Hi! So, I know the title sounds extremely terrible, but don't set your opinion on that alone. I need advice on some issues in my relationship and two separate situations and will explain both of them as best as I can, so I apologize in advance if this post is basically a novel.
First, I'd like to give some background information on my boyfriend and I. We were basically friends and then we got romantic, it's a great story that goes on for, literally, years but it would be way to long to type. Just get it into your head that we're meant to be, super in love, we talk marriage and children pretty often and are waiting to be finished school to really settle down and start our lives together. We are sickeningly cute, trust me, we've been told. Everyone seems to think our relationship is perfect -and it would be if it weren't for these two things...
Recently, about a month ago, we went to a party at my cousin's apartment in honor of my cousin's best friend who was finally back home after being in B.C. (Canada) since the beginning of this past summer. I never really liked her, she was always really clingy around my boyfriend (which obviously made me uncomfortable), she did hard drugs, she was rude (to me anyway), but I never let on that I didn't like her.
Later on I was in the kitchen with my cousin and this girl. Things got serious and my cousin admitted that she had been doing cocaine for a while now, and her friend was the one who got her into it. She went on to say that it wasn't as bad as people say it is, she says she understands how people get addicted, but its nothing she couldn't handle. She kept assuring me it was okay, but I obviously wasn't cool with it.
I scolded her a bit, and came to the realization that I couldn't change her mind or control what she does so I finished my rant with, "You know I love you so much, you're my family, my blood, and I will always be here for you. If you ever feel like things are taking a turn for the worst, please come to me. I will be here no matter what, I just want you to know that you can trust me and come to me with any problem." et cetera, et cetera, super mushy and stuff. Obviously I didn't do coke, but I was in the same room with them as they did it. I couldn't watch though, I was feeling too anxious, and was honestly on the edge of having a panic attack (as I occasionally do). I hid it well, but I wanted to get the fuck out of there.
Next thing I know, my cousin's friend was like "Do you mind if I make a line for your man?" and I swear to god, the color drained from my face. I had no idea that my boyfriend did that!
She just went "Fuck! I am so sorry, I thought he told you. This is so awkward," and she walked out and I saw her grabbing my boyfriend (who hadn't heard anything) and leading him away to another room. When she came back, my boyfriend couldn't even look at me and he ignored me all night. I even saw him do a line in the bathroom, which is fucked because I made it pretty obvious I wasn't impressed with my glaring.
I stayed as long as I could, and eventually I had to get out of there. I had to gain the courage just to go up to my boyfriend so we could go home together, but later, when we were home, we had to talk about.
I always knew his childhood wasn't the greatest, but apparently he had been exposed to cocaine since as long as he could remember. His uncles and cousins would do it, and he said his first time doing it was maybe 13 or 14 years old.
I was honestly ready to break up with him for his sake, yeah it would be hard, but I love him enough to go through with it. I want the best for him. I was hoping his love for me would overpower his love for cocaine, but as we spoke longer I felt more pity for him than anger. When I asked him to stop he started crying and told me he couldn't and worse, he didn't want to. This is my 6 ft 3 boyfriend, who never cries, he's basically my own hulk and he was crying. I couldn't help but just hold him and cry along with him. So there we were, crying and holding each other.
We eventually fell asleep like that, but our conversation consisted of me telling him how I felt, how it scared me, how I wanted him to stop, I just didn't have time to talk about the whole 'leaving him or else' part of the conversation, because his tears distracted me. It's just so heartbreaking.
Anyways, we went on normally with our lives. I could never leave him. It would just be way too hard. I don't believe that there is anything he could do to make me want to leave him.
Now that it's the holidays however, all of us students are home from school and it's a huge reunion of our childhood friends and he's done it twice in the span of one week. From what he's told me, that's really out of character for him. He did it the day he hung out with his cousins and then at a party a couple of days ago. So I'm pretty worried. What if me consoling him during our talk gave him the impression that I was okay with it? I'm at a loss right now. I know I should talk to him, but something else happened...
