Mod Heaven in 2011-January Thread

[KundaliniGirl]

Mod Heaven in 2011-January Thread

Eve, the last post from your blog:

Did we think we'd grow up to have drinking problems?
Posted 11-12-2008 at 05:49 PM by Eve11
Updated 01-04-2009 at 11:16 AM by Eve11
It's a funny thing about life when you're little. You think about what you're going to be when you grow up. But did any of us ever really think "When I grow up...I want to be a person with a drinking problem?"

I grew up with an alcoholic father and a mother who was an alcohol abuser. My grandfather on my dad's side was an alcoholic and my aunt on my mother's side as well so I guess you can say I inherited the genes for trouble.

I did the typical alcohol abuse as a young adult. Everyone drank like I did so it all seemed pretty normal.

I was a waitress in Miami and I would work in the evening and then go to the bars after work for 2-3 hours. Go home and wake up late the next day and go to the beach where we would sunbathe and drink wine. Would then head home for a nap from 2-3 and then go to work at 4:30 for the whole process to start over again.

Then I became a flight attendant and the alcohol abuse continued. The first comment we'd hear when we'd get to a new layover was "Put on your jeans and meet at the bar!" But once again, everyone I hung out with drank like me so I never looked at myself as having a problem.

Funny how life works that way! Got what I thought I'd be when I was a little girl...a flight attendant and then a nurse...but just never thought I'd be one with a drinking problem.


KG

[Gidget]

Mod Heaven in 2011-January Thread

What a wonderful read, you sure have a talent for writing Eve and an appealing honesty in your posts. I appreciate the one about not always feeling you belong on MWO, if no one replies to your thread etc, very honest and reassuring that others feel the same way. I guess you, for the most part, get back what you put in.
Yeah It is amazing how the world can revolve around one person ha ha

I have a very different drinking history from yourself. I fear that I am one of those whom cannot drink moderately, Not so much fear for not being able to drink again but fear of failing again. By 'failing' I mean, I am about to try modding for the first time in 6 months having been working through NLP techniques and I fear failure even though I am feeling quite confident about it. I have though felt confident in the past and I am afraid confidence is not the key. At least I am not failing to plan!

I have never been a daily drinker with the exception of a similar work situation you had in Miami where I worked at a bar and on finishing the shift each night we would go out until 5 am and then my day would be spent in bed hungover and then hungover all shift and then back into the booze! Crazy behaviour.
I have though repeatedly gotten into trouble when drunk, I may not drink for a month but when I pick up I tended to be promiscuous ( which was entirely against my natural inclinations) and get up to all sorts of life endangering risky behaviour. I would though never drink the next morning as I was too filled with remorse, guilt and hopelessness and the idea of picking up a drink in the AM was never an option.
I NEVER CHOSE to get drunk. It just inevitably happened.
So why do I think I can drink moderately?
There were occassions where I would have 2-3 and stop. It usually depended on the company. Eg: My grandparent or out to dinner with people who were responsible drinkers.
My mother is entirely convinced that you can change your neural pathways to drink responisibly. Basically setting up your brain to feel the negative effects of alcohol before you go out. Eg: Imagine the hangover, feel it in your gut, repeat this until it truly sticks.
My mother did this 15 years ago and has never been drunk since.
I like to believe in the power of the brain, it is an incredibly machine and if people can have psychic powers, enter realms of peace ( yogis ) than surely I can master this!

Why I think I may never be able to drink sensibly:
I can recall so vividly that feeling of not being able to put down the drink, the stronghold it had on me was intense.
I may not be mentally strong enough to master NLP.
I have always drunk to excess, I don't remember a time when it was in my control. Even when I started at 13.
There are millions of people who cannot moderate, what makes me the exception??

Thanks for reading and thanks for your inspiring posts
SJ
xxxx

[KundaliniGirl]

Mod Heaven in 2011-January Thread

Gidget, I too am new to trying to mod. Just wanted to let you know that we are here for support. Good luck during your trip. We'll be anxious to hear if you were able to accomplish your goals.

KG

[Eve11]

Mod Heaven in 2011-January Thread

Gidget,
I call it the "vampire effect" when I have those times that I need MORE and it kills me because I never know when it will happen. So, I have to say in all honesty that even though I've been here since 07, I have not moderated to my desire until just recently as I would fall away when I was overdrinking and not post or "forget" to post on the drinktracker, etc. I finally made a committment to either moderate successfully or throw in the towel and go back to an AF lifestyle. Being honest with posting on the drinktracker and Ruby Tuesday is helping me to moderate as I have wanted to.

The biggest help to me is knowing my triggers. So, no, I can't go out with "the girls" who I know drink too much. I avoid my friend's jewelry party every month as it's held at a wine bar on a school night (too tempting) and it's important to be home with my kids. I have severed get togethers with friends who drink in the daytime (wine with lunch), and I am very cautious if I end up in a situation being with heavy drinkers as I can get pulled right in. I don't buy bottles of wine for my home. Have one at present as we had a small party and it was left over but I will not open it with the intention of just me thinking I will have one or two because that usually doesn't work to my liking. Like your mom, I envision all of those things too. How a hangover feels, how having that crappy remorse and regret feels, etc. Good luck with your NLP (?) program. I will google it and research it more but I do believe in that kind of stuff!!

