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    Mod Squad March Thread

    Hey gang,

    Came across a site for alcoholism with the question "Can alcoholics ever really moderate?" Wanted to share what one respondent stated. Because I couldn't ask him for permission to share his thoughts I'm not going to use his pseudonym. It's a public site so don't feel it's wrong to share this with you all as it's some good food for thought and it probably hits close to home for us with Sarasmiles and mg72 going the AF route. Here goes:

    I've been trying to moderate my drinking since my teens, and I'm now in my 40s. I finally came to the realization that, for me, abstinence is the only way, but like you, I have harbored reservations and have given it another try. It never works out for me, but still I don't learn.

    You see, my memory is selective. I tend to forget how sick I felt each day, the hangovers, the blackouts, the puking, the worrying about how I appeared to other people, the remorse I felt every single morning when I woke up. I was beating myself up and yet I continued. Who does that? Social drinkers don't do that. But alcoholics do.

    Not An Alcoholic?
    It could be that you're not an alcoholic, but remember that more than one drink per day for a woman is risking health problems. Can you moderate to one drink per day and perhaps a couple occasionally? Or will there be times when you can't control it and binge?

    Usually, when we have to assert so much control over our drinking, it's because it's taken control of us. Otherwise, why would we need to wrestle control back?

    -- Author's name protected
    "Control your destiny or somebody else will"

    ~Jack Welsh~:h

    God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me. ~Author unknown, :thumbs:

    Comment


      Mod Squad March Thread

      hi you guys -
      do you remember me? i sometimes sneak here and look - I got paranoid, and stopped coming by - but think of you all -
      anyways, I am drinking a little bit more than I should - but otherwise, things are going pretty well.
      I just wanted to say hi.

      Love
      Lila

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        Mod Squad March Thread

        by paranoid, I meant I was afraid someone would know I was on this site.

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          Mod Squad March Thread

          Hi Lila,

          My heart skipped a beat when I saw your name. It's always so good to *see* old friends.

          We are the opposite - haha - I'm telling more and more people about my life modding and a great online site that I've found to help me. I've even started posting real pix of myself here under my profile (although I need to update the halloween one as I look a little ghoulish!!)

          As more time goes on, I get prouder and bolder about sharing the option of a mod life as opposed to the standard AF that society seems to give as the only option to problem drinkers. Who were you paranoid about finding out about you? Family or people at work?
          Wish you could work through that as this is such a great place for support and I hate to see you be afraid to come here.

          Fill us in on how life is going in your mod life?

          :l
          Eve11
          "Control your destiny or somebody else will"

          ~Jack Welsh~:h

          God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me. ~Author unknown, :thumbs:

          Comment


            Mod Squad March Thread

            Hello Squad,
            Great to see you Lila, I remember you well of course!
            Mg, wishing you well on your decision to be AF for good! AA sounds like it's going to work great for you.

            I miss you guys! I'm doing pretty well, on day 39 AF today. I have at least fleeting thoughts about drinking every day, but rarely any real cravings or urges. For now it seems like an impossibility. It is more difficult for me to cope with the occasional thoughts I have that "someday" maybe I could try to mod again. I have made a list of many incidents of excessive drinking , (my "wall of shame" :H) and I look at it when I need to remember that this was not a minor problem for me. Sometimes it seemed minor, because I could control it well for periods of time. But the bad times were pretty bad. And I'm scared to death of having another bad time that is more harmful, and of doing some irreparable damage to myself, my relationships, my kids' sense of safety with me....I can't take the chance. I just finally believe I do have the kind of brain that is vulnerable to the risk of becoming an "alcohol seeking vampire" when I least expect it. It sucks, but there it is.

            Congrats to all of you who are continuing to mod successfully! I envy you, but know I don't have it in me. I grieve this a little bit, but I'm also finding this is a wonderful path full of new discoveries...

            Love to you all,
            Sara
            "When she enjoyed her drinking she couldn't control it, and when she controlled it, she couldn't enjoy it." (from The Big Book)

            Comment


              Mod Squad March Thread

              hi Eve and Sara
              Good for you, Sara! That is great - it is a long time!
              For me, honestly, I am not, and never was nearly as big a drinker as lots here - it seems to be an issue for me when I am alone and am not doing anything. Sort of a conundrum - I love not having to do anything, like I can have a break from my life - then I overindulge.
              Mostly, my life really is going great.
              Lila

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                Mod Squad March Thread

                sara, eve, maia, deebee and sunbeam,
                Thank you for the good wishes for me going AF. I am now on day 13 and going strong. I want to answer Eve's inquiry in why I decided to do this. I have consumed AL for over forty years starting at 17 years old. The have never been a heavy drinker as much as a consistent drinker. In other words I have never known life without AL. After joining into MYO last fall I decided to try AF 30 days. I made it 18 and overall they were a great 18 days. There are the triggers and resulting urges that hit you when you first stop drinking and I had those. After 18 days I felt so good I decided I could moderate and started again. After a couple of weeks I was back to where I started before the AF period.

                Two weeks ago I filled out a survey that lists the benefits we received from drinking and the negatives we received. The only thing on the benefit side the was the roughly one hour buzz I got when I drank. The negative side had eleven negative results of drinking and since then I have added two more. I am convinced that drinking even moderately makes me depressed, sluggish, less social and grouchy for a couple of days to name some of the negatives. After doing that I decided to call AA because it is the only program I am aware of that has been successful helping people like me get AL free.

