Progress thread for ne

[beatle]

Progress thread for ne

Ne/Neva Eva;1117373 wrote:

I've got to take several more video classes on how to use the new mac. Speaking of which, I will post a pic of Ne's mac on here as soon as I label it. I know noone else cares, but it's the first computer I've ever owned that is new out of the box. It would've been unthinkable to find the money and make the purchase without a great deal of angst before I got sober and relatively relaxed...Before Bac. (BB? )

Life is good. (edit: And not because of the things I own. But because I can make sound decisions now. Even financial ones!)

Ne

I'm feeling a little credit is due to me in your (very proper) mac decision. Didn't I play a pivotal role in it, when I suggested trading your first born for a mac? (Not that you have one. A first born, that is. Obviously you have a mac and soon we will have pictures to prove it.) I'm quite sure I also persuaded you that personal bankruptcy was a tolerable option if that's what it would take to get your hands on a MacBook. I suppose you found more reasonable and practical ways to accomplish you goal, as clever and creative as you are.

[beatle]

Progress thread for ne

Ne/Neva Eva;1117373 wrote:
beatle, that last post was for you and for taw, among others!

Ne

Which post are you referring to?

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

Ne/Neva Eva;1116495 wrote:
In an effort to help, or be helpful, anyway, it's very easy for me to look at what I would do differently. in my own titration and in that of others. I'm not being judgmental though. But I am guessing that it might be easy to internalize those comments, and feel badly about not having done x, y or z.

I know I felt that way. After months on bac, with indifference still elusive, but tantalizing in it's very closeness, I kept hearing, publicly and privately, that I should just quit drinking! Really! From fellow bac-ers!

The point, I suppose, is this: It takes what it takes. There is life to manage, bills to pay, a whole host of things to negotiate. There is no rush, no hurry and no judgement. Anything anyone can do in order to keep the beast at bay, even if the bitch is just subdued, growling in her bac-made cage, is good enough for me.

Hang in, my friends. It works, of that you can be sure.
Love,
Ne

That one. You quoted it, too, beatle. And I wanted you to know it was for you, and taw and a couple of others.
:l

[Isolde]

Progress thread for ne

Just a quick post to say:

:goodjob: CONGRATS ON THE MAC!! :happy:

:yougo::bananacomputer::woot::clapclap:

[Murphyx]

Progress thread for ne

Nice pic.:H I assume the barman had a sense of humour and that's why he stuck that packet on top - "Cock Flavoured Spotted Dick" hmmmmmm, not very appetizing.

Congrats on the mac.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

Evening, Reg! Streaming the song. Thanks. I love it when you do that.

I have not accomplished my commitment to 30 days. I had a beer two nights ago, for instance. I can't really say when I drank anything before that. Maybe 5 days before that I had a half a beer? Anyway. I'm clearly not very good at keeping to abstinence. I'm fast approaching a month since my last drunk. While it was fun, I don't really ever want to do that... So I'm on my toes. Bought some NA beer, and think that may do the trick, honestly. Something to drink when Ed gets home, grabs a beer and we head out to the porch to catch up. Something to combat the carb craving, too. Also, something other than seltzer or soda...
What about you?
In general, I've found a pretty comfortable place at 200mg. I mentioned that I've started work in a restaurant. The other night, as we were closing up, the manager (and oh, boy! is she like I was pre-bac!) opened a bottle of Cava for us all to 'taste'. I so remember that ruse, ftr. Craving overcomes job-preservation-instinct and so you find a way to have a semi-legitimate drink, you know? Anyway, I was exhausted, ready to go home, and not at all ready to slip into the tried and true restaurant way of life. (staying up and getting drunk every night. been there!)
So I took a sip, and it was delicious. Really, really good. Which freaked me out a bit. I surreptitiously poured it out and moved on. It's the first wine I've had in a long time. I didn't expect it to taste so good. I don't know how that relates to alcoholism and my own preferences, but I for sure won't be experimenting. Not with my last 'taste-of-choice' in my drug-of-choice (booze). I don't know if it would lead to a bottle or more... Definitely not worth it to find out!

Ed update:
Another 24 hours down without issue. Really good feedback at work. He feels really good.
He's also taking, as per Dr. L's recommendation, .25mg xanax 2x/day. This works wonders. It works so well that I'm having a hard time not seeing the benefits of taking it for the entire bac ride. (I know, Lo0p, but as you know, I'm much more cautious than you are!) It makes me verrrry nervous though. But it's legal. Unlike the pot. And with eyes on the goal... Well, I'm not sure.
I am of two minds. I hate the idea of substituting one for another, but it doesn't seem to be like that. And with the proper levels of bac in his system, it shouldn't be an issue one way or the other.

I honestly don't know how he can accomplish titrating up without it. His job is too demanding, his stress level too high. There is literally no room for him to slack off, at all, without seriously jeopardizing his performance and threatening his job and our livelihood. And given those repercussions, I'd have to admit that my eyes are less firmly on the goal of abstinence for him. It's nice to have a cessation of drinking, and a complete lack of anything else mind-numbing, especially something illegal. Maybe we'll take the Chi route and have him stay on 140mg for a good long while?

Hope it is, was or will be a good day for everyone!
Ne

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

I can't believe it's 830am and I haven't even visited my beloved home (thread) yet. The update'll have to wait until tomorrow, since I have a self-imposed 7am curfew for all things MWO. :H I haven't met it but twice, I think.

The news is good, cheery, and optimistic. Schocker there. I'm pretty ebullient and the glass spilleth over.

