viciously unhappy

[chartreuse_lily]

Around the same time I stopped drinking (11/29/10) I also stopped taking my anti-depressant medication. Since then I've sunk into a severe depression that seems to grow worse everyday. I started taking my meds again about 4 days ago and it'll take them about two weeks to start working (if they start working).

In the meantime I am absolutely miserable. The slightest bit of stress leaves me frazzled and in tears. I'm totally incapable of interacting with others yet I feel very isolated and alone. The people around me don't seem to want to deal with the problem. During the past two days I mentioned to both my mother and boyfriend that I thought I might need to go to the emergency room and both of them told me that it cost too much money and that I'd be fine then changed the subject.

Maybe they're right. I'm not suicidal or anything so I doubt they could do anything for me in the emergency room. Still, I feel like I'm screaming for help and no one is listening.

[KundaliniGirl]

viciously unhappy

CL, I'm so sorry - how can we help? Can you get some counseling? Sorry, can't remember if you are seeing anyone???

[breaking_the_cycle]

viciously unhappy

CL: why were your mother and boyfriend so dismissive? Is there anyone you can talk to right now?

[JackieClaire]

viciously unhappy

CL,

Have a look through the website below and see if you can find a number for someone to talk to. I know it says a suicide helpline but I've used the UK equivalent many times when I have just needed to talk to someone out side the family.

Samaritans USA

I really hope this helps.

[chartreuse_lily]

viciously unhappy

Kundalinigirl: I think I just needed to write about this and get it out of my system.

I'm not currently in counseling-- part of the reason I went off my anti-depressants in the first place was because I had a really bad experience with my last therapist. I was having a lot of trouble with bulimia and her solution was to tell me to go to Weight Watcher. That seemed sort of sub-competent to me....

I do have to find a new therapist. I've been pretty discouraged in my search so far. The local hospital doesn't have anyone who can prescribe medication available so I can't go there. I have to try some private doctors but there are always issues with insurance... Given the state I'm in right now it seems like a huge undertaking.

[startingover]

viciously unhappy

Hiya CL
I did something similar last year. Stopped my ADs and sunk into a terrible depression. I went back on them again and it didnt take two weeks to start to feel better. It was quicker than that.
Another thing that keeps my moods stable are Amino Acids and Lglutamine. Dont know if you have ever tried either?

[choice]

viciously unhappy

Oh Lily :l I know how that feels. It's so hard. Your doing really well staying AF. Can you speak with the doctor that perscribed you the anti- depressants and let him/her know of your symptoms asap? Does your doctor have an emergency contact number. This might be the time to use it. The anti depressants will have a better chance to work without AL in your system.. I'm so sorry you are suffering waiting for them to work. I use to be on anti depressants and had to phone my doctor's emergency number once. I felt foolish... but he talked me down from the emotional ledge I was on. It really helped. I too was like just get me to the emergency room!! It's so uncomfortable. I didn't go to the emergency room either because of cost. Good luck to you sweetie I hope you find comfort soon.

[choice]

viciously unhappy

Sorry, just read more about how you feel about your Doctor. I lost trust in mine too. If writing about it helps just keep writing :l I'm sorry your mom and boyfriend don't understand... depression is hard to understand. You could always call a help line if it starts to get worse. :h

[BzzBee62]

viciously unhappy

Hi Lily,

I love your avatar! I suspect it's somewhat reflective of you... beautiful and yet a bit twisted, colorful and yet a bit subdued. You should cherish your uniqueness!

Pokes tongue... lol. Come on Lily, show us a smile :bananacomputer:

Bzz.

[jennyneric]

viciously unhappy

@starting over the L-glut really help stabilize my moods also, glad someone else has had the same experience. Lily, I'm sorry you are feeling low, I hope you feel better soon.

[Wintyr]

viciously unhappy

Hi jennyneric, for the longest time I've suffered with strong bouts of depression, the thing is I didn't realise that I suffered from it, I just thought I was being a drama queen or negative, I was wondering how everyone around me seemed to be so damn happy! I woke up one morning after 3 months or so of being this shadow of a person,(finding joy in NOTHING), feeling "normal" thats all I can say is normal, not sad for a change, it was then I realised that depression really is a disease that needs to be treated like one. I personally am able to fix my depression with large amounts of fish oil which is what broke the cycle last time, it took a month but it is a miracle supplement, its brain food! I've never taken antidepressants and I understand that they are necessary for alot of people but I just wanted to suggest if your not already taking fish oil to start taking generous amounts of the stuff and persevere with it, also exercise is the only thing that will increase those natural good feelings in your brain, Ive come to realise that an essential part of our recovery plan needs to incorporate exercise, when you feel like having a drink, trying doing 10 push ups instead! I'm sorry your family are being dismissive of whats a very serious problem, keep coming here we will never dismiss your problems love.

[Kimberley]

viciously unhappy

Lily,

It may seem like the end of the world at the moment, but you know that if you are patient then your ADs will kick in and you'll feel a lot better.

Have a big hug until that happens ----> :l and come here and post or go into chat or phone a helpline if things get too much.

In the UK we have something called a Crisis Team - I don't know if you have that. But basically they're mental health profs who will come round if you're really struggling. If not, then the Samaritans can help - just one human listening to another, but they have saved me from doing silly things many times in the past.

Take care,
K x

[ATLThrash]

viciously unhappy

I wish we had a crisis team here-- I totally sympathize Lily as I think many docs treat alcoholism and depression as moral failings and they are not-- I was and still am pretty darn successful despite booze-- just not in all the ways I want -- but the help I needed did not really come from doctors-- though if you can find an addiction specialist that should help you because at least tehy will understand that this is a disease and treat you with more kindness-- I canned my internist when I brought up teh booze- because he looked at me as a total unstable flake -- though 5 minutes early he thought I was a good lawyer, good mother etc. I know where you are coming from! See if your community has a mental health department -- they should treat you for nothing or clse to that and also should be able to refer you to a doctor for meds that will help your income level. Good luck!

[NoraC]

viciously unhappy

Lily - I am so sorry. I do understand to be so depressed like that. It was very smart to start back on the anti-depressants. In the mean time, do try the L-Glutamine. That does seem to help.
And.....I know that this is going to sound totally stupid. Plus, it's going to sound like too much effort. But, can you get up & do some type of exercise? Can you turn on the music and dance to one song? I know that it probably seems like a huge undertaking. But, if you can jump around to even one song to try to get things flowing, it can help. :l

[chartreuse_lily]

viciously unhappy

Thank you everyone for your concern. It really helps to know there's someone listening and taking my problems seriously.

Regarding supplements, I do take L-Glutamine and omega-3 as well as evening primrose oil and I exercise everyday no matter what (actually that's a whole other problem-- I'm really pathologically eager to get rid of the weight I gained during the last three months of drinking).

Kimberely-- I really wish we had a Crisis Team sort of thing in the US. Unfortunately around here you're pretty much on your own (don't get me started on American healthcare, especially mental healthcare. I've been in a pitched battle to get competent treatment for the past 15 years and I'm one of the lucky ones, I actually have insurance.)

Breaking_the_cycle, I think my mother and boyfriend have their own ideas about what's best for me which unfortunately are based on what's best for them. My mother hates hospitals so to her the idea of me being in one is much for upsetting then the idea of me being sick and unhappy. As for my boyfriend, he thinks the best treatment for depression is smoking pot. I probably should have known better then to expect either of them to look beyond their own agendas at what was best for me.

Again, thank you everyone. I'm not good but I'm better today and your caring really made a difference.