Ch-ch-ch-changes I've noticed this week

[vlad]

Ch-ch-ch-changes I've noticed this week

Hmmm, this week.

I have noticed that this time hubby is away, my desire to drink is much less than last time. Last time was a wrestle with the devil. Still came out on top though, but was exhausted at the end of it. This time feels easier.

Just keeping the thread alive.

[DeeBee]

Ch-ch-ch-changes I've noticed this week

Great thread Eve -- get's the ole brain working!!

I have posted a couple of times about how going AF and mod has put a serious strain on my firendship with my best friend ... or what I used to consider a special friendship. Our friendship has been around the block a couple of times and we are slowly getting back on track again, and the amazing part is my friend is finally acknowledging just how dangerous her drinking is and she even told me the other day that she is jelous of all the positive changes I have made in my life -- jelous in a way which is making her get off her a** and do something about it.
We have now made plans to join a dance class in May -- I am so looking forward to getting to know my friend withOUT a glass of wine in hand:-)

[Delta Moon]

Ch-ch-ch-changes I've noticed this week

Ah, my friendships have changed too. I opted to not go out with a friend this weekend as she is a HUGE drinker and I don't enjoy her company when she's smashed. Not fun so why go there? Some times it is just time to move on in a relationship.
I am enjoying my BFF as she too has made a commitment to effectively moderate and we can have intelligent conversations and not embarrass ourselves in front of our children like we did when we were drinking heavily.
Good stuff!

[owl_nest]

Ch-ch-ch-changes I've noticed this week

I like the idea of this post

But I have a question... is moderation really possible long term?

No disrepect meant, but according to AA only being completely free of booze really helps solve the problem (does it solve??).

I have not attended any AA meetings, there are several reasons for not attending... two majors --- AA pushing religion and fear of being caught up in someone else's problem... being directly involved with that touchy feely process.

I have a health issue unrelated to drinking... but drinking affects that in a negative way.

Any thoughts?

I do love that Bowie tune "changes"

Kevin

[Sunbeam]

Ch-ch-ch-changes I've noticed this week

Kevin,
You have posted on a forum connected with the book My Way Out. Moderation is one of the available options. There are many people on this site who say they can't moderate, have tried many times, but there is a small successful group of us here.

So hang around, read the many previous posts that repeatedly answer your question. Buy the book, see what the program offers. Much is described on the home page of this site. You will receive the most answers to your program questions in the Just Starting Out section.

[Delta Moon]

Ch-ch-ch-changes I've noticed this week

Kevin- moderation is different for everyone. Like Sunbeam said- read the book and follow the program and you will have the answer to your question.
Blessings

[Kid Shelleen]

Ch-ch-ch-changes I've noticed this week

PERFECT ANSWERS!!!

Thank God for our veterans!!!:thanks:

[j-vo]

Ch-ch-ch-changes I've noticed this week

I've had some bad slips lately, but some things that have changed with me overtime and being here, is knowing what is acceptable drinking for me vs. unacceptable. It's so clear to me now, unlike it used to be. I know when it's ok, and when it's not ok. There's no gray area anymore.

[Sunbeam]

Ch-ch-ch-changes I've noticed this week

Hmm, friendships: I was mostly a home alone drinker. I now can only occasionally enjoy wine with my best friend and husband, though we used to do this multiple days per week. I still occasionally have a drink with my friends, but they know about my limits and are very supportive.

[sunshine_gg]

Ch-ch-ch-changes I've noticed this week

Hi there and thank you, Eve for inviting me over here

Well, I'm not sure I have noticed a lot of changes. Most of my friends are not heavy drinkers, so no changes there. I agree with j-vo... I do have a clearer understanding of when or what is acceptable now.

I'm still on baby steps with the modding - I have very little confidence when it comes to limits - IF I'm left to my own devices. In company/public drinking has never been much of an issue with me... it's the alone at home drinking that did me in every time. The cleaning with a glass of wine... the gardening with a glass of wine... the bath with a glass of wine, etc.

