Daily dosing record - beatle

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Daily dosing record - beatle

Also, I need to know how to make the screen bigger and smaller. Every now and then I do something with this fascinating little mousepad thingy and everything gets bigger or smaller and I can't undo what I've done because I don't know what that is. If it gets any smaller I'll have to buy bifocals. I am LOATHE to wear bifocals. Plus, then I'll do whatever again and it'll suddenly be huge.
I don't know how to search for help with this. "Mousepad thingy makes everything get to small" does not find any hits in the help section.
HELP!

[bleep]

Daily dosing record - beatle

Try "Mousepad thingy makes everything get too small"

If that doesn't work, search for "magnify"

If that doesn't work, either work closer or further from the screen, depending on whether you have shrunk or magnified the text.

If that doesn't work, get a normal computer.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Daily dosing record - beatle

bleep;1117869 wrote: If that doesn't work, get a normal computer.

:H

Don't be jealous.

[beatle]

Daily dosing record - beatle

No, the mousepad thingy makes everything easier.

Yes bleep, you are jealous, you just don't know it. But ignorance is bliss, and most PC people choose to live in bliss rather than to fork out some extra money to transform their lives.

Ne: it is so simple, and intuitive, it will make you cry. Or laugh.

PC people: close your eyes here. Because if you don't, you will either:
1) cry
2) have no idea what the f-ck I'm talking about because you don't have one of those iincredible mouse pad thingys (multi-touch track pad is what it is called, I think) and take that as a reason to deride Macs, or
3) decide that Macs are for idiots, you'd rather do everything the complicated way because that proves how much more intelligence you have than Mac people. Who needs instinct to control a machine for irly instinctive, right?). You do the exact opposite to enlarge (push the fingers away from each other from a close position). You can do it as many times as you want in any direction you want to change the appearance of the font size. pinch in or push out. No buttons, no menus, just fingers and instinct. You do it here, it comes out there.

Please try it and report back to me.

Now I have completely messed up the first step of my NEW bac plan:

Step number 1 being, BEFORE reading the threads, post my updates and thoughts. (I usually run out of time reading all the other updates on other threads.). Well, I have to be allowed to read the posts on my own thread, don't I? I should just save the passionate, long-winded replies for AFTER the update.

Now it's too late for an update :boohoo: just kidding :H

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Daily dosing record - beatle

:H:H

thank you sister! and amen! But I don't think that's it... I think that maybe it's when I run my finger in a circle or something. It's definitely one-fingered. I'm definitely getting the hang of it, though, and am thoroughly enjoying the learning. Which in itself is ironic, since normally my pc was the bane of my existence.

Speaking of banes, was it you that posted about bated breath vs baited breath? I went through that whole learning process myself a while bac and decided to just use "holding my breath" instead. Nothing irritates me more than word-ambiguity, unless it's useful ambiguity. An archaic misunderstanding of the word does not endear it to me, though I can COMPLETELY understand how it might to some people. Linguistics is really fascinating. Don't you think? I think we can keep talking about words and macs and lots and lots of stuff, which I fully plan on doing when you're sitting in the chair right over there. In the meantime, how goes the bac?
:H
Love,
Ne
I'm going to start frantically cleaning and painting today, just so you're impressed. just sayin.

[beatle]

Daily dosing record - beatle

Ne/Neva Eva;1118416 wrote: :H:H

thank you sister! and amen! But I don't think that's it... I think that maybe it's when I run my finger in a circle or something. It's definitely one-fingered. I'm definitely getting the hang of it, though, and am thoroughly enjoying the learning.

What do you mean you don't think that's it. It IS it. What I wrote is EXACLY how to reduce and enlarge text on your screen. That's what you asked about, right? And that is exactly how you do it. (you cannot do it with one finger, btw). It's so easy, it's laughable :H.Try it, you'll like it.

