Mod Squad April Thread

[Maia]

Mod Squad April Thread

Hi everyone,

Letgo, congratulations on your first art festival! Good luck with that! you must be pretty busy with that!

Hi Someoneelse, are you going back to do the 30 days AF or are you going to start moderating right away? I did two weeks AF before I started, but I know most people recommend 30 days.

Hello Eve, Sun, and Francis (and everyone else how hasnt posted)

Im doing ok. As planned, I havent had a drink in the past 9 days. I'll be AF until Thusday that we have dinner plans and then the weekend and my friend's beach house. Today I actually felt like having some wine, but it was a different craving than I used to. I was feeling like going out with my husband but not really like drinking at home, so it wasnt hard to get over the craving as we need plannig to go our (babysitter, etc) so, I'll wait until Thursday when I inten to have two or maybe thre drinks. No more tha that for sure!!

I have to go, good night!!!

[frances]

Mod Squad April Thread

Hi all,

I had a tough day at work yesterday and then volunteering at an event at my daughter's school - got home and found myself thinking how I'd love a glass of wine. These 'hard days' where I'm tired and sterssed are hard for me - they were hard during my AF period too. The worst is when you find yourself thinking "what would be so bad about having a drink - I'm moderating anyway - it's just one". And that's true enough. But if I did that I just know that it would start me on the slippery slope back to old habits - I feel pretty sure about it. So I focused on my 'plan', poured myself some seltzer and tried to forget about it. It worked but I wish I didn't even have to think about it and struggle. But I wouldn't be here if that were the case, huh?

Have a good day everyone!

[canadiangirl]

Mod Squad April Thread

Hi Frances

I know exactly what you mean - I'm doing so much better than I was, why can't I have a drink...? FWIW, here's what I do. First of all, my week is pretty much set - I know what I'm drinking and when - and it is set in stone. There is NO negotiating. If the stinkin thinkin starts, I remind myself of such things as alcoholic myopathy, neuropathy, and myositis, and alcoholic dementia. I will occasionally Google them and make myself read the symptoms. The final argument is that if I can't have an AF day today, or stop at three drinks now, then I can't moderate and I have to stop entirely and forever. This generally shuts me up. Then I finish up with something nice for me (it can't all be nasty) like a fancy dessert, a hike in the woods, a new book. Digging in the garden also works. Hope this is of some assistance! :l (And hope I haven't give away too much about myself :H).

[Maia]

Mod Squad April Thread

Hi Frances and great job yesterday! Once the cravings hit it is always a challenge to avoid AL, so good for you!

Canadiangirl, I also try to plan my drinking in advance and I do my best not to have a drink on a day that I have already decided would be AF, it makes it much easier for me than having to think about making that decision on a daily basis. Actually, it has been relatively easy for me to stick to my plan when it comes to AF days. I find it MUCH harder to stick to my limit once I have a drink, althou I'm improving a lot (I think). That is why I try to have as many AF days in a week and in a month, it works better for me.

This is my 9th AF day, but I'll have wne tomorrow at dinner. 3 is the limit

Good night all



Good night all!

[Eve11]

Mod Squad April Thread

Maia,
I think I have that same struggle...stopping once I start. Once I have one I seem to develop that craving for another and sometimes another and another...yikes!! Whereas, if I never start - I tend to not really have bad cravings at all.

I mean the thought does occur here and there - "wouldn't it be nice to relax and have a glass of wine at 8 pm when things are settling down." But then reality hits and I remember it's not so easy once I start in the home environment - I remember that I don't sleep as well, I don't like drinking in front of the kids too often (social events yes but at home???) etc. So then, time passes and the thought goes away. But it's a drag to struggle with those thoughts sometimes as I know people without problems just don't seem to go there at all.

Hang in there Maia. You're doing great!

:l
Eve11

[Eve11]

Mod Squad April Thread

To Delta Moon,

You go girl!!! Great job on the drinktracker for your first week back to moderating with us after your absence. Don't forget to come over to Ruby Tuesday and discuss your week with us this coming Monday.

Remember folks, come post your goals anytime, mid-week whenever. Then we'll discuss on Monday and Tuesday how we did - what worked, what didn't, what we can change etc. It's only Wednesday so come on over and set some goals with us.

:l
Eve11

[DeeBee]

Mod Squad April Thread

Hey Gang!
Haven't had a chance to post lately as I've taken on another job (working for the husband) so life is hectic, but good.
Just to let you know I am reading if not posting and think of you all often.

Special hi too all the lurkers.

