Progress thread for ne

[Cinders]

Progress thread for ne

Cheer up, Beatle. You will win this.

If anyone should, it is you. I have faith. :-)

Stay the course. I know you will come out on the other side.

Love,
Cindi

[Lowcountryman]

Progress thread for ne

I'm SO with Neva Eva on this! I'm not going to repeat all of it.

Being consistent is following the 'theory'.

There only a tiny small piece of us that separates us from animals. That the 'reason'. Our reason and rationalism is a small part of our brains. That's why civilization is just a thin veneer over barbarianism. I don't take much to let our instincts take control again. History and present show that over and over again. That's also why people can only 'learn' from history if all circumstances are right. (blahblah, drifting away here, omg)

Well, my point is , the rat/snake/reptile brain is always present because it's physically there and needed to survive. An alkie's brain is totally out of balance. Regarding alcohol we've become more rats than humans. This is a physical thing, and has got to do with neuro-this and thats. By taking Bac, all you do is restore, rewire the brains. Since it is a neuro-thing it will do the job for you. No grouphugging or creative fingerpaint-sessions requiered. Just take notice of the rats, indeed.

A will is requiered to bare the SE's. But if you find a way to handle them, my guess is that result will come, no single doubt in my mind. All the rest, drinking, not drinking, supplements, might give you a better way to handle the SE's but eventually the Bac is going to do the job for you.

Gee, that was a long post to just concur with NE's try not to shout Sorry for the drifting and I'm really not sure if I made just one 'point' here. Well, I tried:h

Just take the pills.
Low

[Bruunhilde]

Progress thread for ne

beatle, I love your posts, and the ones you have here are very helpful to me as I learn about SEs and the switch. I think I'll be doing something like you, a long slow path, because the SEs have me boggled. So keep posting and thank you!

[Lo0p]

Progress thread for ne

Beatle, make some space in your PM box please. :durn:

[beatle]

Progress thread for ne

I have overcome severe separation anxiety and emotional pain, and my mailbox is now 96% full...

[beatle]

Progress thread for ne

Cinders;1041391 wrote: Cheer up, Beatle. You will win this.

If anyone should, it is you. I have faith. :-)

Stay the course. I know you will come out on the other side.

Love,
Cindi

If anyone should, it is you. But we all will win.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

beatle;1041377 wrote: I'm a bit puzzled as to why you prefaced your post with: "beatle, I hope you don't take the following the wrong way..." (unless you were afraid I would think you were being sarcastic... oops, maybe you were?)I am nothing if not hopelessly sincere. Sometimes very inappropriately. I was worried that you would think... what I would think. That it's a bit disconcerting that an alcoholic woman is following my thoughts around in cyber-space. But it's true. I'm better equipped for this because I have done just that.

beatle;1041377 wrote: Yeah, your gushing does make me feel a bit uncomfortable but appreciated, too. I often don't get much response to my posts, and wonder if what I am saying has any relevance to the people here (or perhaps I just write ridiculously lengthy posts that scare off most people who have a limited amount of time to spend on MWO )

That must have seemed very random to you. You have established yourself, at least in my eyes as the meds/holistic thread expert when it comes to baclofen/alcoholism. You clearly have mastery of what's been written here, have explored MANY other options, and don't hesitate to thoughtfully weigh in when you've got something to say.
I haven't responded because there is often nothing left to say. You put the facts out there for us to use (the most recent from Dr. Gersten which I printed out and have sitting on my desk atm. I've also referred to it in several posts.)
The video cracked me up, but I spray paint MWO enough without weighing in on that stuff.
More to the point, I started this thread as a direct result of a comment you left on ig's thread when he announced that he'd reached indifference. Your point was that there was no chronicle and it was unfair and relatively worthless for him to announce that out of the blue. He had, as you know, chronicled his experience and you gracefully retracted your statement.
But I realized the value of doing exactly that. The reason I had hesitated was my own pride. I didn't want to be attacked, but I think I also wanted to shout "I've done it!" As though that's some sort of accomplishment... Especially when the only accomplishment was that I'd had previous MWOers to rely on for information, and current ones to support me in the process.
For better or worse, ne's progress thread is because of you. And I'm grateful for it, if often appalled by my own idiocy.

