Progress thread for Sticky

[Sticky]

Hi everyone

After reading about naltrexone on MWO, I have been over at The Sinclair Method forum for the past 18 months. I had high hopes that that would be my "cure", but after some promise and a more normal social life it eventually backfired and I ended up bingeing again.

I first discovered I was an alcoholic 18 years ago. AA helped me get sober the first time around and the longest I managed was 2 years. One of those years was on my own - I thought I could do it by myself. Since then I have had a 10 month period of sobriety and several 6 months. Did an 8-week residential rehab 3 years ago and an outpatient rehab 6 years ago.

At my worst I have gone on benders staying in my car for several days and not answering my phone. I have 2 wonderful boys aged 13 and 10, a mostly supportive husband and some very supportive friends. Recently I got stopped for drink driving for the 4th time. Also have had nights in hospital as a result of my drinking and been asked to move out twice. Fortunately this was only for 10 days recently as that just made me want to drink more.

I live in New Zealand. Not sure how to update that on my profile and haven't been able to insert a profile picture yet, even when I tried one the right size. I came across Susie's mum's posts here, contacted her and have seen her daughter's GP. Also met with Susie's mum for coffee a couple of times, which has been great. I've been on bac for 3 weeks. 15mg/day 1st week, 30mg 2nd week and 50mg this week. So far I haven't felt overly tired. I've slept well and some evenings can't keep my eyes open watching TV, but during the day I have been OK.

I'm really hoping I can tolerate the SE's and reach the 'switch.' My goal is to drink socially, but if I lose interest in alcohol perhaps I'll be happy to abstain for once.

I've done lots of reading on this site and have ordered Amiesen's book. Wish me luck!

Cheers
Sticky :new:

[StuckinLA]

Progress thread for Sticky

:welcome:

A whole bunch of folks who know a whole bunch more than I do will be around to give a more informative welcome, but thought I'd say hi really quick.

Sounds like you've got a good plan going. Best of luck! I was sober when I started, and that made getting to 150mg/day almost a breeze. Then I got cocky, and it's been a bumpy ride since. So for what it's worth, I'll say the same thing everyone is (rightly) saying to me: drinking makes it a lot less fun.

And, if I can figure out the links on here, check out the Consolidated Baclofen Information Thread.

Again, Good Luck!

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for Sticky

Morning, Sticky. Or rather, good evening! An official :welcome:

I am still so thrilled that you found and looked up Susiesmum. Wow. The power of MWO!

I can't help much with the picture thing. I have to figure it out every single time I change my profile, or post a pic somewhere. There is some helpful information about posting pix on the Test Bed part of the forum.
Congrats on week three! Abstinence helps a great deal. And you're right that what the future brings doesn't really need to be decided now. It's enough for most of us that there is a way to not go completely off the grid (and sleep in the car) when we start out. The rest is just the frosting on the cake. (The best part, imho, and worth the wait...)

Really glad you've joined us!

[Sticky]

Progress thread for Sticky

Hi everyone

Thanks StuckinLA and Ne for the warm welcome. I'm actually about to start my 5th week on bac, not 4th as I said above. Had to see a different doc as the one I've been seeing was away and I would have run out over the weekend. He hadn't heard of bac being used for alcoholism, but after googling it he prescribed 70mg for next fortnight.

Everyone has been on at me to have some counselling so I've signed up for some at our Community Alcohol and Drug Services (CADS.) It was suggested I do one of their 8-week groups. Started on Wednesday. Really enjoyed it. It was refreshing to be able to be honest about what I'm doing and it's also good to spread the word, neither of which I can do in my women's AA meeting. CADS promotes both abstinence and cutting down and its services are FREE. Yay!

Last week I managed 5 days AF and felt much better after that. Also this week I was able to have 2 nights only drinking half a bottle of wine. This is partly b/c hubby thinks I'm not drinking. I'm also wondering if the bac is reducing anxiety already. Or maybe I just feel better 'cos I haven't been bingeing and my ADs are not being negated by booze.

I admitted to hubby that I may be able to drink socially if bac works for me. At first I hadn't even realised that might be possible. His reaction was "I don't know how you can even think that might be possible!" He is highly sceptical after my failure with the Sinclair Method. I would love to be able to drink socially without drama. Or alternatively no longer have cravings and be happy to abstain. Fingers crossed! Am feeling hopeful and optimistic today.

Cheers
Sticky

[StuckinLA]

Progress thread for Sticky

Yeah, low doses of bac seem to be wonders for anxiety (please, others out there, help me out on this one! I hate making unsubstantiated claims).

As to your husband... I'm not even indifferent yet, or even close to sober, but I'm hoping for the same thing. I'm all over MWO all the time, but I'm also laying the groundwork by telling many of my friends all about this stuff--even though they don't care.

Anyway, the salient point here is that it doesn't matter. If I reach indifference (please, dear Christ, someday), it won't matter to these certain friends or family. Even if they understand what "indifference" means, even if they know it's a cure.

Point is: you lose all interest/association in/with alcohol. They don't. I've been told time and again, with this particular friend, if I take a drink she'll see straight through everything right back to me being that guy.

