Rambling of a Diseased Mind

[janka]

Rambling of a Diseased Mind

Hey db2, just sending you big hugs (no kick in the butt from me) and hope you are finding yourself feeling better. Distract yourself in as much as possible and don't look back. Don't be impatient with time or yourself. Just get better like we all know you can and let us know how you are doing, love, j

[Finding My Self]

Rambling of a Diseased Mind

Cindi - are you ok?

Come tell us how you are?

We just care a lot....thinking of you.

Hug FMS xx

[KateH1]

Rambling of a Diseased Mind

Hey Cindi,
OK, you have been MIA, for a couple of days now, where are you? We are getting more than a bit worried. It is understandable if you are wanting to be in your own space while you are working through some of this stuff. Just let us know that you are still around. Or, if you are in contact with Mags or others, let them tell us how you are, OK?

Take Care of Yourself,
Love, KateH

[memarcie]

Rambling of a Diseased Mind

Cindi posted on a thread in Subscribers this morning. I'm sure she will chime in here eventually.

Cindi we are all thinking of you. :l

[KateH1]

Rambling of a Diseased Mind

Thanks, marcie!

[Mags]

Rambling of a Diseased Mind

Cindi's doing great. Spending some time with family this weekend.

[lucky 2.0]

Rambling of a Diseased Mind

I like what janka said about distraction. Distraction is good!

Hope you are doing well db. Thanks mags for the update!

xo

[Chief]

Rambling of a Diseased Mind

Spending time with family? WTF are we?...chopped liver?....

Hope all is well, Cindi..

Don

[Cinders]

Rambling of a Diseased Mind

OMG, I feel so guilty about not posting this morning when I got to jump on.

My granddaughter woke up at 6:00 and needed some Granny time, then Papa woke up and the day was on. I had to jump off, cook breakfast and stay up with those two.

I finally have a few minutes of rest as they are in the "Big TV" room together watching the end of the Broncos vs Vikings game.

We have Destiny trained to yell "Gooo Broncos" whenever they score. However, she is never sure which team is the Broncos. We're working on it.

I need to say to everyone, Thank You so much for your kind and assertive responses.

I truly have put that "stake" in the ground and know that I simply do not have too many more "going sobers" in me. I must make this work. I am tired, I am disgusted with myself, and I know that this disease truly has me in its grips and if I continue drinking, it will be a downward spiral that I may well not be able to climb out of.

I have thought very much about what Neil said and recognize that I often avoid searching too carefully at my emotions and what is driving me. I am on the search for a counselor, and Mags has given me some wonderful advice (as well as incredible friendship and understanding.)

I am also going to make sure I have a good doctor who is willing to talk to me and understand what I am going through. If I do need meds to deal with anxiety and/or depression, then I will make sure I get some.

I am also going to make sure I stay busy. BUSY, BUSY, BUSY so that I cannot dwell on my mind craving the relief that the wine gives (for about 15 minutes, then it is blackout time.)

Again, you have no idea how grateful I am for everyone here at MWO and all your posts. I have read all of them and am considering all comments very carefully.

I have been staying kind of quiet, too, because I truly am considering this whole issue and thinking carefully about Mag's and Neil's thoughts. I must get back to that space where being sober is my number one priority. It is sad, but that is the case, and I must do all the pieces to make that so. MWO, counseling, good doctor, exercise, meditation and stay busy.

So, despite my fears about my family problem and things I cannot do anything about, I must come first.

Luckily, my husband seems to be very understanding. I have also explained to him some of the mechanics and the craving issues. He is actually listening this time. He is being as supportive as he can.

However, as all of you know. Despite the fact that we didn't ask for this problem, we have it, it is what it is, BUT it is OUR responsibilty to deal with it.

So, I am sending so much love and gratitude back to all of you. I am actually sitting here crying after reading all the posts and caring.

I don't think I could even begin to make it without my family here.

Love,
Cindi

PS, almost through day two.

[Flip]

Rambling of a Diseased Mind

oh babe, you are doing so well!

You DO have to put yourself first for a while, and look inside and pull out everything and examine it before discarding what is damaging you.

Don't keep too busy though, you need time to sit and relfect.

[Finding My Self]

Rambling of a Diseased Mind

Flip;247186 wrote: oh babe, you are doing so well!

You DO have to put yourself first for a while, and look inside and pull out everything and examine it before discarding what is damaging you.

Don't keep too busy though, you need time to sit and relfect.

Flip - may I use your words, too? Just exactly what I am thinking....

Cindi, Flip's got the words spot on. And you're doing great.....it's good to hear from you....and about those cute little grandies!!!

Happy, happy, happy sober 2008 to you, love.

You CAN do this.

Love FMS xx

[Flip]

Rambling of a Diseased Mind

just think Cindi - a whole year to work on staying sober is ahead of you! What good luck!

[Accountable for Me]

Rambling of a Diseased Mind

Cindi, I had no idea you are drinking again. So sorry to hear it. You were doing so very well and I have no doubt that you will get back on track again. I love what xtexan had to say. Keep reaching out to us. We are all in this together. I haven't been around much on the boards as my life has become super busy combined with the holidays. I will say a prayer for you tonight.

You can do this! I know you can!! Love ya sista!

[satori]

Rambling of a Diseased Mind

Cindi,

I too am just back at the 'puter after a longish, busy break over the holidays.
I also didn't know what was going on !

No kicking Butt from me either - but you do REALLY have to figure out these triggers.

You know just as well as I do that one drink is WAY too many - and the cost of that one drink WAY too high.

You need to figure out what it is that makes you want to pay that cost!

I now see / understand very clearly that the cost (for me) far outweighs the benefits.
I am no longer interested in playing that game.
And - more importantly, I am happy in that knowledge.

You need to get here - it is an OK place to be.
I am not "cured" - but now I feel the triggers being pulled, and recognise / see the process. I am now able to simply choose not to respond.

The only thing I did to get here was rack up a few weeks AF, come on here for advice and support and made myself a promise not to stay away from MWO for too long.

It is SO doable - c'mon Cindi you know we all love you here - and we do not want to see you hurting yourself.

Lets make 2008 an AWESOME AF year.
Lets make it the year we REALLY start LIVING again!

Take care of yourself

Lots of love (and huggy things!:l :l )

Satori

xxx

[AMELIA]

Rambling of a Diseased Mind

Cindi, this year is going to be AF for me too!! Glad to see you are back on Day 2.
with love.
Amelia