has anyone been where I am ?

[Red-Wine]

I find this so difficult to say out loud - Alcohol has taken me, and made me in to someone

else, someone who used to have such high standards of hygiene, and now forces themself

to shower twice a week, sleeps in their clothes and hates getting visitors. Is it just me ?

[gyco]

has anyone been where I am ?

no my dear you are not alone,but welcom as many will say read the threads,listen,and lern,this is a great site,gyco WELCOM

[brittzak]

has anyone been where I am ?

R U Kidding...you r no different than we are. I MAKE myself go to work. We have all been where you are.....maybe different degrees, but our bottom just the same. Welcome....jump in

[gyco]

has anyone been where I am ?

AL, depending on how much you drink is fun at 1st,if you lose the control,which many have lern to take back from AL.you get it back,many different groups here help yourself its basically FREE,you do sound willing

[gyco]

has anyone been where I am ?

hi brit

[tlrgs]

has anyone been where I am ?

way too many times ..i have found myself like that .. in the the past .. just by you writing that makes me think you are ready for change .. you are not alone we are here for you .. and give it your best ..

[vlad]

has anyone been where I am ?

Yep, been there and it hurts - glad you're here, keep posting. Funnily enough, I still hate getting visitors... must have something to do with having to rush round clearing empty booze cans away before they arrive. Still nowhere near as bad as it was though thanks to MWO! Least there's no vodka bottles anymore...

[Guitarista]

has anyone been where I am ?

Red..A big hello to you!... Yep, i know what you're talking about... I've been 'feral' and isolated myself from the world too, for long periods of time..what a waste of my life!... The fact you are here posting is a huge step forward i think... Well done.. G.

[boozehag]

has anyone been where I am ?

Hello Red
You are alone that is for sure. We have all been places we dont want to be with AL in our lives but as the rest of the guys have said MWO helps a great deal. Just knowing you are not alone in the battle is the first thing. There are lots of tools on this site to help you get started and if this is your rock bottom then as the song says "the only way is up baby".
BH

[Jas56]

has anyone been where I am ?

Yes unfortunately been there Red......was glad when DH was out of town so I would't have to explain - that is bad for me as I truly love this man!!

[Red-Wine]

has anyone been where I am ?

Thanks guys - its good to know that I'm not alone in that, well not good, but you know what I mean.

I was here in July - managed 6 weeks AF then went on holiday and got too clever by trying to moderate - was'nt long before I was back to square 1 - drinking 2 bottles of wine a night - I feel awful, absolutely no interest in anything - like I'm sitting at the bottom of a deep dark hole and I can't muster the energy to begin to try and climb out.

Is it harder trying the second time around ? or is it just my alcoholic devious brain telling me that ?

[A Work in Progress]

has anyone been where I am ?

Red-Wine;460077 wrote: Thanks guys - its good to know that I'm not alone in that, well not good, but you know what I mean.

I was here in July - managed 6 weeks AF then went on holiday and got too clever by trying to moderate - was'nt long before I was back to square 1 - drinking 2 bottles of wine a night - I feel awful, absolutely no interest in anything - like I'm sitting at the bottom of a deep dark hole and I can't muster the energy to begin to try and climb out.

Is it harder trying the second time around ? or is it just my alcoholic devious brain telling me that ?

It's often harder the second (or third, etc.) time around, unfortunately. At least, in some ways. Chief always says it is "easier to stay quit, than to keep quitting." I think he's right. This time around, it took me years of misery to get finished with it again. BUT I believe that I am now drawing on the earlier periods of AF that I have had, and it helps to KNOW that I can live comfortably in the world without alcohol.

Now, I worry that if I started up again, I truly would NOT be able to quit again... so I am definitely going to STAY quit!

wip

[Cinders]

has anyone been where I am ?

I agree with WIP. The second, third, etc times are harder. I am not sure why but they are.

I need to stay quit, too, WIP, because I have the feeling that if I start up again, I will just give up giving up. I can't go there.

But, Red-Wine, you can quit again. It is definitely doable and most definitely desirable.

Glad you came back!!

Cindi

[CS04]

has anyone been where I am ?

I can totally relate to all of this. In fact I was just starting a new thread addressing these issues but had to restart computer. I have not been doing well the last few weeks -- I have no motivation to do anything and don't know how I will ever muster the motiviation to try to be AF again. I decided in the spring to finally get with the program -- did topa, supps, CDs, and had some AF time in May and June. Then I said fuck it....and slid back into the abyss. Then I got even more depressed because I had FINALLY told myself "this time you're really gonna do it," then didn't. I feel like I present myself as a busy person, full of energy, when in reality I am barely hanging on. Finances have been dreadful; I am only working part time (was working 4 PT jobs till I had a baby 2 years ago), and am in the process of applying for essentially my own job which will be full-time. It's what I have really wanted, but I am afraid that if I can barely handle the work I have now, how can I handle twice as much? When I was AF before, I still had no motivation and was depressed, but I don't think meds had kicked in yet. And I know AL certainly is not helping any of that. I know that hubby and I are both avoiding life's problems by drinking, and I feel like all I am doing is coming here and whining instead of doing something about it. I am foolishly waiting for some big thunderbolt to come from above and tell me NOW IS THE TIME. I don't want anything scary or disastrous to happen. but I just feel stuck. I used to be a very motivated, goal-oriented person; now I am just floundering and pretending. Ick.

Thanks for listening.

[Princess Fiona]

has anyone been where I am ?

Sobriety Rocks!!!

Hi there Red, and fellow South African :welcome:
We all hit our own rock bottom, I too tried to moderate when I went on holiday, too soon I was back on at least half a botle of whisky a night, waking up, hanging, sore liver, berating myself every morning.
I am a hairdresser, so I had to work, needed money to buy my booze.
I have said on a couple of threads, alcohol is a cunning, powerful and baffling monster, the only way is to fight back, and gain control of yorself, baby steps, one day at a time.
My one days come to 163 days AF, I have lost 12kgs, the puffiness is gone, its taken yrs off me, the stress too has gone, thought thats why I needed to drink!!!
We have all fallen off, and have had to start again, this site is a wonderful place to be, post as often as you want, read as many posts as you can, you are not alone, and never have to be again, we understand, many dont as they do not understand this is a disease, not a choice, our treatment.... dont pick up that 1st drink....
Take it easy, ODAT
LOL,
Fiona:lilheart: