How to break the news to your friends and family

[Slaythefear]

How to break the news to your friends and family

Unfortunately, most people who know me don't have to ask why. However, those who liked my drinking because I was their drinking buddy aren't as accepting. I would rather just own up to the fact that I don't mix well with alcohol and have stopped drinking it then try to cover it up like I'm ashamed of it. I think that is part of the healing process from any shame I have from my drunk behavior.JMO

[dixon]

How to break the news to your friends and family

allankay;1373128 wrote: It’s a Friday night a typical after-work drinks with your colleagues...
It’s a date and you are out with a new person going to dinner or a bar...
It’s a gathering after a conference or a meeting...

You want to make a good impression, however, you don’t drink. There are two alternatives a) to lie b) to tell the truth.

I am sure this is a common question but how do you respond to “How come you are not having a drink”? I usually say that I am driving or I need to get up early the following morning but this is only a temporary fix. People really do take it personally and I found that this is one of the biggest reasons for my relapses in the past.

Last time I quit alcohol for almost 6 months and went on holiday to see my parents, who are now retired in Spain. It was a celebration, people were invited and everyone commented to my father about me not drinking. He seemed insulted as it was a gathering at his house and it seems to be viewed in the same way as someone not eating your cooking.

Drinking just seems to be so widespread that it’s not even considered to be a problem. Many people around me drink 3-4 times a week and I don’t mean just a glass of wine. We even have a name for Thursdays (Thirsty Thursday) and in my previous job it was even accepted to be in late on Fridays as everyone was boozing the previous night, often together. But if you ask any of them whether they have a problem you will never hear a yes. So is being an alcoholic an acceptable way of life, at least in Britain? If so how do you remain friends or get through to these people who are often your friends: successful, respectable and great people when you quit drinking. They take it so very, very personal and I found reasoning with them a total FAIL. So is lying the only option left?

ALLAN K.

I want to add a short story here about the truth and the fact .

A man ( named Jack ) was running away to find a place where he could feel safety.He was followed by a robber .The robber had a sharp big knife and he was telling the man (Jack ) that he will kill him if not stopped and give all the stuff he(jack) has.
Jack came into my door and asked me for a place to hide himself.I gave a shelter as I was known that he will be killed by a robber if I dint so.
The robber came in to my house and asked me about the Jack and I told him that I don't know who is Jack and nobody is at my home. The robber was still trying to find Jack and diverted to another way.

So here,
1.Jack was at my home .
2.I told the robber he is not here ... I was lying.

So in this case which one is truth ? .Certainly the second one . Isn't it ?

Here, no 1. is a fact and the 2nd one is a real truth.

So don't worry if you are lying for something good , its a truth and you will never be punished about that.
Dix

[Dottie Belle]

How to break the news to your friends and family

Interesting conversations. My best friend does not drink and when we went out with a group that did drink she just said I dont drink and no one asked why..so I plan to do the same thing...I just dont drink....that is all there is to it....well at lease I hope it is that simple...
Dottie

[allankay]

How to break the news to your friends and family

Dottie good luck with that. It really depends on the maturity of the group you are with; however, from my experience an explanation is usually required. I am sure you remember times when you were out with friends and a new person in a group did not drink, you automatically assumed that that person was odd/boring/snob or all three. I did for sure.

AK

[daisy45]

How to break the news to your friends and family

I have to say that I was one of those drinkers who wasn't happy when there was a non-drinker in the crowd - mainly because they would see what I was up to!
When I was out on Saturday night, one of my sisters was there. She has, in the past, been over-judgemental and critical of me, while drinking away herself. I have a feeling she was curbing her drinking because I didn't drink, trying to prove that she doesn't take that much.
A wee part of me wanted her to fill her boots so that I could have a laugh - how bad is that?? Shame on me!

[allankay]

How to break the news to your friends and family

Daisy, there is only one constant in life and that is change. I don’t want to be a hypocrite but I guess I am. Now that I am NF I really feel like people smoking in front of me are gross and make an effort to show them that their habit annoys me. I even outpace people in the street so I do not have to inhale their smoke. When I see a drunk and obnoxious person, I don’t think that he needs help or that he is just lost like I was, I think that I am so glad it is not me. We are human beings it is in our nature to look for people like ourselves and turn our back to the unfamiliar.

May be in another life we can be more compassionate and understanding to each other.

ALLAN

[Mick]

How to break the news to your friends and family

Better still...Allan why would you eat food that made you sick and ill any where never mind a party!!ditto al

[mario]

How to break the news to your friends and family

I am very proud to say I don't drink alcohol anymore and all my friends and family are very proud to.Usually when some one asks me why I don't drink I just say I don't but used to and leave it hanging there for them to go figure :-)

[learningtolovewinter]

How to break the news to your friends and family

dixon;1375591 wrote: I want to add a short story here about the truth and the fact .

A man ( named Jack ) was running away to find a place where he could feel safety.He was followed by a robber .The robber had a sharp big knife and he was telling the man (Jack ) that he will kill him if not stopped and give all the stuff he(jack) has.
Jack came into my door and asked me for a place to hide himself.I gave a shelter as I was known that he will be killed by a robber if I dint so.
The robber came in to my house and asked me about the Jack and I told him that I don't know who is Jack and nobody is at my home. The robber was still trying to find Jack and diverted to another way.

So here,
1.Jack was at my home .
2.I told the robber he is not here ... I was lying.

So in this case which one is truth ? .Certainly the second one . Isn't it ?

Here, no 1. is a fact and the 2nd one is a real truth.

So don't worry if you are lying for something good , its a truth and you will never be punished about that.
Dix

Yeah know, I really like this. Thanks for posting...

[learningtolovewinter]

How to break the news to your friends and family

[QUOTE=dixon;1375591]
/QUOTE]

Hey Dix- I also think this is smart:
AF since : 11th May 2012 Alcohol
Relapses : 6th November and 12th December.

232(234-2) days in total :31st December ,2012
2013
(70-5) days -10th March.
2nd target :1 year AF

In the past when I messed up I gave up only to come crawling back later.
What's the point? Best to forgive yourself right away and get back on track. One mess up doesn't have to effect you for weeks, months, years.... so again, thanks for posting. You are giving me good ideas on how I am not going to give up if I am not perfect.