Mod Squad Weekly Thread 8th December

[Sarasmiles]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 8th December

Hey Kid, and all the Mod Squad...

Yes, I'd love some company for three alcohol free days...(Seems minimal, but I don't want to comit to an AF Friday right now...I do love the "ahh, the week's over" glass of wine.) How about Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday for a pact? No more than two drinks Friday or Saturday. Then take it from there? Kid, I'm impressed with the "one, then you're done" rule. I'm not good at one. I find that while I'm having one glass of wine, if I know that's it, I don't enjoy it as much...It's freeing to think, "In a little while I can have a second". Somehow that slows me down, and allows me to feel less stressed. More than two is definitely bad news for me. With two I can still think clearly and rationally, and switch to water... But anyway, if you enjoy one, that's got to be healthier! Keep it up!

I'm off. I'll check in before bed tonight. GB

[Kid Shelleen]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 8th December

"It's the Holidays.How About Just One?&#34...Sharing a seasonal New York Times piece...

Just read this with my coffee...
It has some good news mixed in for Mods (the concept is gaining ground) although it primarily reminds us about what we all know deep inside.

From NYT:
It?s the Holidays. How About Just One?

By Jim Atkinson
I had my last drink nearly 16 years ago, so you?d think I would have assimilated pretty much every bit of unpleasantness associated with clean and sober life in a society that remains thoroughly sodden with alcohol. But I still can?t quite handle the holidays.
It?s not that I?m driven to drink; just to a certain uncomfortable distraction that doesn?t leave until the holiday season thankfully does. And it?s not just that the holidays seem to have been invented for the express purpose of promoting ? no, necessitating ? irresponsible alcoholic consumption.
There?s something in the alone-in-the-crowdness of the holiday party circuit, the forced pleasantries and laughter, the charge to be friendly and engaging ? but only in a trivial and superficial way ? that is very much like the existential condition of the alcoholic psyche. So the holidays not only remind me of drink; they remind me of how it felt to be a drunk.
In fact, I have frequently been overheard to explain to the sort of person who still finds it good sport to ask me how I came to be addicted to alcohol and what it?s like now to be stone cold sober, ?You know how you feel at Christmas at the umpteenth family gathering or company cocktail party. You really need that drink, right? That?s the way I used to feel all the time.?

