New here and starting Topa and with a question
Hi, Sun please dont worry and think I would get offended that easily I havent even been reading until now, I have been very up and down lately my aunt, the one I told you about before if anyone can remember it has been ill so my cousin has got in touch with social servicses saying she needs emergency residential care and has made out that she has got dementia. The doctor came out to her but says there is nothing he can do about it because of the bed shortage in the hospital they now have a policy of not taking in old people to asses their health so I will know later what is going to happen. I did say I would stay with her for a night but now dont really feel up to it but my daughter has said she will go instead which is really kind of her. I am very proud of the way my daughter has become so caring at times the way she looks after my mum and aunt but do wish she had the same thoughts about me which she doesnt, she has too much anger toward me I think that stops her, I dont really know why she would have all this anger toward me but she does.
Sun you asked why did I have the drink and will I have more and said you hoped not. As you must remember I never wanted abstinence anyway what I wanted was to drink like a normal person and not be getting drunk and I have been wondering for some time now if III would be4 able to or if I had that drink I would go mad as my family all believe I would and so wont entertain the idea of me ever being able to drink but I know its my decision not theirs, and anyway the only person who is actually bothered about this now is my son, or he is the only one who has the right to be in my opinion as my sons where the only ones hurt by my drinking my mum and daughter just interfiered and made things worse for us all. Sorry I rambled on a bit there didnt I, so thatis why I had the drink, I enjoyed it but didnt want anymore, since then I have had a glass of wine on two nights but had to throw the rest of the bottle away as I dont know if it would have gone off with not being kept in the fridge, each time I had one glass enjoyed it but had had enough and didnt want any more so I have no plans from here of what to do. I dont think I want to drink at home every night but would like to be able to some nights but I do have to say that while I had no desire for more after the one glass I do have the desire for a glass tonight. A part of me want to be able to have this and wants to believe that the six months abstinance while taking the medication that stopped me drinking in the first place will have changed my brain pathways back to normal so I will be opk doing it but another part of me is worried that is a pile of crap and I am on a pathway to heavy drinking again and I cant decide but I do have some AB there and have decided that if I go down the route of carrying on ahving a drink then I should use them at the first sign of trouble as well as comming on here to tell you aboout it. I do want to try to post daily again but as we all know thats hard sometimes and I do understand why peeps werent posting so I hope no one minds that I said so.
Dizzy I wouldnt worry that you cant give blood its not the end of the world is it, Ive no idea how much a thousand rand is but if you can afford it then I think you should just go for it, its just another one of the hoops you have to jump through to get what you want.
I dont know whether I told you that I was thinking of doing an open university degree, well I have been accepted and given funding for the first part of the course which is 600 pounds, what I didnt know until yesterday tho is that if I was to fall behind with the work or have to quit for any reason then I become liable to have to pay back that money so now Im getting cold feet and doubting my ability to do it whereas before I was thinking that I would just give it my best and if that wasnt good enough then nothing would be lost but after comming this far in applying in time and being accepted I dont really want to back out now.
love to you all
space xox
Hi, Sun please dont worry and think I would get offended that easily I havent even been reading until now, I have been very up and down lately my aunt, the one I told you about before if anyone can remember it has been ill so my cousin has got in touch with social servicses saying she needs emergency residential care and has made out that she has got dementia. The doctor came out to her but says there is nothing he can do about it because of the bed shortage in the hospital they now have a policy of not taking in old people to asses their health so I will know later what is going to happen. I did say I would stay with her for a night but now dont really feel up to it but my daughter has said she will go instead which is really kind of her. I am very proud of the way my daughter has become so caring at times the way she looks after my mum and aunt but do wish she had the same thoughts about me which she doesnt, she has too much anger toward me I think that stops her, I dont really know why she would have all this anger toward me but she does.
Sun you asked why did I have the drink and will I have more and said you hoped not. As you must remember I never wanted abstinence anyway what I wanted was to drink like a normal person and not be getting drunk and I have been wondering for some time now if III would be4 able to or if I had that drink I would go mad as my family all believe I would and so wont entertain the idea of me ever being able to drink but I know its my decision not theirs, and anyway the only person who is actually bothered about this now is my son, or he is the only one who has the right to be in my opinion as my sons where the only ones hurt by my drinking my mum and daughter just interfiered and made things worse for us all. Sorry I rambled on a bit there didnt I, so thatis why I had the drink, I enjoyed it but didnt want anymore, since then I have had a glass of wine on two nights but had to throw the rest of the bottle away as I dont know if it would have gone off with not being kept in the fridge, each time I had one glass enjoyed it but had had enough and didnt want any more so I have no plans from here of what to do. I dont think I want to drink at home every night but would like to be able to some nights but I do have to say that while I had no desire for more after the one glass I do have the desire for a glass tonight. A part of me want to be able to have this and wants to believe that the six months abstinance while taking the medication that stopped me drinking in the first place will have changed my brain pathways back to normal so I will be opk doing it but another part of me is worried that is a pile of crap and I am on a pathway to heavy drinking again and I cant decide but I do have some AB there and have decided that if I go down the route of carrying on ahving a drink then I should use them at the first sign of trouble as well as comming on here to tell you aboout it. I do want to try to post daily again but as we all know thats hard sometimes and I do understand why peeps werent posting so I hope no one minds that I said so.
Dizzy I wouldnt worry that you cant give blood its not the end of the world is it, Ive no idea how much a thousand rand is but if you can afford it then I think you should just go for it, its just another one of the hoops you have to jump through to get what you want.
I dont know whether I told you that I was thinking of doing an open university degree, well I have been accepted and given funding for the first part of the course which is 600 pounds, what I didnt know until yesterday tho is that if I was to fall behind with the work or have to quit for any reason then I become liable to have to pay back that money so now Im getting cold feet and doubting my ability to do it whereas before I was thinking that I would just give it my best and if that wasnt good enough then nothing would be lost but after comming this far in applying in time and being accepted I dont really want to back out now.
love to you all
space xox
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