Good luck. You've got a good plan and KG and I and the others lurking and posting here and there are behind you!!
:l
Eve11

[DeeBee]

Mod Heaven in 2011-January Thread

Hiya Squad!

Just a quick check in to say HI and I haven't had internet since we were hit by lightening on Xmas Eve which kinda feels like my left arm was missing LOL!

Will post more a bit later once I've caught up on the news and threads.

[KundaliniGirl]

Mod Heaven in 2011-January Thread

Hi DeeBee - good to see you back.

[Ask For Help]

Mod Heaven in 2011-January Thread

HI guys

Just checking in (and have spent an hour on the boards). I HAVE to be more disciplined and just come to Long Term Mods, say hi and check out. This place is addictive! but such a great place with so many good folks. Have taken a bit of a trip down memory lane reading Eve's postings of Humble Pie and Life in 5 chapters. Eve, you are a continued inspiration. Good to see Deebs back. I look forward to hellos to the rest of you as well.

I'm just back to say I've started back on Topomax and feeling really good about mods in that last 2-3 weeks. Very few AF days so far, but glad to be back to an average of 2 drinks per night since I'd been going over limit. Taking 50mg at night seems to be doing the trick without any SE so that's a big help. Going to go slow, use the Drink Tracker and not put too much pressure on myself to be a perfect modder. For now, improvement is my goal.

Looking forward to reading and chatting with all of you a couple of times a week.

Ask.

[Eve11]

Mod Heaven in 2011-January Thread

Hi Ask,
Always good to *see you*. To be honest, one of my downfalls in the past has been seeing some modders doing so well and I would fall (open a bottle of wine with the intention of 1-2 and finish it off) and then I wouldn't want to track or post and would disappear for awhile. I have to remember that I am only human and not beat myself if I stumble, but I am having better success with being accountable to the drinktracker and forcing myself to be brutally honest with how much I drink. It truly has helped me not open a bottle at home after a night out when I've had 2 and not take that 3rd when I'm working hard at no more than two during an evening out. I will do the exceptional 3 in a day if drinks are spaced far apart e.g. early happy hour with one, later dinner with 2 on a week-end or at a long event like wedding, reunion. I'm doing remarkable this month but it's because I'm being honest and accountable to the drinktracker.

Look forward to hearing more from you Ask and you sound like you're doing pretty well too.

:l
Eve11

[Ask For Help]

Mod Heaven in 2011-January Thread

Eve: Your numbers are TERRIFIC for January. LOTS of 000s too. Congrats. I heed what you say about the example of drinking every night in front of the kids as I have a 16 year old who takes everything in, so I try to have my AF nites when she is home with me.

I've so "been there" with opening a bottle with intentions of 2 glasses and having more AND coming home from an evening out after having 2 and wanting "just one more". That's where I'm finding the Topa so helpful. I'm COMPLETELY satisified with 2 drinks since I restarted. No second thoughts, no desire, not a moments debate in my mind. Topa has worked for me before, but I didn't like being on it, so quit. I'm very grateful for this tool.

Now I have to get back into the habit of introducing "fun" nonalcoholic alternatives. I did this successfully in the past both at home,at parties and yes even at bars. Cranberry, soda and lime, O'Douls, Gus's soda for grown ups. It's all about changing habits and staying positive for me.

Ask

[DeeBee]

Mod Heaven in 2011-January Thread

Hiya Mods,
Still haven't had time to catch up on all the news but wanted to have a quick peek AND so please I did -- Ask it's great to hear from you. Good on you for going back on the Topa. I was thinking of going back on it myself but read somewhere that I can't take it with my birth control so it's not an option for me anymore - bugger!

I'll post more regularly in Feb when I quit smoking (again) and start my healthy mod life.

Hi to all!!

P.S. The Drink Tracker will definitely be used by me in Feb!!!

[KevFromCanberra]

Mod Heaven in 2011-January Thread

Its a shame more people dont use the drink tracker.

There have been many studies that have shown that just measuring and keeping a log of something helps to get a postive result.

For example one study (I could dig up the reference if pushed) found that overweight people who took photographs of everything they ate, lost significant weight without even being on a diet. Just the self-awareness of what they were eating made the improvement possible.

The same with the drink tracker.

Having to document how many drinks I have had (or not had) is part of the cure.

And I also find that having other people post up their drinking helps as well, because the people who are getting the points on the board with lots of zeros and the occasional low numbers of moderation give me confidence. Even the occasional slips with a big number show me that we are all human, and I notice that those that perservere with the drink tracker soon bounce back from the odd day with a big number and are quickly back on track with the zeros and lows.

[Sunbeam]

Mod Heaven in 2011-January Thread

ASK for Help! Hi! Glad to hear from you! Happy three-year anniversary to us!

I read the mods posts most days, but just got tired of several things connected with posting in this section, none of which include my wonderful friends who post here.

I am doing well, having a couple of drinks no more than twice a week. I am never quite happy because I always have a goal higher than what I achieve. I wish I were only having a drink less than weekly.