And as with one?s first adolescent love, a certain euphoric recall about the drinking life remains lodged in the psyche of any drunk no matter how many years he has remained sober. Even after 16 years, especially at holiday time, a tiny voice still occasionally visits, asking, ?Why can?t you just have one??
Addiction scientists have puzzled over what distinguishes the alcoholic psyche from the ?normal? one, or even, the mentally ill one. While some association between abusive drinking and both bipolar disorder and depression has been found, your garden-variety drunk does not go on manic flights of fancy or hear voices or hallucinate; he isn?t even all that prone to clinical depression. The best I can say from personal experience is that we all tend to be afflicted by a low-grade dysphoria, a sort of constant melancholy that causes feelings of unease, isolation and dissatisfaction with life ? an ?inexplicable ache,? I once heard it called.
But is this nature or nurture? I personally have come to believe in a construction proposed by Dr. Mark Willenbring, director of the division of treatment and recovery research at the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, which says it?s both. Willenbring argues that the main thing that alcoholics share is a natural tolerance for alcohol, which leads them to overindulge without knowing it. Repeated overindulgence, in turn, changes their brain chemistry and literally creates the inexplicable ache by altering the activity of two systems: the brain?s ?reward system,? which sends the message that drinking feels good; and the excitatory and stress response systems, which become ?recruited? and, over time, produce an elevated anxiety when one is without alcohol in his system.
This would pretty much track my personal experience. It always took more to get me drunk, and the irony is, I always thought that was a good thing. Particularly during my 20?s, when everyone was drinking pretty heavily, I could still drink my friends under the table and inspire compliments from them for it. On one occasion, a bunch of us gathered at a friend?s apartment to watch a Dallas Cowboys football game. The drinking was heavy and mixed ? from beer to scotch and back again, as I recall. At one point late in the fourth quarter, I noticed that all of my buddies had passed out ? leaving only me to watch the Cowboys lose while I happily mixed a nightcap.
My natural tolerance is probably why, in the mid-80?s I was able to score a nice book contract to write ?The View from Nowhere,? a fairly shameless nationwide pub crawl in search of America?s best hard drinking bars. My appearance on the ?Today Show? in l987 to hype the book was proof positive, as it were, that this particular metabolic capability was a boon to my writing career, and would make me less, not more, prone to developing a drinking problem.
But over time, drinking twice as much just to ?get there? and feeling proud that I was still not slurring my words took its toll. Without realizing it, I crossed over from mere psychological addiction (a problematic, but self-manageable condition) to physical addiction, which involves blackouts and dangerous withdrawal symptoms, and for which medical intervention is necessary.
It was the under-the-radar aspect of my addiction that still amazes me. I know this is a sensation shared by other drunks because every time I enter an Alcoholics Anonymous room, I am struck not by the expressions of guilt or defiance or even boredom that I see. I am struck by a more or less uniform look of cosmic bafflement on the faces of my fellow addicts. How in the world did this happen?
If you are among the 80 percent of people who drink ?normally,? think of your relationship to booze as a minor friendship that strikes up at certain times of the week, or even the year. Think of the drunk?s as a torrid, reckless and self-destructive affair. Whiskey she is a bad lover, and all that. It is a decidedly adolescent affair, a kind of puppy love that overtakes all good judgment and reason. In that sense, I?ve come to understand that, if compulsive drinking is about different genes, it also about a certain arrested development that can?t be liberated until the addict takes the cure.
So how about that one holiday drink? Should I?
The current drift of public thinking about alcohol dependence suggests that perhaps I could. Among the many victims of the Internet age is the notion that anybody with a drinking problem is an alcoholic, period, and needs to go to treatment for 28 days and AA thereafter. Today, largely because of the exchanges of addicts on line, there is a growing lobby to treat at least some problem drinkers with more lenience. Google the term ?moderate drinking? and you?ll find a fistful of Web-based organizations like Drink/Link and Moderation Management that preach a slightly more liberal message than AA: that a lot of drinkers who overindulge can be taught to moderate their drinking.
So if I were sobering up today, I suppose I would have more options than I did 16 years ago. But I don?t think that my common sense decisions would be any different. I now know that I?m not totally incorrigible when it comes to the sauce. But I also know that my drinking was more than a bad habit or a passing fancy.
If I decided to take a drink at a party, I might be able to tough it out for that night, but I know that the next day, another drink would be someplace in my mind. That someplace might be a manageable place, but would it be worth the considerable hassle of having to think twice every time I took a sip?
Besides, my newly wired brain doesn?t really have the interest to try. I?ve worked too hard at this, learned too much, have too much pride in accomplishing something that a lot of folks with this problem don?t ? a solid sobriety that has lasted at least as long as my addiction did ? to risk a relapse.
But what to do about the holidays? I rather like the view of radio talk show host Don Imus, himself a recovering alcoholic who has been sober 20 years. When the subject of parties came up on his radio show a few years back, Imus noted that he was invited to many but went to very few, for one simple reason: ?I don?t drink.?
This seemed to me to be one of the more sensible things ever said about parties or alcoholism. So as the holiday season gets underway, I try to look at it this way. No one really wants to go to all those parties. I?m one of the lucky ones who has an excuse to beg off.

[Kid Shelleen]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 8th December

Now GB...

So AF tonight,Wednesday and Thursday??
Do we pact on "I will not drink today because..." or here?
This is "take the Missus out night". I would normally have my one drink at the bar listening and "dancing" a little to, Swing Music...But you're my bud... I will go AF tonite if you will...But you gotta be strong for me then!!
~Kid~zwink:

[ducky]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 8th December

Thanks for sharing the article Kid. Sun, your w/e sounded SO productive! Vera, I definitely have to google those handbags now. Peri, hope you get the year end stuff fixed shortly.

