New here and starting Topa and with a question

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Yay - ok here I go...

So much to comment on as I have been out of town a few days here & there. New Orleans with my sister, cousins & CRAZY aunt!! No one drank too much as we were there for the 60th b'day of a cousin who has quit drinking since October. She's had a terrible history & I am sooooooooooo amazed by her. She's on major meds though and acts sort-of stoned. But is ok when the rest of us drink. I was a good girl - just added a bit of vodka or Capt. Morgan's to a soda as the afternoon wore on & I felt the urge. I never got drunk, I am proud to say. Isn't that ridiculous?! Towards the end of our stay when our aunt had returned to Houston she accused us of getting the sober cousin drunk...so stupid!!

And then I went with friends to their country place over the weekend and we drank but went to bed early & got up early. I loved it. Plus I happened to buy a car in the mix...in a little town not far from Austin. Got a great deal & sooooooo happy!! (2010 Ford Fusion SE ~ YAY!!!)) Talked to WTE on the phone when I got back - just felt the need to talk to her in person after all the stuff she's posted. UGH - so much everyone has posted!! It's so frustrating to be gone long. Let's see, where to begin...

WTE - your pictures of the event were amazing!! You do good work - so sorry you/we are having such a hard time right now. I hope you get an answer on the Celexa & feel better soon. Funny about the Landscaper guy...and like I told you on the phone, don't overthink it!! Que sera, sera - just enjoy the attention & if it morphs into something hotter...GO FOR IT!! SHIT!! You're funny about "something that sounds good to eat" and then settle on yogurt & cottage cheese. I'm like "Hmmmm....what can I cook delicious?! Salmon/ a quiche/ chicken/ whuh?!" I understand your frustration ~ sorta ~ being too skinny. Me, I'm wishing I could tap into that for about 6 wks & lose 10 - 15 lbs!! I'm fine tho...it's a crazy seesaw we all are stuck on.

I've been interrupted so many times, I'm going to send this just to make sure...

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Ok YAY - a few comments to others. It's been 10 days or so since I've been on here, so many posts & so much depth & serious stuff...I can't possible comment on you all, but like all have said, we all appreciate the posts no matter what. The venting, the complaining, the observations, are all good! Love this place!!

Dizzy - I am so jealous you are in London w/ the Olympics! So cool. Hope your hormones get back on track. What the hell is PCOS? and 50 Quid? How much does that translate to?

Maya - welcome & I don't think you need to worry about TOPA. Just go - see what happens.

PLay - interesting to hear about the culture shock shock coming back home! Sounds so true! We are a society that could use some lessons from our neighbors across the pond. LOL I went to Europe 30 yrs ago and I would've said the same thing then. I'm proud to be an American, but embarrassed on so many levels nonetheless.

Ok, a few random comments: my first stint with AL-reduction drugs was when I was on the The Sinclair Method (TSM) 5-6 yrs ago. I went up to 100 mgs of Naltrexone (NAL) before drinking & over the course of 18 months, had absolutely no effect whatsoever. I went thru a DR & my insurance for that drug. I know there has been some discussion that buying it overseas may have been a compromise in the effectiveness of it. Who knows - But I have it on my record now that I went to a DR for alcohol related issues... Remains to be seen what hell I will have to face at any point down the line. Holding my breath - I also replaced NAL with a stint on Baclofen (OMG - HATED it!!!) and then TOPA in the fall of 2010. UGH-

Got the TOPA DOPA really bad, the tingling...never lost my appetite as hoped! LOL, so have been AL-related drug free for 2 yrs. Doesn't seem that long. I consider myself a functioning alcoholic, and do so just fine. Not to go into my shit anymore than this - LOL. I had a great conversation w/ WTE last night. We are SOOOOOOOO hard on ourselves. I have kids & they say "Mom, we talked this last night"...I have only a hazy recollection. HATE that!