You could of course, take the pc approach and first highlight the text, then select a larger font and apply this method each and every time you wanted to enlarge the text, but that would end up taking you about three seconds EVERY time, instead of a nanosecond and then controlling exactly how big or little you want it without going back and taking another three seconds to change it. Just sayin

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Daily dosing record - beatle

you're right of course.
See? There I am squishing it all up. And now! boom! big enough for grandma to read. woop woop!

bac to the bac? :H Alright. have it your way.
xo
Ne

[bleep]

Daily dosing record - beatle

beatle;1118461 wrote: ...

You could of course, take the pc approach and first highlight the text, then select a larger font and apply this method each and every time you wanted to enlarge the text, but that would end up taking you about three seconds EVERY time, instead of a nanosecond and then controlling exactly how big or little you want it without going back and taking another three seconds to change it. Just sayin

Because of course, us PC users change the size of the font several times a day. Anything that shaves a second off this tedious and life-wasting procedure should be embraced wholeheartedly! I can't believe it's taken so long to get to this!

Just sayin.

[beatle]

Daily dosing record - beatle

oh your horizons are so confined. Or maybe your eyesight is so refined that you never want to see something bigger or smaller than the way you see it when it comes in.

My eyesight seems to change by the day (or hour, depending on how much I have had to drink:H) -- and pinching and expanding help me A LOT. As do the gazillion other short cuts that little track pad allows you. And I need all the help I can get.

I'll bet you are all now wishing I had a PC, so that it would take me so damn long to type in my replies that I would be forced to rein myself in.

(that's rein, not reign, btw, for all you folks that care, and bated vs. baited breath is not a matter of archaic versus common usage. It's all in my post. Baited breath works when you eat cheese and attract mice with it. Otherwise, it's bated and it's not archaic.)

[beatle]

Daily dosing record - beatle

Beatle's Crisis and New Plan (contains sex)

For any who still read this. And I don't blame you if you don't. You can only tolerate so much of the PC-bashing on a wannabe baclofen thread. (But I thought the word sex in the title might get some attention. Be assured, I really will get to it.)

Update: 300 mg dbyd, 250 yd (why? I have no f-ing idea), so far today, just took 50 to make it 260 (why? ditto). 300 was ok. No worse really than 285. I think. Except I feel like I'm on a ship all the time. A big ship in calm waters, that sways gently. All the time. Reaching for doorknobs in the wrong places, reaching for doors in the wrong places. Insisting there are doors in the wrong places. Texting people, being sure I texted them and then finding no record of them the next day. Where is the bathroom, for F's sake? Why is my computer bleeping when I turned off the volume? And worse. Far worse. (Although I should point out that this was the case even at lower doses and even when not drinking much. It just became more pronounced -- is it 300 or al?)

btw, have also been using xanax on a prn basis, both for anxiety and in an attempt to stave of drinking -- to no avail. Took a whole .25mg pill last night, in desperation for sleep, after 10 mg of zolpiden in divided doses. Nothing seems to work at all ( a la bleep).

How I feel and felt all day: tired/irritated/angry/depressed/hopeless (as in no hope)/suicidal -- you name it. Totally sleep-deprived (not to mention sex-deprived). I realized today they are basically the same thing. Or intimately related. Or just alike.

Let me explain: I was tired in the way that your body is desperate for sleep and you feel it is going to sleep all over (this almost NEVER happens to me) and I lay down on the bed all ready for it. There was NO way I wasn't going to sleep. I was really ready for sleep in every way physically and mentally possible. As I careened towards it, it felt nicer and nicer. The excitement built. I could feel it, just about there. I was SO on the edge. I'd never been so on the edge of sleep and been so fully aware of it before. Like all was about to be well with the world. A tingling of pure anticipation... but then... not quite. Over and over again. Always so nice, there right at the edge... calm in the knowledge that it is there, right there... and then I started toying with the idea that I would for one time in my life actually experience the transition from waking to sleeping. I mean, know it the moment it happened (has anyone experienced that? I truly think it is unattainable, unlike an orgasm, which you definitely know and feel when it happens. But the idea of feeling the transition into sleep was obsessive. But I was turned away again and again at the point of entry (I mean into the world of slumber).