DeeBee, hope you enjoy your cukes! And your steaks.
Vlad, what kind of Christmas party is it? Buffet? Dinner and dancing? What will your strategy be?
Getting, good for stopping at 2 and good luck with AF the next three days.
Lila, I am glad you are feeling a little better.
Just finished pilates and have some housework to do. Then I am starting an editing job for a friend. She is great but a poor communicator so it is frustrating trying to figure out what she wants! Need the $$ though.

Hope some others will check in today.

[vlad]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 8th December

We're going to one bar, there will be a buffet and live band. Looking forward to the live band. Hubby's booked us in a hotel afterwards. When I first quit drinking heavy, my modding strategy was to stick to beer and have a soft drink every other drink. It was a very good strategy which worked well but I am struggling to apply it this time round in my recovery. I am struggling to make a solid decision, my mind is still screaming 'BUT I WANT TO DRINK', although over the last few months that voice seemed to be fading. I am quite confused about the Saturday just gone.

[Kid Shelleen]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 8th December

Hmmm.

Vlad,
Modding hardly ever works without a good plan (hell, it hardly works WITH a good plan :H) but I get the feeling you sort of wander into these situations and hope for the best. Well, we know who makes more sense after a drink or so, yes? It's the little voice that tells you that you're feeling pretty good and OBVIOUSLY have this whole thing under control.
Be careful.
The Saturday just gone? Flip back through your mental pages, find out what triggered you (or did you subconciously PLAN a drunk? It happens)and do better next time.
~Kid~

[ducky]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 8th December

I find the parties rather hard unless I do go with a limit and a strategy. And I often leave on the early side as I did last Friday from our neighborhood block party. Holiday parties are especially hard I think and having the hotel makes it more tempting to go overboard. I am sure you will come up with a plan Vlad! Sometimes it helps me to start with water or NA beer, and eat some food, and postpone the drinking.

[vlad]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 8th December

Kid Shelleen;490823 wrote: I get the feeling you sort of wander into these situations and hope for the best.

You're absolutely right but the problem is I can't make myself set a plan... it's like I'm afraid of something...

Afraid of what? Not drinking too much? BELMB!

[ducky]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 8th December

What does that acronym mean Vlad?

I guess you will have to think this one through. I know if I go without a plan I am always sorry the next day. I agree with Kit that once you have a drink or two, if you don't have a plan it will be hard to stop. Wish I could help!

[Sunbeam]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 8th December

Kid - Welcome again, and thanks for your good posts. I usually don't have time to come here and just hang out posting, though I will do anything to help someone who wants my help. I do appreciate all the poeple who do that, who create this warm, caring environment. I do post most days, mostly about my relationship with alcohol and whatever else interests me. I create my own therapy here, speaking my thoughts that otherwise just swirl around in my head without my knowing exactly what they are.

Vlad, just one more comment and I will leave you alone. Your husband tells you that you aren't that bad, but I think that throwing up in the shower is a bad thing.

Deebs, a few days ago you mentioned wanting to be an organic farmer. Do you mean growing food to sell to others? Wow, that's a whole lifestyle. I love gardening, both food and flowers, but would not have the interest in becoming a farmer. I have completed the Master Gardener Training, offered here in the states through the various land grant colleges and their community education counterparts, the Extension service. There is one land grant college in each state, with the one in New York State being Cornell. Mostly I advise home gardeners, and make presentations on various gardening topics. You may not be familiar with the search engine, Extension.org. It connects you with quality information produced by the land grant colleges. No ads, nothing being sold except some publications. It is the best quality gardening information available anywhere. Of course I know nothing about growing anything in your climate, but I am very good at finding information if there is anything you need.

Lila, I mentioned once before the fact that I have not used make-up through most of my life. But now that I'm in my 50's, I am trying to start. I like the feel of the powdered mineral products now available, have been trying out products from NYC and L'Oreal. You already know I am too cheap to buy real Vera Bradley items and other products charging exhorbitant prices due to heavy advertising. Any suggestions? Any hope for me??

