Mod Squad September Thread ;)

[Sunbeam]

Mod Squad September Thread

Hey all,
I am so sad: the local pound dog was adopted by someone else before we got there; the rescue dog people turned us down because they wanted the dog to have a home with two dogs, and we only want one. I just didn't anticipate that, I though these dogs needed homes! But I'm not drinking, I'll find other things to do today.

[mooderator]

Mod Squad September Thread

Thats a real shame Sunny. Next time perhaps. Maybe this wasnt the right doggie for you. I can imagine how disappointed you are though. Be strong. Love Moo

[Sarasmiles]

Mod Squad September Thread

So sorry, Sunbeam. How disappointing!! You seem pretty well beyond using disappointment as a reason to drink though, right?

Good to hear from you, Ask. I've thought of you so often. Yes, coffee is a very good idea. I'll PM you soon. Really.

DeeBee, you asked about resisting those cravings at 5:00. I only do the things so many other people here do...Drink other nice things, eat good snacks, let myself sit down and relax...Breathe deeply and remind myself of all the reasons I don't want to drink. Tonight I had a minor epiphany about cooking dinner. I really don't like to do it. My family are picky eaters. Often they don't really appreciate what I cook. It's no fun. The only thing I've come to like about it is sipping wine in my kitchen, with no one else paying attention to how often I refill my glass. In fact, I'm avoiding facing the kitchen as I right this. I don't want to cook, and I don't want to be reminded of my habit. It would be easier for me if we went out! But, we're on a budget, and we can't do that too often.

Well, the cooking has to be done. I'll try listening to NPR and sipping a diet tonic water, and just get it over with!

It's day 6. I'm okay. Sara

[fig]

Mod Squad September Thread

Sara,

Ugh. Cooking. I know what you mean exactly. All I got were complaints about dinner, even from my husband! They were all incredibly picky eaters. A glass of wine or 2 or 3 or 4 while cooking what no one would eat seemed to help. But here's the real trick I found: a culinary student lives in my garage apartment and in return she cooks for us 4 nights a week. It is bliss! She does the grocery shopping too. I've found it works out to be about the same amount of money as before. Her use of water, gas & electricity has upped our electricities bill every month, but she is efficient with her grocery shopping and doesn't buy stuff she doesn't need for a meal. Nothing goes to waste. And, since someone else is cooking there's very little complaining. I have the time to go for a walk or help kids with homework, or whatever. Not everyone has a garage apt., but it has worked beautifully for us.

fig

[Sarasmiles]

Mod Squad September Thread

Wow, that sounds great, Fig! Nice to hear I'm not alone in the "wine while cooking" department. What an awesome solution you came up with! Alas, we don't have a space for a culinary tenant.

Still, amazingly, I made a dinner that both my husband and my ten year old raved about last night, and I had to wonder if perhaps I'm actually a better cook when I'm completely sober!
I timed everything just right, didn't get all distracted, and even cleaned up as I cooked. So maybe, just maybe, I could actually learn not to hate it so much, if I stick with doing it sober!

Have a great day, everyone!

[Sunbeam]

Mod Squad September Thread

Yay, Sara! Getting alcohol out of the picture for awhile does enable a clearer perspective. The reasons for drinking become clearer, and then the alternatives can be considered.

My neice and nephew visit often, and they are very picky eaters. Hasn't improved that much now that they are teenagers. It is very frustrating. Often we serve food they reportedly eat, but it it isn't the same brand, if it is prepared just a little differently, they won't eat it. I tried offering PB & J and hot dogs for back-up, but they each only eat a certain different kind of jelly, and the brand of hot dogs wasn't the same. GRRRR!

[Sunbeam]

Mod Squad September Thread

Maisie,
How are you doing today? Staying AF? I am doing well! Sunday p.m. used to be my binge time, so I have to be careful. But I pretty much have no desire to drink on a Sunday any more.

[Sarasmiles]

Mod Squad September Thread

Hey Everyone,
Sunbeam your niece and nephew sound just like my oldest son! I know it drives my mother crazy when we visit her, she tries to get the "right" things and he's still fussy. I think it's important that I look at how hard I try to please the other people in my life, including my kids. It's a lot of pressure to want so much to get everything right, and pressure is not what one needs when trying not to drink!

I'm struggling with the abstinence versus moderation question again. I just read a book a friend recommended, by Susan Powter, of all people....called "Getting Sober and Staying That Way". It has really made me think about my drive to drink...How far from "normal" it is, and how hard it is for me to just drink once in a while. For now I guess I'll keep trying to focus on this 30 day period, but it's hard not to think about what will come after that.