At one point the DR I was seeing prescribed Campral when I was getting down low in my consumption. As I recall, I took it when I had an AF day or two and it made me feel so mellow and NOT wanting to drink. I actually still have some. I agree if you're drinking it doesn't work...but I was never committed to stopping entirely so nothing really worked for me.

I am looking for that magic pill that you take with no SEs whatsoever...can lose weight, and VIOLA' suddenly lose that desire for 5500 glasses of wine!!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA...at any rate, I try to stay positive. Although I am probably as depressed as everyone else, thus I wouldn't drink, I think I am more the plain-old addict than the depressive-type addict. I don't know!! What the hell difference does it make?! LOLOL I just feel so much pain when I hear some of you being so depressed you stay in bed for days/ weeks on end. I don;t know what to say to that, except like what others have suggested: push yourself to get out for some sunshine or a walk...or if it's raining, some chores around the house. Cook something...do anything to just get up & do it.

I say that and wish my 21 yo son would do the same. He is 100+ lbs overweight and just needs to do something!! Oh well. I have gone on long enough...hope alls well w/ everyone otherwise: Sunny ~ Love as usual for keeping this going, Space: I hope alls well! Keep us posted & hang in there. It will be okay!

Others I forget - sorry!! It's late and I need to get going. Hope alls well!!

[wuthrich8]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hey cant really post right now... have a HUGE prob in my family in the states. Just one question. I have come to the time where I am considering AB. Does it show up in a drop test? or for our for our friends in the uk... a urine test? I need to come up clean. I know this may sound strange to all of you but i may have to. It may be good for me, so this may be good for me, on the other hand it counld ba a disaster. I will keep up with my topa, i think, tell me what you you think, in the meantime, during my family catistrphy..... please tell me what to do!!!

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi

Just a quick answer to Wu as you seem quite stressed, Antabuse will not show up in a drug test unless they specifically test for it and as its not the kind of drug that people abuse for fun, the chances are 0.0001% they will. If you have any other questions on AB, both Space and I have some experience with it. You will see us talking about it quite a bit on this thread in the last two or three months.

In fact, I just popped two AB myself this morning as I'm just sick of being constantly hung over. I have just caught up with everyone's stories but to be honest I'm just waiting for this foggy feeling to go away. I had a great weekend but I'll check in properly later tonight or tomorrow morning when I'll finally have clear head for the first time in a long while.

Love and hugs to everyone,

:h

[WaitingToExhale]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Morning All …

Houtx: Good to see you posting again. And it was great to talk to you the other night. Glad you cleared up the Nal thing and you were taking the “real deal” as I was REALLY beginning to wonder about the River product. I have NO clue what I am going to do.

I’m just in too much of a funk lately to bother really cooking. And it’s really not fun cooking for just yourself. Landscaper Guy came over last night but had already eaten, so we just had some cheese and crackers (with wine of course). I booted him at about 900 PM as I have a 730 AM appointment this morning. I think he was a bit disappointed as he thought we were going to “spa”. HA! Oh well …

Aren’t we ALL looking for that magic pill! This was my 3rd go around with Topa, the first having the same issue of major weight loss. When I put the weight back on I tried again and had zero effect. This time it was working really well until I was forced to stop again. And Houtx, we both know what happened on the Nal – that we both saw a slight reduction but nothing major after doing it for well over a year.

WU: Sorry to hear you are having such problems! I’m sorry that I can’t help you with information on AB as I have always been afraid to try it.

DIZ: Sorry to hear you are over drinking a bit and having hangovers. The worst! I hope this settle down for you a bit.

Hello to everyone else ….

So this morning I have a mobile groomer coming for Charlie. I have always groomed him myself as he has SUCH an issue with water and hates it. I think he was over groomed in his past and treated roughly. But I found what I THINK is a good groomer that will work with him. It is SO stressful for me to give him a bath and his ears need to be cleaned better than I feel comfortable doing, so hence trying this groomer. We shall see.

