Hello?.
It?s been awhile. I very much considered changing my screen name for fear some of you may remember me. I have posted some very depressed, suicidal posts in the past. All very embarrassing, but very real and true.
I tried bac a year ago and drank heavily through my titration. Can?t remember what I got up to, but I think it was about 180mg. BAD SEs, mostly intense somelence and dropping things (momentarily losing control of my muscles?). Came off because of 1) shipment was delayed so HAD to (Did titrate down though). 2) SUPER embarrassing Halloween with a friend who had just recently become a friend I met through work I was falling down drunk, woke up naked from the waist down, went to put my pants on and they were wet..I think I may have pee?d myself (has never happened before nor since so I blamed loss of muscle control on the bac). I blacked out. She just told me I fell and she had to help me in to her place. Other than that her husband who was out of town at the time seems to make a point everytime Halloween is brought up that he knows nothing.
So, Bac came and I didn?t want to go down that road again with the SE?s . Cut to several weeks ago. I?m back to trolling the MWO boards. I decide I?m going to give Bac another try?I do have several hundreds of dollars worth of pills stock piled. Only this time I want to do it differently. Not drink my typical 2 bottles of wine+ a day and to pay closer attention to when and how much I?m taking.
I?ve been Back on Bac (love AC/DC and have their song Back In Black changed to Back on Bac ☺) for about a month, now at 100mg. Soooooo tired in the beginning. Find it very helpful to break the doses up into smaller timeframes. Have the 25 mg pills, so am taking ? every 2 hours. Also notice a huge difference between how it controls cravings with different amounts of AL. I have had a couple AF days which I do notice the Bac really helping; to crazy 8-10 drink days where I feel as though the Bac is just making the drunkness more of a disaster.
While being AF or 1-2 drink days aren?t quite the hitting the switch, ?no effort?, they are manageable and I can certainly feel the bac working more. However, what has been more typical is a 4 ? drink day. Don?t know why, but so many times I have been drinking 4 ? drinks which means 1) half my usual 8-10+ drinks and 2) I?m leaving half a drink still in the glass..so not the old me!
Knowing that the BAC is working better when AF or 1-2 glasses still does not get that equation sign between THOUGHT = ACTION. I know this is the better way to go for me. But, like yesterday?.I ?HAD TO HAVE IT?. I was able to white knuckle until the early afternoon?had 2..and was surprisingly able to stop. But then had 2 ? more with dinner?but did leave ? a glass of wine. So..this certainly is an improvement.
I could literally write a novel about this whole 30 year drunken journey, but don?t want to bore you. I dream of the day I can pay someone to listen to me talk. I don?t even care that I?m paying them to listen?I just need to talk?And, I?m reaching out for support and?help?.
If you made it to the end of this long post, I really, really appreciate your time.:thanks:
It?s been awhile. I very much considered changing my screen name for fear some of you may remember me. I have posted some very depressed, suicidal posts in the past. All very embarrassing, but very real and true.
I tried bac a year ago and drank heavily through my titration. Can?t remember what I got up to, but I think it was about 180mg. BAD SEs, mostly intense somelence and dropping things (momentarily losing control of my muscles?). Came off because of 1) shipment was delayed so HAD to (Did titrate down though). 2) SUPER embarrassing Halloween with a friend who had just recently become a friend I met through work I was falling down drunk, woke up naked from the waist down, went to put my pants on and they were wet..I think I may have pee?d myself (has never happened before nor since so I blamed loss of muscle control on the bac). I blacked out. She just told me I fell and she had to help me in to her place. Other than that her husband who was out of town at the time seems to make a point everytime Halloween is brought up that he knows nothing.
So, Bac came and I didn?t want to go down that road again with the SE?s . Cut to several weeks ago. I?m back to trolling the MWO boards. I decide I?m going to give Bac another try?I do have several hundreds of dollars worth of pills stock piled. Only this time I want to do it differently. Not drink my typical 2 bottles of wine+ a day and to pay closer attention to when and how much I?m taking.
I?ve been Back on Bac (love AC/DC and have their song Back In Black changed to Back on Bac ☺) for about a month, now at 100mg. Soooooo tired in the beginning. Find it very helpful to break the doses up into smaller timeframes. Have the 25 mg pills, so am taking ? every 2 hours. Also notice a huge difference between how it controls cravings with different amounts of AL. I have had a couple AF days which I do notice the Bac really helping; to crazy 8-10 drink days where I feel as though the Bac is just making the drunkness more of a disaster.
While being AF or 1-2 drink days aren?t quite the hitting the switch, ?no effort?, they are manageable and I can certainly feel the bac working more. However, what has been more typical is a 4 ? drink day. Don?t know why, but so many times I have been drinking 4 ? drinks which means 1) half my usual 8-10+ drinks and 2) I?m leaving half a drink still in the glass..so not the old me!
Knowing that the BAC is working better when AF or 1-2 glasses still does not get that equation sign between THOUGHT = ACTION. I know this is the better way to go for me. But, like yesterday?.I ?HAD TO HAVE IT?. I was able to white knuckle until the early afternoon?had 2..and was surprisingly able to stop. But then had 2 ? more with dinner?but did leave ? a glass of wine. So..this certainly is an improvement.
I could literally write a novel about this whole 30 year drunken journey, but don?t want to bore you. I dream of the day I can pay someone to listen to me talk. I don?t even care that I?m paying them to listen?I just need to talk?And, I?m reaching out for support and?help?.
If you made it to the end of this long post, I really, really appreciate your time.:thanks:
like I said babe Im right here with you.
Anyways, I?m watching him drink this beer and it just looks soooo good. I remember Murph?s post and asked for one?and it was really good. Bad news~ it ruined my AF plan. Good news~ I had only one and was fine with it. Could I have drank another?hey, who are we dealing with here? Of course, I could!...But, I really didn?t have any problem not having a second. 
However, there are a few instances where my drinking created a less than ideal situation. I talked with a client late at night and was slurring my words. Looking at the number of drinks I had that day, while on the higher side, nothing crazy when you consider I started drinking in the early afternoon and this was at about 8:30 at night. That’s less than a drink per hour. I think a lot of it had to do with the bac as well. I was so tired I could hardly keep my eyes open. I could tell I was slurring and she suggested I call her a little earlier in the day next time. Not sure if she said this because she didn’t want to be bothered late in the evening or if it had something to do with my slurring. Regardless, if I hadn’t started drinking so early, I would have gone into the office and made the call earlier. Instead I had a glass of wine before heading in…which eventually led to a bottle. Then a nap for 3 hours. Then another cocktail before walking into the office. Situation 1.
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