I have something to clear up from Murph's thread that's been bothering me:

Ne/Neva Eva;1115823 wrote: omg. I find the whole thing completely untenable. The silence? Give me a friggin break. Wait until you're married for a while. THEN silence is golden. Just ask Ed. It's kinda cute. but whatevs. sheesh. This thread is not gushy. It's raunchy. Let's stay on task, folks.

hmmm. That post should've been littered with smilies and winks and I should've elaborated more...

Folks, Isolde and lo0p are enjoying one another's company, if you didn't get all the innuendo. Which is about the sweetest thing I can think of. And they really, really like each other and are rather gushy. (especially lo0p, who is sort of gushy in general, which makes him a really special man)

I am sort of appalled by my post, which was meant to be a light-hearted ribbing. I'm not very good at that. I was also hoping that Murphy would run with it, since he is pretty good at it. But he's also a guy. And british. Which might mean (no offense, british guys) that he didn't actually figure out that Is and Lo0p are getting it on. (emotionally speaking, of course! sort of. :H) Unless he was just using more tact than I will ever give him credit for, especially since he's not around to defend himself! ha! and lol... leave mwo at your peril, peeps. (kidding, newbies, we're not a cult. You can come and go as you please. really. I do. I just miss it terribly when I'm not here.)

STP, aka ponyboy, can you please visit some wit and wisdom around here soon? And a great deal of it. You make me laugh. thanks.

Love, and hugs and wooooooohooooooooooooooooooo!
Ne
(dammit, beatle, I did the thing again, and now my screen looks like my grandmother's! The letters are HUGE! But I have a counseling meeting set up for today at our local Apple store so all will be right with the world again soon. And btw, those geeky nerds are so hot it's all I can do not to shower them with emoticons. I might yet.)

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

That's so cool, Reg. Thanks for sharing. I think I can tell that I want to get drunk soon.

Do you have that? Do you resist it? Does it matter do you think? Getting drunk once a month, all in good fun, not drunk and lonely and miserable? I dunno.

I couldn't get drunk right now if I tried, honestly. Bac sort of erases that all together for me. Not just the compulsion, but the willingness to force it all down my throat to achieve that goal. Not that I've tried, just that when I do have a drink, it's more than enough. I forget what it's like to have a goal attached (drunkenness) at the end of that. Except once a month... again.

I have to admit the idea is enticing. It sounds like fun. UNLESS it's the demon-bitch raising her ugly head. Confused. For real.

Love the music, thanks again.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

oh, yeah. I'm doing really well. Everything is honestly good here. I'm just not clear about the 'goal', having met the first one already.

Is drinking on bac the no-no that drinking is in other recovery? Is it a road to relapse? No matter how infrequent? No matter that it's 'normal'? The debate rages on, I suppose. Even in my own mind. That's why I ask you, in particular, what your feeling is. I know that you are completely abstinent by choice and by circumstance. What're your thoughts?

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

Not trying to debate! Just curious, because I am so undecided about what's right for me...

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

You, too, Reg. Seriously, no worries. I'm not going on a bender, or even a drunk. Not even going to have a drink today, okay?
I can't do anything but be me! Most of the time that's okay by me!!!
Good luck on the paper. I'm sure it'll rock!
xxoo
Ne

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

Morning, my friends.

I went looking this morning for the date of the last time I got drunk. I can't find it. This thread is too damn long! But it makes me smile. I miss all of the input, and hope it hasn't dried up, but is just taking a breather...

I will find it, though, because I think I have passed the 30 day mark. Not 30 days without a drink, mind you. But I'm a little superstitious and very nervous about that whole "getting drunk" thing. I'm not sure I like the whole "having less than a beer occasionally" thing either, but I'm pretty sure that with enough carbs/sugar etc... in my diet, I'll be able to curtail that impulse. Also, it will help when Ed doesn't head for the bottle opener when he first gets home. I put the NA beer in the fridge, so tonight will drink that instead of seltzer water, or tea. (Ed has taken to making us tea, because yes, he's drinking tea after the first couple of beers! Sadly, he doesn't know how to make tea. I don't like his tea. I would neva eva tell him that his tea is overwrought and bitter. It's my version of him making me a sandwich... If someone makes you a sandwich it's very bad form to point out that there isn't enough mayonnaise on it, right?)

Anyway, in addition to coinciding with hormonal fluctuations, and mine are pretty profoundly not-right, I have always gone down on the bac just before it has happened. (Twice so far.) Intentionally or unintentionally. This time I'm going up slightly, to 220mg/day, and have portioned out my pills for the week. I definitely messed up my dosing schedule last week at the new job, too busy to remember to take them on time or finding a discreet place to do it! That won't happen again.

Today is the first day of classes. I'm very excited! I hope to sign on when I leave here and find that the syllabus for my creative writing class is posted. I hope it's going to be fun!

Lots of love!
Ne

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for ne

omg. just read the first assignment for the writing class. You people better be right (write) that i can actually write right.
And other people are going to be reading what I write, not just mwo and the entire WWW.

[beatle]

Progress thread for ne

You little tease... what is it for f's sake?

[bleep]

Progress thread for ne

Ne/Neva Eva;1119046 wrote: ...

If someone makes you a sandwich it's very bad form to point out that there isn't enough mayonnaise on it, right?)

...

There is that approach, certainly. And if that person is never going to make me another one, I'll let it slide. However, Ed is likely to make you a whole heap of tea. Do you really want bad tea for the rest of your days?

It's possible to let someone know without hurting their feelings that they make a shit cup of tea.