Tired of Throwing Up and The Depression

[allwayshungover]

I've been an alcoholic since I was 13 or 14 some 35 years ago. Back in the mid to late 70's it was perfectly acceptable to have drinks as teenagers often while our parents watched.

I joined the Army in 79' and it was alcohol heaven. Seems everything we did, every event was centered around the booze. By the time I got out in 87' I had already ruined one marriage and was carrying a bottle around in the car with me at all times.

The next 20 years were up and down with my levels of drinking depending on my stress level.
Ruined a second marriage and at times had difficulty holding a job. The whole time saing to myself I have to slow down or stop.

This past year I suffered a number of personal tragedies one after another that culminated with the loss of my fiancee. I also wound up in the hospital twice with alcohol withdrawal/sickness.

A month ago I finally went to the VA when I was completely losing it looking for some help. They gave me some anti-depressants and anti-anxiety pills and I am working up the courage to get into some kind of AA program.

I still am drinking everyday and everyday I wake up throwing up and depressed. The throwing up usually goes away after the third drink. Then the vicious cycle starts over again like the Movie Ground Hog Day.

I've lost everything and am very despondent. This certainly looks like the bottom.

It seems like I've taken the first step but don't know how to take the second. Does anyone know how to take that step? Has anyone been here before and how did you break out of it?

[hangingon]

Tired of Throwing Up and The Depression

such a shame you served our country and all the VA can do is give you pills and send you away. Have you tried Nal or Bac? Don't give up you can get thru this and every one is here to help you. Keep posting and try to stay off the AL.
hanging

[QuitinTime]

Tired of Throwing Up and The Depression

All of us here have or are in that trap from one degree to another. SPend some time here reading around - get some of the books mentioned and go for it. THe fact that youve tried means that you want to quit and there are ways to do that here. Keep posting and reading.

[sick of being sick]

Tired of Throwing Up and The Depression

Welcome, allways! This is a great site. When I came in 2 months ago drinking a fifth of vodka every night, I had no idea how wonderful the people were here and how much they would help me! I have only drank 6 times since then and each time, I have got right back up and started again! This site has truly been a lifeline for me! I would suggest you staying here, reading posts and writing down your feelings. We have all been where you are at and you will find nothing but love and encouragement here! We are all on the same journey together to get sober. Visit the chat room. It is awesome, especially if you are craving a drink or you have fell and drank the night before. People will love you through it and encourage you to try again! It CAN be done! You just have to focus on today, never think about yesterday or tomorrow but just try to get through TODAY without a drink. It will get easier every time you deny your craving. I would also recommend the book "The Easy Way to Quit Drinking" by Allen Carr. I got it on Amazon for $10. It is awesome! I ordered the starter kit from this site and it made me feel so healthy and happy once I stopped drinking. I also take baclofen to reduce cravings. It is not easy but YOU CAN DO IT one step at a time! Welcome and best of luck to you!

[fragileflower]

Tired of Throwing Up and The Depression

Alwayshungover....guess what? You don't have to be hungover ever again. You don't have to drink again. I know what it's like to be trapped in that cycle. That darkness.

You can break the cycle. This board/forum is of tremendous help. Lots of loving, helpful people who have been in shoes. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

Other than this board, you can seek medical advice. Stopping alcohol will most likely cause withdrawal symptoms which are temporary BUT can be dangerous. No need to feel embarassed; doctors and nurses see this all the time...they want to help us.

You can also try "face-to face" support groups like AA. There are other support groups too, like SMART recovery...(I can't think of anymore off the top of my head...having a blonde moment). Just do a google search and you will find many options.

I know it looks pretty hopeless right now...but alcohol is doing that to you. Take it one day a time. The longer you are alcohol free, the better you will start to feel.

Keep coming back and let us know how you are doing...helping you helps us.

flower

[Seacailin]

Tired of Throwing Up and The Depression

Hello Always and Welcome
My alcoholism my me so depressed that I came close to offing myself. I knew that I had to get busy living, or get busy dying. I decided to try living. I use the tools of this program, as well as AA and the suggestions that they give to me. I felt completely hopeless. I had to be detoxed medically with benzodiazepines. I am now 73 days sober and have been off of benzos since my detox. If I can do it. You certainly can. First, and foremost, You must be willing to go to ANY lengths to get sober and stay sober. There is alot of help available. Keep us posted, and best wishes.:welcome:

[allwayshungover]

Tired of Throwing Up and The Depression

Feel Better Knowing You People Are Out There

Thank you all for your kind words and support.

I truly felt alone, embarrassed and ashamed. One of the biggest problems I'm having is the self imposed isolation and the insanity that that brings - this site gives me an outlet. Can't really talk about these things to your friends at the bar and that seems like where my only friends are these days.