Then at 1000 AM I go see this new therapist. A touch nervous about it, but I must do something. Maybe I have been putting the cart before the horse in trying to slow down drinking rather than addressing WHY I drink so much. I’ve always drank, but it was about 15 years ago that it really got out of hand and I became an all-day sipper. And as we all know – it’s progressive.

I am feeling better this morning although a bit sluggish after drinking about 8 glasses yesterday with Landscaper being over. I suppose I still have some of the Celexa in my system but I am nowhere near as nasty feeling as I was for those few days. Thankfully!

I’ll be speaking with my DR this afternoon when I get back. No clue what to ask for. I think any AD is going to mess with me unless I could stop drinking for a bit. I just don’t feel like that’s doable right now. *sigh* It’s only 730 AM and I am already thinking about the leftover wine in the frig for last night.

I just need to really pull my act back together and get into the shop more often. This week should be good for me as I have people on vacation and MUST be there more after today. Working from home is a total set up for disaster with wine and smoking at my desk.

Must run .. Charlie’s groomer is here.

Love & Hugs to all.

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi all - just checking in but don't feel up to posting a proper post - called in sick today - have never done that apart from when I broke bones or ended up in hospital but have been in bed all day - probably just a cold, but all my top teeth hurt and my tummy hurts from coughing. Moan, whinge whinge....... I think they are cross with me at work - managers NEVER call in sick!!!

Love and hugs to all - I am probably just looking for sympathy!!

love, sun XXX

[mama bear]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

sorry you are sick honey

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Me too jan - feel lousy....... thanks for the reply XXX

Hugs, sun XXX

[NoraC]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Sunni - great chatting with you last night. I hope you feel better right away. :l:l

[WaitingToExhale]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Aww Sun .. Hope you feel better soon! No fun! And heck, screw it ... you work hard so take a day if you need it! (laughing at myself because I get pissed off when someone calls in sick at my shop and I have to go in and cover! HA! HA!)

Hey! I read the entire Owl book this afternoon! Loved it! I need to lend it to someone that is an animal lover as we are!

I hear owls here almost everynight. Tho not barn owls I suspect. A few weeks ago, must have been mating time because I had two of them "talking" all night long from 2 diff trees. I have e new respect for the sounds now ... =) Thank you.

Get beter soon Luv

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I hope you all feel better soon - sounds like several of you are going to DRs or trying different meds, trying to get it right. I applaud you - right now I am not doing shit to curb my drinking. I am not counting glasses or anything, other than thinking "Ugh, I feel tipsy...what time is it?"

So right now I feel tipsy and it is 11:50. I need to put myself to bed!! Many glasses of wine - probably the eqivalent of 1.5 liters or 2 regular bottles that I started at 5 pm. I suck at LIFE.

XO

[wuthrich8]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Well Good Morning Everyone!!
I am better today!! LOL! I had some bad news out of the states, basically all of my cousins and my 25 year old sis are on the verge of losing their children. They are all on meth. So I spent the day crying my eyes out and drinking. Lovely. And yes, sadly, I am considering AB.... kind of, if necessary. And I though I am bad..... lol! I went up yesterday with my topa to 75 mg, so mondays are normally a little weird for me, but these stories of my sister, dirty needles, and hep C are just too much for me. She was even doing it during pregnancy! Oh, and because of all the stress that this has put on my mother, who either way is in bad health, she has now been put on... celexa..... just 10 mg and only for the last 3 days... but of course, i am really worried, as she many times will forget to take her blood pressure meds. Any way, CPS is trying to buid a case against my sister, and what I am thinking about doing is taking the kids, and taking AB to guarantee not drinking. I dont know if they would make me drop or not. My cousin had her baby taken away, and was trying to get her baby back, but i guess she stopped going to her classes, and stopped dropping. So.... My other cousin so far is under the radar with regards to CPS, and she was clean for a while, but now she is back on that crap. I did some research on it yesterday, and sent it to mom, so she knows exactly how serious it is.

