Progress thread for ne

[taw]

Progress thread for ne

NE...no, it was California Girls...and now it is back in my head!

[Lo0p]

Progress thread for ne

neva eva;1039622 wrote: I just got a frantic call from my boss and have to go into work this morning. It's incredibly...liberating to be able to just do what needs to be done without the haze of AL.

Isn't it sweet?

[Isolde]

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neva eva;1039346 wrote:
I dashed out of work today to make the 6:15 yoga class in an effort to break the cycle... And find some more sleep! I was late and missed it. But I went! The gym is more crowded in the evening than in the day. Who knew? I can't WAIT to go tomorrow evening. Might even work out in the big-boy room. The one with nary a pink ball, or stretchy band in sight. We'll see.

I also applied for a job at the gym today. It's part time and a no-brainer, as a 'fitness counselor' (stick info in a computer for the newbies, and set the machines up for them.) But I want more of those people in my life, though not the ones that look like a celery stick but have enormous boobs.

Yup, the gym is absolutely insane in the evening. I HATE when it's that busy! I prefer going in the early afternoon if at all possible. But with a 9-5 job, that absolutely isn't possible. Weekends aren't bad though. I did some yoga last night at home. The Yoga Journal is doing a free 21 day offering where they will send you a link to a free yoga workout video (similar to a YouTube video) every day from Jan. 10th-31st. Pretty cool stuff! You can sign up on their website, for anyone that's interested.

Look at you! Not only taking a part time job at the gym, but also working out in the big boy room! As much as I've worked out in my life, pushing my way in the middle of all those guys still intimidates me. Considering that just the gym being busy intimidates me, I guess that's not surprising!
I completely understand what you mean about wanting more of those people in your life. I have been trying to think of a way to get more fitness conscious, motivated people in my life too. And by more, I mean any! :H

[Lo0p]

Progress thread for ne

I hate the busy gym. It's busier now that I live in the city. I'm gonna try to shoot for the 7-9 window I think. A lil' less crowded then.

I went at like 6 last night, on a Monday, which I think would be the busiest time of the week. It was busy, but I still got in & out fast.

[Bruunhilde]

Progress thread for ne

I agree, Lo0p and Isolde and NE, the gym at night isn't as nice, in fact, I consider it a problem in my abstinance. I used to go the the gym every night when I had a gym that wasn't insane. It was part of how I moderated. All the non-insane gyms here have closed down with the economy, and now only the giant crowded chains aren't. And there's nothing I find more uncomfortable than a crowded gym. Especially since I've gotten older, and everyone else there has gotten younger.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

Hmmm. Here's the thing. I'm actually not going to the gym in an effort to be ... more fit.
I need a plan for sobriety. Something that feels good and isn't scary. But is outside of my immediate comfort zone.

I've tabled going back to school because I realized that is a goal I've had for 20 years, and I'm not sure it's not mired in regret and remorse.

My job is wonderfully rewarding, but it's not an outlet for my free time.

I have no idea what it is I want to be when I grow up. Those thoughts/dreams/goals are definitely a result of alcoholism. And lessons learned, here and in the rooms of AA, I don't want to be sober and miserable.
I don't play bridge or mah jong and don't want to be that woman. Tea and polite conversation bore the shit out of me. I like my people with a little edge.
Looking around for mentors I found one here, and others in my unaddicted friends. Lo0p isn't miserable. Phoenix isn't miserable. Rusty isn't miserable. Sunnyv isn't miserable. Mog, Low, et al. So I look to them. I'm not an artist, don't have a job that takes me to Barcelona (sigh) Have no hobbies that aren't a result of booze.
So I came up with the gym. And the big-boy room. I'm guessing that the people who run around in there aren't exactly normal (no offense lo0p :H) and it's decidedly uncomfortable, but a goal I can attain. And it's good for me. And the bac makes the high really incredible. I can go anytime, and there's no booze to be found!
I'm also going to do something about my garden. I plant it every year, and then let the birds and the squirrels have the fruits. This year I think I'll plant flowers and spend the money I save at the farmer's market. (Nothing like a tomato that costs $87 or whatever and is a result of months of labor to put things into perspective.)

That's it. My plan for sobriety atm. I am exceedingly grateful for the lessons I've learned in AA, and in therapy. No big changes, no life altering goals, nothing dramatic (?!) for a year or so. Focus on the goal. The rest will come.