                I am encouraged at this point that I will succeed. It is very early in the process so I will not jump ahead. I can give you more details as I go through this. It has been an emotional two weeks for me but I so very happy I made decision to call and go to my first meeting. I have been to six in nine days. They are people just like me and most with even more extreme problems that have quit drinking and help others go AF or as they say live a sober life. Everyone in the group says their lives are much better without AL than with it.

                I will keep in touch and update you occasionally. Thanks for letting me express myself and wish all of you the very best.

                Comment


                  Mod Squad March Thread

                  Lila!! How wonderful to have you back -- you were missed!!

                  And a special hi to our Abbers MG and Sara:-)

                  MG, I've am very interested in the 12 steps and how they help one grow spiritually as well remain AF -- please do keep us updated.

                  Hi Maia, Eve, Ask and all to come.... nothing exciting to report from my side.
                  "The person who says it cannot be done should not interrupt the person doing it"

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                    Mod Squad March Thread

                    Hi Lila, It?s nice to meet you. I understand that feeling of paranoia, I get like that too, although not so much lately. I feel very comfortable coming here and sharing my life with all of you. I do get scared some times that I might be saying some specific details of mi life that are not relevant to my problem with Al so I could avoid mentioning them, I don?t know? I feel safe here.

                    MG, I too was wondering about your decision because you seemed to have it under control. I am happy for you and like DeeBee said, I hope you keep us updated. My problem is actually the opposite as yours. Im not drinking everyday, not needing a drink in the afternoos etc. My problem seems to be once I start (which I think is more problematic). Before I joint MWO I was drinking more often, every three days I would find an excuse to drink (and of course OVERdrink). Im not doing that at all. I don?t make excuses to drink, im not going out of my way to drink, I don?t make up plans just because I know there is going to be AL. I actually got to a point now where Im drinking so infrequently that Im scared when I know there is something coming that involves it. My wedding Saturday is a good example. Some time ago I would?ve been looking forward to this wedding, now it is a scary challenge!!! I have dinner plans on Thursdays too with some friends of my husband, but I don?t think I would have any problems there (another improvement for me by the way  )

                    Sara, you sound great! It is nice to hear from you!

                    Eve, thank you for your advice! I think that?s what I do. I will not drink for the first two or three hours of the wedding. I love that idea. I think that might work because I get in trouble when the events last for too long, this way I think I should do much better!

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                      Mod Squad March Thread

                      My 13 month old just jumped on my computer and my message was posted without me finishing writing and without saying bye to all of you!!, Well, she is demaning my attention!

                      Good night everyone

                      Comment


                        Mod Squad March Thread

                        Just in case, I didn't mean MY wedding, I meant the wedding I'm going to

                        Also, when I said I am drinking "so infrequently", it is comparing it to what I was drinking a couple of months ago, I know I could still do better

                        Just to clarify .

                        Comment


                          Mod Squad March Thread

                          Hi Gang!
                          Well it's easter weekend coming up and the husband and daughter will both be away so I'm making plans to keep myself entertained. I intend to visit some of my favorite nursery's to look for something suitable to grow again the new boundary wall the neighbor built which is an absolute monstrosity and damn ugly!! So I'll need to find some sort of hedge which grows to about 3 meters tall and preferably within a couple of months -- that's not a tall order is it?

                          I won't be drinking this weekend as one of my golden rules is to never drink alone.

                          Happy Wednesday friends:-)
                          "The person who says it cannot be done should not interrupt the person doing it"

                          Comment


                            Mod Squad March Thread

                            DeeBee;831190 wrote: Hi Gang!
                            I intend to visit some of my favorite nursery's to look for something suitable to grow again the new boundary wall the neighbor built which is an absolute monstrosity and damn ugly!! So I'll need to find some sort of hedge which grows to about 3 meters tall and preferably within a couple of months -- that's not a tall order is it?
                            DeeBee,

                            When you figure out what to buy let me know. We had a new neighbor this last year place an RV eyesore in clear view of my backyard window where I enjoyed spectacular sunsets - but no more!! We asked him kindly if he would move it - the only option was for it to be in his view when he looked out his window and he didn't want to look at it!!

                            I was mad at first but then chose to not let it ruin my day every day - I couldn't change him - only my feelings about it. So, we built a beautifiul outdoor fireplace that somewhat hides it but the plant idea is not a bad one. So, please fill me in on your purchase or maybe Sunbeam our expert will have some ideas.

                            mg72,
                            Thoroughly thought provoking post. Hubby and I have definitely noticed how with even 1 drink we don't sleep as well (studies show it interferes with REM sleep) and I too have had days after drinking where I'm just a bit more on the crabby side or more prone to get irritated with the kids or the spouse. I can totally relate to what you're saying. Thanks so much for sharing with us and please drop by with updates anytime!!

                            Maia,
                            Good luck with the wedding. I've found that if I don't start right away like everyone else I do much better. What's funny is the problem drinkers with the huge tolerance who don't think they have a problem can drink me under the table all of the time yet I look like a fool when I get tipsy on my 3rd or 4th.

                            Oops, gotta run unexpectedly.
                            Hugs to all - be back soon.
                            :l
                            Eve11
                            "Control your destiny or somebody else will"

                            ~Jack Welsh~:h

                            God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me. ~Author unknown, :thumbs:

                            Comment


                              Mod Squad March Thread

                              mg72 - I wanted to be the last (as the newest) to say: congratulations on what appears to be a really good decision for you, and that you will be missed. I can certainly see how the same conclusions could be reached by myself in the future. Thanks so much for sharing the process. Please, as everyone else has said, stop by from time to time. All the best!
                              "Kinda brainy, but with no common sense..." by permission of Anotherday

                              Comment

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