That's the end of problem number one. Now we have problem number two, which was my fuck up. I have a drinking issue, I'm just a lightweight. I'm also an extremely sexual person.
In my past, I have slept around, I just have a crazy sex drive. I enjoy sex more than most I guess, and honestly, I didn't believe I COULD be monogamous before me and my boyfriend started dating. I knew though, alcohol would become a problem if I didn't pay extra attention to it. I blacked out ONCE in our entire relationship and I ended up almost having sex with a girl before he stopped us. Forgot to mention I am bisexual, but he laughed it off and found it 'hot' and didn't consider it cheating. I have no recollection of that night, it was pretty bad. He enjoyed that though.
A couple of days ago, I left to the party, but by the time I got there, it was mostly sloppy drunks. The sober ones wanted to leave, so we moved the party over to my friend's cottage, and there was six of us. I guess I forgot to keep track of my drinks, but within an hour or two of being at my friend's cottage, I was blacked out. I have nearly 5 hours unaccounted for, I don't remember a thing.
Anyways, my friend told me she blacked out too, but apparently we took a shower together and then two guys barged in and joined us. Waking up though, it was pretty sleazy of them to join us in a shower. She doesn't remember after the shower, but she's assuming she had sex with one of the guys because she woke up with him. I didn't even want to talk to the other guy, I grabbed my shit and I left.
I didn't want to know what happened, but I was extremely ashamed for letting myself get that drunk especially with my patterns of literally pouncing on anything with a pulse. I felt guilty, because what if I had done something and betrayed my boyfriend? There's always a chance that nothing happened, but I also knew my friend. I didn't like getting drunk with him because he had a history of trying to get with me. There have been incidents in the past of friends pushing him off me while I was blacked out and he was not that drunk.
That night, it was Christmas eve. My boyfriend joined me at a family party, I didn't drink though, I was still hungover from the night before. My boyfriend ended up getting really drunk though, we came home and he tried to have sex with me but I was too tired and just kissed him and told him in the morning.
He was on top off me and whispered in my ear "But you'd fuck my boys." and got up and started getting dressed. I still didn't know what happened, but apparently the guy that my friend slept with told him. It caused a huge fight, with him yelling and being extremely hurtful, and me just taking it. I deserved it. He broke up with me.
We've never even had a fight before this. He was ballistic, and drunk, which didn't help. He tried to leave, but my mom stopped him. He was nice to my mom, he cried to her even, and I listened from upstairs. I hurt him so much and I hate myself for it and all I did was sit and cry and listen to my mom console him. He borrowed my dad's coat and left and he'd be back tomorrow for his things, but he came back only a half hour later. He just walked around my road apparently and came back. He was calm, and all he wanted to do was talk.
I told him my side of the story, that I didn't remember anything, that I would never in my right mind do anything to hurt him. He refuses to tell me what I did though, so even now I have no idea.
He told me "An hour ago, my intention was to leave you. I was going to break up with you, and never talk to you again. I can't do that though, I love you too much. You really hurt me, but not being with you would hurt me even more." So just like that we're back together I guess, but he was pretty off and on.
He got angry again, and I was a bit angry too and I said "Look at it from my perspective, I drank too much and I blacked out. Good people would have put me to bed and let me sleep it off, but no, your 'boys' that you speak so highly of decided to take advantage of a blacked out girl. I feel violated and scared because I don't even know what happened to me, for all we know I could have been raped, but you didn't even think about that, did you? Why is that you're so angry at me, but you praise 'your boys' for being honest with you? In my head, none of it ever happened. I have no memory of that night. I feel like shit for letting myself get that drunk, but you need to try and look at things from my point of view."
And after saying that, he actually did seem more understanding even though he was so hurt. I love him so much. I can't imagine every betraying him. Now, things are okay. He's still hurt and doesn't kiss me as often, but he's still loving and nice. I believe things will better with time.