I would like to respond to each one of your statements, but I’m afraid this would be hopelessly long and descend into gushing adoration, trite aphorisms about hanging in there… or worse.
So to sum it up:
One of the reasons that I really appreciate your input is that you gave such a thorough and thoughtful response to my thoughts about the switch. That is classic brilliant beatle. Thank you.
I’m glad you’ve started to share your experience; I hope you’ll continue to do it. It’s of great value and not disheartening.
I am with you in the struggle to find sobriety, and stay sober using baclofen.
I’d like to pm you too. Hope there's room!
:h

[taw]

Progress thread for ne

NE...you are so articulate and concise in all of your posts! I look forward to reading them where ever you post! You got me started and kept me coming back! Thank you!

You give me the kick in the butt I need! I hope you hit your switch soon and let us all know what it is like!!

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

Thanks, taw and others. I experience considerable angst about this thread, then I get a note from someone here or privately and decide to plug along...

I think the private exchanges are just that. Sacred, just as this forum is. It's hard sometimes, because a lot of good information is shared there. I know that there were times, in the beginning, when I logged on and found very little activity here, but could tell from the posts that people were communicating privately. It made me feel very left out. And paranoid! (what're they talking about? Is it part of the grand conspiracy to get me to try bac-treatment again??? HA! and .) One of the over-riding themes around here is how personally we each take each and every post, don't you think?
If you're lurking or feel left out, please pm someone. Anyone. If the mailbox is full () pm someone else. I still have the first pm I sent, and am loathe to give that one up. (I'm still humbled by how patient and kind those who have gone before can be.)

The SEs are indeed bearable. Though it was really, really tough going for me early on. Some of it is the much mentioned drama, but that really undermines the struggles each of us face, many of us very much alone in this. One of the ways I've been disingenuous on this thread is that I have delegitmized my own experience. Driving was a force of will for months! My eyes fixated, or something. I think terryk wrote that he was seeing things 2-dimensional. That's sort of what it was like for me. What I know now is that the panic attacks associated with that were related to the first panic attack, and not bac. I also know now that it's ALL manageable. At least for me. Not a damn thing is going to derail me at this point, but if my friends hadn't been encouraging me, off the forum, I might have despaired enough to give up all hope.

But I digress. One of the SEs that I've experienced consistently at the higher doses are periods of mania. It started around 120mg/day, when I was downright euphoric, and the sleeplessness at night started.
Now it seems that it happens with each bump up. It manifests itself in insomnia and obsessive thoughts. Sometimes it feels imperative, absolutely a matter of utmost importance, that I get on here and respond to something or spew some profound thought somewhere. Chat has helped me manage that somewhat!
In 'real' life it isn't as apparent. I'm obsessed with music for the first time since college. Some days I listen to the same song over and over again, and it feels like the most profound thing I've ever heard. (Does anyone else think eminem is a poet? :H) And grandiose thoughts, for sure! (I'm going to finally be able to accept the invitation to join the women's service league! And then I'll help save the city! And they'll elect me president! etc... Also, though, a major theme is "I'm gong to spread the high-dose-bac word and save so many lives! I'll start small, of course. But champion this everywhere!" ha. I see that particular brand of grandiosity all over the place on here, beginning and ending with a certain british physician...Certainly not exclusive to him, though.)

