Mod Squad MAY...We moderate well thread

[Sunbeam]

Mod Squad MAY...We moderate well thread

Hey everybody,
Well I had my wine last night and now I'm done for another week. It is great gardening weather, and there is lots I want to get done. Drinking really slows me down. I still think often about AF weekends, but after a day of hard weekend work, I enjoy the wine.

Frances, we have a small refrigerator in our basement. I am way less likely to drink wine that's down there than having an open bottle upstairs that I see every time I open the refrigerator door.

Eve, congrats on tackling a master's program. Is it a nursing master's?

SomeOneElse, Welcome! We always need new people here, a bigger group.

AskForHelp, glad to see you are doing well. Glad to hear you are going for those 4 AF days. I know what you mean about at some point just feeling deprived, and the voice in our heads talks us into having a drink, and therefore not meeting goals.

LetGo and Bear, I hope you had successful weeks.

CanadianGirl, I'm currently planting Alstroemeria AKA Inca lily. I've read that they take a couple of years to really get going but they have a long bloom time and cut well, lasting up to two weeks in a vase. It is a native of South Africa, but Cornell has bread a variety called Tangerine Tango that is hardy in our zone 5 climate.

[canadiangirl]

Mod Squad MAY...We moderate well thread

Hi All!

I hope everyone had a nice (moderate) weekend and has a good, productive week planned.

Congratulations, Eve, on starting an online degree course. I can't speak highly enough of education at a more *ahem* mature stage in life. Best of luck!

The last number of posts have really emphasized to me how easy it is to let one's guard down and slip back into daily drinking. I appreciate the reminder to be vigilant. And I do increasingly see how people can start to feel that complete abstinence is simpler...

Regarding partial bottles of wine clamouring in the fridge, isn't there a type of stopper that you can buy that sucks most of the air out and keeps it fresher? I'm sure I've seen something in the kitchen gadget shops. I can stand a half bottle after 24 hrs, but any longer and it become cooking wine. Freezing it is a great idea. I don't actually have the problem with the bottle calling to me - I think my problem starts when my commitment to AF on any particular day is fuzzy. It really does seem that if I allow any doubt to creep in, it brings all its friends and has a party at my expense. My husband has started to "help" me with this by being all disapproving, which is very uncomfortable for me, thus very effective! Darn him!!!

Sunbeam - I looked up your lily... Very pretty! I know them as cut flowers and didn't know I could grow them. The info I saw cautioned against very hot weather, which would be a problem here from time to time. It can get stinking hot and humid. I'd really rather live somewhere more temperate. They garden almost year round on Vancouver Island. *sigh*

[letgolaughing]

Mod Squad MAY...We moderate well thread

hi all
just read through the posts and caught up. looks like moderating leads to staying busy which leads to success(gardens, masters degrees, etc). so, these are things i keep in the back of my mind when i'm doing an AF day and the little voice starts creeping in.

i truly can say that i have been telling myself more and more that i enjoy AF days and i think it is starting to make them a little easier.

of course, i'm only doing 2 a week, but, maybe once i nail those, i can add another.

i have not been drinking nearly as much as i was when i do drink so add that together with 2 af days and i'm feeling somewhat successful. during the weekdays i have only 1 or 2(at most)when i am not AF. and on the weekends, i allow myself 3 each day, but i can't drink more than 3 drinks at a time now or i feel really bad the next day.
friday night, i had 3 drinks and i felt ok saturday, but not fantastic.
so, saturday night, i had a beer and then i just didn't want anymore. i didn't even have to "try". i also didn't feel deprived.
So, i think i'm learning that be AF or having only one drink isn't deprivation. it can actually be ok.

I go on vacation in 10 days. i was so scared about going and over doing it when i first started modding again back in february. I think i will do ok.
i'm sure i will have drinks everyday, and more than i would at home, but when i get back, i know i can pickup where i leave off. I may even not feel like drinking a day when i am there. who knows?

reece

[Eve11]

Mod Squad MAY...We moderate well thread

I'm seeing a lot of success with recent posts. Seems like some of us are really getting this mod thing down.

What I've really figured out after coming here (seriously) since 9/1/08 (rejoined as the first time here I was not successful at all) is:

1. Alcohol is a demotivator. So...if I want to get things done - it doesn't happen real well when I've
been drinking. Thus, to enjoy a glass or two of wine on a night when kids don't need homework supervision, I don't have homework to do myself etc. then that can happen. But, I've become acutely aware that not much gets done after that drink or two (other than going to bed!) so people who want to make things happen in their lives shouldn't drink much.

2. I've learned daytime drinking is just not a good idea. Same as listed above. Of course if I wanted to waste my time and come home for a nap I could have that glass of wine when out with a friend for lunch. But...think I've learned to skip it. Just isn't worth the consequence I pay for being demotivated afterwards.

3. Drinking is a depressant. If I want to feel on edge the next day, slightly bummed out, etc. then I should go ahead and have more than 2 drinks. If I want to not feel too affected I should enjoy my one with 2 at the most!

4. Drinking interferes with my sleep so if I want to feel a little tired and not have that great jumping out of bed feeling to start my day then I should have a few drinks the night before. I may not notice it with just one but I definitely notice it with 2 or more so that's the price I have to pay.

Bottom line, to enjoy a glass or two occasionally is not a bad plan and then drinking can be somewhat enjoyable.

The major question is: Do the negatives outweigh the positives when making that decision to drink?

:l
Eve11

[Sunbeam]

Mod Squad MAY...We moderate well thread

Hi Everybody,
Eve, great post. Wine is definitely a de-motivator. It prevents me from doing things I enjoy. Even reading or TV are diminished experiences because I can't remember them as well.