Good news: when you reach indifference it won't matter, at all, that you're not all F-ed up. So you can not drink. But in my case, I'll still be so pissed off that alcohol is still an issue...

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for Sticky

Morning/evening, Sticky!

That is so great that you found a group. SO great. Especially one in which you can be open about what you're doing.
I don't want to completely digress and derail your thread, but there is a movement in the recovery community away from absolute abstinence as the only way out. It's pretty revolutionary ( I'm not sure why that is, since if there is one thing that is absolutely certain, it's that absolute abstinence doesn't really happen...or work. Anyway back to the point...) and it started with the harm-reduction idea, but it really isn't that at all. The fundamental principle is that by treating the disease, one can remove alcohol/addiction as the primary issue. But even removing the disease isn't necessarily enough, especially since it's all very confused/confusing at the moment (in terms of effective treatments.)

All that is to say that part of removing addiction is treating the whole picture. Therapy, group support, self-hypnosis, meditation, prayer (and so much more!) are all absolutely proven to increase effectiveness in changing behavior. Everything from weight loss and exercise to giving birth and coping with death! When dealing with what we've got, throwing everything you can at it is a smart way to go. imho, of course. (Well, my opinion and that of lots of others...from ancient philosophers to modern shrinks.)

It's also amazing and wonderful that you told your husband. Mine didn't believe it either! And now he's sober. Because of me. Well, and bac. lol But I take full credit when I can get away with it. Time makes a great believer out of even the most skeptical of us.
I still doubt the effectiveness of the treatment! Then I look around. And I try to remember what it was like, even just a little bit, to crave alcohol the way I crave chocolate or a cigarette. Can't do it. And I DO remember thinking/saying/believing that craving for alcohol was going to be with me forever, to the exclusion of all else.

Nice to hear from you! Keep in touch. And tell more about the program, will you? I wonder if there is something like it around here??? (I am pretty sure there's not. But maybe?!)

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for Sticky

StuckinLA;1342203 wrote:

Good news: when you reach indifference it won't matter, at all, that you're not all F-ed up. So you can not drink. But in my case, I'll still be so pissed off that alcohol is still an issue...

:H But the irony is that alcohol won't be an issue. It's not fathomable, maybe, from where you are. I know I didn't understand it, much less believe it. It won't matter. At all.

Hang in there, peeps. It just keeps getting better and better. :l

[Sticky]

Progress thread for Sticky

Still here

Hi all

I've been very slack about posting. Maybe because I'm seeing a GP for bac on a regular basis, which I wasn't for naltrexone/Sinclair method. I do read a lot of posts though.
I'm now up to 90mg. Going up to 70mg I felt very tired in the evening for the first few days. Was literally falling asleep on the couch at 8pm the first night. It was good to read a post of NE's saying that 70mg was hard for her too.
Going up to 90mg I haven't felt quite as tired in the evening. I do get tired during the day and look forward to my 20 mins meditation after lunch. My concentration levels are not the best but I have been feeling less anxious. Great!!
Have been drinking 2 or 3 times a week. Usually a bottle of wine, but at least I am not going out to get more.
The GP I'm seeing said once i get over 100mg he will probably titrate up more slowly - 20mg more every 4 weeks instead of 2. So this will take a while...
The group at CADS is good. We spend the first hour going round the room with everyone saying how they are doing and what strategies are helping them to abstain or cut down. We need to say where we are on the wheel of change - pre-contemplation, contemplation/decision, action, maintenance or lapse/relapse. for me it's always action. Then for the second hour we have a topic. First week was breathing exercises, 2nd week a DVD on effects of drugs on the brain, 3rd week thoughts and feelings around using and this week was on cravings and urges. It's an 8-week program and they also have a Maintenance program. I also started one-on-one counselling last week. Felt quite down early last week and didn't have much to say, but this week was good.
Better go cook dinner. Will try to post more regularly.

Cheers
Sticky :thumbs:

[Sticky]

Progress thread for Sticky

I'm now at 110 and have had awful insomnia since last Fri. Debilitating to the point where I probably shouldn't be driving. Can't concentrate and am struggling to keep on top of work. Took hubby to the GP who is prescribing bac for me (and 3 others) today as GP said (and quite rightly too) that it was counterproductive to be drinking sneakily. Hubby has read the book and is now on board and noticed some positive changes in me, so I need to hang onto that.
Spoke on phone tonight with another woman in Auckland who is at a similar dosage. Hopefully we will meet up and be able to travel this journey together so that is cool.
It's interesting (but scary) to read some of the recent posts on benzos. Some of the other stuff such as the debate over Dr A and Dr L and did Dr A relapse I will try not to look at again as it is not helpful to me. You guys go for it though!
I hope everyone is enjoying the Olympics. I especially loved the artistic gymnastics as I used to do it as a teenager.

Cheers
Sticky

[StuckinLA]

Progress thread for Sticky

Hey Sticky. Sorry you're having a bit of a rough time. I was just getting sober when I was where you're at, kind of barely holding it together. Not drinking for almost 2 months I think helped me get to 150 without serious SEs (I think? My sleep was getting better). Weird thing is that it's not just the bac (probably), but drinking that messes all around with sleep.