Correction on my treatment at the VA - They did give me meds but, I also have seen a shrink three times and talked to her on the phone several more. I have an appt. tomorrow with her and a alcohol counselor trying to find the best treatment and program for me. I have been treated with the utmost courtesy and respect - I commend them.

I'm curious as to other peoples treatment and reaction to Baclofen - I've read the forums but am looking for some first hand up to date testimonials.

Tks again everyone.

[fennel]

Tired of Throwing Up and The Depression

I'm glad you're being treated respectfully by the VA, always. I appreciate your service, and I hope we can find a way to beat this.

[rubywillow]

Tired of Throwing Up and The Depression

Allways, whatever your military sevice was, thank you. My Daddy served 3 tours in Korea, there when I was born. You guys have and extra sort of problem added in, maybe because of the availability, maybe because of what you witness. Daddy had an AL problem, and unfortunately didn't talk to us about it, as he didn't expect it in his daughter. I've been all through the VA experience with him. Take what they can give you; DEMAND your due treatment. But also look for outside help, as you have here. Tell me where you are, physically, and I will be here for you, with suggestions, recounts of what worked for Daddy and me. You NEED to have others who have experienced what you have to talk to you. I'm here to help, if you want. PM me anytime.
Rubes

[Rusty-576]

Tired of Throwing Up and The Depression

Just a welcome to you...... glad to have met you in Chat tonight.....I know that you have taken that first big scarey step....congradulations!!!

[jessie]

Tired of Throwing Up and The Depression

Hi everyone, I wish I could say that I'm doing good, but I'm not. Had to go to ER this morning because I felt so terrible. They put me on an IV and gave me injections. I told them that I have gastritis - as if they would not know. I have to make some important decisions - being so far from my family is just not good for me. And I'm still struggling to get hold of Antabuse.
Hope you all have a sucessful AF day.

[Cinders]

Tired of Throwing Up and The Depression

Always,

I want to add my thanks to the rest for your service to our country.

As to the alcoholism, one of my good friends here often says, Good people sometimes do "bad" things but they are still good people.

Hold on to that.

I know that in the depths of my heart, I think I am a useless, stupid, craving drunk, despite what I have done in life. Neither of us are that way, it is just what we "think," and it is a lie. It can also be a "fall back" to do what we want to do.

Step up to the plate and swing away. Sometimes we strike out and sometimes we make it to a base. What matters is the swinging away. Never give up.

I love MWO and the support here and I love AA and the support there. I have tried all the meds mentioned above and realize the only magic "pill" in my Wonderland is me. I keep swinging away.


Cindi

PS. I am not saying that you should not try any of the meds. Baclofen has helped me tremendously. Tremendously. However, it is not the silver bullet I was looking for...

[janka]

Tired of Throwing Up and The Depression

Cindi, what a beautiful post.

[brightlite]

Tired of Throwing Up and The Depression

Alwayshungover,

Your name says it all. I also recommend the meds and for you to research as much as you can... here and on the web. I currently take Naltrexone, I am on my 4th month and I feel that it is working for me. I am not AF, but I am much better than I was. I also tried Baclofen, it has worked for so many, but the side effects were too much for me. It really depends on if you are a daily drinker or a binge drinker I believe, and that determines what medications you should take.

Your brain has been altered. Alcohol is an outside agent....Medication should be used to help you reduce, control and stop drinking. Once stopped, that is the only way for your brain to heal.

You don't have to alwaysbehungover.....read, educate yourself, get help, ask questions. Everyone is different and everyone's treatement is different with a combination of meds, couseling, meditation....all the aforementioned.

Anyway, your health is in your hands....take charge and best of health to you.

[Reenie]

Tired of Throwing Up and The Depression

Alwayshungover: I woke up extremely hungover and filled with guilt this morning. My husband also told me he wanted a divorce and has already contacted a lawyer. My day was spent, throwing up and crying. I was at a loss as to what to do.... Questioning, what's my next step. I made a therapy appointment. I made a doctor appointment to get Campral. I went to an AA Meeting. I called some family members and came clean with how bad sickness progressed. Aside from coming to this site for support, I think you should go to an AA Meeting. Once there, you will be surrounded by people who know how you feel. You will here encouraging success stories. I was in rehab 8 months ago. I reached out to the women that I had met there. I'm pleased to say, they have all been sober since getting discharged. They told me their jounies have been tough, but the benefits of sobriety are way better then being hungover day after day. Had I taken rehab more seriously, and had I learned from my past mistakes, I would have 8 months of sobriety behind me and perhaps, wouldn't have jeopedized my marriage.