depression on day 1?

[InChains]

I didn't drink friday and experienced the most severe depression I have known in my life, yesterday was one of my drinking days in the week and I was so relieved. I am attempting to be AF again today, but am genuinely afraid of what is going to happen if I become that depressed again - I genuinely considered whether or not I should end my life, and lay awake until 2am considering this before finally managing to sleep. I am really scared that if I don't drink tonight i will do something stupid and I desparately need advice on whether there is anything I can do to prevent this depression from occurring so that I can quit drinking safely.

If it helps for advice giving purposes, I have been on 10 units a night average, with binges socially twice a week of about 15 units. I had a social binge last night. All of my drinking occurs late night, between 9pm and 1am.

thank you in advance for any advice you can give before tonight.

[Kradle123]

depression on day 1?

Hi Inchy,

What's your status with the NHS? Severe Depression is of course nothing to mess with...Where's your finace? Can he help? Or your family?

It sounds like you shouldn't be alone these first couple if days. You already know this sweetie but staying drunk will only delay the inevitable- which is for you to get healthy and reveal you art. That's your mission and dare I say...your responsibility. My son is already coloring in your avatar! (computer thingy...no idea how he did it ! )

If you can, stay in lock down at home...water, lemons, Netflix ...that's my detox formula. Oh, and stay close to us here,

:l

[JackieClaire]

depression on day 1?

Rightio Inchy,here we go.

10 units = a binge. So you've basically been binging every night. The liver can process one unit of alcohol per hour. That means you basically having just 14 hours a day when alcohol isn't swilling round you body.

Alcohol affects every single organ in our body from the liver to the brain, not forgetting our skin, heart, nerve endings, hearing and even eyesight.

In my very non-medical, slightly trained around risky alcohol abuse opinion, depression is part and parcel of the crap hangover you're having.

We have all been in your shoes,Inchy, hun. Those early days our bodies are crying out for alcohol and our bodies and brains play all sorts of games to get us back on the booze. I have done many de-toxes where I have been silently screaming inside for a drink and given in many times . Only to realise I have to go through the process all over again.

Give yourself more than a day. That's just not going to work, you're just feeding the flames of your addiction.

Go on give yourself a week. You know you can do it, I know you can do it. Have a little faith in yourself.

[InChains]

depression on day 1?

hey guys, thanks for responding.

My fiance and I don't live together, I don't like being around him when I'm not drinking because I'm bad company and I don't like him seeing me like that, he's a sensitive guy and it would really, really upset him. I tell him about it, but seeing it first hand, I don't know how he'd cope. My family don't even know, or haven't admitted they know, that I have a problem so that's them out of the equation for help.

I will be staying close here, but I worry that when i turn the laptop off I'm on my own, and can do anything. I don't know if the depression will get better or worse after day one yet, if it gets worse, well then I am in serious trouble.

JC: A point of interest here, and where I fall on a grey area is that I can't process alcohol at the normal rate anyway due to my meds, this is where I have questioned whether they may make quitting harder anyway as I don't actually know how long alcohol stays in my system for.

I am giving myself 5 out of the next 7 days, but still intend to drink with my other half on our two nights together, largely because of the reasons I explained earlier - I don't want to hurt him, and I don't want to ruin the limited time we get together by being in whatever mood this situation puts me in. Although i'd be interested to know whether breaking up sober time like that early on is likely to prolong the withdrawal or not? if it could be a major problem I will talk to him about not drinking when he's here.

[Siren136]

depression on day 1?

Inchy, you are marrying this guy. You will eventually be living with him. Does that mean you are going to stay drunk for the rest of your life in order to keep him with you? Is that fair to him? What if you have kids? You'll need to be sober for at least 9 months. I don't see this ending well...

I think you need to come clean with him. I bet he's stronger than you think.

If you are going to drink with your fiance, then don't give yourself free reign. Limit your drinking to only what you "need" to deal with your fiance. Cut your intake in half and have a few glasses of water in between. Let your body adjust to that and then start reducing even further.

[InChains]

depression on day 1?

Siren: he's aware of my situation, we've agreed eventually to cut the alcohol out of our time together, but I don't want to do it just yet. We're going to cut down our intake when he is here too.

[Struggles 106]

depression on day 1?

?????

I must admit I am mystified. A relationship built on drinking to be able to be together??
I'm sorry but this sounds unhealthy to me. Do you realize how that sounds?
You have to drink when you're with him beacuse he's SENSITIVE?
What??
If he is sensitive and loves you he would embrace you not killing yourself with poison.
Are you really intolerable if you're not drinking? What the hell?

[Kradle123]

depression on day 1?