However, before all of this happened, I meant to have a serious talk about his cocaine use... but now I feel like I'm walking on eggshells. Who am I to tell him what to do or even bring up cocaine to him because I'm in an awkward position right now... I need advice. Please give me your opinion on the cocaine situation and cheating situation
First, I'd like to give some background information on my boyfriend and I. We were basically friends and then we got romantic, it's a great story that goes on for, literally, years but it would be way to long to type. Just get it into your head that we're meant to be, super in love, we talk marriage and children pretty often and are waiting to be finished school to really settle down and start our lives together. We are sickeningly cute, trust me, we've been told. Everyone seems to think our relationship is perfect -and it would be if it weren't for these two things...
Recently, about a month ago, we went to a party at my cousin's apartment in honor of my cousin's best friend who was finally back home after being in B.C. (Canada) since the beginning of this past summer. I never really liked her, she was always really clingy around my boyfriend (which obviously made me uncomfortable), she did hard drugs, she was rude (to me anyway), but I never let on that I didn't like her.
Later on I was in the kitchen with my cousin and this girl. Things got serious and my cousin admitted that she had been doing cocaine for a while now, and her friend was the one who got her into it. She went on to say that it wasn't as bad as people say it is, she says she understands how people get addicted, but its nothing she couldn't handle. She kept assuring me it was okay, but I obviously wasn't cool with it.
I scolded her a bit, and came to the realization that I couldn't change her mind or control what she does so I finished my rant with, "You know I love you so much, you're my family, my blood, and I will always be here for you. If you ever feel like things are taking a turn for the worst, please come to me. I will be here no matter what, I just want you to know that you can trust me and come to me with any problem." et cetera, et cetera, super mushy and stuff. Obviously I didn't do coke, but I was in the same room with them as they did it. I couldn't watch though, I was feeling too anxious, and was honestly on the edge of having a panic attack (as I occasionally do). I hid it well, but I wanted to get the fuck out of there.
Next thing I know, my cousin's friend was like "Do you mind if I make a line for your man?" and I swear to god, the color drained from my face. I had no idea that my boyfriend did that!
She just went "Fuck! I am so sorry, I thought he told you. This is so awkward," and she walked out and I saw her grabbing my boyfriend (who hadn't heard anything) and leading him away to another room. When she came back, my boyfriend couldn't even look at me and he ignored me all night. I even saw him do a line in the bathroom, which is fucked because I made it pretty obvious I wasn't impressed with my glaring.
I stayed as long as I could, and eventually I had to get out of there. I had to gain the courage just to go up to my boyfriend so we could go home together, but later, when we were home, we had to talk about.
I always knew his childhood wasn't the greatest, but apparently he had been exposed to cocaine since as long as he could remember. His uncles and cousins would do it, and he said his first time doing it was maybe 13 or 14 years old.
I was honestly ready to break up with him for his sake, yeah it would be hard, but I love him enough to go through with it. I want the best for him. I was hoping his love for me would overpower his love for cocaine, but as we spoke longer I felt more pity for him than anger. When I asked him to stop he started crying and told me he couldn't and worse, he didn't want to. This is my 6 ft 3 boyfriend, who never cries, he's basically my own hulk and he was crying. I couldn't help but just hold him and cry along with him. So there we were, crying and holding each other.
We eventually fell asleep like that, but our conversation consisted of me telling him how I felt, how it scared me, how I wanted him to stop, I just didn't have time to talk about the whole 'leaving him or else' part of the conversation, because his tears distracted me. It's just so heartbreaking.
Anyways, we went on normally with our lives. I could never leave him. It would just be way too hard. I don't believe that there is anything he could do to make me want to leave him.
Now that it's the holidays however, all of us students are home from school and it's a huge reunion of our childhood friends and he's done it twice in the span of one week. From what he's told me, that's really out of character for him. He did it the day he hung out with his cousins and then at a party a couple of days ago. So I'm pretty worried. What if me consoling him during our talk gave him the impression that I was okay with it? I'm at a loss right now. I know I should talk to him, but something else happened...
That's the end of problem number one. Now we have problem number two, which was my fuck up. I have a drinking issue, I'm just a lightweight. I'm also an extremely sexual person.