And I still have those thoughts (wanting to do those things with a glass - no, probably more a bottle of wine)... so I know I'm not anywhere near where I want to be yet. My big test will come on the day when I go out and BUY a bottle of wine and bring it home. I'm not ready for that yet.

Perhaps right there is the biggest change.

.

[Eve11]

Ch-ch-ch-changes I've noticed this week

Relationship changes with friends while modding

sunshine_gg;584252 wrote: ... so I know I'm not anywhere near where I want to be yet. My big test will come on the day when I go out and BUY a bottle of wine and bring it home. I'm not ready for that yet.

Sunshine,
Thanks for posting. As you read how the modders "do it" you will find that many modders never buy the bottle of wine for the house. Too tempting for some modders. So, you'll figure out if that's something you can do or can't do.
There was a time for me when I couldn't buy it and have it here. I remember a friend coming over once (who knew I enjoyed my wine) and she was surprised that someone who liked wine so much didn't have any in the house. She didn't put 2 and 2 together that because I enjoyed it SO much that's why it wasn't here... it was too tempting for me to keep on board.
I'm in a different place now and find that I can have it here and not be tempted. Actually had my best month ever of modding and never secretly cracked open a new bottle or had more than 2 in an evening.
Back to the friend question as no-one has answered this one yet, but did anyone find any major relationships changing when you changed your drinking behavior. e.g. loss of friendships because they didn't like the "new you"?
Hugs,:l
Eve11

[Kid Shelleen]

Ch-ch-ch-changes I've noticed this week

Eve, this may or may not relate...

But when I did my year of Abs, I found myself becoming intolerant of my wife's shortcomings..
My thinking was that people had been on me to stop getting drunk for so long;
now I was abstaining, changing my worst habit;
why weren't they changing their worst habits?
How come they all still get to be such assholes???
I was closer to leaving my wife when I was sober than I ever had been when I was drinking.
It's all cool now that I'm Modding;
I'm not perfect and she's not perfect.
We accept each others imperfections...

[DeeBee]

Ch-ch-ch-changes I've noticed this week

Eve11;584480 wrote:
Back to the friend question as no-one has answered this one yet, but did anyone find any major relationships changing when you changed your drinking behavior. e.g. loss of friendships because they didn't like the "new you"?
Hugs,:l
Eve11

My best friend (aka ex drinking buddy) and I didn't speak for nearly 6 months after I joined MWO. She didn't believe I had a drinking problem because then she would have to admit that she too drank too much and was out of control. Unfortunately she is still drinking way too much and her behaviour at times is totally out of control but I think she is definetly starting to "think" about her drinking these days and has even spoken to me about how to cut down etc. Initially I didn't say much to her as I feel there is a fine line between giving advice and coming across as all self-righeous, but these days I feel confident that she is listening and can see the difference in me.

[Sarasmiles]

Ch-ch-ch-changes I've noticed this week

Great thread, Eve, and hello old friends and new!

For me, the very best thing about not drinking to excess is that I don't have nearly as much guilt weighing on me. Some days, like all moms, I get impatient with my kids, or I let them watch TV because I'm tired, or I have to send them to school with mismatched socks and shoes that are still muddy and damp from the day before (oh the petty angst of motherhood!) But now, I don't have to think, "it's because I drink too much". I can think, "oh well, no one's perfect". I used to HATE the gnawing feeling that if I'd only stop getting buzzed several times a week I might be able to be the perfect mom. Now, I recognize that I'm not perfect, but it's not layered with that gnawing feeling anymore. I fail sometimes, but very rarely is it because of drinking. I can live with normal, non-alcohol related failures much more easily.

Once in a while (maybe once a month) I still have too many glasses of wine. Too many for me is 3 or 4. When I do that, the guilt comes back, and it sucks. Then I pick myself up, determined not to do it again, and I have another stretch AF, or limit myself much more strictly. This is my pattern at this point. So I can't say I'm a completely successful modder yet. But I'm getting better. The 3 drink nights are fewer and farther apart, and I immediately catch myself, remind myself that I'm happier when I don't do that, and go on. I guess I've strayed from the topic here...Sorry. Just thinking out loud about what ch-ch-ch changed, and what still needs to.