Houtx....I had you beat.....I must have had 3 bottles. Way suckier!!!! At least YOU werent drunk typing on MWO, the fact that my whole family, other than my kids 30 and under are a bunch of tweakers is not really an excuse....

Sun... I sure hope you are feeling better! And even managers deserve time off when they are sick!!

WTE..... I really hope that all went well with your dr and therapist appointment. Maybe your dr had an idea for another AD? Let us know?!? How are charlies ears?? He must be so soft and snuggly now!!

Dizzy... thanks for posting an answer. I guess I wasnt think too clearly. I just really wouldnt need to have problems with child protective services because of AB. Does it have any other SEs?

Well, hope you are all having a WONDERFUL day! XXOO Love and hugs to all!!

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hey everyone

Doing better today but actually also feeling a bit sick, probably a bit of withdrawal. Was very moody last night and just wanted my space but how does one find space in such a small flat, without a car and without knowing where to go. Well, I was feeling ill so I just ended up in bed reading and overplaying the sick card a bit.

Of course now that I feel sick I suddenly have TWO job assigments to do in comparison to last week when I had none but what can you do.

Hugs to everyone else whos not feeling well at the moment. Glad that you took some 'me time' Sun and that you are brave enough to attempt therapy, WTE.

And Space, where are you?

Wu, I did explain exactly what Antabuse do for Houtx about a week or so ago, well I know you were already part of the thread so maybe read back a bit. (And by the way Houtx, perhaps its not such a bad idea?) I don't get any side effects if I taper down my drinking a bit before I take it and as long as I don't drink on it and wait 4-5 days after taking it before I take my first drink again.

Love and hugs to all,

:h

Edit: Sorry, I did miss like a whole page of posts. Space, am glad you are giving Topa another try and am glad you are home safe Play and that you settle in soon. I know how it feels as I'm also pretty much home alone now for most of the week after having had so many people around me and so much to keep me busy in SA.

[WaitingToExhale]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi All ….

Yes, we do all seem to be trying out different things and all trying to figure this out and deal with life’s ups and downs with the AL, or at least not as much.

I’m not real pleased with yesterday and DRs. I went to my therapist ay 1000 AM. Now remember my new Dr had recommended one gal but she was booked. Then I searched online and found someone that I thought might be a good fit and in my area – but she was also booked. So she passed me onto Dr. Ruby, who’s profile I had also looked at.

Hers did not say anything about addictions, and that she worked with kids a lot and she also looked pretty young in her picture – so I had passed. But she called me and we chatted and she convinced me that she had AL experience, blah, blah, blah. So I walk in yesterday morning and I swear I would not have recognized her if I walked into her on the street after seeing her picture. It reminded me of all the fake pics on Match.com! She is much older (not a bad thing) and WAYYYY over weight.

So I guess that just bugged me that her photo was so false. And also here I am trying to get weight back on and it’s pretty obvious that she is having the opposite battle – big time. But I stayed for the hour session and the 1st time always seems like such a waste. All they are doing is trying to get background information, which obviously is necessary, but it was boring to sit there and explain time frames and when events/relationships that have occurred.

Towards the end she wanted me to bring next week this diagram about the pros and con of drinking or not drinking. Stupid. Like I don’t already know! And I told her that. I told her I was well aware of all of the downsides and that they outweighed the upsides – that was not the issue. The issue is my brain is now wired to drink more than I should. And that I can’t seem to deal with any issues in life without turning to the bottle.

So I don’t know if it’s a good fit or not. UGH. I left agreeing to see her again next Monday. But I’m really not sure about it. She asked me a lot about eating disorders even though I had explained all about the Topa. She said “if I didn’t know your story I would think you were anorexic”. WTH??? I don’t look THAT bad. I’m just not fully convinced she knows what she is doing or has the right experience. Guess I will noodle on it the next few days.

