Mod Squad Weekly Thread 8th December

[Sunbeam]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 8th December

Hi Kid,
Wow, a light bulb! You have to be ready to see the light when it's on, there is so much denial in the alcohol game. I only saw that light in late August, after joining here in late January. Duh!

I mostly don't want to drink any more. Just to celebrate, that's all. I am SOOOO tired of drinking because I feel compelled to drink, even though I don't want to. I have my life back now. I have way better things to do in my life. Reading has filled the niche that alcohol used to occupy. I drink tea or sparkling water while I read, and I can actually follow the story!!!

Sara, I personally would not dig too deep looking for some other reason for your memory loss. One way or another, I believe it is connected with drinking. You would be best off regarding that message to drink less.

[Ask For Help]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 8th December

Checking In

Wowsa; What a great week of support on this thread. Welcome back to Eve and Zed and welcome to the many new modders. . . Sara Smiles, Kid Shalleen, Keep Walking.

I actually looked into Smart Recovery and went to a meeting here in Massachusetts before I found MWO. I rechecked the forum this week and noticed several MWO folks checking it out, based on WIP's recommendation. Lots of upset feelings, in Subscribers mostly it seems to me. Hoping feelings settle down, as this is a special place. You all are wise to form your connections here, get where you need or want to be. I suspect the "original group" that hangs out in Subscribers had the kind of connection that you all are developing here on this thread, and that builds such solid bonds.


I wanted comment on Kid's question about "how to you handle coming off the AF days" . I can only comment for myself, but I found the idea of deciding ahead of time "Sun-Thurs" are AF and I can drink Fri/Sat didn't work for me. I would kill for a drink during the week and not have any desire or occasion to drink on Fri/Sat. Also note: I am a person who rebels against rules. SO I decided that the 3 days/week I would drink could vary. Sometimes I've used up my days by the time the weekend comes. Lately, I break the rules and have a drink on the weekend anyway, but that is a real warning sign to me and I track this and rethink this very carefully.

Someone asked "What is the plan during an evening if you go over your limit? I liked the suggestion to have a food or drink to substitute for that next drink. I use soda water in my wine glass and it satisfies.

But the other 'limiter" I have is the total number of drinks allowed in the week. If I have 4 in one night, that leaves only 3 for the whole rest of the week. That night I might not care, but the following days I do. Being brutally honest in the drinktracker, which includes occasionally measuring out 5 ounces in my wine glass to check for accuracy is important. It's just like the using the scales in weight watchers - making sure there is no portion creep.

I agree with Eve's comment that moderating is relative. It's relative to what you were drinking before and relative to what other people drink. So it's important that the goal you pick have some real meaning to you, or you'll argue yourself out of it. I chose 7 per week because the medical recommendations are 7 drinks/week for women and health matters a lot to me. When I read studies of alcohol risk, I can be reassured I am not putting myself at risk because of my current drinking (altho I did in the past.)

Now this is not to say that when I go over my limit, I don't argue with myself "oh give yourself a break, you're drinking so much less than before", or "other modders goals aren't as strict as yours". I do. But I also recognize from the Drink Tracker that there are many modders drinking less often or less amounts then me, and that is an inspiration. SO I haven't changed my goal. I continue to strive to meet my goal each and every week, no matter what the result was the week before. I give myself BIG KUDOS for the success and pay attention to the times I don't meet. At 11.5 months I think this is quite the program!

Let's keep up the good work.
Fondly

Ask

[keepwalking]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 8th December

ask that is a fantastic post and i thank you for it, let common sense prevail and congratulations on reaching this point, you are in a very good place and an inspiration to many inc me - wow hope i can follow your path xxxx

[Kid Shelleen]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 8th December

Modder Moment...

I'm going to invent the "Modder Moment". Just throw something out there that you remember that involves alcohol and/or a little peek at your journey. It can be a letter from your husband that you found packed away somewhere. It can be something like this:

Without revealing too much about the poor man or myself; I'll relate a moment in our time together.
He was a healthy appearing black man in his early forties. His life had come together nicely since he stopped drinking and was AF for 17 years. Now he was sobbing and asking me how this could have happened. He had started drinking 3 days before and hadn't stopped. He didn't remember much. There was Vodka... Eventually there was his wife, an ambulance, soiled clothes and breath that smelled like vomit mixed with something you don't want to smell often. Now he was waking up. There were IV lines, blood tests, a catheter, a psych nurse and prayers and sobbing. And, "HOW COULD THIS HAVE HAPPENED TO ME???" As he calmed we talked about getting to the other side of this. We talked about rehab. We talked about vigilance. I told him I was also an alcoholic. He knew I wasn't judging him; this was real. I told him he would get through this and life would go on...
~Kid~