Sounds to me though that the low/mid 100s are kinda tough all around. And at 150 I felt magical, then fell apart once I had a drink, then bummed around drinking a lot at 130 for a few weeks. I'm just glad I stuck with it.

At 225 (starting today), and yes, still drinking. So we'll see. Concentration is let's say tricky right now, but I think that's a combination of things--not least of which hangovers that I may (or may not) even realize I'm having.

In other words things simply don't feel like they used to. Hungover doesn't feel like hungover, drunk doesn't even feel like drunk. I really want to be having fun--it's like I have permission to booze it up!--but it's not really... Maybe coming to terms with that is part of the process?

Glad you don't need to drink sneakily. (And so glad everyone recognizes that! Wow!) Though if it were me I'd probably still be "sneaking" at least a few, since I'm still clinging to the "I have a problem" thing a little. Not sure why I just said that--hopefully it doesn't make you want to smack me in the face.

Hang in, Sticky. I obviously can't make promises. And I had some pretty bad insomnia too. (Gawd, it's buried in my thread at this point, but it's there clear as day. If you want to commiserate, I'm here. Or you can read Proust's In Search of Lost Time. Talk about trouble sleeping.)

Or maybe you don't want anything to remind you of it. But reading here, and reading old threads, helped me immensely. Pick somebody you like or identify with, and just dig in, and it both fills the panicky night time and shows how not alone you really are. Best of luck! (But it's totally not luck.) Hugs.

[Sticky]

Progress thread for Sticky

Aww thanks so much Stuck and no I don't want to smack you, I totally get it. I know what to do re sleep, even did a sleep course involving calculating number of hours to spend in bed. But until last night b/c of the bac I just couldn't force myself to get out of bed and read upstairs or get on here. Now I have it - force myself to stay up late & also will work on getting out of bed during night if need be.
I must admit I'm not so keen on drinking at the moment b/c i know it will only make me more tired. Having said that, now that hubby is on board am keen to try having one or two in social situations, or sharing a bottle of wine with hubby. Will see how the weekend pans out. At this stage it looks as though I'm having a date with my 13-year old as other son & hubby will be away Sat night. So may do a movie.
Good luck with your progress and thanks for the support. Thanks to everyone on here for the wealth of info this site provides.

Cheers
Sticky

[Bruunhilde]

Progress thread for Sticky

Welcome Sticky! I don't do HDB, however I do low dose. And to prop Stuck regarding the benefits of low dose, its good for some types of anxiety and for menstrual cramps although he might not be aware of just how beneficial (or dangerous) it can be for them. And its good for back pain, for me at least.

[Sticky]

Progress thread for Sticky

Thanks Bruunhilde

I'm near menopausal so menstrual cramps aren't a concern. Having said that I had awful cramps in my legs one night recently. Straightened them out and felt like I'd run 10K the next day!! Doc said it was nothing to do with bac. In fact I'd say it had far more to do with the fact I'd drunk a bottle of wine the night before. Dehydration - LOL.
Soo happy to have someone in my own city in NZ who is at a similar dose to me and would like to meet up...When I did The Sinclair Method with naltrexone (which ended in disaster for me after 17 months of diligence & a certain amount of denial :H) there was also someone in Auckland who kindly spoke to hubby on the phone to get him on board, but didn't want to meet me. She said she was a high profile business woman and didn't want her anonymity broken. She hadn't been to AA & I had to accept that.
Am drinking too much tonight so will sign off now.
Take care everyone.

Cheers
Sticky :l

[Sticky]

Progress thread for Sticky

Hi everyone

I'm still on 110mg of baclofen and still have had bad insomnia. That's been hard. On the positive side, hubby says I less anxious, more tolerant and better able to think outside the square!

A couple of times I've been able to have one or two drinks, but mostly it's still a bottle of wine. At least it is out in the open now - no more sneaky stuff. And I'm not going out in the car or walking to get more, thank God! I soo do not want to risk losing my licence again.

I've felt good about encouraging hubby to take on a new staff member and get rid of a friend who was working for us temporarily. He was too unfit and took every opportunity to lean on a shovel and roll another ciggie, so he was not making us any money. We advertised online and our new guy who started this morning rang us 5 mins after the ad was placed!

Also have finally persuaded hubby to have a patch up job done on the paintwork on our house. My counsellor said i need to ask for what i want. Sometimes i need to ask 20 times over 3 years before i get what i want!

My group sessions at Community A & D services (CADS) have been great as i can be honest about what I'm doing. This week I move up to a maintenance group which is facilitated by my counsellor. Some of the attendees have told me it's even better than the Action group I was doing.

Also I have told a couple of AA friends what I'm doing this week. My friend/ex-sponsor has vanished (after being my rock and greatest source of support for 5 years) and a few of us are busily texting/phoning etc so i have got more honest with them.

Must dash. I hope everyone is doing well.

Cheers
Sticky

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Progress thread for Sticky

Roooooooooooock on, Sticky.

Sorry about the insomnia. Sleep is VERY important. Do you have any tools you can use to make sure you get as much as you can?

Thanks for checking in!