Hope everyone here had a good moderate (or AF) weekend!
Sara

[Ask For Help]

Mod Squad September Thread

Dinner Time

I find dinnertime a trigger. After working hard all day, coming home to the (self imposed) expectation of creating a nice meal and a "family oriented" dinnertime" is a big expectation that conflicts with a sense that I have worked hard all day and wouldn't it be nice if someone had set the table, cooked the meal and served me? A glass of wine or two seemed like a fair compromise. Needless to say that logic got me in mega-trouble over the years.

There is an article in the October Real Simple magazine for a month of 20 minute meals that I am considering giving a try. My 15 y/o daughter can be a picky eater but she is playing field hockey until 6 pm each night and by the time she arrives home is STARVING so is more willing to eat what is put in front of her. The Real Simple plan has shopping lists for a week, meals that serve 4 ( which I'm perplexed about: should I share with another family since we are 2 or use for left overs?) but my thought after reading is I just need a road map, not to have to decide daily. . . so I am going to give it a go and will let you know what I think.

I LOVE the idea of a cook and think that we do have to find ways to support ourselves as we try to "be" all we try to be . Will report back with progress.

XOXO

Ask

[Sarasmiles]

Mod Squad September Thread

Hi Ask,
Funny, I saw that edition of "Real Simple" in the grocery store yesterday, and almost bought it. But then I perused the menus and thought, "my kids won't eat these meals"! :H Now you've inspired me, so I'll go get it. I have a sign in my kitchen that says, "Dinner Choices: 1:Take it 2: Leave it" I really need to put that into practice!

I feel good today. Hope everyone else has a great day!

[DeeBee]

Mod Squad September Thread

Hiya Modders.

Shew.
I am exhausted from moving furniture all weekend but it's all starting to look lovely. I'll post pics when it's all 100%. At the moment I am trying to choose fabric to make the curtains in the bedroom but hubby and I have such different tastes that we are left with no curtains for now. I like the more classical look and he's very much into the contemporary look (sigh) and to think I do this for a living!

Deebs, have you looked through the toolbox lately under monthly abstinence? There are so many good ideas there. Also, you have said a few times that you plan to start using Drink Tracker, so maybe today is the day? It sounds like you are still struggling for more AF time.

Thank you Sun for that gentle reminder. You hit the nail on the head!!

Maisie, where are you on your AF journey this week? I'll pact with you for how ever many days. I have an invite to a good friends for a fun wine tasting evening (I'll tell you more about it later) so I'm committed to 4 days AF before that.

Ask!!
It was great to hear from you. You are sounding wonderful my friend. I hope you get a bit of quiet time to yourself during all that chaos. And yes, the daughter is doing great thanks -- even better since we built her a room on the ooooooottthhhhhhhhher side of the house.
I love your idea of using the planner in the mag to help with the meals -- I would share with another family -- maybe they could cook one week and you the next.
Fantastic Idea! I'm definetly going to get Real Simple next time I go to the store.

Sun, I just don't understand how the pound can make a decision like that. It just doesn't seem right to me. Surely a good, loving home is what they are looking for?

Sara, Congrats on 6 days AF!!
I always knew that my time spent in the kitchen was purely to be near the 5lt of wine and not because of my passion for cooking really involved meals which would take hours to prepare and fiddle with. When I went AF for 60 days there were days when I just couldn't face the kitchen at all. Luckily hubby is an excellent cook and was really understanding and did most of the cooking for those two months.
Is it not possible to cook a couple of meals each morning and then freeze them to have on hand for those days when it's just too much to cope with. I also found that by cooking in the morning there really was no temptation at all to pour a glass of wine:-)

Beth, I keep meaning to ask you -- what type of exercise are you doing? (I'm looking for inspiration here LOL)

Moo, be strong and know I'm thinking of you.

KTAB, how was your visit with Mario -- do tell.

Where's VLAD?
She went away on holiday but I thought it was just for the weekend -- it's been ages since she checked in!!

Right, I am off to do some work. I really won't be posting as much this week as I just HAVE to catch up on my work.

Love to all.

[Sarasmiles]

Mod Squad September Thread

Thanks DeeBee,
Great idea about cooking in the morning! I am definitely going to do that this week. I can't believe I never thought of that before. Genius.