[Lila]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 8th December

hi all-
Keeps, I am jealous! I saw those at Costco and I thought they were adorable. Makes my notebook look clunky. That must mean you have wireless?
Sunbeam, it just sounds like you are doing so great, and there are so many people in good caring marriages in this thread. Honestly, it is so good to read about, because someday, when I am ready, I would like to have that. By the way, have you gone makeup shopping yet?
Eve, when I have some free time, I want to read Eat Pray Love (?)
Ask, hi, I am glad you are doing well, I am surprised so many MWO people went somewhere else. Knock on wood, so far no bad drama here. I may go to Massachusetts this summer to visit relatives, hope so much I can!
KId, what a scary story!
I am alone in the house, kids are down the street playing...worried about the future...love to worry....worry....worry....but not depressed anymore thank goodness!
well, just checking in!
Lila

[periwinkle]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 8th December

Hi Mod Squad,

Oh my, I am overwhelmed by the activity on this thread since I last checked in. I can't possibly reply to each of you individually, and that's ok. So I'll start with, I deeply appreciate each and every one of you. Thanks for sharing yourselves with me and everyone else here. It is what makes this so magical for us.

DeeBee, that took a lot of courage for you to share your email with us. I could almost hear my own husband's voice in many of the words. We are fortunate to have spouses who care so deeply about us. I am sure that you came across it at just the right time for a very good reason. Perhaps as you said, it was simply for you see how far you?ve come. You are a dear friend and inspiration to me and many others on this site. Thank you for sharing your heart.

Jamms, hang in there! Go back to the beginning steps of the program and begin again. We are all here to help and support you. Some AF days may be in order for you.

Sara, one of my top mod rules is to never drink alone (I would consider with kids to be in the ?alone? category). It got me into too much trouble as my drinking spiraled of control. We are all different and our situations are different and I know that other modders do not have the same rule. I bring it up because others reading may take it as it?s ok for all modders.

Ask, I always appreciate your dropping by and wowing us with your wisdom and inspiration! Thank you so much for your thoughts on moderation. I like the weekly count. I haven?t been using the drink tracker and will try to get into the habit. Like some have said with ?rules?, something I have to go and ?tick? on every day is just really annoying and difficult for me. But I do see it as a useful tool, I just need to get into a practice of it.

Vlad, you are sounding so much better. Good for you, staying away from the vodka. My hubby had some scotch last night. I don?t even like scotch and yet I caught a whiff of it and thought ?that smells good, I want some?. I didn?t really want it, and I didn?t have any, don?t know what got into me. I think I?m much better off staying away from the hard liquor.

Kid, you are a great addition to our squad! I love reading your posts. Now this last one, the modder moment and the man and the ambulance and his wife? well I really don?t know what to say. I almost didn?t want to be the next one to post after that. I?m just at a loss and don?t know what to say.

periwinkle :l

[keepwalking]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 8th December

wireless

Lila;494239 wrote: hi all-
Keeps, I am jealous! I saw those at Costco and I thought they were adorable. Makes my notebook look clunky. That must mean you have wireless?
Sunbeam, it just sounds like you are doing so great, and there are so many people in good caring marriages in this thread. Honestly, it is so good to read about, because someday, when I am ready, I would like to have that. By the way, have you gone makeup shopping yet?
Eve, when I have some free time, I want to read Eat Pray Love (?)
Ask, hi, I am glad you are doing well, I am surprised so many MWO people went somewhere else. Knock on wood, so far no bad drama here. I may go to Massachusetts this summer to visit relatives, hope so much I can!
KId, what a scary story!
I am alone in the house, kids are down the street playing...worried about the future...love to worry....worry....worry....but not depressed anymore thank goodness!
well, just checking in!
Lila

yes lila got wireless but easy to sort via a router x peri great post xx

[Kid Shelleen]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 8th December

It's OK...

Peri!
You don't have to say ANYTHING..isn't that easy? I just thought that with all the experiences the Modders have had on this long strange trip, that we could share little things to make us grateful as a group for climbing out of the pit.

periwinkle;494242 wrote: this last one, the modder moment and the man and the ambulance and his wife? well I really don?t know what to say. I almost didn?t want to be the next one to post after that. I?m just at a loss and don?t know what to say.

