New here and starting Topa and with a question

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Don't have much to say except wondering where everyone has been since yesterday (and beyond...)

We're leaving on our big family camping/motorcycling trip tomorrow that we've been building toward for the the last couple of weeks. I can say that it seems hubs and I have been growing closer as this event has been coming nearer and things are getting organized and a bit exciting with the kids and all.

I was really surprised to see no new posts since last night here and I'll probably have one more chance to check in tomorrow morning to see who's let us know how they're doing before we head into the desert for this adventure weekend. Take care,

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I'm here Illum - I agree - not sure where everyone has disappeared to - this thread seems to be slowly deflating. I am doing fine now - once I got over my awful day of alternately sleeping/crying. I have titrated down - well actually I didn't have the time to do that - LOL I went down once THAT day hit, to 100 mg both a.m. and p.m. and yesterday felt better and this morning feel better again, so it looks as if I need to get to the 300 mg for it to really have the effect on me of making me stop, but the 300 mg is too much with that one SE of feeling like Heck. Anyway I am feeling as if I can do this - AL is not going to beat me and I am off the cigs too - oh and I also gave up soda too just in case anyone wonders!! The money I am saving is AMAZING. AL, CIGS and SODA.

Illum - I do hope that you have a wonderful trip - it sounds so much fun. I rode my motorcycle this past weekend as the weather was so lovely. We won;'t have many more days until next year when i can do that! Have fun!!

Houtx - I felt my fury building reading the stuff about your father! the gall of the man!! I am so sorry - what a (DAMN TOPA) a oh - you know what I am trying to say!!!!! Hells Bells. hate when this happens. It is at times like this that I understand why you feel you need to stop it!! Anyway I am glad that you talked to the children about it (they didn't NEED to know all of it). What nerve.

I need to get ready for work - talk later all - just noticed the time. hugs to all,

love, Sun xx

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Illum - Have a great TRIP!! Hope you get to check in and see this before you go. It sounds like a great trip! I love getting ready for fun stuff like that - will miss your posts but looking forward to the highlights when you get back! VAROOM!!!!

Sunshine, I could crawl under the covers with you. Am feeling really blue lately. Haven't cried, but feeling bad about just about eveything. Too much bad luck, too many bad vibes, bad BS, money woes, crap, etc...this too shall pass. The weather in Houston has been exceptional, there is more good than bad in my life, and I am telling myself my life is just fine comparatively speaking. Trying to just take it slowly, breathe in & out, one day at a time, all that. And not beat myself up too much about the small stuff. Trying! Tonight went for a walk/jog and hit golf balls...TGIF and hoping the weather holds!

I wrote that last post the other night about 10:30 p.m. and (duh) could you tell as it got longer...a bit less lucid?? ugh - was sipping and typing and getting upset thinking about it all. Sorry, folks. I deleted the last bits very red-faced...oh well. That's why I'm here. And yes, my dad used to be my biggest supporter and would claim he still is. But after what he said to my kids...I'm not a fan.

Hope alls well w/ everyone else -

[mumtotwo]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Lost my entire post, dang it.

I also lost a neighbor and great friend this week who's 40th birthday party we had just gone to. He was an amazing man who didn't drink in excess, smoke at all, and who's biggest health issue was being slightly overweight. He passed away in his sleep Monday night and his wife woke up to find him not breathing early Tuesday morning. They have 3 young children and he was the kind of guy who put a positive spin on everything and always made me laugh. Not a good week here.... have been drinking much more than normal (which is a bottle of wine) so this all sucks.

I know I am a super selfish kind of person who only posts what is going on with me but I read most of your posts when I get the chance.

Airam, sweetheart you are doing so well!!! Don't worry about anyone else. I tend to do that too, so I know how you feel. Be proud of what you have accomplished.

Sun, I am SO proud of you for being AF! Good on you... keep it up. I hope to be there one day.

Illuminae, have an AWESOME time on your trip. Can't wait to hear all about it when you return. Don't stress!

Sassy, Houtx and Clare, I have read your posts but the Bac is kicking in for me now and making me want to sleep... please forgive me. I can't wait until I can read everything and not feel stupid in the meantime! I don't know when that will be but I think between the wine and the Bac I am officially dumb.

Love to you all.

Anne xx

[airam]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Im reading your posts but as usual I dont have internet on weekends.

But (houtx) I bought an iphone!
It s difficult to write on it!

My sister sent me this link Damn You Auto Correct! - Funny iPhone Fails and Autocorrect Horror Stories
It s funny. It s about the iphone spelling autocorrect function. I was also feeling very blue, but I had a good time reading and wanted to share with you.

I m again back to 100 mg topamax. Drinking 1 bottle of wine or a little less, but SE were very hard after stopping only 5 days.
I ll be reading but I dont know if I ll be able to post, but I ll be thinking of you.

