Another year seems to have passed very quickly. Here I am at 6 years stone cold sober.
I do seem to become very reflective on my anniversary and I hope it is ok that I come here each year on this day. I am one of the original people who came to this site. I think I was the 70th member or something like that. I used to be here a LOT but that need passes over time and as my life takes off, I have not been here like I was in the past.
However, I always remember how people on this site helped me at the beginning and even though they may not be here anymore it was here that I made some healthy connections that were invaluable to my changing something important in my life. For the record here, I am a complete abstinence person. No moderation here. No medication either, (I’m done with self medication) but not a dry drunk; I am a living breathing, growing person.
Enough of that. I got to thinking about what has altered the most and the thought was immediate. For me something about indignation has altered. If I reflect on 6 years ago I think I was a very indignant person. I felt wronged for some things. For other things I ignored how indignant I was about them and buried that deep inside of me. Over the years I have worked on myself a lot and this is an underlying theme. In the first ‘bit’ of sobriety the indignation could nearly get me again.. like “I’ll show you how angry I am and how I don’t care and I’ll get myself plastered” kind of thinking. So for me it was a big deal to work with. However, its not just learning new self talk that got me sober.. I swear by exercise. Something about pushing yourself and sweating out the aggravation or whatever it is. Even if it has nothing to do with helping me be sober, its healthy. Whatever, I swear by it.
Trying to get to a place where I can let things wash over me and not take them into that chamber of my heart that gets me all indignant and up tight is an ongoing process, but it is a worthwhile process, for me. Its not as if I let people walk over me now. I’m learning new ways to communicate and learning to live new communication (as opposed to obliterating myself).
I do find that I increasingly seek the peace and not the drama. In all aspects of my life. I used to live the drama like a moth to the flame I’d be “where it was at” thinking that in some way this was where I needed to be. Now, however, I’d rather be in the peace, however I can find it.
Not that my life is all peaceful, you understand. I still have a family and business to run and people can always be challenging on occasion. I guess I’m more present. I find that I can kind of sit outside of myself and watch when things get out of hand and I am way better at walking away when I need to. I really notice when a mood shifts and I take care to protect myself now.
As long as I live I will not forget how awful and how hard it was for me in the beginning. Never will I delude myself that becoming sober was easy because it was not. If ever I think I might be starting with drinking thinking I’ll bring myself to the threads on my story. I’m horrified (but not so surprised) to see 50 odd pages of people writing there how they DONT love drinking. I remember the day I wrote my first post. That person was me. Thank heavens I’ve changed.
Living sober gets easier and easier. My heart goes out to those starting out and I wish them all the very best so that they may continue because for me, living this way is a much healthier way for me to live. Today is Melbourne Cup day in Australia. I remember my first sober Melbourne Cup like it was yesterday. I remember shaking “could I do it”? I told people I was on antibiotics!!! Now its not an issue for me. I’m happy about that.
So here I sit with 6 years under my belt. No going back for me. No way. Much easier to stay on this course than to go back to that awful beginning again. Being in the “I cant” headspace is so awful.. I prefer to continue to work on the “I can”.
Key components to my program.
Stay sober. Dont take one.
Eat healthy
Exercise is a way of life. (strength in body gives my mind strength)
Honesty with myself – and I share with at least one person what is really going on with myself.
Personal growth and self awareness.
Meditation
The best to all of you in the effort.
ATT
My first post on this site
https://www.mywayout.org/community/f8...tory-5039.html
At three years
https://www.mywayout.org/community/f4...now-27639.html
My five year post on this site
https://www.mywayout.org/community/f4...day-45944.html
I do seem to become very reflective on my anniversary and I hope it is ok that I come here each year on this day. I am one of the original people who came to this site. I think I was the 70th member or something like that. I used to be here a LOT but that need passes over time and as my life takes off, I have not been here like I was in the past.
However, I always remember how people on this site helped me at the beginning and even though they may not be here anymore it was here that I made some healthy connections that were invaluable to my changing something important in my life. For the record here, I am a complete abstinence person. No moderation here. No medication either, (I’m done with self medication) but not a dry drunk; I am a living breathing, growing person.
Enough of that. I got to thinking about what has altered the most and the thought was immediate. For me something about indignation has altered. If I reflect on 6 years ago I think I was a very indignant person. I felt wronged for some things. For other things I ignored how indignant I was about them and buried that deep inside of me. Over the years I have worked on myself a lot and this is an underlying theme. In the first ‘bit’ of sobriety the indignation could nearly get me again.. like “I’ll show you how angry I am and how I don’t care and I’ll get myself plastered” kind of thinking. So for me it was a big deal to work with. However, its not just learning new self talk that got me sober.. I swear by exercise. Something about pushing yourself and sweating out the aggravation or whatever it is. Even if it has nothing to do with helping me be sober, its healthy. Whatever, I swear by it.
Trying to get to a place where I can let things wash over me and not take them into that chamber of my heart that gets me all indignant and up tight is an ongoing process, but it is a worthwhile process, for me. Its not as if I let people walk over me now. I’m learning new ways to communicate and learning to live new communication (as opposed to obliterating myself).
I do find that I increasingly seek the peace and not the drama. In all aspects of my life. I used to live the drama like a moth to the flame I’d be “where it was at” thinking that in some way this was where I needed to be. Now, however, I’d rather be in the peace, however I can find it.
Not that my life is all peaceful, you understand. I still have a family and business to run and people can always be challenging on occasion. I guess I’m more present. I find that I can kind of sit outside of myself and watch when things get out of hand and I am way better at walking away when I need to. I really notice when a mood shifts and I take care to protect myself now.
As long as I live I will not forget how awful and how hard it was for me in the beginning. Never will I delude myself that becoming sober was easy because it was not. If ever I think I might be starting with drinking thinking I’ll bring myself to the threads on my story. I’m horrified (but not so surprised) to see 50 odd pages of people writing there how they DONT love drinking. I remember the day I wrote my first post. That person was me. Thank heavens I’ve changed.
Living sober gets easier and easier. My heart goes out to those starting out and I wish them all the very best so that they may continue because for me, living this way is a much healthier way for me to live. Today is Melbourne Cup day in Australia. I remember my first sober Melbourne Cup like it was yesterday. I remember shaking “could I do it”? I told people I was on antibiotics!!! Now its not an issue for me. I’m happy about that.
So here I sit with 6 years under my belt. No going back for me. No way. Much easier to stay on this course than to go back to that awful beginning again. Being in the “I cant” headspace is so awful.. I prefer to continue to work on the “I can”.
Key components to my program.
Stay sober. Dont take one.
Eat healthy
Exercise is a way of life. (strength in body gives my mind strength)
Honesty with myself – and I share with at least one person what is really going on with myself.
Personal growth and self awareness.
Meditation
The best to all of you in the effort.
ATT
My first post on this site
https://www.mywayout.org/community/f8...tory-5039.html
At three years
https://www.mywayout.org/community/f4...now-27639.html
My five year post on this site
https://www.mywayout.org/community/f4...day-45944.html
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