. Alas, I did eat most of my steak. And then she ordered molten chocolate cake....

Sun and sid, it really is comforting to read your posts. Thanks for the motivation.

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

2run and Hoping - nothing kicked in for me until I got up to the higher levels. I thought the Topa was NEVER going to kick in - inside I was getting so panicky. I was starting to think - this is almost as high as I can go - what if it isn't going to work for me? then all of a sudden - it did. But I was up to - gosh, I can't remember - probably about 200 or more - then I decided to carry on anyway (just to MAKE SURE) and went on up to the 300mg level and there I stayed. So, if you are having the cravings go away at lower levels then having them flatten out, I would suggest just follow the schedule in the book - don't go up before the week is out - just follow the schedule. Don't worry about still having cravings. I didn't. I suppose I was pleased really that I could still drink (I know - silly - but I did want to drink, even though I was taking the Topa to stop - I am sure that everyone reading this understands my logic), so when all of a sudden it did kick in, I KNEW it had kicked in, and I followed my body's feelings (not the right word but the only one in my head right now LOL). That is really all I can offer you right now for this. Just hang in there friends!!

love and hugs,

sun xx

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Ok Sun - this makes great sense & thank you!

First of all, thank you for just saying your life is too painful to share. That's enough. I certainly do not mean to pry - what you said is enough and I appreciate that. Love you the more for it! Your strength is admirable and the fact you have gotten sober for so long (as had Sid) is awe-inspiring.

I am soooooo glad to hear you really did not feel the big kahuna issues until 200 mgs or more. Yesterday I took 175 mgs: 50 mgs in the a.m. and 125 in the late aftn w/ no real effect. Then looked hard at the book and decided to go to 200 mgs today. My Dr. didn't really guide me much and I was kinda nervous about it, but reading your post, Sun, I feel much better! I keep hoping I have found my dose...Sid says she didn't go beyond 200. Hope I don't either. (The thing I keep comparing this to though, is BAC! Man, taking a couple of pills of this & being at 200 mgs compared to BAC?!...I would be a complete zombie on that stuff, plus would be taking 20 pills & probably gained 10 more lbs!!!! Ugh - not happy times!!! And how many ppl have we read have HTS?!)

:-))

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Houtx - what is HTS?

Hugs Sun XX

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Houtx - why are you taking 50 in the am and then 125 in the pm? I can't remember the book - but can you not even them out a bit? Just a thought......

hugs, sun XX

[sidney]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

You guys flatter me. I am nobody's role model as I like to call myself the queen of the relapse. I can go long times without drinking but have caved several times. But feeling so much better sober I will keep on trying.

My story. I have never posted I am afraid you might not find it very interesting. In a nut shell I liked to drink from my first drink at 16. And have drank for 40 years since then.
Big party girl. But I have only the normal pressures of any of us. No excuses or reasons I just like to get drunk. And in my fifties started to be totally out of control and making me very sick each and ever day.

In 2006 I found MWO and with the help of Topa and will power I have had 4 stints.... now on 5 of being AF. The longest 11 months recently. So here I am on day 19 AGAiN.
But in essence I almost consider myself a non drinker. I just need the strength to do it forever. Its a journey and a hard one. Sorry to yack on.

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Yes, very hard journey, Sid, for someone our age - I am with you but have yet to get to your success level. Hope to follow...

Sun, my dose was to take 50 in the morning and then 50 in the aftn; then when I upped that one, would do it in the aftn to coincide with my drinking. But now that I have upped myself to 200, I take 100 about 10:30-11 and another 100 3-4:00 or whenever/whatever I am doing. Of course it has only been yesterday and today so basically 3:30. My appetite has dropped off significantly again. I needed to do tons of mindless paperwork so came home about 3 and got all fixed up...settled in...poured a glass of wine, started watching TV, a movie or two, it started raining...was actually pretty nice.

I got my work done, got some food prep done for the week, was bored outta my mind, but it all got done. Was not at all in the mood to go AF...maybe another day??? I would sure like to get some "stints" in here...just not feeling it yet - (sigh)

[2Run]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Sun and Sid - Thanks for sharing some background. You guys are doing so well. Amazing. Sun are you feeling pretty good at night without your drink or is it a big struggle? Just wondering as I know it's early days since you dropped the one coffee...