I had my wine last night, so I'm done for the weekend, don't drink during the week. I decided to have some while cooking dinner. I don't do that often, my husband is more the cook. I mostly make soups for lunches, using vegetables from my garden when available.

LetGo, I'm glad you are making progress, cutting back more easily, staying in your limits.

CanadianGirl, I'm not sure what variety of Alstroemeria you read about, but Tangerine Tango and Mauve Majesty were both bread at Cornell in Ithaca NY, with a climate like ours, not like Vancouver Island. You could grow them if you like.

AskForHelp, you are feeling stronger, that's clear.

OK, gotta go. This weekend and next will be big planting weekends.

[canadiangirl]

Mod Squad MAY...We moderate well thread

Eve11;862838 wrote: The major question is: Do the negatives outweigh the positives when making that decision to drink?

This is such a good and complicated question. If it was simply about whether moderating is a positive thing, I'd have to say yes and no. For instance, it is for me, right now. It's fantastic - I've gone from an unhealthy level of consumption - both mentally and physically - to something much more sustainable. My anxiety levels are down, I'm doing fun stuff in the evenings, I feel 100% better... But there are clearly people who spend years trying to moderate, falling back into alcoholic drinking and trying to moderate over and over, when quitting entirely is the right option. In those cases, moderating only prolongs the destructive pattern. And I'm very aware that I could still prove to be one of those people... It's all very tricky.

As far as the negatives of drinking at all... Hmmmm. I had a long talk with hubby about this modding thing the other day. He really doesn't understand it. He wonders what "success" is and how you recognize it. I tried to explain that drinking too much is "bad", but that drinking an amount generally considered to be "moderate" and "safe" is "good". He's not really buying it. He questions who the people are who define the terms, and feels that there is nothing really "good" about drinking. He says it may be nice, or what you want to do at the time, or any number of things, but that "good" isn't one of them. It was surprising to hear. And now of course, he mocks me. I'll say something like "Remember, we don't drink too much anymore." And he'll say "Yes, but we still seem to have to drink enough". This has a very disconcerting ring of truth to it.

I hope this isn't too badly expressed to make sense. And of course, it only reflects my thoughts and observations about my own experience, which is of very short duration and is still a work in progress.

[happy2b]

Mod Squad MAY...We moderate well thread

I did my AF 30 days. I have decided to indulge in 1 glass of wine when we're out for dinner ( which is rare) and a glass or two at special occasions. So far, so good. I slipped up last week for the first time and had 3 glasses on a friday night - no reason - and I felt like crap for my saturday morning run. I'm back on top now after my run yesterday and I find that I don't feel the need to indulge day to day any more. Let's hope it sticks.
I feel so much better without alcohol - I don't feel so inferior all the time - I have more energy - I don't worry and ruminate about it like I would do when I was having a glass or two, 4 - 5 nights per week.

I feel free.

I'm also very thankful for this site. Just knowing I can hop online is like a little support that makes it so easy to achieve. I don't need to be on a lot - I just need to know it's here and that's so nice.

Wish me sustained sobriety - I feel great!!!!

[Sunbeam]

Mod Squad MAY...We moderate well thread

Happytob(Here),
Welcome! Congrats on those 30 days. I think that learning how to not drink is a critical skill for success in moderate drinking. Occasional drinking is a great concept. I agree so much with your feeling of freedom. The alcohol routine really felt like a trap with no door, but we found this door out. Stay in touch.

CanadianGirl, I don't discuss my drinking much with my husband. He calls it "my problem", which is true. He could easily say things similar to your husband, but then he is making it our problem in his eyes, I think. If I want some wine, he always brings up a bottle from our wine cabinet (which he keeps locked) without comment. But he drinks about 2 glasses every evening with dinner, so he also realizes that not drinking would be easier for me if there weren't always wine in the house. So life just goes on, this is our status quo.

OK, I've got work to do indoors - have to finish writing up some long minutes from our church Board meeting.

[canadiangirl]

Mod Squad MAY...We moderate well thread

Kudos to you, Sunbeam. I'd find it very difficult if my husband was drinking wine with dinner every night. Maybe not so much these days, but I might not have gotten to "these days" if that were the case.

I was going to start the June thread, but got all nervous. So it's still May in this section of MWO.

A couple of observations, FWIW. I've noticed that on the days where I don't want to go through with an AF day, I will get an anxious, fluttery, fading feeling at around 3-4 in the afternoon that makes me want to relax with a drink later on. If I take a hit of L-Glut, it goes away in about half and hour. Then I started to remember that several years ago, before the daily drinking, I'd sometimes get a mid-afternoon slump and have a piece of chocolate from the office vending machine. Not only that, but I never drank at that time in the afternoon anyway, my witching hour has always been hours later than that. I'm thinking maybe it's only a blood sugar thing. I'm bad at snacking (hence the chocolate and the vending machine), and generally only eat twice a day. If I'm careful, and make sure to have some fruit or some cheese and crackers at this time, I'm wondering if I can make this whole thing easier??? Something to think about for anyone who experiences the same thing.

Another thing (and this is good) is that I don't have to fill my time anymore when I'm not drinking. I can just relax and be normal, which is great. I was thinking a couple of months ago that elaborately planning the not-drinking times really didn't sound like a healthy relationship with moderate drinking. Thankfully, that seems to be unnecessary now.

Well, onward and upward. I'm off to do computer science. My fuzzy rasters are clipping to a mysterious constraint that I can't figure out. Oh well. At least they're fuzzy!