Skullbaby's Progress

[See the Light]

Dam fine work skull- keep inspiring people man! 1 year is lifetime in this business...keep up the good work

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Congratulations, Skull. It's a huge accomplishment that you have been completely abstinent for a year. Mind-bending, really.

And though that's an almost impossible thing to accomplish, it's not the only reason I admire you so much. Your commitment to wellness is an inspiration for us all.

Good luck on your training, and thanks, once again, for sharing your remarkable journey.

[Lostinspace]

That's so awesome, Skull. Congratulations!! I knew you could do it. I also didn't realize you had stopped taking the AB. The fact that you no longer need it because you value your health, and your training schedule, too much to ruin it with alcohol, is a great testament to how much you've changed. Your dedication to improving all aspects of your life is really wonderful to see. You're a true inspiration to me, and I'm sure many others here

[Pavati]

You know I'm a fan. Way to go, Skull. Onward and upward.

[Turnagain]

Congratulations, Skullbaby - You are an inspiration!! And off you go on the way to even more amazing milestones.
:welldone:

[skullbabyland]

Thanks so much for the kind words, my friends! All your words of support and encouragement mean a lot to me. This site and the people on it have made all the difference in the world to me. I appreciate your kind sentiments, thanks again

[Pavati]

Checking in on you, Skull. Haven't heard from you in a while. Hope all is fabulous!

[skullbabyland]

Hi Pav, thanks for checking in on me I'm well, just had a few hectic days of work, then got a nasty cold and was in a Theraflu fog, on the couch...

All's well, though. I'll prepare an update for early next week as I've got some neat things going on. Til then, see ya on the Gratitude Thread my friend !

[skullbabyland]

Hi guys- apologies on being absent, I took a little break from MWO, just been focusing on other things during my morning routine- learning meditation and being present (Tolle). But I'm happy to be back and hope you're all doing well

I am still sober- Day 403 AF (!!!) Hard to believe. This time last year, I was just allowing myself to feel miserably sober- white knuckling and just dealing with it, especially during holiday festivities- my Baclofen/Antabuse protocol the only thing keeping me from collapsing back into an alcoholic fog. Now, a year later, things look so different, and sober life is truly preferable.

I am still on bac- a slightly lessened maintenance dose of 60 mg/day. No Antabuse now for maybe 6 months or so, as the habit/habitual thoughts seems to have been broken by now. I often think about how "I could drink today if I wanted to..." But it never seems good enough to actually go through with it. I enjoy so much in my sober life and I often remind myself about how fucked up I used to feel in my endless cycle of drunk/hungover/anxious/depressed. I'm really glad that I haven't glossed over those memories in my mind, and they remain in focus, albeit in my rear view memory. Nowadays, being sober is the new normal, even when around other people who are drinking. It's a nice feeling. I speak about it pretty openly, not really hiding the fact any more.

I still often have drinking dreams, where I despair in my dream that I've drank, but am relieved when I wake to find I'm still sober. I'm thankful for these dreams. I still have them about sweets/junk food/soda too, oddly. Those ones make me chuckle though.

Copied/pasted from the Gratitude thread-

Today I am grateful that my body and my mind can be slowly healed over time if I give them the right nutrition, tools, practice, and feedback. More than healed- I can become strong. I love the feeling of being on my way there.

Best to all.
Skull

[skullbabyland]

Posted this over in Lis's thread and thought I'd paste it here just for my own records.

Hi guys- just catching up on this thread and thought I'd chime in a bit, as I know a thing or two about anxiety as it relates to alcoholism and sobriety. Well, more accurately, that is pretty much my whole LIFE in one way or another.

I've written about it much on my thread in much greater detail if anyone's interested, so I'll just say here that anxiety, both generalized and especially social, has been my gigantic problem almost all my life. I thing it's very much tied in to negative belief systems that I've internalized for many reasons over my life. It's also tied in to what Eckhart Tolle says is mind/ego/pain body stuff (it's all related, or different names for the same things). For a long time drinking provided relief from it, but then it also made it worse. More and more I relied on alcohol, the worse the anxiety became. Classic addiction stuff. For me I've come to realize that I had both anxiety as the cause, and then added anxiety on top of it due to drinking. Just a metric fuckton of anxiety. Life sucked.

For me, I had to get significant sober time before this started getting any better. I tended to feel little bursts of relief, first at about 2 weeks, then 4, then 2 months, etc. And this was in addition to the yo-yo or rollercoaster of all the hard times/sad emotions too. That plus all the social gatherings etc. that I couldn't get out of but just had to white-knuckle through it sober. No ways around it... it's just hard as shit. For me, I knew I would keep falling backwards unless I left myself no option to do so (my medication protocol, again info is in my thread). Then, I just allowed and accepted that sober life to just fucking suck. Things that helped a little were lots of baths, reading MWO and other health stuff, early bed times and lots of couch/TV.

But slowly but surely, life didn't suck ALL the time. When I added exercise and meditation, I often felt genuinely good. For me, I'm still working through a lot of this anxiety stuff- it's a lot of work to deprogramm decades of disfunctional thoughts and feelings. So now I'm in the midst of all that work.So, now self-recovery is almost a full time job. Weekly therapy/support group, daily meditation, listening to audio positive affirmations, reading Tolle, good nutrition, exercise daily, these are all requirements for me to not feel like a total looney stresscase all the time, every day. I've occasionally received some nice comments expressing that people are impressed with my efforts, which is nice to hear, but for me my efforts are really just not optional, because the alternative is to collapse and implode and just feel like shit all the time.

The good news is that for me all that effort is worth it. I'm discovering my strength slowly but surely. It takes time, and in my opinion, for people like us, it takes sober time. I know some people can have a few from time to time with the help of baclofen etc. but that's not me, not right now. Maybe someday. But I just know that even one beer will hurt me- a beer a week will become a binge a week then a binge every other day and it will pull me back into alcoholic drinking, and quickly.

Anyways hope that was helpful. I'd encourage us all to keep in mind that for most of us, extended periods of fully sober time can only help.

[Spiritfree]

Skull, I wanted to bump your post because I think what (and how) you describe your alcoholism and your methods of recovery are of utmost importance to those who may now may be reading and wanting to truly be free from the Firewater trap.

I think that it is only fair and just for potential prospects -who want to truly be free from, to have access to your type of information. What you post is sincere and forthright. Many of us, especially newcomers to sobriety, gain from hearing your information.

In summary, here is what I hear you suggesting to others that may be in your type of situation -alcoholically speaking:
(a) Medications are great and they really do help -but it still difficult as hell to eventually quit drinking
(b) Your pre-existing anxiety was only made worse by the injection of alcohol into your system
(c) You eventually took and are taking additional measures to insure your sobriety (Meditation, exercise, nutrition, etc.).
(d) You realize that for you, regardless of all else, that your sobriety is only in your hands and not of others -and you now take responsibility for you.

Please correct me if I have not interpreted your means, methods, intents or actions incorrectly. I take the stance, wholeheartedly, that what you post will only end up helping people, who really want and need help, down the road -if they have access to your information.

We can continue to hear and learn from others who claim that they have become 'indifferent' to alcohol and that they now choose to drink or not drink. We can hear and learn from others that say that they keep drinking and that they continue to look for a 'magic' switch to stop wanting, needing, or desiring to drink. But, when all is said and done, the reality remains the same. If you have crossed a certain line in your drinking history, there is but one way out, and you offer this information on getting out in your posts.

Thank you. SW333

[Spiritfree]

bump this thread. A very good friend of mine reminded me that this was and is a very useful thread for people who are truly trying to change their lives.

[Pie]

Hi Skull, How are you today?