Ann Carolina;1485709 wrote: I must admit I am mystified. A relationship built on drinking to be able to be together??
I'm sorry but this sounds unhealthy to me. Do you realize how that sounds?
You have to drink when you're with him beacuse he's SENSITIVE?
What??
If he is sensitive and loves you he would embrace you not killing yourself with poison.
Are you really intolerable if you're not drinking? What the hell?

Very much agree with Ann here, Inchy...and as for your meds..sorry but they are doing squat for you while you are choosing to drink. I know that all to well. Did that med and AL for years...what a waste of time and money...:upset:

See that big fricken hole I fell into?? Please Dear Inchy, swerve to the left...or right...

:l

[pixie]

depression on day 1?

Inchy I don't know you at all other than what I have read on this thread and one other thread, but if I had to give my best guess about what is going on, you are using your fiance's comfort as an excuse to be able to continue drinking a couple nights a week. I am not being critical, just honest. I made excuses to myself for years and years. And it's OK if that's where you're at with your drinking right now - if you're not ready to give it up completely at the moment then 5 days a week is a good goal - make a plan and stick to that. It will be healthier, and give you time to re-assess. Just be honest with yourself about your reasons. It could save you years of regret.

[Byrdlady]

depression on day 1?

I wholehearted agree with the others.

ALCOHOL IS THE PROBLEM. The sooner you stop bullshitting yourself about it, the sooner you can get your head back.

I would strongly urge you to watch the RAIN IN MY HEART documentaries under the general discussion tab.

If your fianc? loves you for YOU, then he will support this effort. If not, then you are living a lie. Being someone for the sake of him loving you is not a sustainable foundation. AL ADDICTION is a lifelong party and we got an invitation. Doing 5 days out of 7 is going to make the problem worse, not better. You have to get it out of your system to see the truth. Right now you are just fooling yourself....we all know, we did it, too. Try and get control of your mind!! ALCOHOL is the problem!!! Byrdie

[InChains]

depression on day 1?

ok, i will add to this post when i am finished but seriously READ THE WHOLE THING FIRST. the next person to imply there is anything bad about my relationship with my future husband is gonna be in serious goddamn trouble ok? we drink when we see each other, the reason we drink together at the moment is because when i am not drinking ie in withdrawal I am an asshole to him and I refuse to be an asshole to the man I love. don't like it? then stay the hell out of it. my relationship, my rules.

[Hippyman]

depression on day 1?

Alcohol is THE PROBLEM! The sooner you accept that as long as you keep drinking alcohol you are getting deeper and deeper into the disease and it's a terrible and painful way to kill yourself.

[InChains]

depression on day 1?

ok, read whole thing, firstly thank you pixie, I agree having spoken to my fiance that that is exactly what I have been doing, I appreciate your honesty.

Everybody else: at no point did I suggest he made me drink, he asked me to drink or in fact played nay role in that decision. Guess who told him it would be ok if we still drink together? That would be me. Guess who really pushed for that to be the situation? Again, me. He does not know that for me drinking 2 nights a week is probably a dumb idea, I know that, I make excuses, also a dumb thing to do. He has been a massive help to me in getting my act together, on deciding to come back here, we spend alot of time talking and he has been nothing but supportive and absolutely amazing to me throughout this whole situation and I really resent people taking my references to our drinking together out of context. He is a good man, he has given up drinking himself apart from socially and we have come to an agreement that neither of us want to drink around each other anymore. I was the one who wanted things to continue that way, because I was concerned that I would be bad company for him, he at no point said any of that, i did. So, to cut to the chase: myself = the problem, my partner = not a problem. Please, go back and read in context what I said and do not, under any circumstances, make judgements on my relationship with him because I will not tolerate that. At all.

Byrdlady: disgusted to say I watched the whole thing whilst drunk about a year ago now when I was in a really bad phase alcohol+pot+self harm. not great.

kradle: meds actually are working for me extremely well, pretty much changed my life in the last few months.

[Struggles 106]

depression on day 1?

????

NOONE said JACK about your fiance or your relationship. It was all about YOU and your excuses for drinking.

You refuse to be an asshole to the man you love?? THEN DON"T. Do you not realize how absurd that sounds?

[InChains]

depression on day 1?

Ann Carolina;1485709 wrote: . A relationship built on drinking to be able to be together??
I'm sorry but this sounds unhealthy to me. Do you realize how that sounds?
You have to drink when you're with him beacuse he's SENSITIVE?
What??
If he is sensitive and loves you he would embrace you not killing yourself with poison.

that is very specifically about the nature of my relationship with my fiance, whether thats how you intended it or not that is exactly what you said. now if you want to explain to me how thats not judging our relationship I am open to that, but thats how it comes across.