And then I was supposed to speak to one of my DRs Assistants and give the Celexa the thumbs up or thumbs down. He told me to call in the afternoon as the phones were crazy in the AMs. So I called when I got home – and all I got was a recorder so I left a message. Spoke with my GF that had referred me and she told me they are all gone 1200-200 PM for lunch. Great. So at400 PM I call again. The gal tells me it was a very busy day and often they don’t get to returning messages until about 500 PM or so. So I wait. Nothing. Great. Finally went to bed without a word from them. Pretty disappointing when I was loving this new DR so much after my 1st visit. But this is BS.

So feeling pretty frustrated again. And drank about 6-7 glasses yesterday. I’m getting bad about even counting or charting anymore. Man – I am on a slippery slope big time.

The good news yesterday was that Charlie’s groomer was pretty good. She didn’t clip in between this foot pads, which is pretty important so he doesn’t pick up foxtails or burrs when we walk the hills. And she used clippers on his ears instead of just thinning shears so they look pretty goofy. BUT – she was VERY sweet and gentle with him and he even allowed her to blow dry him. That’s something he would run from when I tried. So I will try her again and explained how I wanted his ears done and that the pads where important. And at least he is all back to being soft and fluffy and handsome and it’s one thing off my plate for this month.

So I MUST be at the shop today, which is good for me. When I’m busy like that it’s so much easier to start drinking later and I end up drinking less. It seems that most of the time I drink about the same amount per hour … so if I could just start later!

I am thinking about trying Nal and TSM again and getting it this time from my ‘undercover’ DR – IF he would give it to me. It’s such a damn long process and not sure it will EVER work for me, but I don’t know where else to turn. I just think ANY AD is going to give me problems as long as I am drinking this much. And I am becoming more and more convinced that the drinking is what is causing the depression. I make bad choices (like not going to work) and get so lazy and then get pissed off at myself because my life feels out of control. Then I get feeling overwhelmed by all the things I need to take care of and have put off, and so I drink more and try to not think about it. Vicious cycle. And let’s face it – AL is a liquid depressant.

Well, I hope everyone is feeling better today. Physically I am better and think the Celexa is pretty much gone. So now I am just trying to “click off” a project here and there and try to feel better about life in general. Like getting Charlie bathed rather that stressing over it for days to do it myself. And about a month ago, I went to a charity fundraiser and bid on a car detail and won. Finally set that up so the guy is picking up my car this morning from the shop and that will be taken care of. It’s only a year old but time for it to be waxed, etc. Another check off.

I know when I walk into the shop today I will be on overwhelm again. I have a great crew, but it’s still not the same when I have not been there for a bit. My in box will be a nightmare. Although my assistant is pretty good about faxing important stuff over to me or calling me – but she only works from 800 – 1200. And I can certainly tell a major difference in sales and of course higher payroll when I have been messing up and not going in much. Oh, things were SO much better just a few months ago with Topa! Damn.

Well – thanks for letting me vent. HA! I hope to get through to this DR today. No clue what he will suggest or what I will ask for. My GF thinks I should ask for Lexapro, but it’s in the same group as Celexa, so I fear it the same. She said she could not drink the first few weeks she was on it. Well – obviously an issue for me!

Love & Hugs to all in the journey ….

