What am I doing Wrong?

[whitemarshmom]

Hi

What am I doing wrong??? I read the book and I started the program last week. taking only 25 mgs of the Topa, listening to the CD's at night, taking the Kudzu too, ( maybe not as much as I should) I have been going to the gym a couple times a week at lunch. I take Meleluca vitamins, I cant imagine that the combination of vitamins that RJ perscribed is much better than the Daily for Life for Women, its 2 pks of about 9 vitamins each pack a day. IT's NOT WORKING! I increased my Topa to 1 50mg in the evening, I AM STILL DRINKING!! I really am not trying to quit completely, just drink less, but once I start drinking my wine, I just keep wanting more, Am I even supposed to be drinking on the Topa? How did everyone else start this program.? i just admitted to my husband last night about my problem, after a good wine buzz. I wish I hadnt said anything, I know he thinks I'm crazy already, We have two young children 4 and 1. The wine arms me against the stressors of the evening after working full time. I want to live! Help me Please!

[BecomingMeAtLast]

What am I doing Wrong?

Hi white,

First, don't be so hard on yourself! You're here and you're trying and you're very much alive. Have you put in any AF days? I strongly feel it's very important to put in at least 7 AF days at the beginning of this program. Have you tried that? :l

Becoming

[A Work in Progress]

What am I doing Wrong?

Most of us find that we need to take some time (30 days at a minimum, preferably 60 or 90) completely free of alcohol (AF), to allow our bodies, brains, and minds to de-tox, and to get totally clear about our relationship with alcohol, before attempting to "cut down" or drink "moderately." I'd strongly suggest that you do that, and also that you would really benefit from posting here on the forum, a lot, to get support and encouragement for meeting your goals!

best wishes,

wip

[whitemarshmom]

What am I doing Wrong?

Honestly, I havent been able to go AF yet, I keep thinking or waiting for the craving to just disappear... It sounds like I maybe need to make a conscience effort to stop. The book makes it sound like barely any will power is needed. I have felt a definite "melting" if you will of the power of the craving, but the habit itself kicks in, or says lets start tomorrow..

[A Work in Progress]

What am I doing Wrong?

Yeah, WMM, I really do think that the book over-states the case as to cravings disappearing... for most people, that just doesn't happen, and it takes quite a bit of "conscious effort." But it really isn't that bad... with a lot of support and encouragement (which you can get here) and with your own determination "TO LIVE" (as you said), you can certainly do it.

wip

[BecomingMeAtLast]

What am I doing Wrong?

white,
I'm speaking as a wine lover myself. I can relate 100% (chardonnay, if you please). I was drinking 2 bottles a night and blacking out before I came here. I'm not perfect but I'm getting much, much better. I know that I would not be so much better if I had not put in some AF days, it's as simple as that. And, for me, I literally had to do it one day at a time. I still do. My brain simply cannot "take" 30 days. I can't imagine it. Yet, I have done that in the past. Right now I'm on my 3rd day AF and feel great. I agree with WIP. Posting here helps tremendously. There's a thread in the Starting Out section called ODAT. It stands for One Day At A Time and you might find that useful. Also, more people may see your thread in the Starting Out section, you could repost there and get more feedback. So many people here have great insight and have been in your exact (or close to it) spot. You have to want this. And if you truly do, it will happen. The first AF day is the hardest. There's no magic pill.
Be

[whitemarshmom]

What am I doing Wrong?

i wish i could be on here more often! I work full time, and it is hazardous to my career to be on such a site at work.. and at home. the evenings ( when I do my drinking) are spent in the "witching hours" of cooking dinner, playing with kids, or keeping them from killing each other keeping house ( sooo stressful are those hours!!) i drink usually 2 pony bottle of wine on my hour drive home from work to "arm myself"

[BecomingMeAtLast]

What am I doing Wrong?

I strongly suggest you change that habit first. Don't drink those first two pony bottles (I know what you mean, I did the same thing). Tell yourself it's just for one day. Have you tried L-glut under the tongue for the strong cravings? It works for me. Buy some soda, seltzer, ANYTHING just for you just for one day.
Be

[BecomingMeAtLast]

What am I doing Wrong?

AL adds to stress. It's only a temporary solution. Honest. Trust me. I promise. I mean this with love. :h

Be

[A Work in Progress]

What am I doing Wrong?

WMM, sometimes you just have to claim or even demand time for yourself, if it is a matter of saving your life. Getting any kind of treatment is time-consuming... but we make the time. Doing some daily posting and reading on MWO is a LOT less time-consuming than going to AA meetings, or doing outpatient, or inpatient treatment... it won't happen unless you devote time and energy to it...

[Popeye]

What am I doing Wrong?

You're not doing anything wrong whitemarshmom. The first few weeks can be bloody hard, but the benefits are amazing. Give yourself the credit you deserve for trying to give up. Some people here have stopped for many months and still get the urge to drink now and then. Usually, they can overcome this urge, but only because of the mental tools they have developed to do this, the help of friends and all the other shields they can erect.
Personally, I find that urges take many forms and excuses are easy to make, so stay strong and I know you will feel the benefit soon.

[whitemarshmom]

What am I doing Wrong?

What is L-Glut? Are you both still on the Topa?
Becoming? Are you AF free now? How many days did you go AF before you allowed yourself to have a some wine? I buy the box, I just keep filling my glass, so i have no idea how much i drink, but by the time i listen to the CD's I'm ready to pass out

[A Work in Progress]

What am I doing Wrong?

I don't take topa, never did. I don't consider alcohol something good that I allow myself... I consider it a form of self-inflicted brain damage! As you can see, my stance toward alcohol is nothing like the stance that a modder takes.... I am just done with the stuff, and happy about it!

L-glut is supposed to help with an important enzyme, glutamate, that is involved in many brain processes.

wip

[BecomingMeAtLast]

What am I doing Wrong?

L-glutamine is an amino acid. It stops AL cravings for many people. There have been many discussions about it on this board. You might want to check under Holistic Healing but I take 2 500 mg caps and put the damn powder under my tongue. I have water nearby because it's pretty dry. In about 5 min. the cravings subside. It helps. Some people have done 2000 mg. I am on my 3rd day AF this time. I have done several 30 day AF stints, some modding and am leaning toward becoming completely AF free but haven't made that decision yet. Yes, I am on topa. I was like you. Not wanting to give up my wine-crutch. I stopped buying the box years ago. If it's in the house, it's too tempting. I wouldn't even consider doing that at this point. Don't worry about me, think about what's best for YOU. Each person is different. Our body/brain chemistrys are different. Your program isn't working right now because you haven't worked the MWO program. Be honest, she suggested some AF days first. Right? That is the first step. Well, no, you've done the first step. You've read the book, came here, bought the "stuff" and have posted for help. You can do one day AF, you really can.

Be

[Larisa]

What am I doing Wrong?

WMM,

In addition to all the good advice your getting here, please know that you may not have been on the topa long enough or be at a strong enough dosage for it to be helping as much as it will later. It took me until 200 mg to really feel a difference. (And even then, it's not a magic pill - just a tool.) I was a 2-bottle-of-wino-per-nighter too, BTW.