In my past, I have slept around, I just have a crazy sex drive. I enjoy sex more than most I guess, and honestly, I didn't believe I COULD be monogamous before me and my boyfriend started dating. I knew though, alcohol would become a problem if I didn't pay extra attention to it. I blacked out ONCE in our entire relationship and I ended up almost having sex with a girl before he stopped us. Forgot to mention I am bisexual, but he laughed it off and found it 'hot' and didn't consider it cheating. I have no recollection of that night, it was pretty bad. He enjoyed that though.
A couple of days ago, I left to the party, but by the time I got there, it was mostly sloppy drunks. The sober ones wanted to leave, so we moved the party over to my friend's cottage, and there was six of us. I guess I forgot to keep track of my drinks, but within an hour or two of being at my friend's cottage, I was blacked out. I have nearly 5 hours unaccounted for, I don't remember a thing.
Anyways, my friend told me she blacked out too, but apparently we took a shower together and then two guys barged in and joined us. Waking up though, it was pretty sleazy of them to join us in a shower. She doesn't remember after the shower, but she's assuming she had sex with one of the guys because she woke up with him. I didn't even want to talk to the other guy, I grabbed my shit and I left.
I didn't want to know what happened, but I was extremely ashamed for letting myself get that drunk especially with my patterns of literally pouncing on anything with a pulse. I felt guilty, because what if I had done something and betrayed my boyfriend? There's always a chance that nothing happened, but I also knew my friend. I didn't like getting drunk with him because he had a history of trying to get with me. There have been incidents in the past of friends pushing him off me while I was blacked out and he was not that drunk.
That night, it was Christmas eve. My boyfriend joined me at a family party, I didn't drink though, I was still hungover from the night before. My boyfriend ended up getting really drunk though, we came home and he tried to have sex with me but I was too tired and just kissed him and told him in the morning.
He was on top off me and whispered in my ear "But you'd fuck my boys." and got up and started getting dressed. I still didn't know what happened, but apparently the guy that my friend slept with told him. It caused a huge fight, with him yelling and being extremely hurtful, and me just taking it. I deserved it. He broke up with me.
We've never even had a fight before this. He was ballistic, and drunk, which didn't help. He tried to leave, but my mom stopped him. He was nice to my mom, he cried to her even, and I listened from upstairs. I hurt him so much and I hate myself for it and all I did was sit and cry and listen to my mom console him. He borrowed my dad's coat and left and he'd be back tomorrow for his things, but he came back only a half hour later. He just walked around my road apparently and came back. He was calm, and all he wanted to do was talk.
I told him my side of the story, that I didn't remember anything, that I would never in my right mind do anything to hurt him. He refuses to tell me what I did though, so even now I have no idea.
He told me "An hour ago, my intention was to leave you. I was going to break up with you, and never talk to you again. I can't do that though, I love you too much. You really hurt me, but not being with you would hurt me even more." So just like that we're back together I guess, but he was pretty off and on.
He got angry again, and I was a bit angry too and I said "Look at it from my perspective, I drank too much and I blacked out. Good people would have put me to bed and let me sleep it off, but no, your 'boys' that you speak so highly of decided to take advantage of a blacked out girl. I feel violated and scared because I don't even know what happened to me, for all we know I could have been raped, but you didn't even think about that, did you? Why is that you're so angry at me, but you praise 'your boys' for being honest with you? In my head, none of it ever happened. I have no memory of that night. I feel like shit for letting myself get that drunk, but you need to try and look at things from my point of view."
And after saying that, he actually did seem more understanding even though he was so hurt. I love him so much. I can't imagine every betraying him. Now, things are okay. He's still hurt and doesn't kiss me as often, but he's still loving and nice. I believe things will better with time.
However, before all of this happened, I meant to have a serious talk about his cocaine use... but now I feel like I'm walking on eggshells. Who am I to tell him what to do or even bring up cocaine to him because I'm in an awkward position right now... I need advice. Please give me your opinion on the cocaine situation and cheating situation
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