P.S I had breakfast at the Hilton on Monday and was thinking of you Eve:-)

[Maia]

Mod Squad April Thread

Good morning all,

I went to my dinner las night with my husband's friends and I'm not happy or proud to report that I had 4 drinks and not 2 or 3 as it was my plan. I'm really disappointed that I just went over my limit without any real reason to to kind of justify it. We got there early and had a drink at the bar, then we had a bottle of wine and I really thought I was doing great but my husband's friend ordered another bottle after that. Of course I ended up having one more glass I I blamed him in my mind thinking "well, it's not my fault, what I'm going to do..." This morning I realize how wrong I was (probably 3 glasses of wine made me think like that) it wasn't this guy's fault or anybody's. It is 100% my responsability to stop. I'm really sad. We are going to the beach today for the weekend and I will be surrounded by drinkers, not bad heavy drinkers but they like wine a lot, and I didint want to be worrying about it, just enjoying the idea of a weekend away, well, now I'm worrying.....

Enjoy your day and weekend! I might post from there because I think I'm going to need (and miss) you guys

[Maia]

Mod Squad April Thread

Eve, I was so sad this morning when I wrote the previous post that I forgot to thank you for your word! They meant a lot to me because you have been an inspiration for me since I started reading this site (before I even started posting) so, to know that you feel similar to me about the AF days, and the struggles is very encouraging!! You said that I was doing great and I also felt like that, so, I'm very dissapointed in me today!

[Eve11]

Mod Squad April Thread

Dear Maia,
Don't be so hard on yourself. You are still doing great. The funny thing about drinking is best surmised by this quote "once the judgment goes, you don't have the judgment to know the judgment left !" So, very easy to make bad choices after 3 drinks when judgment is impaired.

I know we can't control every circumstance in our lives but learning to be aware of triggers as we go through this process helps. I find I always have trouble if I am associating with people who are heavy drinkers. So, I purposely don't go to girl's night out at bars because that would be too much of a temptation to me. I think my friends have changed over the years as well since 07 when I started to take moderating seriously. One girlfriend whom I consider a heavy drinking no longer wants to have lunch with me because she doesn't want to drink her 2-3 drinks over lunch alone while I sip on ice tea.

I probably would have had a real hard time as well saying no to that 4th drink when another bottle was ordered and would much prefer to be surrounded by friends who stop at a controlled two drinks or so which would have meant another bottle wasn't ordered. But sometimes we're still going to be in the company of people who tempt us because they drink more than we would like to. In hindsight what you may have done (and think about doing next time) is to have ordered something fun to drink for yourself. So, when the bottle of wine was ordered you could have said"No, thanks, I won't have another wine but I'd love a...sparkling pelligrino, or Arnold Palmer (ice tea/lemonade mix) or a seltzer water with grenadine...etc. Sometimes easier said than done - believe me - I've gone over my limit plenty of times too but to have these helpful thoughts in our heads helps.

Anyway, hang in there!! We're all here for you. Focus on all that good AF time you had. It usually
takes time, trials and tribulations before we get this moderating thing in gear.

:l
Eve11

[mg72]

Mod Squad April Thread

Morning Long Terms mods

Hello Ladies,
After a really crazy week I am getting opportunity to post again. Between my mother passing away, family in town, travel last two weekends for trainings and life in general it has been a bit overwhelming.

To start I would like to thank Maia, Eve, Sunbeam and SomeoneElse for sending me regrets on my Mom's passing. You are correct Sunbeam that she did fall after femor fracture. Doctor told us after it happend that at 93 years old she was unlikely to come back from it. She was a great lady and will be missed.

I am now on day 33 AL free. This almost doubles my record of 18 days last fall which was my only serious attempt at quiting in over 40 years of drinking. I am still involved in local AA chapter and try to attend two meetings a week. I stay in touch almost daily with three or four other men in program which is nice. There is a great support effort in AA. I am slowly working on steps but primarily focusing on not taking a drink. There are days that it hard to resist urges but overall it has been a very positive experience.

In AA book it says that "after several months of not drinking a new, positive life opens up for us". In the meeting people that have been in program talk about this a lot. My first objective with this was to go 30 days AL free. I now am leaning to make 90 days my next goal. A more positive, real life is why I am doing this so I feel I need to follow advice of program to give it a shot. It has been wonderful not waking up with any hangover and all the crap that goes with them. It is also good not to have any guilt from drinking more than I should have. How I communicate with my wife and others, higher energy level, settled emotions and feeling of peace are all benefits of being AL free.

It is good to keep up with all of you and hope you have a wonderful week.

[Eve11]

Mod Squad April Thread

mg72

I'm glad to hear things are going well in the AF world. Hopefully anyone who decides that moderation isn't working looks at it as a positive step towards resolving their alcohol-related problems and not that they failed at moderation.

So if Plan A (moderation) isn't working for you, Plan B (not drinking) may. You can even view not drinking as the ultimate form of moderation!

We enjoy hearing from you but just be sure you're strong enough in your recovery to hear how moderators are doing (especially if they are doing well) as that could be enticing to want to believe you can moderate again. I'm glad you're getting good support ( I knew you would) and often times I miss face to face support groups and wish we had a strong moderation group where I live. Good luck mg72!