Ducky, were you the one with some background in fitness training? Does swimming count as resistence exercise like weights? I swim twice weekly, and read somewhere that building a little more muscle boosts your metabolism. I'm pretty strong for my small size I guess, but I'm always looking for ways to burn more calories.

Take care, all.

[vlad]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 8th December

ducky;490850 wrote: What does that acronym mean Vlad?
When you say, 'BELMB!' (silent 'b' on the end) it means generally 'thick' or 'stupid' - don't think it's been used in years... I had a blast from the past I guess.

Sunbeam;491071 wrote: Vlad, just one more comment and I will leave you alone. Your husband tells you that you aren't that bad, but I think that throwing up in the shower is a bad thing.

I DO TOO!!!

[keepwalking]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 8th December

hi everyone and thanks for the warm welcome. sorry Ive not posted more often but i have been taking time out to decide which site to stay a member of here or smart. have/had a lot of respect for wip and had encountered some very bizarre communications here so was unsure. however, after reading kids post and looking round smart, although i do like some of their concepts and tools i know i want to be a moderate drinker not an abstainer so here is where i will rest my hat, especially with this squad. I Look forward to being part of something special and getting to know you all better. thanks for sharing - keeps x

[ducky]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 8th December

Sunbeam, that is me. My gut is that although swimming is fantastic (I used to be a swimmer), adding some training with weights would help you. Most high school and college swimmers also train with free weights so this makes sense. I would definitely add a few exercises once or twice per week and see how you feel.

[Kid Shelleen]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 8th December

It's what we make it...

Keepwalking (from Johnnie Walker??)
I'm new here also, but I think we have found a comfortable place to work on ourselves and grow. As you found, and I will be the first to admit, SMART is based on some great concepts (REBT,Rational Recovery) that have been translated into their famous "Toolbox" that can help a person abstain or moderate whether the online community is utilized or not. The problem is the intolerant atmosphere of the ONLINE version of the Organization that discourages exploration, discussion, and growth while ENCOURAGING dependence on the volunteers/moderators and infantilization of members which sometimes leads to severe relapses.
Being emotionally/developmentally stunted; addicts need to rant, swear, wonder about their options if one way isn't working for them. So much isn't tolerated at SOL that growth is stunted. There are some members that have been there for YEARS, captive on their carrousels, caught in their recovery-relapse circle.
There is tolerance and possibility for growth here (I hope). (Would someone PM me about the thing with WIP? ALL opinions welcome-I missed the whole thing) So, it will be what we make it! We will maintain control of our vice, enjoy life, and get happier and healthier "one day at a time"
(Is that optimistic, or what??!!)
~Kid~

Keep Walking........

[zed]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 8th December

Holy crap folks, I go off for a weekend and things go wild out here don't they?

Soooo many posts to catch up on, and I haven't even started to. Still in last week's thread somewhere.. but looks like the conversation has been an interesting one, and an intense one. And I for one am glad to see that.

Woke up at 4.30 this morning, watched the first light arrive, then went for a walk to my office at 7, and there were the very first small little pieces of snow falling... the first snow this winter in Beijing... was quite a sight... at dawn, in Beijing.

Beautiful. And it made my day.

Will catch up and then be back to post. WOW. So much has happened, so much is happening. We are breaking through to something very important, I am, and we all are, I think, I can feel it.

Sun, good to see you keeping steady as a rock.

DB, miss you girl. Peri, you too my dear.

Lila, Vera, Eve, Ducky, GB, J-Vo, Vlad, Ask, St J... renewal (you still around mate? or did the girls scare u off? )... and anyone old and new who's been about... cheers to you all.

BUSY with work and life. Next Friday (not this coming one, but the next) I am off to India! To Mumbai, Bombay... HOME.

Wow. I just couldn't be happier than I am right now...

Z