[SassyLassy]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

OK, off topic, but my source of stress today. I take my son to see his dad every other weekend. And I moved away from the Mpls/St Paul area where we both lived, but only about 100 miles away. Still, far enough that the drive is "a drive" and far enough away that the weather in one location IS NOT the same as the weather in another location. Last night, when I'd usually drive my son over, I left work early, was ready to drive him over, but it was raining, bordering on freezing, and my hubbie talked me in to waiting til morning. No driving in the dark, no deer to deal with, etc etc. Here's what I got:
The largest November snowfall in two decades stormed across Minnesota on Saturday, dumping a foot of snow in parts of the Twin Cities. And I drove through it BEFORE the snow plows got to most of it. Can you say stress? I've driven in snow all my life, so I know how to do it, but it took WAY longer, driving 25-30 MPH at times on roads meant for 65 (and when I'd be going 72-75). WHy do we live in the northlands?

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Sassy - BRRRRRRRRRRRR!!! I heard about the snow storms. A cold front blew through here last night and temps are in the 50s :-)

Since I've dropped my dose to 50 mgs my "Dopas" have sure gotten better, but still there all the same. It's like I have Alzheimer's...or just selective memory. Hate it. I go to a heart Dr on Wednesday to see about an arythmia (? irregular beat) I have had for about 5 yrs now...what are the chances he will prescribe something for it that does not mix with AL. That would be a good thing.

Hope alls well w/ everyone -

[Claremont]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi to everyone,

Wow, it doesn’t sound like many of us are having a good week. I sure hope that Illuminae is having the trip she dreamed of!

Airam – hang in there. You are really getting things together and sticking with it. We all have our “moments” – even non problem drinkers do. It’s part of life and you need to accept that and keep up the positive attitude. I hope your folks are better and that guy you work for is behaving himself.

Houtx – I stopped the Topa/Nal this week. For now. I didn’t have the dopa but was afraid that as I go up, I will and I want to be med free and live life semi normal for a while. It’s been 1 year on Nal and I can’t tell you how great it feels to have a drink when I want one and not have to wait an hour. I, like you, am tired of the pill popping. I believe that when we find ourselves in a happy place – the right partner, no money woes, etc.etc. that things will sort themselves out. I was really disappointed in your Dad. I don’t blame you for feeling the way you do. He really needs to apologize and realize the mistake he made.

Sun – how’s it going? I am totally impressed with your willpower. Wish you could send some my way!!

Girl – you will figure out what works for you. This is a journey and you are only at the beginning. The important thing is that you realize that you want to do something about your drinking and are taking the steps in the right direction. Hope all is well.

Hoping – 35% is a great accomplishment. AF is always something that seems out of reach for me as well. There is a post over at TSM suggesting that we try a little willpower. Maybe that is really what it takes. I prefer to think there is a magic pill though:-) The gym will always be there.

WTE – sad week but your numbers are holding – that is a good thing. I find that my numbers hold around 3-5 glasses a night which is still a far cry from where I used to be. Hope things start picking up for you and you get to where you want to be. I figure that it took years and years to get here so it taking longer than a year to reduce should not be surprising.

Anne – so sorry to hear about your friend. It really makes our problems pale, doesn’t it? Be easy on yourself.

Sassy – wow, what are the chances? I understand the stress – I’m a northerner too. Crazy what we put up with……….

Trapped – how goes the battle?

Things have settled down here after the $240 loss to the new maintenance guy and no word from the A—hole that was using the house. Now I am bored. Bored in the sunshine. Not good for drinking habits……………

[Girl1973]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

still here!

Hello everyone! Yes I am still here, just read all the posts and thank you for your kind words.....the weekend, as usual, was rough, but back to 1/2 tonight and a glass of wine....3 days left of this depressing job and I am free! But I do not want too much idle time because that is when I get caught up in AL. Or I can have a week or 2 of solid REST! Up to 75mg Zoloft, takes away my appetite completely! The s/o is making sure that I eat. Got bloodwork results (not sure if I already posted this) liver is great but folic acid is 1/2 of what it should be (malnutrition and alcohol are major factors of that!) and I take 100% folate everyday, so I ordered some high potency folic acid and B12, waiting for it to arrive...otherwise all seems to be pretty good....but ugh on Thursday I went to the grocery store and the liquor is now in the aisles rather than a seperate liquor department! So NO 1/2 pints in the aisles...I 'had' to buy a 750ml of vodka on Thursday - gone Saturday afternoon.....yuck, so that is 175ml more over 3 days than I have been drinking. And yesterday I almost polished off a 1.75 of pinot noir - I was off and drank it all day, then 1 cosmo at dinner - and went to bed early. So once again I am back on track and still have the ability to buy the 1/2 before I drive to work, when I could say f*** it and buy the pint of pomegranite vodka, but for some reason it is not a real problem for me, maybe because on the NAL I can get the effects on a 1/2 pint and a glass of wine - I dunno, but my insurance ends 12/01 and the NAL is like $124 without insurance so I don't know how that will go......I don't know if NAL if a drug that Walgreens makes 'cheap' for the uninsured. I can still see my psych because there is a sliding fee scale for those without insurance.......I will get through this and take advantage of all that I can as an uninsured person, I have been paying massive premiums for years and still have co pays and medical bills!!! Love to you all and I wish you all the best! I will be sure to update on my NAL adventure......thanks again and again!!!!!!!!!!

