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[magic]

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Hi Amethyst26,

If you're nursing AND a single mom I'd say you have every reason to be tired, stressed out and anxious. They are both tough jobs on their own let alone combined.

I think though that you realize that unless you get your drinking under control that you're going to have neither. Please ask for some help.

Ah, 'tis hard being the nurse, isn't it? Asking for help. I know. Always caring for others, and doing a damn fine job of it too but, then, we forget about ourselves. Until we're in a muddle.

I spent 30 days in a rehab clinic, 500 miles away from my children, and let others take care of me for a bit. Leaving my children was SO very hard but I really, at that point, had no other choice.

I learned to take care of ME FIRST as well and I've been sober ever since.

I think it's the 12 step programs that say.. "at all costs" and I think that it's true.
Because eventually you'll get to the point that without your sobriety -you'll have nothing.

I agree with the others, start with your Family Doctor.

But for tonight..let me tuck you in, open your window and get the light.

magic xxxx

CS~ I'm glad you're less afraid

[A Work in Progress]

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she may have noticed I was drunk

That says so much to me (and I am sure to many others here)... about our capacity to fool ourselves into thinking that we are fooling anybody else when we are getting drunk and supposedly "functioning," or even (as we sometimes say) "high functioning" ...

Best wishes, sounds as if you are really starting to make a plan with good elements... whatever it takes... AA can be a big help, both when you are in a jam, and also for long-term face-to-face support. Not everyone in AA groups is a "Big Book Thumper" (no offense intended to any Thumpers out there... just that it tends to grate on my nerves... )

wip

[want_to_be_sober]

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Amethyst26;371919 wrote: I will make this brief since it is 8:26am and I have had no sleep thanks to drinking last night and then sleeping for 2 hours and waking up. I am thinking of Rehab and or counseling for alcohol dependence. This is really getting out of control and affecting my job. The prob is I have a 12 year old daughter and a job...(which I will lose if this continues) ...i can't just go off to detox,... I haven't taken Topa cuz I tried it years ago for other reasons and think it made me nuts. I haven't stopped drinking for more that one or 2 days in a row in the past year...so campral won't work I dont know what to do.I have tried hypno, accupuncture, yoga , meditation (not lately)...my self esteem is crap. I look like shit. Where the hell is my willpower and resolve? I feel like i am possessed and ME is gone. Replaced by this robot. I don't know what to do. I am drinking 4 to 5 glasses of wine per night,. Every night I trick myself into having one and then of course the cycle begins. I am afraid I can't stop. I think my antidepressant effexor is actually making me crave alcohol ( i have read that they do this) but if i stop taking that i can't function. I know i need to make some serious lifestyle changes. I am very unhappy and confused as to what the hell i am doing. I am afraid if this continues I am going to damage my mental health even moreso than it already is. I am really hating life right now,

A
:upset:

Hello amethyst. Just stopped by to say that I feel exactly what you described above. Thinking of you. best of wishes. xxx

[Nurseindistress]

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How are you doing?

Hi Amethyst--

Just wondered how you are doing. I had some wine last night, and some tonight, so my goal is to join the group that is going to stop for August. Are you planning on trying that? Since I started coming here the longest I have ever gone is 5 days--and that was a one time thing, and now I can't seem to even get close to that. But, I am determined to join this August group, and hope you will too. My supplements have been shipped, so I'm hoping that will help. How have things been going with you and are you going to try for a AF August?

[skempy]

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Hi Amethyst,
I haven't been on here in so long! I went AF from 9/19/06 until Thanksgiving that year. Then I was fairly moderate for a good while. But then, THEN...well, you know, old habits and so forth. So I started Topa again on my own last year and was at first moderate and began abstaining from time to time and it was so much easier. But I was on a lower dose of the Topa than before and even at that it was making me crazy, so I stopped again. Well, guess what? I'm an addict so I'm back in an old pattern of anywhere from 3 to 6 glasses of wine (and I'm not talking 4 oz.!) each and every night. I feel your pain. Maybe together, and with the help of MWO we'll work it out. I'm on Effexor, too. Didn't mean to hijack your thread, I just hope we can all help one another.

[lizalaraine]

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I understand how you feel about this FORCE taking you over. I've just started this forum in the past week but already feel like there is hope here. I have the same issue, 4-5 glasses of wine a night- I love the taste of it and it makes me mad I have to give it up. But it's that or I will ruin my health and I don't want to check out yet. I have a lot of blessings in my life and this damn (pardon my french) devil has it's claws in me.

