My Moderate Meanderings!

[ChickenNumber3]

My Moderate Meanderings!

Stunned at own foolishness!

I am truelly stunned at my own stupidity and lack of self-respect! How could I treat myself so badly for so long? What was I doing all this time, but deliberately poisoning my body for some odd sense of self-gratification? So many people suffer so much,go through so much pain and sadness, and yet here I am (sorry, was) sabotaging my own health and wellbeing...to what end?

Why? I'm still not sure.

But I now offer up my wholehearted apologies to the universe for treating the gift that is my 'life' with such disrespect. How could I be so foolish and irresponsible to throw away that which I love so dearly...my life,my mind, my soul...me!

How can I truelly love my children, my family, if I declare how little I value my self every time I drink to oblivion?
No more.
:h

[Sunbeam]

My Moderate Meanderings!

Hi Chicken,
It is great that you are posting your thoughts as you go through your 30 days AF. I thought I would respond to your question, because I puzzled about my personal "why?" for so long. I have such a great life, why mess it up with alcohol? But then it hit me -DUH- its to deal with stress. Alcohol is so enticing, I had forgotten how to really relax without it. It helped me to google the term Relaxation Strategies, and get a bunch of ideas for relaxing. Part of it, too, was just giving myself permission to sit in a chair and do nothing; I don't have to drink to do that. I'm still a driven kind of person, not quite satisfied with the things I get done, and dismayed by those not yet done. But I'm slowly adjusting to my new life, which is better on the days I don't drink.

[ChickenNumber3]

My Moderate Meanderings!

Thanks Sunbeam!

I too am a 'driven' person and yes I agree, I think that I have not yet truelly learnt how to identify when I am stressed and then how to deal with it effectively! I too must learn how to stop and smell the roses...to allow myself to just 'be' and live in the moment!
Your input is appreciated!
Chicken

[ChickenNumber3]

My Moderate Meanderings!

Day 26 AF:

Briefly, had first 'thought' of a drink in days today when somewhat stressed this afternoon..usual witching hour of about 4pmish! Under contemplation, new that so close to 30 AF I could not do it to self...would be utterly demoralising..so still AF. Plus still thinking about how bad we treat ourselves and trying to be kind to me for a change!
Four days to go and I shall be in for a 'grand' treat...I wonder what it shall be?

[ChickenNumber3]

My Moderate Meanderings!

Day 27:

Massage and along walk this arvo after work to treat myself. Girl's night tonight,so feeling happy and pleased! No more cravings today.

[ChickenNumber3]

My Moderate Meanderings!

Day 28:

Fretting now as only two days to go...not sure what will happen next!
Think it is likely to be another 30 rather than moderating yet....too nervous to start again..is that normal?

[ChickenNumber3]

My Moderate Meanderings!

Yay Day 30 AF:

Most happy!

[greeneyes]

My Moderate Meanderings!

ChickenNumber3;718150 wrote: Day 28:

Fretting now as only two days to go...not sure what will happen next!
Think it is likely to be another 30 rather than moderating yet....too nervous to start again..is that normal?

GREAT JOB!!! I think that is your higher self speaking to you. It has always seemed to be to my advantage to follow that little inner voice. When I don't, it seems to get it's foot to speak louder to my arse.

[Eve11]

My Moderate Meanderings!

Chicken,
Wonderful job to get through your 30 days. I think that's why the saying "One day at a time" helps so much. If you have a craving you try to wait 15 min. and then 15 min. more and usually the craving passes and you've made it that 1/2-that hour...that day...and then the next and the next.

Congratulations Chicken!
Eve11

[mebill]

My Moderate Meanderings!

Hi There Chicken,

I am so happy for you to have these wonderful days of sobriety. Thursday will be my 30-day mark. I plan to keep on keeping on, and remain AF as a new way of life. I think I have already drank my share of alcohol for this lifetime. I am SO glad to be free from it! I DO NOT plan to go back to drinking. Let's hope that remains embedded in my brain. ;~) I have been so fortunate not to have done serious harm to myself and to others during my drinking escapades. Time to enjoy life again.

Bill

[ChickenNumber3]

My Moderate Meanderings!

WOW!
Thankyou SO much everyone! I am so pleased to make it this far! Never thought I would...but there you go! Will now attempt the moderation thing...if it works then I will go with it. If it don't then I will go back to Af for 30 or maybe even 60!
Moderation Plan is this: not to drink two days in a row!
Although this may sound odd, to avoid drinking while socialising, 'as I seem to need the crutch to make me feel more sociable' have more control if drinking at home! (Go figure!)I seem to keep drinking when others are..dopes that even make sense?
Chicken *ponders her options deeply-but aware now that she has the strength and the support from MWO*

[ChickenNumber3]

My Moderate Meanderings!

Conducted a wee experiment last night! had 5 drinks.....wanted to see how much power AL still had over me. Still has some, but nowhere near as much....happy to stay AF 99% of the time now, occasional social drink permitted!

Seedy & tired this am, but better now and with renewed conviction!

[ChickenNumber3]

My Moderate Meanderings!

Remain AF and very content with this now..no cravings, nothing!!! Feeling good all over!

[ChickenNumber3]

My Moderate Meanderings!

Modding well now!

Hello to me and the rest of the Universe in general!

Am modding well nowadays! Feeling positive and good about it too!

Chicken

[ChickenNumber3]

My Moderate Meanderings!

Right not good!

Just lately have been slipping..not sure why..no obvious reason other than over confident!Also forgetting to take my supps..could that be why???Maybe????

Am feeling.......like rebelling for some reason..but not sure what against or why?
Know I shall regret it in the morning! Am going to go have a shower now and try to push the thought of more alcohol out of my head..have already had too much..but not enough!
Thought that my body would not cope with so much anymore, that I would get drunk quicker from being abstinent...but that doesn't seem to be the case at all..it is like day one...just the same feeling and effects,tipsy after having soo much already! NOT A GOOD THING!
Going to shower now and bed,need to break the cycle thing!
Clucking Bell! Thought I had this under control already!
Chook