A bit like the other SE, though.

Both physically and mentally, without either sleep or fruition ( and with al in the body), nothing can be viewed rationally anymore. EDIT: added al to the equation here. NOte: all edits, although minor, imo, are written after most of al has left the building... though I never really enjoyed it (the al) :sigh: Kind of like that other SE (minus the plus of fruition).

...which leads to the logical conclusion (well, to be concluded, I guess you could say), the shocker, brought about by true experience and an al-induced epiphany: beatle needs at least some sleep and some sex. Doesn't everybody? Any volunteers? lol. That'd probably get me banned (and I meant volunteers to give information to help me to sleep anyway:H, although, as I said, I do believe they are intimately related). But I don't think it would make much difference anyway, thanks to the fruition issue. This regards both sleep and the other thing lol. Now I know I'm really losing it, using sex and lol in the same post. (Some minor edits were made here, although I don't think they change the overall meaning/intention, nor impact, of this para.)

So, that was the update and this is the plan:

Move up fast but steady with bac. Make sure I get 300/day for 5 days, 320 ditto.

I can't help but push it this way. With the progress so far and the need to find out, I need to put all my eggs in one basket. (Even if they are quickly losing their capability of fruition:H) EDIT: Unnecessarily long, run-on sentence that basically said I haven't had sex with a real person in 10 years, and it's because I am loyal (and haven't had much opportunity, anyway, despite the fact that I believe I am not not hot, all indications to the contrary).

But I feel I need to push on -- and no NAL (for now). I'm trying to simplify things, but I want to start TSM, too -- in the order Lo0p did it (I think). I recall him having to force himself to drink to follow TSM. I'd like to get to that stage before I start TSM.

And very important: I have been on a 3-day bender (starting the last day I took 300), and I haven't taken aminos or vitamins for 4 days. I'm going back on them tomorrow.

And another thing, I may very well regret this post tomorrow and reserve the right to edit this post -- (EDIT: Now I have edited it, but not much, imo), and if any of you quote it to make sure it is preserved, I will seriously consider that you are intent on making sure I don't succeed, because I will stop posting forever. (EDIT: This still holds true, despite the edits, which I tried to minimize as per my strong belief that posts should not be deleted (my original inclination) nor altered significantly.) And then I will probably fail and it will be the fault of whoever quotes this text. This is indeed a threat, and I mean it.

[beatle]

Daily dosing record - beatle

I'm going to bed. Remember NO quoting. It will be my demise.

[bleep]

Daily dosing record - beatle

Where to start?

While it's tempting to create a new username and leap in and quote the whole post, it would also be a pretty mean thing to do, so I'll give it a miss. I wouldn't worry about it though, either. Everyone posts things they regret, if you just ignore it, by tomorrow it's lost in the fray...

I'm glad you are trying the supplements break. Why for only 3 days though? Surely you need to give it a couple of months at least? In conjunction with this, I reckon your relentless push through the levels will see you right, if you are able to stick to it. As to whether getting laid will help? I can't see it hurting. It is one of the more pleasant ways of drifting off to sleep, although occasionally I get the order of events wrong and get into trouble!

I remember from my titrating up that my sleep in the 300's was very sketchy. Short naps were all I wanted, and I think that would overpower most sleeping tablets, so your solution here may be in the powering up route. I don't know though - you know far more than I about sleep, so you would be better placed to decide.

Good luck with your plan Beatle. We are here, cheering you on. Let us know how you get on. I hope you are fast asleep as I type this...

[beatle]

Daily dosing record - beatle

bleep;1118933 wrote: Where to start?