I've lived a lifetime with alcoholics and it's ironic I've ended up one. Keep coming back to this site, as many times a day as you can. Post, read, share, try AA if you can. Go to your family dr if comfortable and get help there. Of course I'm giving advice I haven't been able to do yet but am working up the corage to call next week. My son is an alcoholic and had a very good experience with Campral. Above all, know you are not alone in this battle.
Blessings and hugs, Liz:h

[Nurseindistress]

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Amethyst How Are You?

Maybe I just haven't seen you in other places here, but am wondering how you are doing.

[Amethyst26]

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Hi

Well...I just want to thank you all for your support. Day 1 went great...but day 2 did not and well...today is going to be day one again. I guess I won't be able to join the August AF only myself to blame. Last night I must have had like 6 glasses and have really paid for it today. I get tension knots and major back pain the day after I drink...plus totally unproductive. I ordered antibuse today ....i was ashamed to ask my md so i ordered it online, they only had the 500 mg ones. Has anyone taken those? One of the major reasons i want to give up drinking is the fast that i chain smoke when i drink I know it is affecting my health and it is expensive. Not a great example for my kid. I am going to get more active on this forum. Anyone doing any organized chats or groups who are going AF? I am still on the campral and L glut but when I PMS it dosen't help which is what happned to me this week. I have even thought about getting on YAZ to even out my hormones, so i don't screw up next month. We will see...I will be on later and am going to keep busy watching movies, reading and interacting Soberly with my kid. I am also going to pray for strengh on this Monday to start anew once again!

:thanks:

[Nurseindistress]

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Just start again!

HI,
You are not the only one who is trying to do the AF August thing who has slipped already. I had 2 AF days, then really went on a bender on Sunday. I felt terrible today, just beginning to feel like living again. But, I'm about to go to bed and didn't drink today, so I'm starting again. And already in August I've had more AF days than I have in a long time, so I think it's a success. So don't worry about having a bad day--just try and have as many AF days as you can, and if you're not perfect, you can just try to improve on that next month. I use the drink tracker and I think putting my "0's" in yellow inspires me. I want to see how many I can get this month. Keep it up--I can relate to you when you talk about how you feel!

[mwo2]

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You can be in August AF, we don't kick people out ! Why don't you go to the thread August Af come one come all? You will see others that have been all AF and others who are in the middle of the group and others who we help up...it's still August..

[A Work in Progress]

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Yup, what MWO2 said, come to the AUGUST thread! A flock of highly supportive penguins! Sometimes penguins fall down but they get helped back up!

wip

[Amethyst26]

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thanks...c ya in the August AF!

Nurseindistress;375667 wrote: HI,
You are not the only one who is trying to do the AF August thing who has slipped already. I had 2 AF days, then really went on a bender on Sunday. I felt terrible today, just beginning to feel like living again. But, I'm about to go to bed and didn't drink today, so I'm starting again. And already in August I've had more AF days than I have in a long time, so I think it's a success. So don't worry about having a bad day--just try and have as many AF days as you can, and if you're not perfect, you can just try to improve on that next month. I use the drink tracker and I think putting my "0's" in yellow inspires me. I want to see how many I can get this month. Keep it up--I can relate to you when you talk about how you feel!

Congrats. I am going to bed and didnt drink today either. I also forced myself to wake up early today instead of sleeping in so I would get to early tonight and also so I could be awake through the hangover . It's funny but I had some type of "moment of clarity" today. I really saw my daughter and realized just how important it is for me to stay sober and be in tune with what is going on with her life. She needed to talk to me today although she did not say anything.,I was perseptive enough to KNOW she had something on her mind, Had I been drinking...I would have been in my own self absorbed world and would have missed the opportunity to be there for her, She is going to be 13 and DESERVES a sober mother! So today I begin again...day 1....of hopefully many~

:thanks:

[Mia]

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Hi Amethyst I thought I was reading about me when I read your thread this morning. Especially about being possessed and me gone. I feel like the me is gone she has gone somewhere and got lost. I also drink 5 glasses a night maybe even more who knows. Felt like crap today but i am starting on day 1 again today. I just know how good I will feel tomorrow. Hang in there you are not alone.

[jessie]

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Feeling terrible

Hi everyone,
I have fallen again and fell badly. Had been drinking since Saturday, a 3 day binge. This morning I had the usual remorse and anxiety which follow a binge and I prayed that God must rather take me away.
I had no reason to start drinking, just that damn rebelion and "I'll do what I want to do, nobody will stop me" attitude.
I need encouragement and someone to tell me that I can overcome the devil Al.

[mwo2]

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Jesse, Yes you can overcome al....we all have our falls... and get back up again.

Change what you want to do to be Alcohol Free and then do that!

I just left live chat, that would be a good place to go for instant talk.
upper left on the blue bar.

I must go to bed...

If you don't want to chat you could just go and listen, or just keep reading posts and threads....you will find encouragment, hope and caring.