Really scared

[beautifulred]

I haven't been on this site for quite some time (actively, that is). I am now at a point where I am scared because I drink from morning until night when I am not working. I NEED to drink to stop shaking and when I don't drink I feel like I am unbalanced (physically) so now I know that I am truely physically dependant on alcohol. I have some librium that the doc prescribed back in January and I am going to start taking that on Tuesday. I have a week off so I hope I can get myself back on track. For those of you who do not know me, I went thru a horrible divorce (not an excuse but painful all the same) and now am seeing a wonderful man that knows nothing about my disease. We can sure hide things well....but I feel so guilty about this.

[startingover]

Really scared

Reddybrek, please please be careful of withdrawal.
You really need some help with this honey.

[greeneyes]

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Red, can you taper off? You are drinking tons of water and eating, right?

[beautifulred]

Really scared

I have GOT to do this alone....I can't risk loosing my job. I intend to wean myself off slowly with alot of water, rest and meds. I KNEW you would be one of the first to respond. You are such a wonderful person. My "squirlly angel".

[startingover]

Really scared

OK. but make sure you do this properly. Really taking care to wean slowly. Have emergency numbers handy and dont be afraid to call out if you need.

[one2many]

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Reddy!!

We will be here for you every step of the way..ok??? Stay with us on here, we care about you xxx

[beautifulred]

Really scared

And then there is you Greeny....thanks for being there. Yes...I have to take the next few days to slow down and hit it hard (completly abstain) on Tuesday. I will have to tell ex to check in on me now and again Tuesday for a few days. I would not want to have the kids go thru anymore pain than they have with the divorce. Still thinking about Cowgal and so desperately do not want my kids to suffer as hers must be. Not thinking of doing that but lets face it....drinking your self to death is the same thing.

[startingover]

Really scared

And drinking adds to any depression and confusion that might already be there.
Cowgal has left a terrific legacy god bless her.

[greeneyes]

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Red, you must MEASURE the AL to make sure you are tapering. OK?

[beautifulred]

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There is that large behind that I knew would be right there in the trenches with me. I shall stay close and read and realize that others have been where I am and have survived. I can't believe that I have let myself slide so bad but know at least that I still want to live and stop this craziness!

[beautifulred]

Really scared

Good idea Greeny....sometimes we drink fewer drinks but they tend to get stronger. Starts.....I really was upset with cowgirl when I first heard but there was a thread from a member who quoted a priest about the destination of our souls after suicide that I found so comforting. (again...I am not thinking of doing that but understand where she was in her life)... It feels so good to be 'back home' again. I need to stay close to you guys here.

[one2many]

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We are glad you are back Reddie

[startingover]

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Yes, stay close Reddy, this is really the best place for support and inspiration.

[beautifulred]

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I really like with Doggy Girl did.....I just took a photo of me now....YIKES...and will hopefully look my age soon. I look puffy, unhappy, basically crappy. I want to make this my journal of my journey. Thank you all for being there for me during this. This is what family is all about.

[Guitarista]

Really scared

Hi Red,
I was a morning till night drinker for a long time, and yep, whatever way you choose to come off the booze, just be informed, and careful. Get through the first 2/3 day's, and you should be starting to feel heap's better. Just focus on day 1 and 2, and get through them safely, and as comfortably as you can. Maybe think of the physical discomfort as a bad flu. Yes, drinking is a slow suicide. Having your ex around for the first 2 day's is a very wise move, in case you need transport to hospital if your body flip's out. I had stopped cold turkey a few times before the last time, so i knew what was coming, and knew my body wouldn't go into seizure etc. However, if this is you, remember that our drinking level's are often progressively worse/more, each time we start up again, So if you can't detox with medical supervision,you must be careful, and forearmed.

You will feel absolutely sensational, and beaming with pride when you do this. Go for it!

Best wishes, G.