[wuthrich8]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

A little more info on yesterdays histeria.... I went to the store, bought cigs and prosecco, two bottles. Though hubby had hidden my four bottles in the house. Well, at some point last night, I hid my cigs, and cant for the life of me find them! Thankfully, i did find my wallet, which I also put in a non traditional place. I tried to get another glass of wine, which hubby fought me for the bottle, and then i started to cry, told him i only wanted one more glass. He obliged, gave me one glass. I settled into the couch to watch TV with him, drank half the glass, calmed down, and fell asleep. I rose with him this morning, and before he left, he told me to be good as he left. My poor husband. For the first time last night, I also let him read my posts here. I wanted him to know exactly what I am going through. How it is for all of us to get the equation right with the meds, that i am considering AB, and that I am considering going home. My FIL offered to pay for a really expensive private school for our daughter on Sunday, which I really appreciate, but it would make me feel too guilty, as its actually a nice yearly income in the states. Twice as much as it costs me to live there for a year! And I cant really commit to living here that long, not when all this is going on. OK, cigs found! I have looked every where, but everywhere!! They were in my recycling bag!!! What was I thinking?? Oh, I did find hubbys stash of prosecco while looking.... lol, but not touching the stuff. Will be nice to have it cold in the evening though.
SPACE.... I am so glad you are back on topa!!!!!! I havent had that SE again, and i only worried about it for a sec, as I have had that kind of headache before, a few times...... so I dont really think it was the topa. I am also so sorry about your family matters. I didnt know you had a thread!! I will look it up!!

Play.... you are funny... but I totally understand where you are coming from with regards to the culture shock. I go through it everytime coming back and forth. This time coming back to Switzerland the first time i went grocery shopping, there were so many people at the grocery store that i couldnt move my cart! I had to take a picture!! Back home there are more employees that customers! And when you do see someone, its not like before , people with full carts, they have like 5 things. you can even see whats on sale, as if they have an oddly balanced cart, a gallon of milk, some salad, a thing of pasta, and 15 pounds of hamburger, i go look at the hamburger... lol!!! Oh! 1.22 a pound!!! Horray!!!! but seriously, yes things are so much different. and that shooting was on my birthday...... and at least in Vegas, where the unemployment is highest in the country, one really feels a HUGE difference to Switzerland, where we are saying... bad economy? really??? But thats possibly because they pegged the swiss frank to the euro at 1.20, meaning no matter how low the true value is, we buy euros at 1.2 swiss francs to keep our economy stable. Still, I just want to go home.....
Sun.... that 72 hour hold was 15 + years ago, it was only to demonstrate how very delicate the brain can react to different meds. but it was scary all right. the other patients were nuts!! its like let me in let me in.. i need help!!!!! ok... let me out... right now!!!! lol!!! one guy was bandaged from head to toe.... they were all talking about what they had done to get in there.... it was really bad!! i have really never had trouble sleeping till recently. the only reason i know about it as our economy is so bad that i actually spent time driving a cab a couple of years ago 17 hours a day, 6 days a week, and having to go to sleep right away, plus having to have a 0.0 blood alcohol level, so i took melatonin, two glasses of wine, and slept. That lasted 5 months. came home one day and slept 18 hours straight, which made me a no call no show, automatic termination...... lol, thankfully. it was an experience though.
Houtx.. you crack me up... i definitely have topadopa... i cant spell anymore, i keep looking at the word, and thinking, ok, i won the city wide spelling bee in the 9th grade, i can do this.... then type os up the ying yang.... lmao!! my fingers tingle all the time, and think words need 4 ls instead of 1 or 2... but i do on most days feel no cravings, just the habit really calling me for my treat, the two glasses that i allow myself. I cant wait for the faint not wanting it, or to pour it out, but all that may be part of the past if i can get mom to agree to move to vegas and then i will take the AB on top of the topa until i get into the habit of not wanting... ya know?
WTE.... I am so glad you stopped!! I am a little upset that you didnt get chocolate though. ok, you are like me, i dont like sweets. So go get the lindt 70 percent cacao. Its really dark chocolate, and not sweet. the reason i am recomending it, as it triggers some pleasure receptors in the brain that make one feel happy, along with making endorphins, unless you want to go work out! lol!! just an idea!! It might just counteract the AL a little. Ya know? OK< original valley girl here.... lol. I am originally from the san fernando valley, back when it was part of the US. and no, nothing against foreigners or people of jewish descent either... lol! Nothing against anyone, at all. I did happen to notice when i worked for costco and traveled with my work that it is different than it used to be though.

OK, i think that basically catches me up. I do miss the new people that arent posting, and hope they pot something soon. Have a great day everyone!!