[Sarasmiles]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 8th December

Sara, one of my top mod rules is to never drink alone (I would consider with kids to be in the “alone” category). It got me into too much trouble as my drinking spiraled of control. We are all different and our situations are different and I know that other modders do not have the same rule. I bring it up because others reading may take it as it’s ok for all modders. Periwinkle


periwinkle : You're right. And your post made me realize I feel ashamed for drinking anything when I'm alone with my kids. It's still an attempt to deal with the stress, and the boredom, and the isolation. It isn't healthy, and I would like to stop. When I decided to mod instead of being AF, I told myself I would never drink alone. I've been alone so often lately, especially with my husband away. I let myself have two drinks last night, while hanging out with the kids. Tonight I had one, and then I read your post and felt so sad and ashamed...I am not back to drinking heavily, but I on my way back to drinking for the wrong reasons...Thanks for making me see it. Sara

[Eve11]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 8th December

How to find it

Lila;494239 wrote:
Eve, when I have some free time, I want to read Eat Pray Love (?)

Lila,
The book was on Oprah's best seller list and the author on her show a couple of times.
You should be able to easily order it at Amazon.Com or find it in a local bookstore chain like Borders (if you have in your area).
A real fun read and Bali was my favorite section.
Eve11

[Ask For Help]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 8th December

3 thoughts

1. Kid: Powerful story: what a gift to give the gift of "presence" to another in need

2. KW, Peri and others; do not be fooled by my time on the boards and "wisdom". I consider us all equals. I share my time (11.5 months) to help you know success is possible. I share my experiences to let you know that "figuring it out as your go" has worked for me.

3. I want to say something that I think will help ME. I am envious of what you all have on this thread. I have experienced success in this program for the past year pretty much making my own way. I feel I have some advice to offer, advice that I would have given my eye teeth to have received earlier in my journey. That being said, I have not consistently met my goals in the past 2months. My long term success, and my last two months are in conflict for me right now.I'm working on why, and how stay on track for the next 12 months.

I am a very happily a thinner, more in control, less guilty person than I was a year ago. But there is work to pursue. I am on a journey, not at a destination. I share that with all of you.

Fondly

Ask

[Lila]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 8th December

good morning modders!!
How is everyone this Sunday?
Lila

[periwinkle]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 8th December

Happy Sunday,

It snowed last night. I have nowhere to go today so it is beautiful! It is clean and white and I can look out my window and see fresh snow, both here and on the mountains! I think it was KW who asked where we all live. I live in a suburb west of Denver, Colorado. So I am close to the mountains with not much development between us and the mountains. There is a large lake just a few blocks from our house, and we have some of the most beautiful sunsets in the world, if I may say so. I tend to take it for granted on rare occasions, but I do love where I live.

Ask, I read you post and thought about what you wrote for a while before replying. I appreciate you because of the success you have shared to this point in your journey. I am grateful that you are willing to share your experience with us. Speaking for myself it is extremely valuable for me to hear that a year from now I can be doing what I am doing now where AL is concerned. I qualify that with a strong, providing that I am doing then what I am doing now where my MWO program is concerned. I know that I must be vigilant and not let my guard down. I love that you said you are on a journey not a destination. That means to me that we have to keep on going, we will never ?arrive?. And a journey such as this requires each of us to remain alert to the temptations along the way. It?s hard to stay alert on a long journey, that?s why we need each other as reminders of the alternative to staying focused.

Sara, only you can decide what is right for you.

Thanks Kid, your story just really was touching.

periwinkle :h

[keepwalking]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 8th December

hi modders, nearly end of the weekend for me, hope you have all had or are having a good one. some great posts here this weekend and all this week, so glad i found the mod squad!! i have had one gin and tonic to-day and thats it and i am aiming for an AF mon and tuesday and then will decide re wednesday?? anyone up to promising the next two days will be totally AF - no pressure its whatever works for you but if anyone could join me that would be fabulous. ask, love the fact we are all on this journey together, keep posting all of you and keeeeeep walking too, peri the snow sounds so fantastic, i would just have to make a snowman with a big carrot nose and a big coal smile and a nice bright scarf to keep me cheerful, i would have him right outside my window looking in at me and smiling.
xx

[Ask For Help]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 8th December

Keeps: I am AF to day and tomorrow for sure ( that is Sunday, Monday for me).

Ask