Frances,
You and I are very similar. Thanks for posting your goals and discussing your past week on Ruby Tuesday thread. I am still hung up on the thinking of "Yeah it's Friday, Yeah it's Saturday and I can drink!" I would like to get more like Sunbeam and would like to get beyond that and have a Friday or Saturday without drinking (esp. if I stayed home and didn't go out socializing). So, I'm working on that one too.

But you and I had a great, successful moderation week and for me I know Ruby Tuesday helped me be more accountable. So, thanks for coming to the meeting and I'm hoping to hear from others this week too.

Maia, hope your week-end went well. Have been thinking about you since your last post. Lurkers, come on board and post with us. Don't let it sound scary that we know each other and comment on personal things etc. New modders are always welcome and embraced! We love having new people, thoughts, etc.

Hello to all my mod buddies and former mod buddies. A special hello to Sarasmiles (hugs) and J-Vo.
Miss you two!!

Delta, where are you? Let-Go?? Haven't heard a peep for a while.

Hugs everyone.
:l
Eve11

[Maia]

Mod Squad April Thread

MG, thank you for posting, I really enjoy reading about your experience at AA. You sound very determined. I would like to read the AA book out of curiosity, well, not just curiosity, I think I could learn a lot, it sounds interesting. I have always been scared of the idea, but I am more open now about haveing a problem (at least with myself)

Eve, I would also love to have that Friday and Saturday AF without an effort. I have done it, but need planning for it. It would be nice to have it more naturally.

Last weekend was great. We had an amazing time and I was able to successfully moderate and enjoy myself! We got there on a Friday and only had one glass of wine with dinner. On Saturday I had two drinks while we were at the beach and then when we cooked dinner and ate I didn’t drink! Then on Sunday I didn’t drink either. It was so relaxing. My girls had an amazing time. It was a perfect weekend get away. Beautiful beach house, you could actually see dolphins as we were having breakfast from the house!!!

I just posted on the ruby tuesday threat, which by the way I encourage all of you to it too as I think it is a great tool (thanks Eve), and here is part of what I wrote, just so I dont have to type again:

I have another unusual weekend coming. This weekend, my friends from highschool are coming to town. We usually drink like a lot when we get together, very scary. It can’t happen this time.

I’m very anxious about this weekend, not only are my friends coming but my husband will be away for business. He is leaving today and coming back Saturday afternoon and that means that Friday is a day that I have to really plan in advance... Im thinking about telling them to meet on Saturday and not Friday. I had already told the babysitter to come on Friday and had it all planned, but that may not be a good idea, the idea of getting home after dinner and some drinks to find the girls sleeping and my husband away sounds like a very risky scenario, I don’t know. What do you think?

[Eve11]

Mod Squad April Thread

Maia,
Sometimes the more responsibility we have the less likely we are to stumble. Friday sounds very scary as it would be too easy to overdrink and not have to be accountable to hubby when you got home and the girls would be covered with the babysitter. Do you get tempted to drink alone at home? Once we start drinking sometimes it's hard to stop and with hubby not home - could be easy to keep drinking home alone. I think I'd opt for going out with the friends on Sat. night as you'd be more accountable to hubby and he'd be there when you got home. Just my opinion.

Hugs,
Eve11

[Maia]

Mod Squad April Thread

Thank you Eve, you are absolutely right. the drinking at home was my biggest problem before. I would start drinking at home or I would go out to dinner or any place, kind of control my drinking in public because I always knew that I could come back home and have some drinks here. I havent done that in a long time now, but I always have my husband with me. The only night in this three months that I drank home, was once I had a drink with a friend when my husband wasnt home. My friend left and I found myself alone with an open botle of wine infront of me. I drank it and felt guilty and horrible next day. That was two months ago, i think. It hasnt happened again and I dont want it to happen again. I'll do that. I will change my plans for saturday. I dont need this kind of risks in my life right now. I just hate to think that im doing much better, that im kind of a normal drinker (trying at least) and then, to know that I have to change my plans, and go through all this thinkin because i just cant trust myself. I dont like this feeling. I need to be able to trust myself

Then I think about it again and I say, well, I do have a problem and that's why I ask for help at MWO, and to control this problem I have i need to set some limits and I need to make some changes, which include avoiding risky situations. Well, it's late and im thinking too much about this

By the way, my husband left for his business trip, Im home alone, the girls are sleeping and I never thought about having a drink (im focusing too much on friday I guess) . This didnt happen before. Whenever he wasnt home, it was my alone time to have my drinks, always!!! So, I also need to give me some credit! I am doing better, I just need to do MUCH better! He will not be home until Saturday. I promesed myself that I will not have a drink alone while he is on thus trip!