100 Day Club members/Maintenance Thread

[Lavande]

Just popping in to say HELLO

[NoSugar]

Hi, Lav, and Happy Thanksgiving week to all! Enjoy the holiday without the hassles that alcohol brings us.

[Lavande]

Same to you NS & everyone!!!!

[Byrdlady]

Amen to that!
Pretty slow around here, I hope everyone is ok.
Looking forward to some time off! Hugs you two!! Xo

[Pavati]

All good. So very relieved to not be going into this holiday season while drinking and/or trying to "moderate." Remember I joined for three weeks before I left because of a concert I went to the Tuesday before Thanksgiving. The beginning of the end. The concert was fun! The rest of the week not so much.

Hope everyone has wonderful holidays, crazy family and all.

xo
Pav

[Sunbeam]

Happy thanksgiving, friends!

[Lavande]

Happy AF Thanksgiving everyone

[NoSugar]

Blogpost from Unpickled That relates to Pepper's excellent post yesterday in the Nest and to learning a new social role:

How long does it take to get used to a new identity?
My husband proposed in 1988 on a mountain hike in Waterton National Park. It was a lovely moment, but my most vivid memory of that day is how the ring felt on my finger was we hiked out. It’s amazing I didn’t stumble and fall, because I kept holding up my hand to admire that modest but joyous symbol. I still love that ring, which has nested against the matching wedding band for over 25 years. Funny that this same ring I used to be so continually aware of is now often left by the sink after washing dishes. I usually find it the next morning and slip it back on, slightly surprised that I hadn’t realized it was missing. The ring is an extension of myself that I take for granted, beloved object that it is, yet at some point I stopped noticing it constantly.

In fact, many transitions in life feel foreign at first but eventually fit comfortably.

Most young girls feel both delighted and mortified when their breasts start developing, but eventually we all get used to having them (although with varying degrees of appreciation and acceptance). When I started driving I loved carrying my keys in my hand as a symbol of adulthood and independence. And as a young mom I felt silly giving the babysitter instructions when I felt like I barely knew how to get through the day myself. Even now, four months into my new title of “Grandma” I catch myself asking, “Is this okay for a grandma to wear? Should I stop dropping f-bombs now that I am a grandma? Should I start baking cookies now?”

Some people move so effortlessly through life. They don’t seem so self-aware or self-conscious. They manage to care about others without worrying what others think of them – a distinction I have a hard time conceiving of, never mind achieving.
I have a hunch this has something to do with my new friends co-dependency and narcissism. Until recently I believed that both of these labels could NEVER apply to me, but I was way off. Co-dependency boils down to valuing oneself only through others’ perceptions and narcissism can be a type of self-centeredness that assumes everything reflects back one’s worth. Narcissists usually partner with co-dependent types, and children that grow up in this delightful family dynamic often absorb qualities of both.

Simply put, our childhoods predispose some of us to looking outside of ourselves for a measure of our worth. Since the narcissist/codependent dance usually often involves addiction (hence the incorrect assumption that codependence = spouse of addict), kids who grow up learning these survival patterns may also inherit genetic susceptibility to alcoholism.
Grrrrrrreat.

My layman’s understanding is that my hyperawareness of what others’ think of me makes it harder for me to easily adopt new identities. Pleasing others makes me feel safe, and to be a person in recovery means I have set new boundaries that might make others unhappy at times. They might judge me, mock me, or reject my new life, and this is very uncomfortable for a person who believes approval is worth.

How long does it take to get used to being the non-drinker?

That is a loaded question. I can’t help but notice the use of “THE non-drinker” instead of “A non-drinker”. To me this suggests a heightened awareness of what others think, and suggests that the question has been asked by someone (like myself) who cares too much what others think and is not asking how to get comfortable with oneself but rather how to adapt to the discomfort of others’ perceptions.

I guess it takes as long as it takes, which will be longer for some than for others. Once I started dealing with my perfectionism, people pleasing, and other outcomes from codependency and narcissism, (around 18 months sober), I began to feel much more comfortable around other people in social settings.

https://unpickled.wordpress.com/2014/11/25/how-long-does-it-take/

[Myluck]

Hi all - happy Thanksgiving. I am here and thankful to have you all. Everything is ok with me.

[Byrdlady]

All good here, too! My 4th sober holiday and they get better each year!
I am so thankful for my sobriety and My MWO friends! B

[peppersnow]

Doing great here too. I think I enjoyed this Thanksgiving more than I have any other Thanksgiving, or at least that I remember. This was my first of many sober holidays. That's my plan. And as a bonus, dinner was on time and I actually ate it, which is also a first, as usually my gut is filled with wine. Despite what the food/wine magazines say, it's amazing to me how much better food tastes without AL in my system!

[Pavati]

Happy Day After Thanksgiving to you friends.

Lav, I, too, will avoid any shopping today. I usually avoid the shopping days with a hike but I have a I'm-older-than-I-think-I-am-family-football-in-the-street-with-flats-on injury, so I'll be hanging out and reading today.

This is my first sober Thanksgiving (other than two pregnancies) in MANY years - since I was a teenager. Felt GREAT to be totally in control.

Thanks for that Unpickled excerpt, NoSugar. I do feel like there are many layers to being sober. As we all know, just not drinking is not healing - there is a lot of other work to do.

Glad you all are well. THANKS for being here for me.

Pav

[Lavande]

Wow - it's December 2nd here in these parts. This is your 1 year AF Anniversary, right Pav?
CONGRATS to you :yay::welldone:

[Pavati]

Thanks, Lav. Thanks for all you do, and thanks for your stalwart support.

I am looking forward to many more sober years. When I think about how many I get to have, I get positively giddy.

xo
Pav

[Lavande]

Pav, if we all live to be like 100 or something we will break the internet, Ha Ha!!!!
I wish for long & very happy & healthy lives for all of us