I'm bumping up to 240/mg today, I think. Against my better judgement. If I don't do it today, I'll have to wait a week. And at least if I freak out I'll have tomorrow to spend the day in bed, and husband will be around.
Speaking of whom, I woke this morning (at 4am) to the sound of him grinding his teeth. (That stuff is gone for me, though I'm biting my nails again, and smoking twice what I was 3 months ago. Gross.)
Things are going really well on that front, as we're both making a super-human effort to communicate. And he can finally see some encouraging results. So there's still hope that he may see this as an option. If it works. WHEN it works.
I'm sleeping well again. 7 solid hours night before last, 6 last night. No dreams, thank goodness.
I was going to start posting how much and how often I'm drinking. Needless to say that's completely effin' counter-productive for my sanity. But it is the whole point of this forum/exercise. So suffice it to say that drinking last night was not an option, it was imperative. BUT even though I wanted nothing more than to disappear into the bottle I drank much less and woke up with bells on! Yay, bac!
I'm going to try not to post much in the next 24/48 hours, but if I spray paint MWO, you'll know I'm freaking out!
xo, peeps. Keep the faith. Marathon, not race. (Though, I'm tempted to just start popping the pills every hour. Still.)
Sorry for the tome.
:ls and :h

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

Completely unrelated, and only relevant for those of us in the US, but I caught up with The Daily Show last night. Did anyone see last Monday's episode about the shooting in AZ? That man is so incredibly brilliant and sane, it gives me hope for the future of our seriously divided country. Sarah Palin, however, brings me back to reality...

[Lowcountryman]

Progress thread for ne

Ne,

There's no need to feel left out. We (Loop, Taw,Bruunhilde, Ig, Is, Cinders, I and many others) had a combined private multiple online videoconversation dedicated to you, and you only. We talked about your posts, your feelings and how we can support you of course. In the end the conclusion was that we so much appreciate what you are doing here. So please don't be paranoid. We are just watching (over) you

Seems to me your tone is getting milder and getting results. My experience (omg here we go again) is that the environment takes notice of any changes in you maybe faster than yourself. In the beginning of the journey I already received a lot of 'compliments' about the way I was behaving, the way my eyes were (?), things I did not realize myself at all and really could not believe. So your own point of view, or inner experiences, may not be the only mirror that you measure results with. (at this moment I hate it that my native language isn't english, would like to say it better, but i hope the point is clear)

Low

[Lo0p]

Progress thread for ne

I'm naked in it too! :egad:

[Lo0p]

Progress thread for ne

neva eva;1041939 wrote: Completely unrelated, and only relevant for those of us in the US, but I caught up with The Daily Show last night. Did anyone see last Monday's episode about the shooting in AZ? That man is so incredibly brilliant and sane, it gives me hope for the future of our seriously divided country. Sarah Palin, however, brings me back to reality...

I watch it every single night that it's on. He is my only source for news right now and I do find him more trustworthy than any other source.

[Bruunhilde]

Progress thread for ne

We were all naked, only you looked the best, Lo0p. You're practically naked all the time, I've never looked at a man's body so frequently in my life as when you post. :H

Low, you expressed yourself very well, I can't believe English is your second language. Maybe your first is Love, and you're just kidding with us.

Speaking of one's internal experience vs the external environment, you are SO right on. I find it crazy how different my perspective of a mere post is, one hour to the next - never mind people in person. Sometimes I think I'm crazy, or that people keep going in and editing out the negative, because otherwise I'm really whacked out in my paranoia and insecurity. Which is probably the case.

:what?:

PS. I am taking the pills, five a day, one dose of which is usually between 1 and 4am when I can't sleep. It helps!

[beatle]

Progress thread for ne

neva eva;1041939 wrote: Completely unrelated, and only relevant for those of us in the US, but I caught up with The Daily Show last night. Did anyone see last Monday's episode about the shooting in AZ? That man is so incredibly brilliant and sane, it gives me hope for the future of our seriously divided country. Sarah Palin, however, brings me back to reality...

No, it is also very relevant to us outside of the U.S. It's just that we get it here only sporadically and always with a time delay of 1-3 days. Sukk...