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

First thought First...

Clare, your comment on boredom reminded me of a funny quote from the trip I was on week before last (the one that inspired the airport saga) The woman speaking runs the Navy base that houses all the young sailors just entering and going though all their first schools. Bootcamp is really strenuous and hard and they lose a lot of weight and then they go to these schools and they sometimes have a lot of wait time in between this stuff. She said "A Sailor that's bored get's fat or get's in trouble." Hmmm might be familiar for other people too? lol

so for my trip... You guys... I'll start by being positive. My husband and I got closer and more communicative the closer it got. The family got excited as we got reae went out there and set up camp. Next morning, geared up. DH got the bikes ready. Took his big one for a spin with the adults. Came back ready for the kids and me. Took son first since he has ridden before. approx 10 mins into it some jacked up teenager 4 wheelin' looser crashed into my son, hurt his wrist (thank god it wasn't his leg) bent the entire front end of the motorcycle) and that part was finished. My girl looked good and didn't even get to turn a throttle. I was proud of her because even though she was disappointed and reminded us of that many times she never cried about it... and I did. not in front of her though but it just sucked! there was another family there with a sort of scooter/cycle and and 8 year old girl and I thought they might have been sympathetic and let my daughter try theirs and I heard the mom say "I don't want anyone else's kids on our bikes." Yet I let her daughter play games with my kids in our trailer all day......

Okay, camping bitchiness aside, overall it was a nice camping trip if you look at it that way.. I Met some really nice people. In fact a gal who wants to kidnap me to take motorcycle riding... which could be a really cool independent thing., a non drinking thing, a new friend thing....

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi everyone - just wanted to say I am still here but have to rush - I am off tomorrow and will catch up then - love and hugs to all,

Sun xx

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Claremont - YAAAAAAY!! Good for you, girl, but I hope you'll stay here with us - as I would - even though you won't be on meds. Just keep up with how you are, ok?!

Girl - I'm having trouble keeping up with whether you're ok with your levels of drinking or what....less than where you were before you started TOPA? But still sounds like kindof all over the place - are you ok?

Illum - I thought you'd be out longer than just the weekend. And Man!! - SUX the motorcycle got wrecked so soon & no one got to ride after that? Got the impression you had multiple bikes...but hope the rest was fun. Sounds like 50/50?

Yeah - my father surprised me with his remarks to my kids. Understatement. I'm not sure how I'm going to deal with it. Thanksgiving weekend probably will have a talk. But not even sure I want to. Thinking I will just blow him off indefinitely...Nor have I talked to the DHG in a couple of weeks. UGH - dread confrontation!!!

[beatle]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Everybody,

I have been following this thread from day one. Even though I don't take topa and never planned to, I got sucked into this thread because of all the good vibes and the pleasure of following everyone's ups and downs, shared in a personal and honest way. I feel like I know you all. I feel like a voyeur.

Anyway, I have been on bac for 15 months (!). I have been successful moderating, more or less, but have not been able to have one single AF day. I am happy to have a much less tumultuous life since starting bac, but am desperate to stop altogether.

I'm sure this question has been asked before a gazillion times, but does anyone have experience taking bac and topa together? There are probably threads specifically about this, and maybe someone can point the way?

Still, I will keep following this thread and enjoying the good feelings here (even though a lot of people are struggling -- but aren't we all?). I hope you won't mind if I chip in now and then.

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Beatle, of course you're welcome to chip in. I have no idea about Bac plus Topa.

Houtx, yes, we technically each had our own cycles and it was a long weekend - left Friday morning. Hubby and I each rode our own and that was fun. the one that got wrecked was our son's old one (very small) and was considered our daugher's new one aka a hand me down. We had bought and brought a new one for our son, but it was still a little too big for him so he wasn't ready to ride it so the plan was for them to take turns on the little one, and then the big wreck. :upset:

[Girl1973]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Yeah I am here! Yes I am doing only my 1/2 pint on Sun, Mon, Tues, and Wed - the days I work, Friday actually is also a 1/2 because I have class untill 10pm and have to be back to class at 8:30am so that doesnt leave me much time to drink (and I am back to the 1/2 pint after my prof telling me I smelled like booze - remember that fun?) so Saturday I get home and take a nap, then wake up and seem to be drinking (2) 1/2 pints and wine galore...so yes I am technically still down a bit after months of non stop pints each night plus beer and or wine...I do like taking the NAL prior to drinking, an hour preferably because I find that I just get really tired, so WDs from the taper....but I wanted to taper down more a few weeks ago and have not done that yet...but last week I went a night with only wine and NO vodka for the day....and its been YEARS since vodka has not touched my lips each each night...I love this post, I used to post on moderation management but would find myself get jealous of the trike riders and the 30 day absers.....jesus Im lucky to get ONE day in!!!!!!!!!! Hugs to all!!:l