Houtx - I have read that sometimes at an upped dose it takes a few days for the indifference to kick in so maybe 200 is still "it" and it will just take a few days. Hope you're feeling it soon. (((hugs)))

I think at 50mg the "dope" was finally starting to wear off. PHEW! I was an idiot off in la-la land and hated it. It will probably kick right back in again at 75mg today though. I am having a lot more tingling in my feet though which is strange but I actually don't mind it at all. Last night I was feeling kind of queasy after my PM dose and really didn't want to drink but we were going out to dinner with my MIL, BIL and SIL so needless to say, I drank right through it. Probably could have been a great night for AF or mod. "Needed" my wine to be able to deal with that lot though! ;D My goal this week is to keep up with my supplements and water, up my running and focus on sleep and diet and hopefully have every night be an AF or just one glass of red before bed.

Oh, question, has anyone tried the 5-HTP? MWO sells it. It's a natural tryptophan type supplement but more potent I believe. Has something to do with serotonin? (thanks topa...guess I'm still an idiot anyway, i got some when i ordered my L-Glut, Kudzu etc. from MWO and have been taking 1 before bed the last few nights. I also take benedryl for sleep, especially with the topa b/c i don't sleep well with it. i have been sleeping really, really heavy with the 5-HTP. anyone have experience with it?

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Okay everyone. I am back from the doc. I am also back down to the first week with the Topa. I lasted one day with the no drinking. then actually went out and got - gulp - the dreaded Guinness. I feel awful and have been beating myself up about it - which my doc said does no-one any good. I feel guilty and hypocritical. He said that I have to learn how to cope with life without AL. That when I broke my foot, my first response was to handle it with AL. He also said that the reason I was so 'flat' during the time I was AL free was that I didn't know how to handle my life with no AL. He wants me to talk to a counselor which I am going to do. SO I am starting again at the beginning with the Topa - he said the reason it hasn't worked so well this time is that I jumped in in the middle and should have gone back to Week 1. Tonight is 25mg. Hells bells people. I am so sorry all of you. So much for being a role model eh? I need to go and get ready for work. Will try and get back before I leave.

Hugs to all,

love, Sun xx

[2Run]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Oh Sun, your doctor is right (and bless him for saying so!), you just can't beat yourself up! It won't help things, only make them worse. And you still are a role model!!!! How many people would have given up, said screw it, that didn't work and just kept on drinking?? VERY, VERY MANY!!!!! Seriously, everyday you can start fresh. Just dust yourself off and get back up again. All you can do is move forward. You're doing great.

[hoping4better]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Sun, PLEASE don't think of yourself that way. You have been AF for long periods of time, which is more than I can say!! It is inevitable that we have setbacks, with most things in life, anyway. Which is why there's no point beating yourself up over it. Seriously. As 2Run said, just start again. We're all in this together!

[havefaith]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Sun,
No worries. we've all done the same thing a million times before, pick yourself up & start again,
you know you can do it!

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Thank you my friends - I suppose because it was the first time back in Jan that I had ever been AF and because I was AF for so long then blew it, and because I don't like to fail at things that I felt - well, almost bereft!! But as you all so rightly say - others have done it and been there and I suppose, much as I would like to think otherwise, I am not infallible!!! SO, once again, I shall start again - and hopefully this time will be it and this time I will not blow it once I get there. I am not sure that a counsellor can help me - but I am curious as to if anyone can help me work out why I am a happy person with AL in my life!! And I don't mean just when I am drinking either - that is what I think is weird - I mean ALL the time. When I came off the Topa, I kept waiting to be happy again - and I wasn't - until I started drinking again. Most odd I think. Anyway, I shall call and try and find someone to make an appt with tomorrow. (not the appt for tomorrow - just to find someone) I don't really hold out much hope of finding anyone good though - Sun - try and be optimistic!!!!!

Hugs to you all! sun xx