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    #76
    Re: Is anyone available to help?

    No-- it would be better to die. My life is worth nothing now. I understand why my husband wants out. If the roles were reversed I would too.

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      #77
      Re: Is anyone available to help?

      [MENTION=23314]Tidegirl[/MENTION], I'm sorry that you feel that is way but am glad that you came here to talk it through. Please remember that right now you are locked in by the gravity of the black hole of loss and despair that is left in the wake of alcohol's high. It leaves you without the resources to see the light or to make positive choices. It makes it hard to see the options that are available to you. That is right now but will not endure as a new life is always beckoning. Give yourself time to see more clearly.

      It seems that your husband has a lot invested in this trip emotionally. It sounds sort of like it is for him a way to relieve the pressure, to catch his breath and that he wants you there for that. The question is why is he so invested, holding on so tightly to this trip as a relief valve? Do you know what it is that he is expecting of you? Maybe trying to get things back to the way they were?

      The best thing you can do for anybody is to take care of yourself. The fact that your son notices now ... I'd say that is more a way to get leverage on yourself, the fact that it bothers you a reminder that you are not being the person that you would like to be and thus not able to have the relationships that you want. I would urge you to use this to strengthen the image of the life that you want, the image of the kind of days that you would like to be your every day. Let that be your guide. Take a moment, catch your breath and keep walking towards it and I promise that you will see the light.

      As always, my two cents. Be kind to yourself. :hug:
      “If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking.” – Zen proverb

      "See it as it is, not worse than it is just so you have a reason not to try." - Tony Robbins.

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        #78
        Re: Is anyone available to help?

        He's said if I don't get better he will leave. And I'm sure take my child but maybe he should. Right now I'm trying not to withdraw. Haven't been out of the bed since yesterday -- have held it to a drink every 2 hours. Can't imagine a Buckingham Palace like this -- I don't remember the last time I ate. I locked the hotel door so no one could just come in including them. I'm hiding the empties but the truth will out when we check out. I truly want to die. I know you all have been encouraging but I think I'm a useless waste and life would be better without me

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          #79
          Re: Is anyone available to help?

          What are you hoping to accomplish with the taper/avoiding withdrawal? You will not escape the pull of the black hole that way. It doesn't seem to me that this is the time to hide but that the hiding will only make things progressively worse. I sympathize with your despair but wouldn't getting some water and some food in you be a better choice? Maybe take a shower?
          “If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking.” – Zen proverb

          "See it as it is, not worse than it is just so you have a reason not to try." - Tony Robbins.

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            #80
            Re: Is anyone available to help?

            I guess what I'm trying to avoid is the pain. But really it will hurt no matter what. I will have to get up and pay that minibar bill or my husband will go nuts. He and my son like breakfast so I can go down and do it

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              #81
              Re: Is anyone available to help?

              Hey Tide. Just read some of what is going on with you. I'm so sorry. But, you know what? It does get better. You need to get thru this next minute not drinking, then get thru the next minute. You don't have to make any plan at this moment in time - your goal is just to get thru each minute and before you know it, you will have an hour and then 24 hours.
              Keep connected to us here and talk to us instead of drinking more. :heartbeat:
              "Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.".....Carol Burnett
              ..........
              AF - 7-27-15

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                #82
                Re: Is anyone available to help?

                Nora-- I'm withdrawing bad but trying to look forward. I need to pay that bar bill as my husband will flat out leave me here in London.

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                  #83
                  Re: Is anyone available to help?

                  Have a shower ,get rid of bar bill / casualties and grab a nice chicken parma or salmon salad and chips . Something good. Maybe grab some Thiamin at the chemist to go with that along with a bottle of water . I had a slip and its back to Day 1 but I feel so much better than yesterday
                  Last edited by Neo; July 26, 2017, 05:57 AM.

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                    #84
                    Re: Is anyone available to help?

                    Hi Tidegirl. What's happening?

                    'I am part of all that I have met, yet all experience is an arch wherethro', gleams that untravelled world whose margins fade, forever and forever when I move'

                    Zen soul Warrior. Freedom today-

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                      #85
                      Re: Is anyone available to help?

                      https://www.mywayout.org/community/s...ad.php?t=95035
                      [MENTION=23314]Tidegirl[/MENTION], please share an update. Are you back in GA? Lining up rehab?
                      “If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking.” – Zen proverb

                      "See it as it is, not worse than it is just so you have a reason not to try." - Tony Robbins.

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                        #86
                        Re: Is anyone available to help?

                        Still in London. But the second I arrive home I will be in rehab. I just can't do it anymore. The withdrawing the cycle of this-- it's too much. I need to understand and deal with why this happens. Though I've done therapy I think I need something more-- I'd love to hear what folks experiences are with rehab

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                          #87
                          Re: Is anyone available to help?

                          Hi Tidegirl.

                          I did 3 weeks of rehab in 2014. I left 3 weeks early, but it was a good program and very useful. We focused a fair bit on Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) which looks at how our mind works in relation to thoughts, cravings and booze. We learnt that we can PAUSE, and that we don't always have to act on our thoughts, and that our thoughts don't always serve us well. We had sessions on diet/nutrition, financial issues, mindfulness, relationships, family. No 12 step AA approach at this rehab program, but i think 12 step and AA based rehabs can be useful and a good thing too. Molly from the Army thread has experience with rehab.

                          I say just go for it and get amongst it friend. You have absolutely nothing to lose. This drastic situation requires drastic measures.

                          'I am part of all that I have met, yet all experience is an arch wherethro', gleams that untravelled world whose margins fade, forever and forever when I move'

                          Zen soul Warrior. Freedom today-

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                            #88
                            Re: Is anyone available to help?

                            I think I would look at it less as a drastic measure so much as taking massive action towards the goal of your sobriety as well as engrossing yourself in an environment that reinforces that goal.
                            “If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking.” – Zen proverb

                            "See it as it is, not worse than it is just so you have a reason not to try." - Tony Robbins.

                            Newbies Nest
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                              #89
                              Re: Is anyone available to help?

                              Well, my husband just said he's divorcing me.

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                                #90
                                Re: Is anyone available to help?

                                [MENTION=23314]Tidegirl[/MENTION]. I know your pain as its been my life for several months. When I got separation papers I went die hard alcohol for a month. Then month months abstinent to prove a point. Is it a threat or do you think its real? Papers will tell you if its real. I'm still dealing with it and its painful as hell after trying to prove myself for months and months of sobriety. The worst thing I ever heard were was I thought loving you would cure you.

                                Do what you think is best. Its f@!#$@! painful when you truly love someone.

                                Sending you the best in love and care I can through the so called air. I just prayed for you for 5 minutes even though I am not a proclaimed christian. Was raised one for in private schools, etc. So I did pray for you, I hope what you choose works outs well for you.
                                Last edited by empyr3al; July 28, 2017, 04:51 PM.
                                "Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid." - Albert Einstein

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