A lesson learned

[Java]

A lesson learned

Thanks Mike, I was wondering where you had gone off to. I am about a week and a half shy of four months, and my brain has been telling me maybe I can moderate. Your post has helped, mainly because I can picture myself doing the same thing. My boyfriend thinks I could drink moderately if I want to...and that it wouldn't do any harm, but I can see myself drinking a glass with him, then stopping at the liquor store on the way home. Some people haven't been as exposed to problem drinkers I guess, I am just glad I have people here who understand. Than ks again for sharing.

Victoria

[xtexan]

A lesson learned

Mike:

Glad to see you get back on your feet again so quickly.

Remember my post on the boxing ring? You got hit with a punch from "Drinking Mike", but this time you'll be the wiser.

I am confident that you will gain new perspective, and see it through. We are behind you in that.

Be well.

Neil

[wwbarb]

A lesson learned

Mike, I've been thinking a lot about you wondering where you've been. Your posts have meant so much to me - I have copied several and turn to them for inspiration.

Part of your dark mood may be that the alcohol is not out of your system yet. You say it's been a week? It takes about ten days, I've heard for alcohol to totally leave your system. While the majority is mental in this battle, some of it is physiological, so you just have a little more time to get over that hurdle and keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Keep pluggin and keep posting. We love you. Thanks for having the courage to share this - it's helped me a lot.

[julie001]

A lesson learned

Welcome back, Mike.

Julie

[mikeupnorth]

A lesson learned

Thank you all for the encouraging words.... it is GOOD to be back!

Mike

[stollies1]

A lesson learned

Hi ya Mike,
I've really,REALLY missed you..:upset:
So glad your back.
Stay happy and sober.
Love to you
Victoria xxooxx

[Helensback]

A lesson learned

Welcome Home Mike.

Helen

[Flip]

A lesson learned

love - what a strange thing it is....

Hello Darling,

I've been away falling in love too....mine has had a very different ending, but I too have learned a lot out me and my relationship with the drink. I managed to stay sober, but only just - I hung on by the skin of my teeth. I think the ONLY reason I didn't drink was the fact that he was an ex drunk himself and regardless of how unhealthy our relationship was we did support each other to continue with sobriety.

However, I let EVERYTHING else go. It is interesting to hear you say that you stopped looking after yourself and got totally subsumed by the relationship. That's exactly what happens to me, every single time I 'fall in love'. This time it ended so badly however, that after I stopped sobbing with grief, I decided I was going to take a good hard look at why I kept having these totally disfunctional relationships. I talked to my counsellor, and searched the net for any thing that might give me a clue. Finally I found something that seemed to answer my questions. I'd heard of co-dependency before but always thought it was some sort of relationship where two people couldn't live without each other in a dysfunctional sort of way. What I found out is that you can be co-dependent even when you are not in a relationship. One of the main characteristics of this 'thing' is that the person who is co-dependent cares more for the other person's wellbeing than their own. in the throws of a new relationship, that's exactly what I do. I think that if I just 'do this' or 'behave this way' and 'look after' the other person that they will love me quicker, better, more....

that's not all there is - there is a VERY strong correlation between co-dependent and drinking. It's almost a given that people who have it are addicted in some way to something. So, drinking is a symptom, not a cause!

Maybe it's worth looking at, maybe it will answer some of your questions about how you stopped looking after yourself and wanted to please your new lover. I don't know. It's working for me, right now, this second and anything that keeps me sober and keeps me my #1 priority is worth considering.

Try this if you're interested, I really liked it.

Co-Dependency

Flip

[Pebbles]

A lesson learned

Mike,

This is all such a journey for us all and we never know what's around the corner. I too used to give "myself" up to the relationship until one day I realised it was "myself" they liked at the beginning not someone I tried to change into. Now I try to hold onto me as much as possible.

We know how far you've come, this is just a tiny blip, and it sounds like Sean is a great guy and very supportive...if a tad too far away !!

take care
xxxx

[wwbarb]

A lesson learned

Flip, great insite - I used to be the queen of bad relationships but it was better than no relationship. Now I know that if my husband walked away, I'd be fine by myself. We are two independent people who love to be together and love to do things alone. We don't "ask each other's permission" but respect each other's space.

It wasn't easy to get here, but it was worth the effort.

[southernbelle47]

A lesson learned

That is some good advice, Flip...for all of us.
Nancy

[YoungAtHeart]

A lesson learned

Hi Mike,

I'm so sorry to hear about your slip, but if it brought you back here, then I have to be a little bit glad!

Thank you for your scrupulous honestly and wise words, even after a crisis of sorts. You give so much here, even after having messed up!

I can't help but think that maybe this had to happen to help Sean realize what you are dealing with, as well as to reinforce that you can't sacrifice your sobriety for a relationship.

Love and big hugs, dear friend!
:l :l :l
Kathy

[skootiemom]

A lesson learned

Welcome Back!

I had been wondering where you had been. After Hawaii, you seemed to slip away! Slip up's happen.... if giving it up was that easy, MWO would not exist.

I very much enjoyed reading your posts when I joined back in October and will look forward to charging ahead with you on the team!

Skoots

[meggie]

A lesson learned

Just like you

I had been not drinking since March 1 06. I had my first drink at Christmas. I got a little tipsy. Then we went on a cruise and I drank. Well, I can't do it just a little. I have again come to enjoy drinking. But when I drink I wake up feeling horrible, I am tired, I feel fat, and I feel sick. I need to go back to not drinking and not to allow alchol in the house. Your words were so true./:goodjob:

[spacie]

A lesson learned

HI MIKE!!

I'm so happy to hear from you and that you are okay. Glad you're back!
Unless someone has traveled down our road they really can't understand why we choose not to drink.

My best,
Spacie