[mooderator]

Mod Squad September Thread

Dear All,

Just a quick Hi. I have been reading all your responses but not been much in the mood to type lately. I think I am getting the urge again! Yay! I have guesties staying at the moment and I am still working all week, so rather busy also. Things are pretty ok with AL. I modded sat and sun with the guesties who both like a few drinks! I have elected not to drink at all tonight. Partially as a test of will power, partially because I have a big work day tomorrow and an early start, so dont want anything to make me more tired than I am. If tonight is successful, I might repeat the AF thing for tuesday night, then allow myself a couple of glasses of wine on wednesday night (which I think may be their last night,not sure). After that it will be AF until my wedding anniverary dinner on 26th September!

I havent time to comment to everyone individually at the moment. But know that I have read everyones stuff and I think I am starting to feel more like it again. I am starting to look towards planning an AF OCTOBER. Is anyone else interested. xx

[Eve11]

Mod Squad September Thread

Hi gang,

Like J-Vo and Sarasmiles I have had disappointment with my moderation goals as well. Not too long ago I had such strong personal resolve to never go over my 7x week goal and then shortly thereafter found myself drinking 5 drinks in one night! Moderation is a struggle and I think most of us question ourselves from time to time if we can really be successful at it.

I have studied psychology in the past and I know that with any learned behavior it increases in frequency with rewards and decreases with punishment. People stop performing any given behavior when there is no longer an incentive to continue. However this extinction will not take place when the given behavior is positively reinforced occasionally. So, the challenge for occasional drinkers is the fact that they will always have the craving for drinking. If they quit drinking completely the craving would disappear over time but they continue the cycle of craving by allowing themselves to drink from time to time so the battle will always be there for them.

When they are moderating according to their goals and getting that occasional positive reinforcement (the taste of the wine or alcohol they love) the warm buzz, the relaxed, mellow feeling it all seems worthwhile. But when they fail and wake up the next day with the old feelings of hangover, remorse etc…then the question remains…is it worth the battle for those times a moderator drinks according to their moderation goals/plans?

When do people decide it’s not worth the battle?

I always prided myself on the fact that I wasn’t physiologically addicted to alcohol (e.g. would go through d.t.s without it) but I know I am psychologically addicted to it (really look forward to the week-ends or those occasions when I can drink again) and someone in a book stated whether you’re physiologically addicted or psychologically addicted "alcohol has got you."

Sometimes I feel like my AF friends here must just bite their tongues when I post and they see me doing the same thing over and over with the same results. But yet I just don’t want to abstain completely so I choose to fight the battle.

Nothing I read can tell me why I’m afflicted. Heck, they can’t even agree whether it’s a disease or just a bad habit.

As the child of an alcoholic I know I am 4-10 times more likely to have a problem. But I'd like to know why?

Is there something genetic that predisposes me to having problems. Do problem drinkers metabolize alcohol differently than non problem drinkers? Do we get more of a buzz, more of a kick? The non-problem drinker can have 1 and be done without a problem. For some of us problem drinkers it’s like the shut off switch is broken – works sometimes but not always.

So, I share my thoughts today to say IMHO moderation is difficult. Is it possible? After 13 months of pretty successful moderating I still don’t have the answer as every 3 mos. or so I have gone over my limits I've set.

This is all so subjective. To some 5 drinks would not be an awful thing. At least I didn't drink and drive when these episodes happened. Kids were in bed so I wasn't a bad role model to them. But I had the sneaky behavior with overdrinking (which is very bad) and was frustrated that I set out to have no more than two - three at the MOST and ended up going over.

Sarah, I read the same book by Susan Powter. Would be nice to find a book about successful moderating but I'm fearful none exist.

I will continue my moderating struggle. I will continue to post and continue to come here for support.

I will be realistic to the fact that I will have ever-present cravings because of my occasional drinking but my moderating story isn’t over yet…I will share it with you along the way.

Will start a new thread on strategies for resisting temptation whether AF or moderating.

Hugs and missed you all,
Eve11

[Sarasmiles]

Mod Squad September Thread

Hi Eve,
I've been wondering about you! I was so glad to see your post. I agree with everything you said.

When I'm moderating, the thought of alcohol is so often on my mind. When I give myself permission to drink, I end up wanting to do it every day. Even deciding to do 30 days without seems to be easier than, let's say, telling myself on Tuesday, "I won't drink until Saturday."

I have lots more thoughts on this, but the kids are home and we're heading out. Good to see you, and hugs to you and to everyone else.