I'm still self-conscious about posting this stuff. Especially since I'm not AF. But it looks like people are reading it, and I've benefitted enormously from the feedback. So once again, thank you.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

Bac update:
200mg for 6 days
210mg for the last 2 days
220 today and for the next 5 days

Still drinking, though much, much less. No black outs, SEs are minimal. I got 5 amazing hours of sleep last night. After taking my husband to bed.

I'm taking it easy on the exercise front because I want to be able to go very often, until I find another outlet. In fact, just trying to take it easy in general. And eat really, really well.

I feel so fantastic that I can't believe it. really. I'm speechless. And it isn't the euphoria or the mania I've experienced at different times on this ride. It's just ... normal. The mood swings I was experiencing are not to be trifled with, neither is baclofen. imho. Still not looking forward to the next bump up, in case that stuff returns. But ever onward and upward. I want to 'forget' to buy wine next time I'm at the store. That's already happening. We are not keeping any booze in the house. It's on a must have basis... Last night I forgot and had to go up the street for wine. Oxymoronic, and plain moronic, I know. But it's my path... You don't have to do it this way.
Peace out, peeps. love you

[bleep69]

Progress thread for ne

neva eva;1040218 wrote: Tea and polite conversation bore the shit out of me. I like my people with a little edge. ...
And the bac makes the high really incredible. I can go anytime, and there's no booze to be found!
...

Something about your tea and polite conversation sentence really tickled me.

I've never felt this endorphin rush, and I used to play a boatload of physical sports. Is it since you started bac that you get it, or the bac just enhances something you felt anyway?

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

Bleep-It's the bac. I started experiencing it while still drinking heavily, and in general feeling like crap.
I've been exercising consistently for a couple of years, even lost a lot of weight, while still drinking/smoking. I've never had the high before. It doesn't take much to achieve it, and frankly it's hard not to go looking for it. It's that good.
I'm definitely keeping in mind that my body is 41. And was pretty sedentary, if relatively fit. And I've got to find a mental peace, too. I'm looking to yoga for the balance.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

k. apparently I'm on a soap box. Off it now, Ig. 'bout damn time, btw.
Sorry folks

[bleep69]

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Thanks Neva, might have to try it!

I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

Can't believe I'm thinking of exercising, I'm the laziest person I've ever met. So lazy I can't even finish this sente

[Isolde]

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neva eva;1040225 wrote: Bac update:

I feel so fantastic that I can't believe it. really. I'm speechless. And it isn't the euphoria or the mania I've experienced at different times on this ride. It's just ... normal. The mood swings I was experiencing are not to be trifled with, neither is baclofen. imho. Still not looking forward to the next bump up, in case that stuff returns. But ever onward and upward. I want to 'forget' to buy wine next time I'm at the store. That's already happening. We are not keeping any booze in the house. It's on a must have basis... Last night I forgot and had to go up the street for wine. Oxymoronic, and plain moronic, I know. But it's my path... You don't have to do it this way.
Peace out, peeps. love you

I know the feeling! It started pretty early on in my bac journey, but has only gotten better as time has gone on. At first, while I was still drinking, I realized that instead of feeling like shit all the time, I felt "ok". And by comparison, ok was pretty damn good!
And then after getting in some AF time and adding in exercise, ok went to good, then great, then to awesome. Lesson learned with this past weekend and too much indulgence - back to feeling like shit. Couple of AF days and some yoga, and I'm feeling good again.

[Isolde]

Progress thread for ne

bleep69;1040258 wrote:
Can't believe I'm thinking of exercising, I'm the laziest person I've ever met. So lazy I can't even finish this sente

:H

[Lowcountryman]

Progress thread for ne

Nev,

Well, whatever comes from your plans: best thing to know is that there is some space in your brain available to think of those things. Of course, we all make plans to achieve a better standard. I don't know if you feel these plans are any different than the millions other plans you have already made. That's up to you, can't look into your soul.

School, garden, job, going outside. When you look deep enough, they will all have something in common. I'm not looking deep btw.

It's great that you are doing great.

I always hate it when people are thinking 'for' me or 'with' me, BUT:
Personally, I would like to see the pic of your first home-grown tomato. That would be V-day in a way. So, let hubby install a stereo in the garden. Buy a gardening-outfit, find a classic-country channel, pick up that shovel and go honkin'-tonkin'. Maybe plant a Bac-pill and beautiful flowers and tomatoes will grow out of it. It has never been tried, be like Ameisen.

Up 220 then! It WILL get better, that's my deepest belief.

Go Ne,

Low

[moglor]

Progress thread for ne

Sounds like you're making fantastic strides, NE! Is your ultimate plan to go alcohol-free?