While it's tempting to create a new username and leap in and quote the whole post, it would also be a pretty mean thing to do, so I'll give it a miss. I wouldn't worry about it though, either. Everyone posts things they regret, if you just ignore it, by tomorrow it's lost in the fray...
If you did that, you would still be insuring my demise; you would just be hiding who it was who did it, but you yourself would always carry the burden.

bleep;1118933 wrote: I'm glad you are trying the supplements break. Why for only 3 days though? Surely you need to give it a couple of months at least?
Re-read my post. I went on a bender, and I cannot see any reason other than stopping the supps. And btw, stopping them was not intentional, just a result of travel and changes in routines. I am not convinced at all that supplements can interfere with the bac (except for additives/binders-- but I've explained this already), and, in fact, am 100% convinced that cutting out supps altogether will add to SEs and make soberizing harder. The last 3 days solidify this conviction.

bleep;1118933 wrote: In conjunction with this, I reckon your relentless push through the levels will see you right, if you are able to stick to it. As to whether getting laid will help? I can't see it hurting. It is one of the more pleasant ways of drifting off to sleep, although occasionally I get the order of events wrong and get into trouble!

I think reaching fruition would help the sleep, short term. Fruition with a real-live human being (that is, someone who I know and care about, someone who wants me to reach fruition) would help the self-esteem greatly, which in turn might help the soberizing process. (I think that's where the "Any volunteers?" part came in.) However, it would hurt my personal ethics so much that the benefits would probably be short-lived, and the guilt and remorse would outweigh them long-term. And the self-esteem would be forever irrevocably compromised. Still, it's ok to think about it, I reckon.

bleep;1118933 wrote: I remember from my titrating up that my sleep in the 300's was very sketchy. Short naps were all I wanted, and I think that would overpower most sleeping tablets, so your solution here may be in the powering up route. I don't know though - you know far more than I about sleep, so you would be better placed to decide.

You are right. I need to go back to my toolbox.

bleep;1118933 wrote: Good luck with your plan Beatle. We are here, cheering you on. Let us know how you get on. I hope you are fast asleep as I type this...

Obviously not fast asleep, although I did sleep a couple hours, and will try again now. (Even though the birds are already chirping).

Thank you for cheering me on. I know you all have always been there for me. But I'm afraid it will take more than cheering:sigh:

[bleep]

Daily dosing record - beatle

That doesn't make any sense! The moment you forgot to take a supplement, you went on a binge? And continued to binge right up until the time when you saw your Omega 3 capsules? I'm not buying it Beatle.

What harm is there is stopping them all? Do it for one month then only. All your arguments aside. One measly little month...

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Daily dosing record - beatle

hmmmm.

There is simply one thing that matters to me in that whole beautiful post you wrote, beatle. That is the part about being hopeless and suicidal. You can and will overcome everything else, with hope and life. Without those two things, well, the future can look pretty grim.

So know this: You can and will overcome your alcoholism. You can and will have fulfilling, intimate and lovely sex again with a partner who hopes that you have an orgasm. (I can't guarantee it will be his focus, 'cause that doesn't seem to come easily! har-har!) You are very close to achieving the ability to decide what, when and where you will focus all of your considerable attention and intelligence. Your perfectionism will be embraced by many, not just us. Your knowledge will continue to be expounded upon, used by hordes who come here looking for a way out and struggling mightily with the process. You bring more to the table than most of us, my friend, and we need you.

You need to go down. You've been on HDB (high-dose-bac, ftor) for too long. But you can't go down without going up. I was there. It was excruciating. Scary. Unchartered. It is what it is. How are you going to do so safely? What plans can we help you put in place so that you are physically safe, but also so that you can take a lot of the anxiety-causing stuff off of your plate? I know that nothing to do is as debilitating as too much to do. What can you do that will keep that mind busy and let the brain go haywire?

To supp or not to supp? It makes no-nevermind. You've been doing it for years, it doesn't seem right to change it all up right now. I was coming from the opposite place, had never really delved into supplements, so starting them would've been too drastic a change.

Xanax, however, is a whole different story. For once, you (and I) have to trust that this is a viable option based on sound judgement and considerable experience. Take it as prescribed. Today. Please. If for no other reason than because I asked you too. I do so because I can *see* the difference in Ed. It makes the process doable. I would never, not ever, would neva eva suggest something that I thought would harm you in the long run. Or jeopardize your chances at success.

:h:h:h
Ne